back for more bloggin.

It's amazing how some1 can touch your heart, from within. Knowing that it's a true friendship. It came surprisingly too.. cos' every1 gives negative comments abt her. I used to follow stereotypes, but not anymore. somehow her experiences in life perhaps given me some guidance? i love you *bock. no matter what other says, no matter at some point of my life i think u r a b*tch. lol. but anyways.. thanks for everything u have said. but i'm too sorry, cos i'm still hiding something from u. something u shld know. ah..

actually, i duno whether m i touched or my heart's getting heavier & heavier. *sigh. so much of a judgement day tomolo. sorry rl. guess i'm going thro new stuff today again. I know i'm being fickle & everything else. but i hope u'll understand. for whatever sh*t i'm going thru now.

sometimes i really dun really mean whatever i had said.. but now & again. i'm being left; more confused. i jus duno wat to do.

today i had my OP dry run. not too bad i guess. the video we have taken really sparkles up pple's emotions... hope my classmates & every1 else enjoy my screamings & filmings.. lol~ mus jia you & memorise my script lerx.. but everything shld be okay i guess.. jus dun get so nervous & have butterflies in my stomach..

not gg to sch tomolo. jus dun feel like gg back larh.. anyways wat's the point when i dun even have my OP? lol~ chinese? 4get it. I find it so hopelessly useless now. jus get it over & done wif. all thanks to the present MOE system of mother tongue languages.

hmMm.. my arm's still hurting.. my heart's aching.

feeling & seeing my confusions in all my blog entries recently? lol~ I jus sort of realised tat i'm bloggin & blogging the same stuff. can't be helped eh. tat's what ACTUALLY bothering me now. i jus CAN'T let go. i can't think irrational & make decisions. cos i believe, this kinda decisions made shld be happily; and not bitterly.

"do wad u think is best for u, dun bother abt others... likin some1 is yr business, appreciate and ONLY hear blessings from pple, others heck. gal u understand?"

how much do i really understand eh? Dun find trouble for myself. tat i know. so maybe from now onwards i won't find... * only if * finds me. kinda heart wrecking, but maybe tat's a nice 1st step to start wif? I seriously do not know what's really the best for myself anymore.

why put myself in such denial? obviously i wanted * to find me. Zzz. CRAP. ching I HATE YOU.

actually this's the only issue i'm concerned wif now. i'm seriously, hecking every1 other elses. maybe i shld jus LISTEN to the blessings yah? (>.<) but then again, the world's never perfect. there's bound to be pple speaking bad of you, in front or behind your back.

Camp's this friday. *sigh. dun really feel like seeing some1. but nevertheless, i'll catch up wif lots pple! bear!!! hEes! marcius also.. ber, lettie!! whoever else. hope i'll really enjoy myself. & kinda missed minex bday!!! *haiz!! nvm la girl!! i'm sure some1 sure will celebrate wif ya.. of cos we won't 4get abt u! *muacks.

really miss those times when i dun have ANY troubles wif guys. all i do everyday is having fun wif my classmates & guides frens. okay maybe scouts? lol. schoolmates. It's so peaceful..pure & happy. *Sob. I miss my old life!!!! can some1 bring it back to me.

okay. i know it's a NO. stop it. i can too slap it into my face. *piak*

i'm like jus bloggin & bloggin & bloggin. kinda stress relief barhz.. i'm back wif my bloggin mood. bloggin everyday. pple got things to read le.. but then again, wat's so interesting ya? my stp life. when all i have are dilemma. *arugh.

Wed there's bowling training. it's like..after so long?! lol~ dun even know my left hand can support my bowl nots. if not gg liaoz.. go there throw face~ (>.<)

why's there so much coincidence in this world? wanted to meet him, but i saw *him too. arugh. my phone vibrated. 2 sms. him & *him. waH. enough.

plain KPO-ness? jealousy? *arugh. stop giving me somemore thoughts thank you.

*sigh. why can't i have the best in both worlds?

but i jus know that i can't.

cos' i have to make O.N.E choice.

but that seems so far away.

Sorry, my blogs are getting more blunt. Sh*t.

AhhhHH forgive this selfish pig.

today.. nth bad happened i guess. thank god. lol

sort of celebrated sista's bday today.. ate sooOOo much of my mom's dish. so FULL! (>.<) they keep feeding me cos i was bitten by AH wang. lol~ find it hard not to call it "stp dog"! Lol~ it's still painful... the blue black's like spreading. Guess every1 will wan to see my wound tomolo.. eeks! but my mom IS concerned larh =))))) felt *loved. lol~ jus like minex yarh =pPp thanks for the testi girl.. but i too lazy to write! Haas!

read bear's "essay"... wah. i wonder why he always HAVE the power to make me let down tears of joy ah.. or in most/all cases, i'm so touched by his words.

bear: why will you always think that you are NOT expressive enough? i think YOU ARE, actually. i respect your decision for not letting your things out. some people will jus wanna keep things to themselves. but then again, if i didn't know anything of yr current things/happenings etc., wat's this "jie" here for you for? Me too at times feel helpless, cos i can't ease your pain & lostless. all I can say or do.. maybe IS jus to tell u to take care or slp early.

yep. i know people ARE concerned abt me. me too doesn't have any answers.. as to WHY m i always at dilemma & stuff. but i'm jus asking to THOSE irritating pple to LEAVE ME ALONE. not my close frens. at least not those who are reading my blog now. though at times i tried to hide my TRUE feelings, the more i think it is UNNECCESSARY now. I guess i'm TOO tired of hiding. wat's there to hide? forgive my selfishness & crooked thoughts. but anyways, that's me. i have WEIRD thoughts nowadays, i hafta admit.

somewhat. i do FIND some peace in actually... my frens are by MY side &... agrees wif my decisions in life. i guess FRIENDS are the MOST important element of my life. at least for now. I really need that affirmation from.. all of you guys.

It has somewhat been my bad habit, that I HATE TO MAKE DECISIONS FOR MYSELF. cruelty. now I had to do it MYSELF, cos no1 can do it for me.

26th is judgement day. perhaps I really SHLD think it thro..

but often then NOT, i think that i have somewhat made my decision. it may NOT be the best way out. but at least i made ONE decision. like finally. *sigh.

*[soul searching....]

To love? Or to be loved? -pause-

Guess i'm always too concern with how others feel and all. But what is THAT i really really wanted? *blank. guess i'm at a point that i can't let go of everything.

I thought decisions like THIS shld be happy. btw a male & a female. but why m i experiencing this in a bitter way?

All my thoughts are in fragments.

my suay-ness hasn't gone away.

today was... dog-bitten day.

gosh! was putting cream lookin at the reflection by the mirror! what a stp big patch!! *arugh. look & feel like blue black.. *sigh. all thanks to the FRIENDLY AH WANG=shiling's dog. I also duno wat happened neh.. the stp door was left open.. it charged in & bite me 3 times.. ZZzzzZZ... maybe daniel's right. I sat on the best chair then got such a good treatment by ah wang... anyways. $36 bucks gone. gotten a jab *eeks* & 5 days of antibiotics.. wah biang. jus a stp bite & gotten myself all this trouble..

yah..& in case somebody wanna complain again. thanks rl for pei-ing me to see doc. lol~ =p

but finally, PW's almost ovEr!!! today had quite some fun @ shiling's house actually. (OKAY. not the DOGGY part) we were filming wif my camera.. (me=camera woman. haaS!) some clips for our PW larhx.. so FUNNY lorx!!! lol~ some comical... lol~ =p think all of us can be actor/actress already!! HEes.. any1 see it & knows U.S. SURE laugh like mad de lorx... lol~ hope our OP goes smoothly barh.. Monday is our dry-run!!!! jia you!!! I stil mus go edit script later...

*somehow. something. some incident mus make me cry i guess. duno larh. my tear glands ain't functioning well these days.. tears only well up my eyes.. but they jus won't get out of my eyes. not bad barh. but often i think tat this.. un-letting-go isn't good. ain't going anywhere. -sigh- but ah wang made me cry. guess i was scared & in pain larh.. after all, 1st time in my entire life getting bitten by such a BIG dog kays.. i really think i'm crazy lor. i'm not THAT scared of dogs still.. lol. but ganna scared by cats. so lame like tat lol~ =pPPPp ah. whatever. ching's always so lame. (>.<)

told my mom my results today lerx... thank god she accepted it. tat i passed everything and all... think she thinks that i'm already HOPELESS lah. she only wish for a pass in me. *sigh. but somehow i still feel that i m NOT performing up to her or MY OWN expectations lah. maybe somehow i had ALWAYS been working towards my expectations, not my mom's. but nevertheless, yep. i promoted larhx.

& marcius didn't. he had to retain. FFFE. i was so shocked la kayz... *sigh. duno why. but the 1st person i wanted to tell was... kevin. it has really been a DAMN long while ever since we last chatted. think it was when i called him when i was back in Hong Kong. i miss marcius. & him. perhaps even more.

last nite SG idol.. gosh i was so worried tat sly won't be staying. but i wasn't disappointed. Maia wasn't bad actually. the competition is getting tougher & tougher.. hmmMM.. so hard to choose who's to go out lor.. life's cruel larh.. *sigh. but i guess that it applies for EVERYTHING.

wanted to know something? didn't wanna know ALOT things. why m i always at crossroads? -no answer- why this? why that? -paused- enough said.

think i'm crazy after getting dog bitten. or perhaps not. i'm driven up the wall.

suddenly in the mood for short sentences. gdnite. i'm so tired. & in pain.

*i rather my arm hurts more than my heart*

tsk.tsk.

today i had a FUCKING day.

okay.. somewhat MAYBE it wasn't that bad after all? had school.. nth much.. had a MOST strenous PE of da year.. duno wat's gone over me also... can't even dash wif da stp rugby ball.. ZzzZZ.. anyways my heart was beating too quickly & i couldn't take it. almost vomited but after awhile was okay lerx.. went for lessons? dosing off? everything was ACTUALLy quite fine ya know. then Minex & Cey & her royce dear came to TPJC.. cos it WAS our open house. yep. & we still have school, no promotion of CCA, NOTHING. the school's like SOooooOo DEAD larhx.. compared to MJ 1.. lol~ or maybe i wasn't there when the crowd IS there or sth.

did PW.. then went out to TM, watched "Yesterday Once More".. okay larh da show.. but hated the no-ending-ending.

then.. hm... lol. almost cried but i promised not too. & i didn't cry at home too larhx. only teared (>.<) that's enough i guess. stupid+ sickening hell stuff always fall upon my doorstep. so wtf m i supposed to do? I SERIOUSLY duno why.. but SOMEHOW every fucking person is so KPO abt my L.I.F.E. arugh. okay maybe not MY LIFE. but stil!? ah u get the point. or whatever.

yeP. no matter what happens, I jus know that i'll just have to face them

Thanks Cey & Cher dearies for all the advices. but somehow they dun SINK it.. i m so sorry to say all this but yarh. SERIOUSLY i think i got some problem wif my brain or sth. it's so *blank* now. tat's why i ain't sad or whatever i guess.. arugh. guess i have turned out to be LIKE THAT. it wasn't on intention. i know i'm being fuckingly sickening!!!!! but bah! i'm LIKE THAT. actually i kinda hate myself too. but things jus DUN GO AWAY. they keep haunting & forever haunting me.

fuckiing hell, is having a stead that IMPORTANT in my life?

NO! so stop asking.

!*%*#*$&!&&*%($## whoever is that GUY?!

HALLO!!!! how i wish i could tell u the answer.

!(#*(#$($$%*$#^#&* ARE U NUTS?

YES I M. TOTALLY. but i m seriously OKAY. so dun ask me whether m i not i guess. lol~ s.u.c.k.S!

how i wish i could jus slap back to every1 else faces.

DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABT ME. LEAVE ME ALONE. U FUCKING BASTARDS & BITCHES!

Long time never blog again i guess? lol~ sorry.. was tryin to finish up my PW.. haiz. 2 more weeks! let all of us PERSERVE & get it over & DONE with!!! HAas! (>.<)

hmMm.. it's like.. only 1 week after promos? Everything's is happening so quickly.. Tues is definitely a "big-blow" day for every1 i guess.. cos we got back almost all over papers except for bio.. & being a lucky soul... i managed to pass every paper i have taken. Thank you to whatever that was looking over me.. =))) Maybe it's my PoPo's (eh.. my Mom's mother) angbao or the crystal thingy *cey dear gave me.. *muacks! anyways I did managed to pull thro.. but obviously duno how to break this SUCKY results to my mom.. *sigh. Guess every1 knows how high my mother's expectations are. soOOo.. yeP. no com again i guess.. haAs. Can't really online?! So dun miss me folks.. if sometime in the future I jus dun online anymore!! Haas! *which is like.. so IMPOSSIBLE. but anyways. yEp. will be missing out ALOT.. as in.. erm. ya know.

*[somehow i wish that i can be more truthful.. jus like how i USED to blog in the past. but i guess not anymore.]

was kinda sad for all my classmates who didn't make it thro wif 2 A's & 2 AO's. i think it's so AMAZING... how a stupid promotion exam can kill every1 of ya frens who have been struggling in class wif u for almost 1 year. Yep. life's ALWAYS so cruel i guess... secondary school life is so DAMN different from JC life la.. ZzZz.. actually thinkin back, SO MUCH up & downs I have been going thru in this single year. oh god knows what will happen to me in da following years. but anyways. i guess i jus have to LIVE UP TO MY LIFE. yep. i will accept my fate & go thro whatever that is thrown towards me. maybe alone. or all my dearest frens who have ALWAYS been by my side all this while. =)

HaAs.. maybe feeling kinda EMO now..but i really appreciated whatever advices all u guys have been giving me these couple of days. guess i really NEEDED them at this sickening point of time. (eh. you know what what what) *sigh. scold me or jus slap whatever into my face i guess.. HAas! even if i cannot take it. i guess sometimes i need this kinda HARSH splashings of truths =X anyways.. jus wanna say: I LOVE U GUYS!!!!!! dun question me whether u are included in the "guys" lol.. (of cos mainly is U GIRLS lol~ =X) if u are reading my blog NOW, then u'll belong to it i guess~ (>.<)

Everything is still in a mist i guess.. i stil can't see thro whatever path i wanted to take. *sighhhhhHhhh.. how much can i heck & dun think man?! sometimes i guess feelings jus come and goes... ahHhhhh.. also duno why the HELL m i in such a sickening position. & have to face whatever which comes by.. I HATE IT! I HATE IT I HATE IT! ZzzZzz.. ask me what's on my mind now, i dun really know lol.. =pPPp jus feel like screaming!! AhhhhhHHHhhhhh

& yah.. my taggy's right at the bottom, so u guys mus scroll all the way down to tag~ (>.<)

can't blog lerx.. mux do my PW. arugh!

haha! new blogskin worx!! nice nots?! spent so much time on it.. (>.<) hEes.. still got song more.. which had been playing & playing non-stop once i refresh my blog for further editing.. lol~ hard work eh.. (cos apparently, i m not much of a com genius)

hm.. feeling kinda sian.. missed da pre-camp @ taonan.. oh wells.. maybe i somewhat did beneffitted from not gg the camp.. *sigh. not too sure of that either.. but yeps. 1 thing for sure. at least i'm not gg crazy tonite!!! *yAY!! so happY~ =)))))

haiya.. long story also.. =X but i cried like shit last nite.. 1st time feeling my pillow soOOoo wet.. oh manx~ =XXxXXxx then i was hugging my bloster so tightly.. i luv my bloster!! *muacks!

hMMm.. like so damn bloody long never blog lerx.. jus dun have the bloggin mood i guess?? even after my promos.. promos SUCKS! lol~ getting back my papers soon le... like 2,3 days later.. *pray hard that i can promote lorx.. if i can't then i also duno wat will happen to me lerx!! =X hAix!! good luck to everyone barhx!!! & to those who still haven take their papers.. best of luck kays!! =)

today's my dearest bear bear's birthday!!!! happy bday junxiang!!! haas! like i never never call u tat often also~ =X lol~ bear bear cuter marhx!! this year so sorry can't celebrate wif u worx!!! ben lai wanted to celebrate wif ya in the camp derx.. anyways 1 year older mus dong shi kays!! lol~ so miss u!!!!!! (since u like green & purple.. lol~ tat's me eh.. erm.. some STUPID nick pple gave me.. zZz.. but nvm lol)

hmmm.. promos.. actually also nothing much? jus keep mugging? CHEM sucks!! studied so much for it & i think i will fail like sh*t for it.. lol~ *sigh. wat to do.. maybe my MCQ onli 3/20 or sth.. shall wait & see i guess~ maths & bio was okay? almost never sleep for bio's paper.. cos needed it to promote.. (>.<) all thanks to the sucky chem.. hai~ not much of a confidence.. but i guess i got more STUPID things to fan abt like... .........

anyways, went to watch Wimbledon & White Chicks! hEes.. so long never watch movie lerx.. then hmMM.. went for a little shopping? but didn't buy anything 4 myself also.. went to Daniel's house but went to play more like it.. lol~ then went MJC's openhouse to pei stacey.. lol~ my dear dear!!! miss her so much!!! oh yeah! & i see minex!!!! sooOOOo long never see her le lorx!!! miss her lots too!!! wonder when we guides having a gathering??? i miss every1!!!!

was happy tat marcius actually msged me online. lol. =))))) he still BOTHERS why i didn't go for da pre-camp. & he said "keep in touch". somewhat i feel very happy cos of this line.. =)))) maybe somehow.. i missed him too? like so long never really COMMUNICATE wif him lerx.. hai~ yep we are not close le.. but duno why he gave me a feeling tat he cared.. at least for tonight. hEes!

cher: jus hope u'll pull yrself thro & cheer up yeah? i also duno wat more to say lerx.. like we keep talking abt MY problems.. but did i neglected yrs? =X hMm.. sorry girl. but afterall, there isn't much i can say, is there? love ya & pls study! lol~ =p

as for myself.. had been THINKING as in really alot. but somewhat i m still S.T.U.C.K. maybe no one will understand i guess. i m jus some selfish pig *oink*. yep i m hiding it all within again. not bloggin it here. but not anywhere else i guess too.. lol~ kinda lazy & tired of everything. & besides, i dun wanna think now. dun wanna make any decisions.. as YET. i guess i seriously need time. &.. most probably, straighten all my crooked thoughts. i hate ching.



let the rain fall down,and wake my dreams.
let it wash away, my sanity.

hm.. these few days always had the blogging mood sia... =X like always blogging suddenly.. when i'm SUPPOSED to be studying!!! haAs! *whatever i guess!

today had GP paper.. i stil find it O.K.A.Y i guess?! but mus really really pray hard that i pass it!!! cos it is SUPER SUPER IMPORTANT!!!! mus be promoted!!!! if not.. i also duno wat will happen to me~ =X

went to met my DEAR *CEY after my paper.. haas~ we went to be tai tai~ hEex!! sooOOoo long never see her lerx!!! miss her sooOOooooOOOooooOOo much!! to the power of infinity!!!! (>.<) catch up wif one another lor.. went to shop shop awhile.. brought a new pencil box then took neoprint!! haAs!!! =X see larhx.. like i also finished my papers like tat.. when i onli finished my GP.. okay & Chinese.. lol~ *ching mus jIA yoUUUUuu!!! hai~ also haven finish studying nehx.. ZZzZz.. then my stp cramp so irritating somemore!!! hate it cans?! *bish!! the pink panadol's effect can't really last too.. (cAution: dun take more than 8 pills a day) [gosh! will i eat so much chemcials in a DAY?! *diao*]

duno why i like always so tired derx?! so irritating lorx!! wanna study also you xin wu li like tats... *arugh!!! (>.<)

i'm like tryin to scan my neos now.. lol~ see can upload nots larh.. but then like so troublesome~ =X

today rl's bday... tat kuku still sick! niam him sooOOo long stil dun wan go see doc!! so irritating derx!! *growl~ today never piak him cos it's his bday.. had fun wrapping 13+ layers of newpapers on his present & see him opening it.. Haas! u see i really so bo liaoz rites? =X can't help it larhx.. but then i spend time doing his prezzie kays!!! but then i think like sooOoo girl! =X *& i like it also.. lol~~~ nvm barh.. as long as he like can lerx i guess.. but then i also duno he's bluffing me nots..

* sms-ed me gd luck 4 GP this morning.. was actually SHOCKED! hAAs! but was happy i guess.. then i wished back lorx.. HEeX~ misS *!!!!! (>.<) didn't really talk this few days also.. but then i also cannot online nehx... cos my mom's back & i m SUPPOSED TO BE STUDYING!! hais~ sad larhx!!! =XXXxXXxXXXxXXx

yep. we are chatting...

stp & i can't upload the bloody pics & the stp jerry still got in sg idol!!! oh gosh!!! Singapore r u blind?!

but slyvester's still in... =)))))))))))))

dun ask me why, but gotta a feeling that something's very wrong... (>.<)

jus now i cut my finger again.. this time is my right hand 4th finger... broke a glass while taking it out 4 dinner.. zzZZZ.. my fingers in danger this few days... always ganna injured.. ZzzZZ so clumsy!!! (>.<)

blah. i'm okay. (well, out to those pple who think tat i'm)

jus managed to see my class photo on tpjc net.. eeks! looked like some.. =X anyways, maybe tat's why the stp photo long LoOOOOnNNGGg time also dun wan load up, dun wan let me see. (>.<) but it's okay!!! not chio means not chio marhx... okay! dun comment on this statement! =X

ahhHh.. stp me still cut my hand yest.. actually not really CUT also larhx.. jus the back of my cchsm RED name tag & poked a line across my left hand middle finger.. =X not on purpose larhx!! cos i WAS trying to do sth.. & apparently it didn't work out! or i wasn't paying enuff attention, cos i was on da phone.. (>.<)

oh wells!! lucky darling *cey!!! finished her promos already!! i stil got 1 more week to go... *roll eyes* hai.. i also duno how much i have studied lorx.. so wtf like tat.. i also duno what i doing everyday.. pon school & lessons until so shuang until can't really remember today ish what day & what m i supposed to do lerx.. & i'll be missing Sg idol tonite!! cos i mus mug!! tomolo got GP paper.. okay.. who really DOES study 4 GP?! but jus wanna go thro my notes & stuff larhx..

& i got some STP menstrual cramp which always come at the MOST stupid-est time!!!! *arughhhh irritating!!!!!!!!

oh yeah.. my sista & my mom is back from hk.. got my *pinky specs... as in the sides are DAMN PINK... not fully tint-ed.. anyways pple out there wun get to see also i guesS?! cos i also wun wear to school derx i think?! lol~~~ =pPPpppPp aiyar... i wear specs not nice larhx.. =X

i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss uUUuuuuuuuUuu!!!!! but whatever larhx.. =X (never talk to me.. nvm barh i guess... =XXXxXXxXXXxXXxxXXx)

oh yeah.. happy bday to stef! tomolo's rl's bday.. oct always so many pple bday derx.. =XXXxx gg broke le larhx.. oh! actually Oct USED to be a *special month 4 me barhx.. esp. on Halloween!!! (>.<) ahhh!!! it's minex's bday!!!! lol~~ *talk rubbish. Marcius on da 3rd.. bear's 17th.. &......................

oh! will be gg for taonan camp soon! sian sia.. dun feel like gg-ing.. jus feel like slacking @ home lorx!!! but i think WILL be fun barh.. provided some bastard or assholes dun come disturb me larhx..

duno why jus feel like blogging. but really, what's there can i blog about? i'm SUDDENLY in a VERY sucky mood, dun ask me WHY. it jus CAmmMMEEee & I HATE IT!!!!! *arugh!!! i'm feeling kinda S.I.C.K... tried so hard to wake up from my nap jus now.. slept for 2 straight hours.. ahHHhhhhhHHh.. & here m i.. feeling so SUCKY!!!!! *go AWAYyyYYYyy

sometimes i often wonder wtf m i doing wif my life. sometimes i'll jus feel so frustrated over some minute stuff. i also duno why i m reacting like that.. or it is jus some form of over-reaction?! & seriously, i still duno wth m i doing wif my week b4 my promos... i think my bio is gonna be so f*cking DEAD larhx alrites... ZzZz.. i sort of still havn't start.. & today gg to school is practically a "library" day.. guess i onli went for like.. civics? cum GP lesson.. bio tutorial & lecture. that's all.. hMmMmm.. duno larhx. pon, pon, pon. doesn't really MATTER i guess. i'm SO SCREWED already..

& of cos. things didn't HAPPEN. it just DIDN'T. i was happy & contented enuff. yep. thank god i wasn't looking forward to IT at all. COS I JUS KNOW IT WON'T HAPPEN. but so what it *DID happen anyways? hmMmm.. (probably i'm further getting pissed cos I.. can't blog things down. ARUGH! then wat's a BLOG for? i seriously duno what this blog is 4.. ANYWAYS)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i really FEEL LIKE SCREAMING!!!!!!!

today actually was quite a.. hmMmm.. pleasant day in school i guess.. maybe slight ups & downs of my feelings.. but i really loved my classmates. =))))))) crapping all the way & we went to cartel.. eWWWww & I ate some strawberry Bonaza.. OH GOSH!!! it's soOOOoo strawberry!!! i ate 4 scoops of STRAWBERRY ice-creams & 1/4 peice of waffle in TONSSSSS of strawberry JAM *yucks! & i finished it mans!!!!!!!! (>.<) okay it didn't TASTE that bad.. but i'm DAMn sick of the ice-cream... it's too milky & eating too much jam adds on to the stp weird taste. yep & helped mom to do some stuff then i went home to sleep, had my dinner, watched a little tv & here i m.

*sigh* maybe sometimes i JUST need to be alone. ALONE. away. not talking to anyone. often i have been thinking.. why? my life is evolving ard lots of pple. & whatever i'm doing, tends to be benefitting the other party. f*ck. i ain't complaining.. it just that somehow~ what i really want? maybe i'm hiding way too much from within. yep. whatever i'm hidden obviously, ( and DUH ) is not easily noticed. & the most important part is that I CAN't BRING MYSELF TO SAY IT. oh man. i rather i'm THE ONE suffering from all this CRAP. but oh wells, after all, it's all my stp feelings. so why BOTHER? i'll HAVE to face it alone. but i feel so TIRED ya know? I know i'm some IDIOTIC freak who always leave problems hanging... i'm running away from them. but think on the OTHER sidE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wtf? *ching jus can't be MEAN!!! & doesn't mean that i dun SOLVE it, I m NOT affected!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bloody hell i TOTALLY m!!!!!!!!! okay, NOT ALL THE TIME. but it's enough to drive me NUTS some period of times like N.O.W. duno whatever i'm whining abt too.. (>.<) but tell me who really EXACTLY knows how i'm feeling now? i'm feeling so BLOODY LOST. i dun even know whatever to do ANYMORE.



arugh!!!!!!! *sobs*

today.. i offically PON school!!!! *yay.. haas.. crazy rites.. happy over such thing.. but then i also never REALLY study MUCH lehx.. oh sh*t mans.. *oPs! & i was sleeping soOoo much!!! =X AhhHHhhhhhHhh.. so piggy!! (>.<)

better go mug lerx... jia you!!

today: *ching has given herself 1 more day of rest.

p.S miss cey* soOOooo much!!!! *cher too!!!

p.Ss. & of cos i'll miss everyone else!!! jas, lettie, gum, bear & the list goes on~ good luck to

every1 who'll be taking papers soon... hope every1 can promote! =)))))