Well... as my mother entered the stage in her life that she would no longer remember why she had 400 boxes of family histories, pictures, town histories, weather reports, more pictures, more histories, letters, cards, decorations, more pictures, someone else's histories I can't identify, more pictures, and several hundred Ensigns...... tragic.
This meant that it would require sorting. Sorting things into, needed, not needed, pass it on to someone who cares, no one cares about, really - you saved this, does anyone know you actually have this information, does anyone know this exists, and WTFreak? A daunting task. A couple of years ago my sister-in-law (bless her soul) and I started with the top level of hoarding - er um.... treasures. We would actually have to dispose of things in bags and take them somewhere or we would find them back in the house a week later from the garbage. After dad passed on this process kind of was put on the back burner (believe me - some of it was burned). My winter goal was to sort the 'really important family things' so that I could pass it on to family members where they need to be and not in a musty basement. My mom seemed to have a love for saving the world one box full of love at a time. But to me it felt like she spent more time with the dead than the living - and the dead - they just don't care. So I wanted to get this done fast so that I could live among the living and do my own children's books before life takes my memories, stories and moments away from me. (why did I go upstairs again?) I have found more information about my cousins than I've ever found about Eric and I combined. It's ok - I understand in many ways more than she knew I did - but I promised I would finish her work for her. The process has been very eye opening - and happy and sad and well - actually I think her plan was for me to know more than I did about their life - so she left me her boxes.
I typed up all of the Hill histories, and started on the Bowen ones - and posted them on the LDS family history site - so that I didn't have to make 25 copies of everything and stack them in a .... box. Check...
I scanned pictures and they'll go up next - so I don't have to make 25 color copies and stack them in a .... box. Check Check...
I made sure each aunt and uncles oldest child will have a copy of the history of the Hills and Bowens back to our friends Adam and Eve and they can find their own stack and put them in a... box. Check Check and Check...
I put a box of Eric's things in a giant box... and I put mine in a small envelope - I swear I was adopted. and Check again... (was I adopted?)
I sorted out every obituary from the Mendon City Cemetery to give to the Sexton of the town (which would be my brother Eric)... they're in their own... box. (and will go in his basement) Giggle Check...
I found things mom borrowed from people to copy and never returned. Some were pictures we'll never ever ever ever know who they are.... so I stacked them to be returned in a ... box.
I filed many many many many things in the trash. I decided to not collect the history of mankind and the weather reports from Cache Valley for the past 100 years. (pretty sure they are stacked in a box in the weather library somewhere)
I found my parents histories and I want to spend more time there - because they were wonderful people... until I found some letters.... and I was really disturbed by a few of them. Letters from different family members to each other that were hurtful and horribly mean letters to each other in a giant argument. It hurt to read their words and it made me very angry to know that people could treat ones they loved with such hurtful words. The last time I was in the home I sat there and looked at their pictures on the wall and I cried. I felt sad feelings I've never felt before. I was.... angry. Now mind you I've written a poison pen letter or two or ten maybe. I'm no innocent little thing - but these letters were some I probably should never have found. I found myself being angry at my father - and it answered a lot of questions I've had lately about how he felt about me then... and even now. Sometimes we should be careful what we find in boxes... Thoughts for yet another entry - but for now - I think my mom collected things about other people's happiness because it was the thing that made her the happiest - more than anything. I get it now mom - I understand why you left those boxes. The world looks a little more clear now. I know of your love for me. Maybe now I can let go of a lot of things and move on. I want my children to read my journals and letters and KNOW they were loved beyond words, and that their children are precious to me in every way. Lessons Learned...from a box. (mental check list)
Meanwhile - I still have 12 boxes of Hill stuff - and 4 boxes of Bowen stuff (and who did she love more??) I have learned great lessons from this experience and I can hardly wait to return those boxes that are now piled at my house - back to her house. It's time to start working on the living.... because right now - their stuff is still... in a box.
Recently I spent a day with my daughter letting her sort through her boxes and decide what she wanted to keep in a book and what just didn't matter. It may matter to me but not so much to her - and that was the beauty of it, we only kept what she wanted! We spent the time telling stories of the pictures or the events and reliving the happy and sad. We were able to discuss what we learned from experiences that perhaps we were not able to clear up, and we talked of the 'what would have been if..' moments. These are 'treasure boxes' now - the ones that should and will be passed on. Yes - it will take some time to finish up - but the outlook is good because I'm thinking 'outside the box'.
Recently I spent a day with my daughter letting her sort through her boxes and decide what she wanted to keep in a book and what just didn't matter. It may matter to me but not so much to her - and that was the beauty of it, we only kept what she wanted! We spent the time telling stories of the pictures or the events and reliving the happy and sad. We were able to discuss what we learned from experiences that perhaps we were not able to clear up, and we talked of the 'what would have been if..' moments. These are 'treasure boxes' now - the ones that should and will be passed on. Yes - it will take some time to finish up - but the outlook is good because I'm thinking 'outside the box'.
