Stuff That Makes Us Hillarys

Things that must be packed before grandma can visit EVER again....

1. Batteries for the hearing aids. "Huh?" is not a complete sentence after 1,500 times. (You think I'm kidding don't you...)
2. A coat - it's freaking winter in Utah. Hot flashes cease to exist after 75 years old.
3. Sunglasses that are not 4 inches (not in depth) in circumference. Jaquelyn Kennendy Onassis was buried with hers and I'm currently considering it...
4. "Where are we?" "Which way is East?" will be written 100 times BEFORE you come to my house.
5. Reviewing the names of MY children - Ryan is not Brandon, Ashley is not Heidi, Mandy is not Erin..... (there will be flash cards made)
6. One piece garments will be one item left home. (HOLY BUM MOM!) (:
7. An alarm clock - for waking you up at church, during conversations, during dinner, and during stop lights. (although screaming loudly "We're all going to die" woke her up really fast!)
8. A legal letter stating that it's OK to have all of those narcotics she takes on an hourly basis - and must be taken with food.
9. A promissory note indicating that she cannot corner my husband and have a conversation with him - after she's taken the narcotics.....and food.
and the final item....
10. Flagulation medication must remain on the things that must be LEFT HOME!

GRANDMA WE LOVE YOU! THANKS FOR THE VISIT - COME AGAIN SOON!

Well - here we are celebrating the 3rd of 4 December Birthdays from our family. Mandy is now officially 'not' a teenager anymore. No signs of aging here! Have you ever seen anything so beautiful? Mandy was my only child born without drug induced pain killers injected in my body - actually - not by my choice - I wanted the drugs! But Mandy was in a hurry to get into this world - so she just jumped out in about 1/2 hour. I have to admit - the world is a better place with Mandy in it. Most of the significant quotes on our refrigerator come from the infamous Mandy child. For instance, "Does your butt ever get stuck on things?" was a keeper. Mandyisms...hope there are many, many, many birthdays to celebrate them. The first few years of Mandy's life she was peaceful, and quiet, and precious. Her favorite thing was to point at something and say "Hotz". She emptied all of the drawers in my refridgerator and then distributed the items throughout the house. Then some mutant gene took over and she became loud, and funny, and gifted in bringing joy to any situation. Today - she is a shining star and a precious daughter to me. Today - look at this picture and see that the future is full of beautiful things because one little spirit decided to come to our house 20 years ago. MANDY: Worthy of love, virtuous in thought and deed. You live up to your name. Happy Birthday Sweetheart. Love Mom

Well, look at you Ryan. Today you are 18 years old! But lets bypass that right now and say hellooooo to Mikenzie! Now you know what a smile or two looks like eh? (That's my little boy with a girl - and a cute one - yikes!) Ok - Happy birthday Ryan! You were the cutest kid ever. You slept with a matchbox car in each hand for the first 10 years of your life! When the doctors (who claimed I was having a girl - the count at home was 2 girls and a boy and I wanted a boy bad) said I had just delivered a baby boy - I jumped up on the table and danced - it wasn't pretty. You were a peaceful baby - and you have a tender heart now. Thank you for choosing me to be your mom 18 years ago. Hope your day is a happy one - Mikenzie just kidnapped you for dinner! RYAN - little king, youthful heart always. Love Mom

Most people have grandchildren. I have a granddog. Bethany and Matt figured it all out and my first grandchild will arrive in February. Mike and Ashley (still currently practicing) are the proud owners of Zoey the German Shepherd. No, not a baby one, a ginormous one... My thought on this posting comes after hearing how sweet precious Zoey was left alone in the house with all of Ashley's beautiful stuffed Snowmen from Rod Works - strategically placed around the house - and how one of them became Zoey's victims. Upon arrival home, seeing a small amount of fluff around Zoey's chops, and noticing the "There's no way in heck I did anything to any snowman in this house" look on puppy's face, they found the lifeless body of Frosty. Totally beheaded, arms torn and tossed, and totally gutted (not a pretty sight). Ashley informed Mike that the next item Zoey destroyed would need to be one of Mikes toys. Hide the guns Mike! Thought for the day: Just how long did it take Zoey to pick that particular Snowman out of so many to murder? I think it was the corn cob pipe....

Time to start writing the letter requiring serious bragging rights. Nothing says, "Dang, my kids are the most amazing people on earth" like a good 4 page, single spaced Christmas letter. This year I am sitting here alone writing it - and I haven't received any bribe money from the kids so maybe I'll just have to give the 'less colorful' version of their year in a nutshell. You can almost hear the swelling of the Christmas Carols as the flow of blah blah blah starts up...listen carefully! I reviewed several letters from the past - you can always tell which child I didn't like - it was usually Mandy - well - not so much not like, but found easiest to pick on. This year I pick, wait let me draw from the Santa Hat..... I pick..... Matt! Let's pick on Matt this year. Things that must go: Very tired moms bragging about their kids in a Christmas letter.... let's see, where do I begin....