Home Called Grace

A sweet friend wrote that statement in a comment she left from my last post about painting the nursery. And, I couldn't agree more. I guess she summed up what I felt last week as a once empty, dark room brightened with each stroke of fresh paint. I really try to keep hope at bay most of the time. It's just easier that way, and really is the wisest thing. But, I couldn't help but feel a little bit of excitement as we began to take a few steps forward in preparing for our son to come home. Most of the time, we try not to dwell too much on the reality of our situation, but as I painted everything began to seem more real. No, I don't have a growing belly, but we are expecting. Expecting a sweet son of promise.

I have longed through the years to make that room a nursery. Some days I couldn't even look at it. So, it felt really good to take those steps last week. To imagine our future with our new son, as I painted each corner of the room. Oh, how we long to rock him in the night, kiss his sweet cheeks, tuck him in his warm, cozy bed and be his parents forever. We can't wait!... But, we must... So we press on and press in and cling to hope - even if it's just in the form of a little bit of green paint.

This week, I've been working on getting the nursery painted. It is now a very green room! I really do like the color and think that it'll look even better once we are able to start decorating and furnishing the room. Here a few quick pictures, although they're not really that great:

This past week I went to visit Zac's sister, Amy, and her three kids Bennett, Maddie, and Dalton. Taking care of three kids three and under is quite a challenge! I'm not quite sure how Amy does it every day. We really had a great week, though. It was fun to hang out with Amy and have some good girl time. It was also really great to see and play with the kids. They are precious, super funny, and complete handfuls! :)

I am so thankful to have such precious in-laws. Zac's entire family has always been so welcoming, warm and accepting of me. I truly enjoy any time that I get to spend with them. I'm so glad for their willingness to share their lives and their family with me. They are such blessings!

Here are a few pictures from the week:

We have started thinking more about the nursery lately. It's hard to make a lot of decisions, though, because we don't know how old our son will be when he arrives in our home. I also don't want to go too crazy in getting the room ready because I think that could make the waiting that much harder. My plan is to do a few things, but save most of the major decorating/organizing for when we get home from our first trip to Russia. At that point, we will have met our son and know a lot more about him. We'll then have about six to eight weeks before we go back to get him, which will be really hard. If I save a lot to do during that time, I think it'll go much quicker and help keep my mind more occupied.

However, we have decided that it'd be a good idea to go ahead and paint the nursery. I felt that I first needed to have an idea of what we would use for our bedding in order to pick out a color. I've been looking for a while now, and I think that I've found something that I really like. I wanted that bedding to be appropriate for a young toddler and not too "baby-ish". I would have preferred lighter colors, but I just didn't find anything I liked in those colors that wasn't more appropriate for an infant. I found this on the Target website. It is called Alphabet Soup by CoCaLo. Take a look:




Zac really liked the idea of painting the room blue, but I didn't feel like it would match this bedding the best. So, we've decided to paint the room green. I am really bad at picking out paint colors. I take forever to decide and then usually don't like the way it turns out. We were debating between two colors that were on the same swatch, so we decided to get a pint of each and paint a little on the wall to help us decide. I am so glad that we did!! It always ends up looking so different once it is on the walls. I had originally wanted to go with the lighter shade and felt the darker shade would be too dark. It turns out that the lighter shade was very minty and stood out a lot. The darker shade was much prettier and just blended into the wall well. I know you won't be able to tell much from a picture, but here is a picture of the two colors.


I'll be sure and show you the whole room once it is completely painted and keep you up to date with our progress.

Also, I probably won't be blogging this next week because I'm going to visit Zac's sister and our new nephew!! I'm really looking forward to seeing the whole family and helping out with the kiddos.

This one comes with a disclaimer; if you are having a generally happy day, or are subject to highly emotional writing, you may want to save this for later. Read Allison's update from yesterday and save this post for tonight. On the other hand if you are ready to break out the kleenex, read on, but please know that I post this with much fear and trepidation. This is as honest and candid as I have ever been regarding the emotional side of our adoption, what it does to us and seeing it in the light of Christ.

I wrote most of this several months ago, and finished it for today. The Anniversary of our decision to adopt. Every word written previously still rings true, and every new word added only anchors it down.

- A Home Called Grace -

“… God sent forth His Son… so that He might redeem those who were under the law, that we might receive the adoption as sons.” No matter where I go I cannot escape Galatians 4.

It was Saturday July 7^th 2007 when Allison and I had sat down for a late lunch after a matinee movie in Auburn, AL. As usual we laughed, talked and winked at each other. After four years of marriage there is still no woman whose company I would rather keep or whose attention I would rather hold. It was then that what usually happens happened, a somber cloud moved over our conversation, quickly turning our mood serious, even mournful. No matter the day we can often find ourselves entrenched in the heavy black tarry grief of infertility. A grief that works furiously to dismantle the love, hope and joy we share in Christ Jesus and each other.

Our chances of conceiving naturally, while not impossible, are very small. So, we are continually steered in a new direction by the gentle but firm hand of our Shepherd. Adoption has always been in the back of our minds. While, initially, not our first option, it has steadily come to the forefront. As the options of fertility treatments dwindle, their effectiveness, complexity and moral questionability increase drastically. In Vitro fertilization, frozen embryos, and the statistical probability of birth defects have become [frighteningly] normal dinner conversation in our home. In moments of clarity, those things have the appearance of evil, but in moments of desperation our deceitful hearts can make them appear as our only hope…

But there is a real hope… A rich fountain drawn from Emmanuel’s veins. His flowing wounds supplied all that was needed for the remission of sin. And when that first Holy, Perfect, Glorious red drop fell to the dusty soil of Calvary, it should appear in our minds as though the great dam of death had at last ripped forth unable to hold back the mighty river of the hope of Grace… And that river still flows… Hope and Grace now flow freely to all who would believe in its Marvelous Fountainhead, Jesus.

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, The holy dwelling places of the Most High.

-Psalm 46

Now on the last day, the great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, saying, "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink. "He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, ‘From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.’" -John 7:38,39

We thirst.

We were once orphans ourselves, “…separate from Christ, excluded from the commonwealth of Israel, and strangers to the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus [we] who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For He Himself is our peace, who made both groups into one and broke down the barrier of the dividing wall” (Ephesians 2). We have, to the Praise of His Glorious Grace, received the adoption as sons (Ephesians 1).

"I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever; that is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it does not see Him or know Him, but you know Him because He abides with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.”

-John 14: 16-18

It is our very adoption in Christ which has driven us here. We have heard our call, and must “See to it that no one comes short of the Grace of God” (Hebrews 12). We, compelled by that very grace which pulled us in to the river of life, must, as Christ has done, not leave our child as an orphan, but draw him closely to our side through the process of international adoption.

When I consider my child, lying alone in his crib, in that distant land, robbed of any security or comfort, I scarcely can sleep. When I think that his earliest memories will be those of the subtle torture of abandonment, what else but grace holds me together? When I think that this child could live without the rich treasure of loving parents or not know what it is for them to rush to meet him in the night after so many of his cries went previously unanswered, my resolve is only strengthened…

And to think that he might never know what it is to be read to at bedtime by his very own beautiful mother, or licked in the face by a short yellow hound, or never reel in a fish from the from the seat of his granddad’s weathered johnboat, or experience fellowship in perfect at the table of a Cleland family thanksgiving, or spend a fall Saturday in the upper deck with his father and relish the all out pandemonium of an Auburn touchdown… or, lastly, to think that he may never hear and believe the Gospel of my Precious Jesus, who in eternity past set him apart so that he might experience the golden gifts that I have listed above, and be forever changed, only means that we have little choice in this matter, we must, out of passionate obedience, pursue him…

Finally,… It was there in that Deli on July 7^th, 2007 that Allison and I made the decision to adopt. We never knew the difficultly and heartache it would bring. However the peace, joy and providence of God in this process at times leaves me speechless. Regarding this, the only thing I hear to write is Jesus Himself whispering faintly in my mind “In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” Indeed He has. I can now say with my most honest and sincere heart… Praise the Lord for our difficulty to conceive. Without it we would have never known what it is to adopt, and more importantly… to be adopted.

So we will work until completion and when the whole process is finished the dramatized romantic words on this page will be replaced with the harsh, difficult, joyful task of undoing what a fallen world has done in my son’s life.

When those blessed days come we will most need not a sandy foundation of fear, but the firm, rocky clefts of a Home Called Grace.

-Zachary Boman

So sorry that it's been a while since the last post. I've actually been working on this post for a while but have been a little hesitant at times to publish it. But, it is a part of our adoption journey and therefore needs to be a part of the blog so we can one day remember every path that led us to our son.

I want to thank those of you who have been praying for us as we have mentioned our need for wisdom. We didn't feel comfortable sharing on the blog what transpired, but now that the issue has been resolved we feel that it is ok to share. The only downside is that we are very limited in the amount of details that we can give out publicly on the internet, so unless we're talking in person I can only give you the censored version.

As you know, we were assigned to the region of Cheboksary in early May. A little over a week later we received a call from Children's Hope stating that there was a child that had been chosen for our consideration. They were only able to tell me two things and one included that this child was having surgery soon for a condition. [Before you get too excited, this ultimately did not turn out quite as we had hoped and we are back to waiting for a referral.] Because of the type of surgery, CHI wanted to know if we were willing to consider this child. We decided that we wanted to proceed by requesting more information.

One week later the only information that we received was six sentences about this child. We did not get a medical record - just six sentences containing a diagnosis, a statement that this child had already had surgery, and a few sentences about how this child was currently doing. We had been on pins and needles hoping that this would be our child and that the condition would be very mild and treatable. After reading the document, however, we knew that this condition appeared more serious than we had hoped.

I learned a few things looking on the internet and then later that afternoon contacted the International Adoption Clinic. This clinic is out of Birmingham and a part of UAB and Children's Hospital. They work only for families of children who have been adopted internationally. It is a wonderful clinic and our experience so far has been exceptional. We were treated with great care and they went above and beyond to help us understand the information that we were given. It is also special because I have a friend that works there, too. Things are so much easier when you have a personal connection.

I emailed and talked with one of the pediatricians there during that week. We learned more about the condition and that it was in her words "a pretty significant special need." The bad thing was that we had no idea where on the spectrum this child's condition fell. Was it just bad or really bad? We had no way of knowing unless we received more information. We felt that it wouldn't be the wisest thing to move forward until we knew more.

A little over a month ago, I emailed CHI a list of questions and requests for specific information that we would appreciate having answered that were mostly given to us from the pediatrician. No one knew if we would receive anything back in return. Two weeks went by, and I talked to CHI again. They hadn't heard anything, but suggested that we wait two more weeks and then re access what we wanted to do at that time.

When it came time to talk to Children's Hope again we were prepared to decline this referral. After much thought and prayer we just didn't feel that God was leading us to adopt this child. We also felt that it wasn't wise to wait any longer for information. The Lord worked everything out, though, and confirmed for us that we had made the right decision. It turns out that CHI had just received word that we could no longer proceed forward with this child because he was not doing well physically. We are thankful for the Lord's confirmation, but we feel very sad for this child. Please keep this child in your prayers. Pray that healing would take place and that the Lord would place this child in the right family.

_______

A little more about our decision...

When we first learned about this child, we couldn't help but get excited and start to make plans in our minds. We knew, though, that this decision could be very difficult, and we prayed that the Lord would make the right path very obvious. We also knew that this decision was too big for us to make on our own, and we needed much wisdom.

After we found out more and came to realize more about this condition, we were heartbroken. We knew that this condition was very serious and we both felt that this was not where the Lord was leading us. But, how could we say no? Here was a child that we could help - a child who needed our help. We were put in a position that we never thought we'd be in and also that we desperately wanted out of. We would just look at each other and say, "what are we going to do"? We knew the answer, though, we just couldn't bear to say it.

It was a difficult week, but the Lord was faithful once again and gave us the strength to face this decision. And, as everything played out over the course of the month, He continued to reveal to us that this was not the path that we were to take. We truly felt that if God told us and showed us that we were to adopt this child, we would be willing to do that - but, He didn't. We know that God has a plan and purpose for this child. It just didn't include us.

Despite all of this, we are doing good. We feel great peace that we have done the right thing and that this happened for a reason. We are thankful to be back in line again and ready for a new referral that we hope will come very soon.

Thanks for all of your prayers and support in this journey. We are so grateful...