Ok - guess I need to add my Olympic Commentary. Well - let's begin by reminding you that when I say (or think) something not nice about someone... I have to flip a really painful elastic I wear on my wrist to snap myself back into reality. Needless to say - my wrist is now bleeding and I still am flipping.... now that you know that, let me continue. (Adjusting oversized ski parka, and testing my microphone... test... test...test)(wait, I'm sitting next to the roaring fireplace in the hotel, man it's hot)(but not because of the fire - because it's 90 degrees in Vancouver)(Maybe I should start)
My Olympic Observations from the Living Room Chair
* Ok Men's Silver Medalist Poleenchennckkkoo - you are not now nor never will be Dick Button. And if you ever say "If you are not going to do the quad jump you might as well be skating with the girls...." Let me introduce you to Kristy Yammmmagoocheeee, she could ski your laces off with her eyes closed - or perhaps Pair Skating? Sissy boy, wah away - Our boy rocked. Go home.
* I love the punk rocker half pipe chicks... but you actually had to qualify to fall on every single run - ? I mean there are starving kids out there that could have used what you spent on your Olympic spills! "We love the World" playing in the background. Skill and control girls - it's why the Aussie (trained in Utah) won! (like I know...)
* Von - you are an awesome skiier... but Julia Mancusooooo - I love you - and I love your tiara... and I love that you found joy in just competing - and was nice to see a humble, (not snotty) winner. And you didn't do the fake cry. "oohhh... and I'd like to thank the world....."
* Interesting, the Canadian Bobsled tried an upside down approach to going down the hill. Good thing they were all dressed in red. ew... ouch...
* I believe that the European Fashion Master that just died... died because of those curling pants... but he could be resurrected after seeing the awesome parkas on the down low dudes on the men's half pipe. Can I just run my fingers through Shawn White's knarley hair? Right after I wash his mouth out with soap.
* If I have to listen to those 'other less professional' commen'taters' talk about the ice skaters, "Oh his arm is bent, oh her costume, oh his lines, oh those jumps.... I'll think they are trying to take my armchair job away from me.
* Agree with the concept of having "Does it actually snow in your country" be on the application to host the Olympics? Think of all of those cows starving because of their hay bails being used to create a base. At least in Utard we could call upone the Gods for snow - and it was delivered... yet again, "We are the world" (cows are important also. (Wait is that a cloud?) Maybe it will snow!
* Is there a kiosk in the mall for Apollo Ohno head-ker-cheifs? I gotta invest.
* Love that our bobsled men are also sumo wrestlers. Now that's hot.
* Decisions Decisions Decisions... which song to download....
* Can you hear snickering from the Asians about the opening ceremony? (Ya - they'll never be dethroned after their opening...) If we want a wardrobe (or torch) malfunction... we watch the Superbowl
* If Channel 5 is going to to cover the Olympics... could they perhaps cover it from 8 AM to 10 PM instead of 10 PM to 5 AM? I mean folks - how much of a time zone difference is there really.
* Where's Lance Armstrong?
* Great time to catch up on the culture in the Vancouver area... wait - it's exactly like ours, except when your order your In and Out Burger, you must say 'Eh?' before you say "Animal Style". Apparently they don't have bathrooms in Canada because those Indian Dancers did the pee dance all through the opening ceremonies. Kinda embarrassing as the Olympians passed by them and they actually caught them on tape... What? That was an actual Indian Dance? Oh, Scheorry...
* Still trying to find the Bermuda Skiiers...
* How come VISA is the only sponser? Is there another bailout I'm not aware of? I'm still hoping that my Toyota still works...
* Speaking of Toyota's.... do you realize that there is a 2 hour one way trip to each Venue? I love that SLC grew there mountains so close together. I hung a wreath at the base of the Olympic Oval... I just kept saying, Ohno, Ohno, Ohno.... say it isn't so... bring them back home. (Does the rest of the world know we still have all of our venues?) (Frontrunner and Trax?) (Taller buildings to put more pictures on?) (No Donny and Marie because they are now in Vegas?) (Snow?) (Maybe by then - these guys will be dead?)
** and we have a dozen and a half of these...
** and.... who would have thunk it... one of these was born...
* So - where are the really cool jackets in several different colors to rank importance of the volunteers? I noticed that several have come out of hibernation to be worn during these next two weeks. Awesome, except that some of the zippers are not closing so easily around tummies... um... must get back to training...
* Where are the Painted Buffalo? Where are the Olympic characters made of butter? Where are the ROOTS berets? I loved our Olympics... I loved our Olympic Spirit Band!
* ANNOYING - so if you are from a particular country, or suppose to be from that country - LEARN THE NATIONAL ANTHEM! Or let someone that does win instead of you!
* Best part of this Olympics? Men in tights, skating to classic songs, wearing fur, then getting in trouble for killing an animal for a costume.
... on with the games... I'll be here sippin' my hot cider eh? And calling the games from my lazyboy laid back in resting position... lucky for you, I still have another week to commentate.... strap on your leg warmers folks, and may the best crash win If anything else goes wrong - we are in the right country to 'Blame Canada' Eh?
(da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da) ( Olympic Theme ) (ya - you know it)
