I posted the other day about being lonely, but I must say there is one day a week that I live for: baby group day! I became part of a preemie mom's group back in January. The group is now finished for the season, but four of us have continued meeting up weekly at the park, or someone's house. This group of women is my saving grace!!!
I never understood baby groups before having babies. It just seemed kind of lame for mom's to get together with all their babies.. I mean, come on! Get a life. Go do stuff. What's so great about sitting around talking about your babies? Don't you have anything else to talk about?
BUT... now I get it! New moms NEED to talk to one another to normalize this crazy ride we are on! Baby group isn't about letting the babies play together (though that is a welcome side effect - they always sleep better after all that stimulation). We NEED to talk about what we are going through with our babies. We NEED advice on how many naps the other babies are taking, how much they are eating, how our bodies have changed, and on and on. We also NEED to get out of the house, but not in a way that brings pressure (because going anywhere with a new baby is tough work!). We NEED to talk about just how much our lives have changed since having a baby. This is one time when hubbies won't cut it. Only with other moms can you talk about your sex lives (or lack thereof), how much you fart and pee yourself since having a baby, how much you are eating while nursing, and why you cried when trying on a swimsuit you wore last summer.
And yes, all those topics were covered in a 2-hour playdate this morning.
I never thought I'd say this, but I love my group of moms.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Twins 7 Month Update
This must be where twin life suddenly gets busy again! I'm nearly 2 weeks late, but here is the 7-month update for the boys.
Eat
This
was a fun month for food! We started introducing solids to the boys.
So far we have tried banana, apple, sweet potato, and carrot. Next we
will try some meats. RJ LOVES eating. We have tried baby-led weaning
and he is totally into feeding himself. He has great fine motor skills
and is able to bring the food to his mouth himself. He especially loves
bananna. MJ can’t quite manage to get the food to his mouth so we help
him out, but he is good at “chewing” and so proud of himself for
eating. MJ is still nursing like a champ, though he feeds pretty
quickly now (about 10 minutes). He is also starting to go to the breast
for comfort when we are in a new place. It is cute. RJ mainly bottle
feeds, but he will take the breast sometimes just before or after a nap,
but not for long (5 mins max.). So I still pump him bottles (though my
supply seems to be decreasing a bit so I hope I can keep it up). We
currently do 5 milk feeds a day, and 2 solid feeds. Sometimes there is a
night feed, but for the most part that has been dropped. We haven’t
weighed them for a few weeks so I don’t have an update to give there.
Sleep
We
JUST made the switch to dropping the night feed! It hasn’t quite
materialized to us getting more sleep quite yet because they still wake
up a few times and we are teaching them to self-soothe (which takes
longer for them to get back to sleep). I pump once a night too, in
order to keep up supply. I know it is a great step for the future, but
is a little bittersweet. I do love those precious night-time cuddles.
With the amount of time we spent up with them at night, it is sad to
say goodbye to that era. That said, I am so excited about the prospect
of more sleep (soon!). The boys sleep for nearly 12 hours. Naps are
still hit and miss but they are starting to improve. I can definitely
count on one nap that is 1 1/2 to 2 hours long, and another for 45 mins
to an hour.
Play
It
has been so neat to watch the boys grow in their physical development
this month. They have learned to roll from back to front AND front to
back. MJ does it all the time, but RJ is still just experimenting.
They are so close to sitting up on their own too. They will roll
themselves and squirm around to try to reach toys. They put everything
in their mouths. They have a special fascination with tags on clothing
and toys. RJ loves to watch the trees and the sky when we are outside.
They both enjoy music. RJ “dances” and sings to music videos that Dan
shows him. MJ sings along at church. They love being at the nursery at
church and “playing” with the other kids. RJ is a bit more cautious of
new environments and takes a while to warm up, but MJ smiles and
interacts with new people right away. RJ is quite talkative and even
talks himself to sleep. MJ is quieter but talks most in the morning and
sometimes as he is putting himself to sleep. RJ loves to stand and
jump. He likes to play in the exersaucer. He likes to be tickled. MJ
has started to play with my hair and grab at my face. He loves being
thrown in the air and “flying.” They are super smiley and giggly and
such fun to interact with.
Events
Our
biggest event this month was a visit from halmaoni and halabaji (the
Korean names for grandma and grandpa - my husband’s parents). They
brought presents for the boys and the boys had a great time being fed by
them, reading stories, and playing on the floor together. Halmaoni
took videos the whole time. They were obviously smitten! This month
was also Mother’s Day. During the visit, we went out for lunch with
halmaoni and my mom with the boys. They were awake and well-behaved for
the entire meal! Our own Mother’s Day was low key. We had church in
the morning (it was a potluck Table Sunday) and had the evening off to
spend as a family. I had requested that we do a hike, so on Monday we
walked with the boys at Seal Bay (the ocean). Other than that, it was
pretty normal. The month really just flew by! I can’t believe we are
past the half-way-to-a-year mark. Stop growing up so fast boys!
Thursday, May 22, 2014
It's lonely being a stay-at-home mom
It's lonely being a stay-at-home mom.
It took me six months to realize it. The first few months are a blur, especially with twins. You are too busy surviving each day to think about anything more. After that, you adjust a bit and start to get out and about. Baby groups, church, and even trips to the park. Still, it's all baby-focused. You meet a few people but your only common interest is your babies. It's wonderful, but "you" don't really get to be known. By 6 months, you (*fingers crossed*) are sleeping a bit more and feel somewhat more human. Life has hit a bit of a routine (that still changes day-to-day) and all of a sudden, you have some time to yourself. What, you say? Myself? Who am I now that this time has passed and all of my energy and thoughts have been devoted to my baby(babies) for these past six months? So you try to re-engage with the friends who disappeared when your life so dramatically changed. Except it's not quite the same. You've changed. Your lifestyle has changed. You don't have the same things in common anymore. So you try to pick up the activities you used to do. Except even they're not the same. You discover your body isn't quite the way it used to be and things do not come as easily. You find that it takes too much time to setup any craft/two-handed activity, and by the time you get everything out, the babies are stirring and you have barely even started. And that spare hour you manage to get to sneak out of the house, is barely enough time to return the item to Walmart, let alone do anything for YOU!
How DO you reengage and get back to caring for your self after becoming a mom? It's not as easy as I thought pre-pregnancy. And it is oh so lonely. Spending time getting to know these little beings in your life is so wonderful! It's indescribable, really. Yet it's hard to find the time or space for myself to be known. And so I've come to realize that I am lonely right now.
It took me six months to realize it. The first few months are a blur, especially with twins. You are too busy surviving each day to think about anything more. After that, you adjust a bit and start to get out and about. Baby groups, church, and even trips to the park. Still, it's all baby-focused. You meet a few people but your only common interest is your babies. It's wonderful, but "you" don't really get to be known. By 6 months, you (*fingers crossed*) are sleeping a bit more and feel somewhat more human. Life has hit a bit of a routine (that still changes day-to-day) and all of a sudden, you have some time to yourself. What, you say? Myself? Who am I now that this time has passed and all of my energy and thoughts have been devoted to my baby(babies) for these past six months? So you try to re-engage with the friends who disappeared when your life so dramatically changed. Except it's not quite the same. You've changed. Your lifestyle has changed. You don't have the same things in common anymore. So you try to pick up the activities you used to do. Except even they're not the same. You discover your body isn't quite the way it used to be and things do not come as easily. You find that it takes too much time to setup any craft/two-handed activity, and by the time you get everything out, the babies are stirring and you have barely even started. And that spare hour you manage to get to sneak out of the house, is barely enough time to return the item to Walmart, let alone do anything for YOU!
How DO you reengage and get back to caring for your self after becoming a mom? It's not as easy as I thought pre-pregnancy. And it is oh so lonely. Spending time getting to know these little beings in your life is so wonderful! It's indescribable, really. Yet it's hard to find the time or space for myself to be known. And so I've come to realize that I am lonely right now.
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Keeping Up With Twins
Staying organized with twins in the home is a challenge! Check out my tips and tricks in my new blog post here.
Sunday, May 11, 2014
We remember you
I wrote this post last year, but never managed to share it. Mother's Day still holds many conflicting emotions for me. I celebrate the joy of being a mother every day, and do not need a day full of flowers and hallmark cards to bring awareness to it. This day reminds me of they many years spent in sadness, waiting. It was especially difficult to go to church, where they handed out flowers to all the ladies and talked about motherhood in a way that made me feel like crap.
However, last year my husband shared something at church on Mother's Day. I couldn't believe his boldness, but I am super proud of him. I wanted to share the poem he read with you. I love it, and treasure these words. I think everyone needs to hear them.
****
However, last year my husband shared something at church on Mother's Day. I couldn't believe his boldness, but I am super proud of him. I wanted to share the poem he read with you. I love it, and treasure these words. I think everyone needs to hear them.
****
To those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you
To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you
To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you
To those who experienced loss this year through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you
To
those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods,
tears, and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say
foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.
To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you
To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you
To those who have disappointment, heartache, and distance with your children – we sit with you
To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you
To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience
To
those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall
testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst
To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you
And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with you
This
Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart
and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Being Changed
The other day I spent the day at home taking care of my household. The boys came down with their first cold (insert sad face), my hubby woke up with a super sore throat, and even my dog cut her foot at the beach and was hobbling around on 3 legs. I wasn't feeling 100% but I was the "least" sick one, and so I was in charge of keeping everyone afloat.
It was supposed to be our day off - family day - and I had grand plans of doing some errands on my own and enjoying the sunshine with the boys. That did not happen. Instead I made tea, cooked meals, cleaned up after everyone, gave extra cuddles to the boys, cleaned the dogs paw, and rested when I could.
Throughout the day I experienced a range of emotions - from feeling slightly bitter about giving up my plans for the day, to feeling full satisfaction that I was needed and appreciated by my family. Today I felt completely like a MOM. And that got me thinking.
Being a mom is the hardest thing I have ever done, and yet, as many people express, it is the most rewarding too. There are days when I struggle with all that I have given up. I don't yet feel comfortable in my new skin as a mother. I miss having the time to dress up, do my makeup, shower and shave, and look like myself! I miss doing the little things that refresh and rejuvenate me, like enjoying a cup of tea, or going to the gym. I miss having the time to connect with my friends who bring me life. I miss the way the relationship my husband and I had as just a family of two. Everything is different now. Sometimes it is just hard to accept.
And yet, I am redefining what it means to be me, what it means to be married to my husband, what it means to be a family of four (plus our furry friend)! I may not be as put together as I was before kids. I may be a few pounds heavier. I may have less time to indulge in the hobbies I enjoy. My house may not be as tidy (though I still make quite an effort!). But I am becoming a more patient, selfless, compassionate person as these two babies look to me to fulfill all their needs. I am deepening the depth of the relationship with my husband as we seek to remain intimate through the busy schedule of caring for twins. I am gaining new skills as I seek to stretch our money further, use our things more efficiently, and provide for my family with the resources I have. I am learning (slowly) to give up my expectations and live in the moment, letting life ebb and flow as it will. This is the hardest one for me. I still face anxiety here from day to day, and I set standards for myself that are too high and get upset when I can't reach them. I wish it were easier for me to adapt... but it's not. Hapa Hopes wrote a great post that echoes some of how I feel.
I love what I am doing. I am so excited about the future and so happy that I get to be a mom. I don't know what/who I am going to become. I know that this is changing me from the very core.
It was supposed to be our day off - family day - and I had grand plans of doing some errands on my own and enjoying the sunshine with the boys. That did not happen. Instead I made tea, cooked meals, cleaned up after everyone, gave extra cuddles to the boys, cleaned the dogs paw, and rested when I could.
Throughout the day I experienced a range of emotions - from feeling slightly bitter about giving up my plans for the day, to feeling full satisfaction that I was needed and appreciated by my family. Today I felt completely like a MOM. And that got me thinking.
Being a mom is the hardest thing I have ever done, and yet, as many people express, it is the most rewarding too. There are days when I struggle with all that I have given up. I don't yet feel comfortable in my new skin as a mother. I miss having the time to dress up, do my makeup, shower and shave, and look like myself! I miss doing the little things that refresh and rejuvenate me, like enjoying a cup of tea, or going to the gym. I miss having the time to connect with my friends who bring me life. I miss the way the relationship my husband and I had as just a family of two. Everything is different now. Sometimes it is just hard to accept.
And yet, I am redefining what it means to be me, what it means to be married to my husband, what it means to be a family of four (plus our furry friend)! I may not be as put together as I was before kids. I may be a few pounds heavier. I may have less time to indulge in the hobbies I enjoy. My house may not be as tidy (though I still make quite an effort!). But I am becoming a more patient, selfless, compassionate person as these two babies look to me to fulfill all their needs. I am deepening the depth of the relationship with my husband as we seek to remain intimate through the busy schedule of caring for twins. I am gaining new skills as I seek to stretch our money further, use our things more efficiently, and provide for my family with the resources I have. I am learning (slowly) to give up my expectations and live in the moment, letting life ebb and flow as it will. This is the hardest one for me. I still face anxiety here from day to day, and I set standards for myself that are too high and get upset when I can't reach them. I wish it were easier for me to adapt... but it's not. Hapa Hopes wrote a great post that echoes some of how I feel.
I love what I am doing. I am so excited about the future and so happy that I get to be a mom. I don't know what/who I am going to become. I know that this is changing me from the very core.
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