Stuff That Makes Us Hillarys

Well, I have no pictures - but I have thoughts, lots and lots of thoughts.  It's Christmas Eve... in the next room my return Missionary sleeps - safely home, finally.  My grand-kids are sleeping safely in the same state I'm in.  My son Matt and his beautiful wife Bethany are all snuggled up warm.  Preggo Mandy and hubby Ryan are close by.  One would think that this is picture perfect.  It is on so many millions of levels.  But it isn't on one big one.  My daughter Ashley is glued to a phone in one hand and a huge Costco sized box of Kleenexes in the other. There was a pain in her heart that I cannot even begin to describe when I peeked in on her as she talked to him  Not everyone is snuggled down safely together tonight - and with one hour left... it's almost past, and in 25 more hours it's going to be over.... the last time that her handsome soldier will be gone for a Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  I know I should be celebrating SO MANY BLESSINGS (and I really am!!!) - but my heart still reserves the right to miss the only member of our family not here.  We are so close to that family picture - where everyone is holding on tight to each other.  Secrets out now... but I drew Mike's name for our gift exchange.  We always e-mail out a little list of fun things under our amount we've set to give clues for the givers.  What could I possibly send him?  Courage?  Nope - has tons of that.  Patience... are you kidding?  Hope.... I always send him that.  Love.... he hears her voice every day.  He asked for a blanket and a pillow.  When I saw his list - my soul changed.  We really need so little in this world - a little warmth, a little courage, an ample supply of hope, a little patience, and a huge amount of LOVE.   There will be no little noises of hushing in the morning as little feet tiptoe to the tree to see what's there.  It's  awful to be an adult and know that Santa has many other places to be, except your house this year.  So, instead of  boxes of things, I pray that my children will know of my never ending, tender, sincere love I have for them.  Here's wishing all of my beautiful children LOVE, on this Christmas.  Love for each other - the kind that cannot be lost no matter the miles between us.  "I'll be home for Christmas - if only in my dreams."  ... for just one last time.  (Then no body in my family can go away again ok?)  (or very far at least) (:  Watch over our Soldiers - keep their Mother's, wife's and children gently under God's tender watch.  Merry Christmas  Mr. Hillary, Matt, Bethany, Andy, Em, Ashley, Mike, Zoey, Mandy, Ryan, Somebody Lincoln Merriman, Ryan.  Merry Christmas Mom and Dad, Eric, Terri, Betsy, David, Charlie, Tyler, Brandon, Heidi, Kate, Erin.  You are my world, my greatest gifts.

** Missionary coming home post - to come - holy cow - we've been freaking busy.....""

 Well - I bought them a month ago... I've looked at them a million times since... and now it's time to put them up.  I've been trying to reflect over the past 2 years, and the events leading up to this day.  I'll miss Sunday night e-mail's and Monday afternoon return e-mails.  I'll really miss the Postal workers in Sandy - who have laughed so hard at the way my packages look when I mail them.  They kept reminding me that they are actually suppose to be flat or remain in somewhat of a square shape.  I'll miss literally standing by the mailbox on Thursdays, just in case he was able to get a letter out while doing laundry on P-day.  But I think I'll live - since it will be so much more fun just walking into the next room and having one of our great conversations.  I don't know if you remember Ryan's voice at all - I do - because before he left he left me a message on my cell phone - a long message about why he was going - and how I was to stay strong, about his love for his mom - and then he bore his testimony to me.  All recorded - played back over and over again.  Don't know if I'll ever actually take it off of there.  I have appreciated those that have written to him - he had a lonely mailbox for a while - but my ward and my family - have been wonderful, you were much appreciated.  I am reminded of a good Mission President - President and Sister Walker - who were truly inspired in many ways, and who I hope will keep Elder Hillary in their memories somewhere.  Lucky for me I was able to hear about some 'amazing' companions... Especially Elder Edmunds (who will be returning to the BYU Football team soon!), Elder Cortez, and many more.  Your smiling faces will adorn a Missionary Scrapbook - that hopefully will be completed before Ryan's children go on their missions!  We have been blessed with those that have come into his life, Elizabeth, Jessica, Lucy, Stephanie, Rustin, Vicky... and many others - that have listened to the messages of hope and love - and have welcomed Elder H (Bashful) into their lives.  I  personally have been able to be sustained many days and nights over the course of the years by the sweet Spirit of the Holy Ghost - comforted through times where I just could not find the answers or the way or the days or weeks or months were just too long.  I try to look at myself spiritually - have I improved at all?  Am I the kind of mom that can welcome back into my home his amazing spirit?  I hope so - since my best friend is the Lord, I think I've kept good company over time.  There will be much adjusting, many stories to tell, several bowls of cereal consumed at one sitting, and of course.... movies and technology gadgets to catch up on.  What I look forward to?  Looking at those eyes again - one green, one blue.  I certainly will be checking out those scars from the hospital trip from a couple of years ago and getting a full update on his health.  I will absolutely enjoy kneeling in prayer with him again.  I will sit back over the holidays and watch my children gather again, to see their love and respect for each other.  His siblings and in law-siblings are a huge support system to each other.  It will be good to see him as as adult... he left just a mere 19 year old - and this past week became legal - to drink eggnog - (sorry - Ashley said the rum was gone).  There will be challenges ahead for him.... we'll be holding our first annual "BYU Tuition Bakesale"  You are all welcome to come over and I'll make waffles for at least 2,200 people at a dollar a waffle... (:  I will be looking forward to seeing him hold his Grandmother and Grandfather in his arms again.  They both tried their best to make it until he came home - they were troopers in every way.  I am proud of this kid.  The world stands before you ready to be explored and made a better place.   You have certainly Returned With Honor - and as tacky as that line is, it's almost a rarity in the world today.  Thank you Elder Hillary - for being that warrior.  Tomorrow at 3 you will be released from being a Missionary - that will be a hard moment in time - for you have come to live and love it.  The next missionary in our family will be Andrew.... or.... maybe even me.  (:  I am grateful for all of the prayers of love guidance and protection in Elder Hillary's behalf.  The tender mercies of the Lord is evident in every way.  I'm off to put a few ribbons up - and find my Kleenexes..... Has anyone seen an airport?  Mandy??  Welcome Home Elder Hillary - my countdown on my blog is now complete as of tonight.... Hum.... might have to start another one..... any suggestions Ashley?  

Ya - my baby is having a baby.  But for today - let's celebrate her 23rd Birthday!!  My amazing daughter in law Bethany always posts the cutest posts about her kids - and lists things that they can do and fun facts about them.... Maybe I could think of a few... hum.....

1.  Pregg-o

2.  Nutts-o

3.  Bake-o freak

4.  Spiritual-o

5.  Kind-o

6.  Beautifulish-o

7.  Cook-o - (different from Bake-o freak)

8.  Support your local Law Student/Wife-o

9.  BYU-o

10.Faithful-o

11. Musical-o

12. Can't let her near an open wind-o in a car.

13.  Naming the child Jaffar-o

14. Can go almost 5 minutes before having to (yet again) pee-o

15. Hard worker-o

16. Prayerful-o

17. Owns awesome In-Law-o's

18. Incredible Seester-o

19. Holds the record in loudest burp-o (ever)(it's just a phenomenon)

20. Already a beautiful sweet tender mommie-o

21. Know's all of the Utah Jazz-o's

22. One of my 4 favorite kidd-o's

23. And just for you Ryan M - my Number One Punker-o...... (:

Have a beautiful day doing your 'audit' at Noodles... tee hee.. and remember the precious soul you are.  Beauty that is found inside and out is priceless - rare - and yet is found in abundance with you.  You are so very loved by your family.  You are a wonderful sister, aunt, grand-daughter, and especially daughter.  Soon, you'll be a mom - and you'll know the love you can have for a child is unexplainable - and strong. May your 23rd year on this earth - be as outstanding as the previous 22.... Much Love - Oh Happy Day Mandy.... xoxo Mom = Bob

Well - this isn't a very good Happy Birthday picture - but I need to remind myself what a miracle he continues to be.  A month before he was to leave to go to Mexico - his lung collapsed.  I never dreamed he would serve.  But serve he has.  I posted this picture because - even only after 2 months of being out on a mission - he'd grown up.  Today - he turns 21.  More mature than ever, in fact - almost able to jump tall buildings... depends on who is chasing him at the time.  This is my youngest - my babe.  He is the one that made sure that everyone came to earth safely before he took his turn.  Although all of my children are strong - willed, spirited, and purpose embedded into their hearts.... this one is tender.  His soul is different.  For his birthday - he gets to return home from his well served mission - his dream - completed.  It seems that he didn't need that part of his lung to keep going - just a huge heart.  Today I just wanted to say Happy Birthday Son... you have brought joy, you bring joy, and you will continue to share joy in our family.  So many dreams ready to happen for you - and for your hard work.  Will it be easy?  Heck no... it's life - life is tough.  But to stand at this door of being 21, home from a mission, school waiting to start, and a solid testimony of the gospel... it's all the makings of an 'Oh Happy Day'.  Now git yer cute little fanny butt home and let me pinch you.  Gosh - we're lovin' ya Ryan!  Happy Birthday - 21 - legal - in most all states... sweet.

Last night Mr. Hillary was invited to play at a benefit in SLC.  It was a project carried on by the West Valley Police/Fire/Rescue Departments held at Granger High.  The students there also were involved, of which I was so impressed with each of them.  This 16 year old tradition involves feeding all of the elderly people from ALL of the assisted living centers in the area.  I counted 20 long, long tables full of sweet wrinkly smiles.  Turkey, dressing, salad, beans, punch and a huge cookie were provided.  During their meal Mr. Hillary's band played some great Dixieland music, Christmas Carols and some memorable toe tappers for their guests of honor.   Students encouraged some dancing and the floor filled with canes, wheelchairs and jitterbug wannabes.... Each service department came dressed to the hilt and served their dinner with kindness and respect.  There were tears in their eyes as they returned to the kitchen to take out over 250 plates of food.  I couldn't just sit there so I started helping - and filling water cups, and serving food and taking in their amazing stories.  I almost didn't make it there last night - I had ran to the temple and the roads were crowded, and the time was short, but somehow things worked out perfectly.  I'm having a difficult year this year - financially it's tough and my spirits are down.  But Sunday I told the story of that which is under your tree is not as important as what surrounds your tree.  Priceless family, Returning Grandbabies, someone Returning with Honor days before Christmas.  Believe me - I work Black Friday in a Retail store - I sat in my department as the doors opened and I watched the rampage.  I burst into tears.  That particular day I was just hoping to be able to just get some milk at the store.  So I decided that you are just as happy as you make yourself out to be... being there last night, with those that have NOBODY coming for Christmas, I decided to add them 'around my tree'. This year I get a son home - but our family is still incomplete, as Mike is serving far way in the military.  One day - we'll all be together again I know it.  I thought of all of the years I try to trim my tree to make it look beautiful.  This year - I thought - hey - I decorated my tree for 27 years now - I think I'll make a change - so I brought all of my 4th of July stuff up and made some ornaments from paper and glitter (it looked like a 2nd grade art project gone bad), and I made a Mike tree.  I'll miss you this year - but you need to know that I'm honoring you... even with glitter on most of my fingers still.  My father is in a rest home - has been for many years.  I am certain that sweet people drop in to see him and sing to him, and bring him glittered cards.  I wanted to return the favor last night.  I sat by a lady - she was so sad... pretty soon she was tapping her toes and telling me stories.  She touched me on the arm and said - this is the Merriest Christmas I've had in a long time.   I believe she meant it.  Luella, I know you're out there... I know you exist.  You are now around my Christmas tree.  Best part of the night?  I got to go home with the hottest man in the band... What's around your tree this year?  At my house, it's love.  Isn't that how it was a long time ago around a manger?

TEN

Never thought I would post that number.

It's what's left.

Only ten days left to be a Missionary Mom.

My last letter goes out this week.

Some worries will end, some begin.

I will love to kneel with him in prayer again.

I can reach way way up, and actually touch

him on the cheek instead of brushing my

hand past his picture.

I can hear his voice again - oh how I've missed it.

I will hear his testimony.

Strong and True.

He will be released from his calling... with tears

no doubt...

My four children will finally be together again

for a moment in time,

that I will cherish.

My heart cannot contain the joy.

My grattitude to God,

is endless, and emotional.

It's the second time I've welcomed

a son home - it doesn't get easier

to let them go

but the obedience they show,

and the strength they develop,

and the selflessness they show,

is etched upon my heart.

I am - for 10 more days

A Missionary Mom

Seriously kids, do you think that you could possibly

arrange a time for the 4 freaking spawns of the family
to get together for a new sibling rivalry picture over the holidays??

If not - I'm going to start posting the REAL ones....
Let's start with Matt...

FREE PHOTOGRAPHER NEEDED
We're all broke.

is....