Stuff That Makes Us Hillarys

I love that I took a moment to listen to the LDS Womens Conference report from September of 2014.  It included a talk from a lady (check out my knowledge on who it was... not)  that spoke of her and her husband were giant captions of a ship and all of their children were little boats bobbing around them in the harbor.  But those children grew up and became mighty vessels with strengths and abilities.  I love my vessels - they are indeed mighty.  Recently I enjoyed a night with some very special missionaries we served with.  We went around the table and talked of our children.  Of the 6 couples there - 5 had issues with their children - divorce, choices in their lives not in keeping with the gospel, lost children.  As I drove home that night I thought of the sacrifices that are needed to be made long ago as a young mother - and how I'm thankful that I was the meanest mom ever. We seemed to be outnumbered as to the parents that were given a glimpse into the future of good decisions.  So to my point here.....

When my kids sprout their wings and fly - and question why I wouldn't jump up and down because they are flying, soon and for good - for good things and good places - I'm questioned for my support.  Tonight I answered that child - and yes my child I will repeat myself over and over - it's not - not supporting you - it's called loving you so much it's hard to let go.  But never is it ever because I'm not incredibly proud of the great ship you've become.  It's just hard to not have you closer to my mother wings.   I will indeed enjoy all of the voyages you'll take - but my heart will always ache to have you nearby - because - you are worth that.  Thank you my little ones that gathered around a table yesterday and celebrated my birthday - and gave me that moment to see yet again - how you've all become captains of your own ships.  (Never forget your anchor - and that you are loved dearly)

Now go and set sail.

But paddle back here often

and tell me of your adventures.

...and I will look into your eyes

and see that you've become all you've

dreamed of being.

xoxo

It's one of those reflection days.  The reflection in the mirror was a year older today - and it's humbling to think of the past year.  What a ride it's been.  Speaking of rides... nope not yet - not going to talk about that one yet.  I really do look in the mirror a lot but not for vane reasons, but rather for indications of me inside there somewhere and how I'm getting along with life.  It's interesting how when you hear your birth date said, or see it written, or on some milk carton as an expiration date - you stop and think - hey - that's MY day!

DECEMBER 3

Yep - there it is.

But the original ending date is actually December 3, 1959.  Making me the old speed limit before 65 came along, at 55.  Double 5's - big 55 - also AARP in the mail almost every week.  Let me look in the mirror and see if I'm REALLY THAT old....

When I look in the mirror - I still see my blue eyes.  They are my dad's eyes - I love that he gave me that little bit of genetic pass on.  When I wear green, they go green.  When I'm sad they go dark blue.  Then I cry that sadness out they turn bright blue.  I've seen a lot of things through those eyes. Some things I hope to never ever ever forget - first time I saw Del.... seeing him over the alter when I married him (my blue eyes love his brown eyes).....and all the 31 years of seeing him as my husband.  I hope to never forget the first time I looked at my beautiful children - wow - that was amazing - a miracle in every way - joy of my joys.  Almost as wonderful as looking at their spouses knowing that they both had a twinkle in their eyes and that meant good things ahead.  Can I ever forget looking at my grandchildren - the view was kind of blurred - because I know there were a lot of tears of joy.  Like I said, there's been a lot of things to see through those eyes.  It's important that I mention that through those eyes I've also seen pain and sadness like I've never known.  I think I was a lot stronger in the pre-existence - because I'm certainly not as strong as the promises I made in heaven.  But then when I came to this earth on December 3rd, I had that memory of strength taken from my mind and I've had to find it along the way.  I was saddest when I looked at my dad for the last time alive - even sadder when I looked at his beautiful face for the last time at his funeral.   I see my mom's eyes and I know that they sometimes don't remember my eyes.  I hide that sadness but my eyes always gave me away.  My eyes leak a lot.  I've had hard days when they don't look up to see the world.  Days where I've looked away.  Times when I've seen the cruel things of life.  It's always there to see - but I don't have to look at it.  These eyes have been good to me.  Coke bottle glasses and years of contacts over the years none the less but good to me.

Hopefully the most important thing that my eyes see are the good things that can come from seeing, actually seeing the things of life that bring light to my soul.  My soul, I believe is ageless - and is much wiser than the limitations of my human body that is a year older today.  My soul has grown in leaps and bounds this year, because I made that my goal last year.  I took that soul to places that it was safe.  I let it experience the temple every week where it could touch base with where it came from.  I let it know of joy.  I trust it to only the big guy up there to sustain it.  With that, when the winds of change - or age - come, I will see more clearly, the path to the next year.

It's already looking amazing.

Let's eat cake.