*yay.



i passed my BTT. & so i got my PDL. (behind was the pouch *shiyu gave me =)))

aim in life now.. get my 3A licence asap.. lol~

then hopefully i'll get a job soon!

yest i had my 3rd driving lesson.. was the most boring 1 ever i guess.. not being racist but.. the instructor didn't really try crapping wif me.. so it's just like.. "turn right here, after no.2." yarh.. that kinda thing.. & i was still v much upset abt wat happened... so i continue to stone.. and anyhow drive. can't be bothered lol~ but obviously i did ok-ay i supposed.. lol~ i can drive onto the roads by next lesson lu... lol~ duno is this fast nots.

after that i anyhow took a bus again from ubi to meet *cher near her house.. thank god i wasn't lost.. so long never see her le... then we keep screaming & talking all the way to suntec.. had lunch @ kenny rogers.. then we walked ard.. took her pooh stamp.. waited for *benji so we could k-box. we're there like from 1.3pm to 7pm?! lol~ could stay even longer de lor.. but we kept screaming & being crazy until we were so tired.. & i cried at "forever love"... & *benji freaked out.. lol~ and they keep staring at me when i sing sad songs.. wat's wrong wif that.. i got the mood for that wats... & anyways these kinda songs are targetted at me... bleah.

had dinner @ Carl's junior. *yay* but wasn't really that fulfilling.. as in the feeling.. guess it'll probably someday become like mac in sg... then they're like blabbling on & on abt relationships.. then i felt so lost. just kinda feel weird so i didn't say much.. as though my experience had torn me away from the actual reality. i duno.. i just feel.. hm.. weird. lol~ anyways.. no more relationships for me. not in the near future. that's the thing i know for sure it's wat i wanted. i'm not like some people. & i'm not a straight guy. haha. i can't do it in 3 days.

got home.. was so tired.. & my whole body's aching.. watched tv.. was supposed to mug for BTT but.. nah.. it's better to chat & sleep.. lol~

but it's getting on my nerves b4 the test. cos i thought i would fail it.. & it's like sooOooo irritating.. cos you're actually holding a book & mugging again.. i'm so over that period.

& *fanghao suffered alot from me last night i think.. haha. i was going on & on & on & on.. crying & crying until i was so exhausted... he was speechless. i mean.. wat can he say too.

& i guess i'm still petty. yes.

but today i was wondering on my way home.. am i forgiving enough??

but what will happen in the future?? can i even regard myself as someone who.....

i duno. but all seems so far.

blah. i feel like sleeping.

my head's spinning.

but i'm fine i guess.

just the lack of sleep.

anyways. thank you *stef, *fanghao, *marcius, *bear, *cher, *benji & *cey...

in order of appearance/existence.

i just wanna say.. i'm petty.

& i suddenly feel so lost.

i duno why...

my head's spinning.

but i'm fine i guess.

just the lack of sleep.

anyways. thank you *stef, *fanghao, *marcius, *cher & *benji & *cey...

in order of appearance.

i just wanna say.. i'm petty.

& i suddenly feel so lost.

i duno why...

fuck.

i hate guys.

why do they pretend to be hurt.

why???

thank you. ever dearest.

yes.

slap it into me.

i saw it coming isn't it.

i knew it.

i was so dumb.

i was the only one.

god. why must i be so fucking kpo.

why.

who is there for me now?

i hate you.

sometimes, i think that the counter right there is a fake.

anyways.. are *you one of them who will frequently check up on my blog? to see how happy/sad/watever i m being???

yep. ignore me.

i just keep dreaming & thinking of *you.

just that i don't blog abt them.

-sigh-

anyways.. was waken by stp *marcius sms this morning. damn. he promised to call twice but twice he failed to. so i'll not believe him anymore.

was tossing in bed then.. thinking & thinking & further thinking.. then i slept again.

waken again by my mom.. had lunch outside.. shopped @ giant for stuff required for upcoming bbq at my house this friday... the annual gathering for guides & scouts i guess. but mainly for guides barh. i can't be bothered abt the scouts la. they also never confirm wif me.. okay la. at least those couldn't make it told me.. but wat abt those who are coming?? woah.. later not enough food dun complain lorx..

last year. *someone special to me came over too. wif my christmas gift & log-cake. so my handphone pouch had it's 1-year anniversary. i didn't. i still remembered that box of merci *he brought especially for me.. & my mom keeps wanting a bigger log-cake this year. i'm sorry that i couldn't make that happen... oh well.. *ru should know wat to do rights.. haha.

yep. this year. girls wanted it to be a stay-over. so it shall be... =))))

okayss... then i had to take my brother to take bus back home from nyps.. weird eh.. my parents la.. ever so uptight wif my this little brother.. like last time they ever bother to do such things for me.. (or it's just that i don't remember) then stp bus change route.. so we took a wrong bus.. then took it back.. little memories flash across my mind. but nyps now isn't the one i had studied in anymore anyways.. so even if i'm going back.. there's no memories for me. there're fake giant steps.. yes.. those we used to sit upon & chit-chat & looking at my crush then... ewww.. lol~

weird. weird. weird. i thought of pple like *dawn & *jiren.. & *xuemian.. those i was once close but lose contact wif already..

then i went great world for retail again... brought a top & a skirt.. wahhahaa.. wonder why i always have cash right? thanks to my wonderful dad lor... but retail definitely makes me a happier person.. cos i really duno wat else i could wear in my bursting wardbrobe. lol~ (mainly my sis old clothings/those she dun wanna wear anymore but looks so ever new)

i think i got sick of food. can't seems to get hungry to eat anymore.. yes i still do eat. but only at meal times.. not tempted by ice-cream or cakes or watever... hmMmm.. something's wrong man. i eat on cos my parents urge me to... probably ate too much la..

but that makes me a thinner person isn't it.. =)))

then i went to play badminton.. whahaha.. my brother lost his momentum lor.. i was still the same i guess.. lol~ but out of breath after like 50mins straight... too long never excerise le la.. & my mom was ever so amazing.. =))) still the same posture as though she's in the kitchen cooking something.. lol~

had pizza for dinner.. ate quite little too.. no appetite.

then it was TV again.. hooked onto serial dramas.. lol~

was supposed to club. really. but only me, *benji & *cher.. so we decided not to.. lol~ freaking indecisive dudes huh...

*shiyu: ehhh.. you can tell yr bro abt my story.. lol~ btw his fren cmi also la.. lol~ anyways have fun in yr trip okok!! =))) buy more stuff!!!

there was actually so much going on... but i guess it's just me.

i heard songs on the radio today.. everyone of them was conveying how i was feeling.

damn.

better blog lerx.. if not really too piled up.

but everytime when it's finally my turn to use the com.. i'm always so freaking tired.

*arugh*

let's see..

24th dec..

had steamboat wif my family & some uncles in some new restuarant.. oh man.. so FULL la.. then i got ready to meet *shiyu @ parkway.. but somehow it was raining so heavily & the bus was so bloody slow.. was supposed to shop wif her but in the end there wasn't enough time to.. so i met her @ her house bus-stop instead...

& i was honoured.. to sit in her driven car twice!! just us!!! =)))

then we started baking again!!! heess... did a choco cake & brownie.. *yums* then we watched a korean movie "Crazy In Love"... oh man.. at 1st so stupid.. but the ending was so sad la.. *sigh* almost cried... then i helped to prepare food.. cos *shiyu's having a party @ her house.. actually it's a gathering of her brother's friends.. so we just tagged along.. lol~

anyways.. food that was served to everyone...

there was half a turkey that taste like ham & small pancakes too!!!

the brownie & vanilla ice-cream was for dessert & it was the BEST!!!

we looked as tho we're so ready to sleep rights.. lol~ the cushion was the nicest.. so cuddly!!

then we went to play poker cum countdown to christmas.. lol~ then we exchanged christmas present... i brought chocos & i got myself a deck of waterproof poker cards.. ehhh.. v cool de hor the design.. too bad i never take photo lol~

then we watched some cheena movie & another la.. but i slept after half of it le.. lol~

& oh. in the mist of all these events... *he sms-ed me. well.. just a christmas forward sms. wat more could i seriously asked for? i knew i wanted *him for christmas... but i sincerely say here that i'm actually very surprised & contented. if you're reading this.. *thank you. & i really mean it. & whatever i sms-ed *you.. i meant it as well. really meant it.

anyways.. to digress abit... guess i start to understand of more why.. *he dumped me. or to put it in a better way.. why we broke up. guess time helped me to realise all of that. but... *sigh* i duno however to convey whatever i'm feeling here.. but somehow i just hope for *you to be happy. & i'm always here for *you. if *you ever need someone.. i'm always be here & there for *you.

maybe i'm still in denial. but who can gives a damn. it's my life.

25th dec...

so i left *shiyu's place.. went to Conrad for lunch wif my family... they were quite late so i tried to entertain myself... lol~ then we went Marina Bay (just outside Victor's -sigh-) to fly kite!!! my dad the most pro de.. cos there wasn't much wind... then only he could successful fly a few kites into the sky.. but unfortunately.. we lost the most expensive kite.. =(((~ the 1 which looked like a stingray...

then we went home.. the tong's siblings went to swim... so that i could eat more for the christmas buffet for dinner.. lol~ then my sis was telling me abt relationships.. *sigh* more & more enlightened. i shld say...

& besides.. i came across even more things that i thought i could have.

dinner was great... at Orchard hotel.. it's like some rare occasions that the whole family dress up.. lol~

anyways.. belated merry christmas!!! lol~

i ate quite alot.. i remembered most abt choco strawberry, marsh-mallows & the ribeye steak was so tender!!! lol~

26th Dec..

was supposed to meet up wif my pri-school friends.. but ganna pang seh-ed.. but now they say got a even bigger gathering.. i wonder if *cezheng will de there not. HAHA!!! but i heard these years he's still short. (>.<)

so i went to watch King Kong instead.. wif my brother... then v scary lor.. at 1st the cinema was full house then only our row so EMPTY.. wif the 2 of us onli.. then we sitting at the corner.. beside me the WHOLE ROW was empty.. then i v scared.. lol~ but in the end some pple sat on the same row but still no1 near me except for my brother..

the movie was so SAD. really. but i dun really get why the king kong love the girl so much...but it was really so sad.. at times funny too. damn sad la. then my brother was so sad too. haha. weird little kid.

did a little shopping for presents for *cher & *marcius.. hate shopping for guys man.. always duno wat to get.. so i anyhow decided for.. lol~ i'll give him back double this year.. lol~ & that stupid *marcius said that he'll call still haven.. idiot. still told me to "better pick up" wth la.. wth is he man?!

then we (me & my bro) shared Mac's Rasberry ice-cream & Auntie Anne's sour-cream prestel.. then i thought of the days when *he's always around when i eat ice-cream.. =(((~ then i v sad again.. cos we'll share & Rasberry was our new favourite... then.

then went home.. had dinner.. it was TV, TV, TV, TV. lol~

then i almost cried. i wonder why.

27th dec...

didn't have plans as well.. but after much persuasions... i went out wif *fanghao. dun roll big eyes @ me. yes him. we're just friends la. & anyways i apologised to him le.. after so long. but i guess time really heals sia.

had lunch wif my family 1st then i was early in meeting him & i brought a top.. *yay.. for new year i guess.. keke! i wanna get a belt.. my skirt's getting so loose. lol~ & my hair grew le.. can see those black-colored hair at my parting lerx...

then we kept walking ard town lor.. cos he said he havn't been in town for a v long time.. then we got an aim in the end.. to find job for me.. lol~ damn funny la.. cos we just walk in & like.. "excuse me, we looking for part-time.." then some pple just shoo us away.. some v friendly. i'm already waiting for calls le.. haha. cool eh. don't mind working in town area too.. so near my house.. wao lau.. walk can liaoz.. but i scare i lazy.. (>.<)

& it's so much better out wif him then *hs la.. lol~ & oh. *hs just said that we aren't suitable. i guess he finally gets the point. HAHA. then he keep asking me not to think abt my ex.. like as if i can control myself. =X -sigh- more time ba i guess..

& then.. we saw his (*fanghao) EX. haha. damn funny la.. then i keep teasing him.. but he was brave too.. cos he said it was the 1st time he ever talk to her after their breakup.. then cos that time we're talking abt his past relationships ma.. then suddenly he told me that his ex working there.. then i so shocked.. lol~ but oh wells.. how i wish i could see my ex too..

but then.. after awhile i saw *zixiang.. but not my ex la.. i waved la.. but duno why somehow i feel a little guilty.. but it wasn't me who dumped his gd fren isn't it.. -sigh- duno la.. sucks de.

wanted to watch movie but then SO MANY pple.. zzz...

then in the end after all those job-huntings & walking.. i got blisters lor.. stp shoes lol~

we had dinner @ food republic. finally a place in town that i havn't gone b4.. lol~ nice place... but i eat something so expensive which cose me 8 bucks.. but it was nice la.. some indian food... wif sotong, veggie, large chicken, rice & a piece of chip... then my dessert was fantastic too.. some ice mango wif pomelo.. =)))~

then we walked down the street.. see lightings lor.. then he accompanied me to wait for bus... good also la.. dun expect him to send me all the way home.. like so weird.

anyways. i came to realise... i need good friends now, not any boy-friends-to-be. =))

& i got pang seh-d tomolo again.. but *cher asked me to club!!! duno how to tell my mom lehx... but feel like gg.. lol~ see how ba...

*yay! finally blogged!

it was essay again isn't it....

btw i think i left this out.. *boonpin is a healthy-living person who ask his friends to eat fruits after dinner... haha~

i'm so tired. really.

wanted to blog but.. nah. perhaps tomolo.

don't you just love this photo of mine?

=)

backie... didn't sleep v long also larhx.. (>.<)

shall update abt *4ep's chalet!!! =))) hees.. seriously. i enjoyed myself lots. words can't describe the feeling of feeling so... heart-warming. lol~

ya.. continue from previous entry. so *ber finally called & i took a bus down to bugis wif my auntie (she wanted to shop). was supposed to head down coastal sands but on the way *ber's friend called.. so the end we ended up stopping by at Tampines (god. that place) (& why? becos her friend asked *ber to intro friends to her.. she's working in a job agency.. we both looking for job so we went lor..) & my 1st time being in that CPF buidling & going up to the office. we were feeling so out of place la.. everyone were dressed so formally.. i was dressed for chalet in tee & shorts & flips. haha.

then we filled the forms & everything la.. we had no working experience lol~ & must ask for height & weight de lor.. so paiseh for pple like me. haha~ anyways yepp.. immediately after we left the place.. the person called me to go down for the same interview as *ber's. so dots la.. if they recruit me, i'll be working 8.30am to 6pm?! wthhh.. lol~ but then i turned it down cos i wanted to get my driving licence first b4 heading for full-time job i guess.

then me & *ber got hungry.. went to eat XXL chicken & drink bubble tea.. my old pak tor place.. now is *ber pak tor wif me lerx.. i think *James won't mind.. lol~ then we took a bus down to chalet lor.. took 81 cos *hs told me 81 can go downtown.. near his house. but in the end we dropped at the wrong place also.. Zzz.. must scold that idiot next time if i ever get to see him. i was like half seh-ing cos the bus drove past the road near to *his house. -sigh- guess i can't be at the east area man. my mind will just keep spinning non-stop wif over-flooding memories.

anyways. yep. OH YA. so we finally got to downtown east... *ber was trying to call *quanwei (cos she like him. haha. not wat you're thinking of) & *chee but none picked up. then i called *derrick but then i duno is his no. not.. then some1 finally pick up.. i asked "halo.. *derrick ah?" then the bloody person said "no." then i was like.. "ops. sorry." then the idiot said "i'm not *derrick. i'm *khaiwan." WTH!!! so slapp-able rights?! diao.. stp *ah-bu. so irritating. but then he's really not *derrick.. haha. but he sounded so sickening!!! hmph!

then *ber & me did the DUMBEST THING i ever did this year man. HAHA. damn funny la.. duno why we got the impression that the chalet's at downtown east when we knew it was coastal sands.. so *ber was like.. eh.. i treat you go in chalet for free hor.. (okay entrance fee is $1) then you treat me dinner okok. then i was like.. NOOOooo?! lol~ then we were so amazed by the changing-note-to-coin machine.. lol~ then we happily went in.. then the place flooded wif pple la.. then we were looking for directions.. *ah-bu said that the chalet was s-07.. lol~ why not s-06 or sth.. then we see the sign-boards. EH!!! why only got A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H?!!!! then we so shocked la.. then we duno what to do.. then i went to ask the person there.. then he said "erm..the chalet not here." then we were like DAMN!!!! we paid $2 for 2 invisible chops on our arms!!!! lol~ then we laughed until we wanna die... so paiseh & stp la.. lol~ then we said not to tell anyone.. lol~

then i suddenly remembered the chalet i had last year wif 04s06.... okay THAT was where coastal sands, our chalet was. then i slowly remembered how *he came to find me wif jason.. that time we were still no-status then... then we were by the beach... looking at the stars. *sigh* something that will never happen again anyways.

so we finally reached our chalet. it was 2 storeys... & looks damn small becos almost everyone was in the common area.. playing some soccer game on ps station.. then me & *ber went upstairs to put down our bags.. *khaiwan & *derrick was there then i scolded him... lol~ for being so sickening... then they were playing irritating songs on *ah-bus's ipod.. we played daidee then asshole daidee... lol~ think *boonpin & *yetsiau joined in later.. damn funny la.. *derrick got pissed cos he keep gana-ing being the asshole.. lol~ i only be an ass once... lol~ can you believe it, we played like 4/5hrs just that? haha~

then we went for dinner that wasn't nice.. only those who played asshole daidee except for *yetsiau cos the rest had pizza instead.. then we came back & played mahjong!!! lol~ we all become gamblers like that.. *boonpin insisted on playing cash.. so we did by 10cents for "yi tai".. lol~ i play until i v luan.. but who cares. the end i was the big winner!!! lol~ cos i kept losting at 1st.. but one game i got "wu (5) tais" haha!!! win $6.40 1 shot.. HAHA!!! but we also just play only.. cos we calculate the winnings until v luan.. lol~

then the guys left for a walk.. the girls sneaked up to the bedroom to sleep!!! lol~ 4 of us.. =pPpp dun care the guys... lol~ but then they keep blasting stp songs like the "chicken little" song & gou mei mei.. wao lau... both versions.. Zzzz..

in the morning the guys took over the room then we continue to play mahjong & watch those downloaded movies in *ah-bu's ipod.. then ard noon it was raining quite heavily.. we took 17 down to bedok to have lunch (old pak tor place again =(((~) then on the way the guys were all SO SICK!!! they were thinking of ways how to make you feel painful.. like those sadist in "Saw 2" or sth.. lol~ they still wanna make their own movie.. but somehow it always evolve ard the.. male genitals.. haha~

lunch was great... ate a little of alot things.. lol~ then *boonpin treated me & *ber drinks.. it's so nice lor.. to have a class wif big bunch of guys. seriously. me & *ber were the only girls most of the time.. haha. so the guys are v nice to us.. =)))) & they are damn funny. oh. & that *boonpin pierced one side of his ear. lol~ i shouldn't comment on that.

then we took the same bus back.. they continue on their sicko movie scenes.. lol~ then it was monopoly time!!! was playing wif *ber, *ziyang, *benji & *yuhong.. then we started to bitch abt one another when that *ziyang win SO MUCH $$ & pple start building housed & hotels.. haha! is we let *ziyang win one lor!!! lol~ then *benji went bankcrupt & we decided not to let *ziyang win anymore.. lol~

then it was mahjong again. haha~ the 4 of us played w/o *yuhong.. & somehow we were always waiting for the same tiles to win one lor!! then some1 will always keep the tiles that are rare.. then in the end always no one win.. lol~ play until so sickening de...

then i had to go home for dinner.. cos it was "dong zhi".. yepp.. went home to bathe, had dinner then after awhile my dad sent me back to chalet.. =)))

it was bbq time.. & this gathering was freaking nice becos all the work & planning were done by the guys!!!! 1st time in history lor.. we girls just go there enjoy.. hehe! so nicccccccceeeeeeeeee!!! =))) then we took photos.. (see from link ba.. lazy resize) & the food was delicious!!! potatoes wif soure cream & bacon.......... woah!! =)) but no nuggets eh.. lots of dory fish that taste like prawns.. lol~ then the so-tong was disgusting tho.. lol~ duno wat sauce they put la.. i didn't cook until the end when everyone stopped eating.. cos i went back late ma... then every1 keep feeding me.. we paid $25 for the chalet & bbq lor.. so ex!!! but bo bian.. it was peak season..

drinks. haha! i also duno wat i drinking.. they keep mixing drinks for me to try. vodka wif redbull? sprite? milo? wao lau... but only *benji got drunk.. lol~ he every cup must add vodka lor.. siao one.. then *ah-bu was so red as usual.. & some tasted so disgusting.. lol~

then we tried to clear the food.. corn & sweet potatoes were nice too.. & we had marsh-mallow feast!!! me & *ah-bu see who can make nicer marsh-mallows like last time.. haha~

after that it was mahjong again.. think we play until *shiyu & *ah-bu both upgraded to NOT-noobs liaoz.. lol~ i already wanna sleep lor.. so tired.. but in the end i think slept ard 5am.. cos the whole bunch of us watched shutter together.. damn funny la.. *boonpin & *soonyee were so scared.. then from my angle can see *ber & *chee ganna scared.. lol~ okay la. i also got cover my face a few times.. i admit. then *ah-bu & i were like translating cos the movie's in thai & there wasn't any subtitles.. then for some parts pple just keep giving lame subtitles.. lol~

then they were watching some hokkien thingy.. then i dozed off.. at least *ah-bu gave me a space to lie down to sleep lor.. lol~ i still had to wake up @ 7.30am for my 2nd driving lesson.

& i did managed to wake up & make way to Ubi by cab la.. lol~ then my car was 137. damn it. fine so freaking long again.. & i was so tired. lol~ lucky nth horrible happened la.. & this time was another instructor.. man. i dun even feel like it was a lesson. haha. you know why. he keep tokking to me.. trying to distract me.. at 1st i was really distracted.. but after awhile.. i was just following the roads & turning only lor.. lol~ & i keep talking also.. was half seh-ed le.. & he said i can MAKE IT!!! wahhahahaha!!! he asked me whether i play alot of go cart or sth.. also not alot wats.. then he say i got wisdom. lol~ & cannot praise me de.. if not my head will get bigger.. lol~ but my downfall was the kurbs la.. i duno how much to turn the steering wheel 1 leh.. then i also duno how big must my scope of view be.. he say this kinda thing cannot teach one.. must learn & judge youself.. then okay lor. nth that i could do. lol~

then i went home to seh. =X

finally blog finish!! lol~ i duno i blog for how long ler..

but really. i love *4ep!!! =)))))) lots lots lots.

then i told the close few that i was dumped la.. they were like so shocked. cos all of them thought that i was still happilyin love & attached... then they wanna help me humtam *him..*he is gg in army same day as *derrick.. lol!but i also duno wat time larhx..

nah. don't exactly expect them to do that but i was really touched by them. =)))

cos it's like.. though we're in the same school.. i'm not in seasports.. so i hardly got chance or same topics to talk to them abt. (as in the guys) but during the chalet we could just clicked off so well.. that's something so worth being happy abt.

i hope *4ep wil remain like this forever & ever.

let's have a gathering when the guys are all botak! haha!! so cool!!!!

oh.. & *shiyu just gave me my bday present.. a pouch!! hees.. i'm expecting another 1.. & she gave me & *ber earrings too!!! she made herself.. lol! thank you girl!!

i love *4ep. =)))

yawns. did wat i could.

http://www.imagestation.com/album/?id=2115808082

more to come later. promise.

all i need now is sleep. haha.

i'm blogging becos *ber went for interview... waiting for her call now so that i could set off.. for FUN!!! =)))

but i'm like damn tired la okok!!! ZzzzZz..

guess what. i woke up at 7.30am this morning... so hard to wake up larh.. i'm used to waking at 12pm or sth.. haha~

yeP. had my 1st driving lesson today.. i was like so blur la.. duno where to go or wat to do.. Zzzz.. lucky there are alot nice pple there at the centre to guide me along.. i couldn't find my car!!! damn! lol~ mine was 140 today.. then i finally saw my car.. my nice instructor *anthony said: i saw you walking by a few times le.. =X so pai seh.. lol~

it was fun experience i guess... i didn't even prepare ANYTHING. lol! i just went for fun like that.. & i'm not taking my BTT until next week.. MUST PASS!! cos no time to waste le!!! then he was really nice larh.. i thought all the instructors all very fierce de.. but no leh.. they were all v nice to me.. (at least those i met today)... hees.. then i DROVE for the 1st time in my life!!!! =))) cool man.. but i was kinda shocked that i could drive for the 1st lesson.. hey.. i'm NOT such a DUMBO okkk... ZzZz.. my family always say until i'm so lousy & directionless.. I'M NOT!!! *whines*... i'll proof them wrong!!! wHahahahah!!! i'll pass at 1 GO!!! =pPPPpppp try la try la.

but i think i kinda did ok-ay today. =))) just panicked once and anyhow turned the steering wheel then *anthony laughed at me. =(((~ then my method of steering also weird weird de.. must be my mom's bad influence... so i just kept turning & accelerating & braking & using only my right leg... i'm kinda tempted to step very HARD la.. but cannot.. haha~ then *anthony purposely braked hard la.. wth.. make me fly off.. =S i say until he's my friend like that.. lol~ but it was fun i think!!!! cos i havn't get scolded ma.. lol~~

then i went home myself lor.. weird eh. i always anyhow take a bus at that bus stop opp comfort driving centre & somehow i'll always end up in front of kemangan mrt station.. lol~

oh. my mom was complaining abt my sister again. oh no. she say until she's like gonna throw her out of the house like that.. say she's a bad influence to me.. *sigh* i dunno wat to do lor.. there's no way i could like tell my sister abt it isn't it... just pray hard that things will not get so bad... but my jie hor.. i also duno wat to say abt her la.. she assumed that we're unaware of that 3rd party of hers.. but actually the whole family know lor.. but no1 questioned her lor.. hai.. duno la.. why must i always be in the middle?? =X & my stupid brother don't understand anything at all..

oh yarh.. new blogskin!!! guess what. i did it in 15mins.. fastest ever skin of mine.. cos i wanted to change the photo in my old blogskin.. cos.. got *his face ma.. then later some girls see le jiu bu hao... then i change the wrong one!!! then Zzz lor.. must as well change the whole thing.. since *ber says it's best to change.. lol~ i even did this b4 new year lor.. haha~ but i'm kinda unsatisfied neh... see how lah.. come back then change. =))

wat a happy entry.. lol~ cos now i'm feeling fine ma... =p

you know sth.. i always thought i was very free next week & the week after.. but when that week approaches.. i'm always kinda fully occupied!!! loL~ no kidding!! damn hilarious la.. duno why like that also.. lol~ but at least got something to do.. while waiting for my job. must wait for *lili to sms me to tell me lor.. she's helping me to arrange... duno will take how long also..

& why is that *ber taking so long.. lol~ bored.

yep. shld sign off b4 sounding sad again.

don't worry. i'm fine.

for now. =))))

well, well, well.

i saw wat i ought to see.

but jealousy is not the 1st thing in my mind.

expected it all i guess.

but *he's looking great. =)) just that the girl beside *him wasn't me anymore.

weird. i think he put on some weight.

*he's obviously better off w/o me being his burden.

today i was pang seh-ed. so i'm at home.. lol~ nah it's okay. then i dun feel like being light bulb
too.

yest, my 2nd date went fine. it was me who was always out in my own world.

i find it weird. but i can't look *hs into his eyes.. later ganna electrocuted hows? lol~ nah. it was me. i knew it. how i was never ever ready for things like this. but i tried. really. but i guess we're just boring pple and i couldn't... just couldn't give in to him. i guess he knew it ba. but anyways he seems nice enough.. but far ba. duno... can't be bothered. but it's always good to have someone around isn't it??? but i guess he's not that around. haha~ he also gg NS soon le.. he didn't prompt the question again... just hint lor. but like i said. i just couldn't....

anyways. don't watch "The Promise". i think the show is gay & lame. lol~ but the scenery were fantastic.. if you like sceneries.. then catch it. lol~

yep. & my mom brought me to be like a tai-tai. for free. *yays


did french wif flower stick-ons wif crystals..


and pendi.

see how bored i could get at home.. haha~

but i really loved my nails.. yest i asked him to open my can of coke light cos i dun wanna spoil my nails.. damn pampered la. haha.

it was also the 1st time back at tampines after so long. weird eh. memories just flooded back cos that ass was late. & it was so crowded. as usual. memories. memories. memories. *sigh* i was actually all the way out. perhaps we were fated to meet. but obviously fate is not by my side..

& the stp *marcius wake me up.. & scolded me cos i didn't want to meet him. wth la. i'm not free wats. then he shot me back by saying some stuff regarding *kevin. whatever lor.. all he knows is *kevin. like he really know wat happened btw us. -bleah- idiot. i still must shop for him cos he said he brought sth nice for me. since when it's not a pig.

but guys ard me all asking for present from korea. haha~ which i didn't buy any. i can't be bothered too either. i dun have a boyfriend to shop for anymore wats.

and my mom was so horrible. last time i made a scarf for her.. same as the 1 i did for *kevin when he just left for US. then she let me wore it for the 1st time in korea. lol~ it looks as though i made another 1 for myself like that.. but dun care. it was warm & nice. cos i DID it. think that idiot got use in US ma.. he showed me once on webcam. lol~ still remember that time i was so bloody free during SARS period.

and he's now in Canada i think.. too bad he's not stopping by in Sing. if not can kill some time for me. lol~ my sister keep saying that things will be so different when i see *kevin in person. haha~ i doubt it lor.. my sis & her stupid nonsense.

anyways. i haven seen him almost 2 years le..

ya ya. korea. damn. i'm so lazy.. lol~

i took alot flights that whole week.. & could online for awhile becos they have free internet access inside the airport.. it was freezing but kinda got used to it.. just that my face couldn't take it & i kept peeling.. so fugily.

then the best day was at jeju.. cos it was snowing!!! =))) 1st time i see snow in my whole life. but when they smack you in the face. it's painful..

& i looked so bloated & fat becos i was wearing like 4 layers of clothings.. my mom scared that i would feel cold. but hey. my nose was the best amongst my siblings okok! i didn't sneeze alot.. didn't use any medication too.. *yay* my nose is better ler.. =pPp so *ber can hopefully can stop suffering after 2 long years. haha.

okay. this blog is DAMN random. who cares.

then i went skiiing for awhile.. but it was boring cos it was sooOooo.. gentle. and the shoes were so uncomfortable.

& my mom just reminded me of my 1st driving lesson tomolo. i still haven pass my BTT lor. sian. hope i wouldn't flunk it. things that shouldn't be remembered are always there in yr head. but things that you should remember, always dun stay inside. wth. it's so irritating.

yep yep. korea. photo's on friendster la. i lazy resize to put here. hees.

hmmm.. then i ate alot of steamboat until it got's so sick & boring. i ate alot ALOT of cabbage. & we brought lots of food stuff back.. like korean maggie, chocos, sweets, biscuits, seaweed. yep.

i duno i got put on weight nots. but i think i lost a little cos i could wear a shorts in comfort the other day. haha. i'm ought to lose isn't it.

we didn't have enough time at the theme parks.. & it was so irritating. cos korean's don't know english. it's so difficult to communicate with them.

& we didn't have enough time to shop.. & it's all winter clothings. i only brought a few.. cos i'll be in Hong Kong in coming Chinese New Year.. yep. Disneyland!!! here i come.

but i thought i would be going there wif *him.

places in Singapore also changed within the week i went Korea le.. the St Andrew's Church in City Hall is almost done. i was shocked last night when i was going home lol~ Tampines & CS also have changes..

& people change too. arugh.

i just hate changes.

but nevertheless.. i changed too.

i guess this entry is enough of my random nonsense. =X

but i really missed *him alot.

when then will i be set free?

i'll be looking forward to that day.

cos there isn't anything that i could do now.

even if i wanted to.

i dun have the guts to.

i'm being so paranoid.

seriously.

well, back home. in Singapore. which got my mind spinning again.

can't help it. i just keep thinking & thinking. like for a week's worth like that.

*sigh*

somehow i made myself knew that *he wasn't really that happy. which got me thinking again. is *he upset over us?? damn. i know i shouldn't be thinking this way.

i actually wanted to tell *him something tonight. but i'd decided to back out once again.

i even thought of wat to tell *him.

it's nothing great. i'm not trying to make *him come back or watever. though i wished i could.

i know i'm being stupid.

but *he somehow got over it. & i'm glad.

becos *he's glad too.

someone that i ever did sense her presence. but nevertheless.

perhaps *he did really get a new girl. someone perhaps i knew, but not closed to.

letting go is never easy. i know, i know.

3 long years and i havn't learnt my lesson.

at all.

i hope we could still be friends. could we?

i don't know. it seems so far.

i wish *him the best. though i couldn't be the one by *his side anymore.

*sigh*

okok. time to digress.

today, i spent the whole day basically glued to the tv.

yep. & oh. i didn't scare *hs away. he asked me out tomolo.

actually was kinda happy that he still remembered me. lol~ cos i told him to look for another girl. since i'll be away for 1 whole week. & he say until he so miss me like that. oh well. how i wish i could reprocate. but... friends will be it. for now. i seriously don't wanna get involve anymore. well, besides someone of cos.

damn it. i know i'll get scoldings. but forgive me. just this once again.

i guess i always make my friends helpless abt me.

as my blog webbie. i'm really DAMN hopeless.

ain't I?

hmm.. still not sure whether should meet him tomolo nots. cos my mom's bringing me for manicure... lol~ i became so qiao man.. seriously. but *ber said it was normal. =)))

Christmas is just this Sun.. i cann't believe it. the year is ending again. so soon.. & i'm still jobless. but not out of cash. YET. lol~ & i'm actually quite packed again this whole week. i still thought that i was so bloody free. but after a few hrs back from korea, i realised i wasn't anymore. haha. perhaps it's better this way too. it's kinda like medicine.. that will numb you. that will make you forget about things for awhile. before they re-surface again.

& it'll soon be a month since the...

yep. yep. maybe i should blog abt my korea trip!!!

actually, there's really too much to blog abt it.. 1 week's entry leh.. will kill me man. lol~ let's post some interesting things 1st. haha!

look at this..


yes. it's maple story chewing gum. so kawaii rights? 2 bad. i couldn't buy back. cos it's illegal.


look at my keyboard. it ate wonka's newly invently chewing gum. it turned blue. (okay violet)

and twins is really dis-banding.. *sigh* we used to love their songs. even they are splitting up. gosh. wat's wrong with this world man. & people are breaking, breaking & breaking up. can't stand it. relationships are really meant to be broken de. i guess this theory definitely stands.

but of cos. there are still many relationships of others going on very, super fine. guess i'm just one of the many unlucky ones.

lalala.. okay. i'm tired.

*woots*

i'm still in Korea now.. =)

but i'll soon be on the plane back to Singapore at 4.15pm.. (Korea's time is 1hour faster then Sing's)

actually i'm kinda sad to leave this virtual world.

now i finally understand why pple love holidays...

cos you'll tend to forget all your troubles...

but i do admit i still think a little now & then.. =X

when i promised not to...

but anyways...

i'm back wif a cracked face.

& literally CRACKED.

i shall stay at home to meditate for a few days b4 meeting my ever dearest friends i guess. =p

my face hurts like hell.

& Singapore will become so H.O.T for me.

anyways this entry is quite random. =)))

shall update abt my trip soon.. since i havn't have any plans after this trip.

yet.

HAHA!

perhaps the only thing i look forward to is to meet *cher.

cos she'll be back from aussie!!!

& erm.. i didn't buy back alot of stuff..

so forgive me okok. (>.<)

firstly, i had not much time to shop.

secondly, there's nothing much i could buy.

thirdly, i'm so BROKE.

even my mom's out of won. (Korea $$)

did anyone besides *stef missed me? =))))))

i hope *you did.

cos i made a silly wish in front of the buddha the other day.


well... =S

nah. hehe.

i hope my friends all missed me!!! alot alot alot. (>.<)

okay. shld be off..

time to catch the planeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

can watch 2 movies! haha~

ciao~

life's cruel. yet amazing..

the other day *kevin scolded me cos we didn't club wif him last year. i don't even remember that he was back last christmas!!! probably cos he didn't contact me or sth barh...

then today he sent me a smile on friendster.. woah! lol~

if it was like 2 years ago.. i'll be jumping wif joy. beaming wif happiness. wat have you.

alas.

but i'm glad we're still friends after all that had happened btw us..

i guess it's the feelings, that's right.

& the stupid coffee effect is gone. thank god.

but i miss *him terribly this morning.

why on earth am i so dumb?!

i thought of telling *him my feelings.

bah.

but obviously i stopped myself from doing so.

anyways.. haha! just felt like blogging.

& yah! *stef!!! i wanted to tell you!!! i saw your FRIEND'S testimonial for you!!! HAHA!!! *ber!!! go see kays!!! wahahahhahaha~ -evil-

okays.. i'm really leaving this time.

maybe for good.

last entry before i'm leaving...

happy things 1st!! always! =)

today i had my most wonderful sleep.. okay.. i was waken by pple walking in & out of my room... sms and what have you.. my dad woke me up today!! he whistled into my room. haha! so cute!! 1st time lehxx..

okay. i just realised i'm like DAMN tired. anyways... i'll finish this b4 i'm off barh.. 1 week no entry hor.. dun need keep coming back. =p i know you guys will miss me de rights?

then as usual.. my sis didn't have lunch wif us.. Zzz.. & my auntie came over yest.. she's gg korea wif us tomolo.. everyone's gg except for my dad.. yep.

i suddenly can't think. must be the stupid coffee i drank today.

okay.. so i had lunch.. & my mom asked me whether i'm coming back for dinner.. my dad & my auntie was like.. "dun come back la".. wth lor?! they like chase me out of the house like that.. FINE!!! in the end i ate nice nice food also!! finally!! hAas!! later then say! =pPPp

then my mom sent me to city hall.. i was on time.. was supposed to meet *ru, *peiyu, *peizhen, *jiasheng & *ter there.. we're gonna slack at tcc.. thens wao lau.. i dated wif the 2 guys for 2hrs can?! the rest of the girls were late for 2 hrs... cos they went to find job b4 that... i was so lucky rights?! 2 guys!!! to myself!!! lol~ nah... my classmates neh!!! but they're nice la.. haha!

then i stared at the menu wif *ter until soOOOO long.. i was so undecisive abt wat to drink.. lol~ in the end i chose Mon Cheri.. becos the pink attracted me i guess.... HAHA! (>.<) forever..

then *ter drank some super bitter coffee.. & my damn coffee gave me a super horrible headache.. i think i can't take coffee.. seriously. last time i love starbucks Rhumba & i always got headaches.. so i concluded that i can't have coffee... =(((~ but i kinda like it just that it's bitter...

then we chatted until 6... leaving the 3 late girls behind cos i got other plans & the guys too.. i was meeting my hibiscus patrol for bak chor mee!!!! whahahahhaha!!!! at Feng shan market.. oh man!!! FINALLY LOR... last time i always wanted to go wif my ex.. then we always too lazy.. but i really wanted to go so much larh.. but oh wells.. i got to go wif my friends la... yeppp..

then we like glutton larh.. oh btw.. my hibiscus patrol was me, *ber & *stef... lol~ we ordered 2 bak chor mee, 1 orh lua, 3 chicken wings & sugar cane drinks wif lemon, 1 sambal so-tong & 10 sticks of chicken satay.. HaAs!!! damn shiok... then all of us left the place wif soring throats.. dun ask me why lol~

then we ate till so full.. we went siglap's cartel to talk somemore.. the environment there better.. somemore can slack on sofa.. hees!!! then the funny thing is.. we find that talking abt pple's past & present relationships history was so interesting... lol~ kinda seh-ed a little but was fine larhx...

&... *he asked me to meet him to get back my bowling ball today.. & i didn't meet *him larhx.. when he 1st msged me online yest... my heart was pumping like mad larh.. i can feel it in me.. but i knew all along wat *he'll say larh... *he just wanna get rid of my stuff from *his house.. but i wasn't free.. so i told him so... i was supposed to go sentosa wif my class today.. but was cancelled.... yePpp..

but anyways.. i made the right decision of not meeting *him yet i guess... cos...

i'm still not ever ready.

then like that lor... i was thinking alot these 2 days larh.. *sigh*.. but the idea of "over" is all in my mind larh.. yep.. i seriously need alot more time than 2/3 weeks.

but it was so disappointing... that *he didn't want to work it out wif *me anymore... it's not *his fault or mine i guess.. things just happen to be so.

i guess the coffee is making me so sick & cranky. arugh. i hate coffee now.

haiya. so much to say. but it's all within me i guess...

& i wanna thank all my friends who stood by me all this while.. =)))

you guys know who you are.

i can't blog le la.. i'm feel so sick now. arugh...

i HATE coffee!!!!

to those who knew *yeewan from GM & TPJ.. well.. you'll get a classic of her in this blog entry. haha! (>.<)

well.. okay guess you guys must take a little time to scan thro my entry.. or you can just scroll down la. lol~

anyways.. today i met *hs. well okay.. he's kinda like the first new guy that came across my life after my broke up... well.. i'm waiting for my conference call tonight wif *ber & *stef.. oh man.. i think i'm gonna die. haha! but there's nothing much for them to kpo too larh.. i should have made *stef had an itchy heart the whole day.. when she blade & eat or whatever.. lol. yEp.. so we met.. he's short! lol~ (okay la.. he's just tiny weeny abit taller than me, but he's still short!) haha! i keep saying he's short for the rest of the date! lol~ he's so like wanting to kill me larh! Zzzz.. i already wear flats lor.. my mom wanted me to wear heels.. zzZz.. she say looks nicer wif my outfit. lol~ i was just wearing black larh.. yeP. then we.. er.. played pool.. haha~ which i suck at.. he's just ABIT better than me... lol~

then we went to watch "Perhaps Love" lor.. *lomantic hor *stef?! but i kinda like the show ehhh... it's kinda like a musical.. but in a form of movie.. kinda cool!! i like the idea!!! then *jacky cheung can sing like hell larh!!! must be all his practices wif the snow lake musicals or whatever larh.. lol!

& it's a very cheem love story.. *sigh*.. why pple who are in love with one another can NEVER be together forever?! i just don't understand this cruel world. okay.. maybe my ex doesn't love me anymore.. but i'll it so amazing if *he can just forget me & hang out wif another girl w/o any scars or whatever. -sigh- but i guess i'm just NOT *him... he has already moved on so much.. so much..

& it kinda sucked that i missed *him so much today. =(~

then after movie we walk walk abit... then he sent me home lor.. he's short! lol!

ok.. classic's coming.

yest was so FUN!!! & tiring too!!!

early in the morning my mom went crazy.. she forced me to wake up & help her do stuff.. then she keep scolding me.. how mean! then i told *peiyu & *ru i'll meet them later.. then my family just left me alone at home.. wth larh!! so pissed!! then FINE!! i go have lunch wif my dear friends! hmph!!!

we went take to eat Mos.. wanted to eat Pepper Lunch de.. cos never eat b4.. but becos *peiyu dun wan then never lorx.. see we so good!! we're out becos we had to shop for her DND dress & all other acessories okays!!! then we shopped until we so tired.. from heeren shop all the way to far east.. then we went back to heeren again.. so tired lor!!! then we had enough time to get to her house for class bbq!!! =)

it's was fun!!! we went compass point to buy all our stuff b4 gg to *peiyu's house. my 2nd trip on LRT! lol~ but *peizhen, *silvia, *yon & *muxuan never come... the *muxuan v bad lor.. say free de then come.. wth larh.. where got such thing de?! then the rest of us bbq lor.. i start the fire wif *terrence & *ru.. *ter so cute larh.. keep lighting fire starters.. cos he never start fire b4.. lol! chao comical..

then i'm still the so-tonger i guess.. lol! but it's super nice okok!! just that got once chao-tar duno why.. (>.<) like that lor.. ok larh.. photos!!! =) (PS. i duno why the photos all so sucky de neh.. zZzz.. only those wif black background de.. i currently using photobucket to post..) (go my friendster see barh.. i'm gonna put it there. HAHA. =p)


we had this...

okay! here's the classic! i duno you guys are see not.. cos v small.. =p

(but *yeewan's face is DAMN red.. i can send it to you for free. lol!)



all of us!! =)))

then after bbq.. we went *peiyu's house for choco session!! cos *terrence promised us choco when he return my Switzerland marh.. he brought 10kg of them larh!! can you believe it?! but we only shared 5kg & it's really ALOT lor... lol~ thank you *ter!! =)))

my choco!!! =)))) haven eaten any tho...


after that i went home with the *shiling, *ru, *chiachin & *yeewan.. then *ter was so sickening larhx.. mass send us "don't vomit all the choco or sth".. then we mass send him back.. damn funny larhx.. cos *ru was like :quick!! you leaving le!! (i was the 1st to exit the train) then in the end i'm still like 2,3 stops away from my destination larh.. lol! we mass sent "whatever." then *ter sent sth back again then we mass send again.. then he accused me the mastermind!!! i'm NOT okay!!! *innocent*

then on Tues.. i went *ber's house!!! to bake!!! went novena to meet her & *stef.. gosh.. memories flooded back.. =X the other time i still remembered.. when my dad had operation.. & my sis left for hongkong & my mom was so pissed.. & i didn't know wat to do. *he was there for me.. i was sobbing & *he was there to cheer me up & pretend to say that *he was late.. what on earth man. i'm still so much in denial. damn it.

anyways.. met them at the supermarket.. they say i look like orang utan!!!! wth!!! i love my new hair okok!!!! everyone says it's nice okok!!! except for my stupid sister!!! i detest her now.. i don't even want to talk to her anymore.. someday she'll just piss everyone off in the house man.. sucky attitude! *growls*

then we brought our stuff then walked to her house lor.. we're all in an almond mood.. we made so many almond related cookies.. lol!


these are a few of the cookies we drew.. one & only okays!!! (>.<)

strawberry muffins, & 2 diff types of almond cookies!


can tell it's a christmas tree right?! decorated by *ber...


and by the same person.. lol!.. (PS. notice the 2 lums of WHITE HAHA) (it's supposed to be a gingerbread woman)


i didn't murder it.. lol~

had lots of fun larhx.. hees.. but the recipe book was so deceiving!!! lol~ the cookies are soft & very sweet.. but i love the colouring session!! so fun!! & the cookies are all so pretty!!! & we had dinner at *ber's house.. i kinda like the soup.. lol!

and very randomly.. i think i'm so NOT ready for any new relationships yet. it's just my stupidity. of course. but the idea of patching did come across my mind. oh man. i'm so out of my mind. *he's already happily wif some other... & i'm still standing at the door.

damn.

*you let me detest myself.

jus dyed my hair.. =)

so black lah!!! hAas. wait till you guys see it... it costs $120 bucks. lol~ okay lah.. i only paid $20.. keke! cos my dad sponsored the rest la.. duh.

maybe a pic.. i took it on my way home.. i think i look dumb in this: (but i find it kinda cute haha)



today i'm staying at home lor.. if not my mom will keep nagging at me le.. =X

hmMm.. sat i went to *cey's class chalet.. we kinda just pak tor in the afternoon cos there's only 2 of us lol.. we watched TV, bladed & kayak!!! hEes... so fun!!! we 1st excerise legs than our arms.. lol~ then i knew a few of her class guys.. okay larh.. at least they're still quite friendly.. hees.. then me & *cey dolled ourseleves at the chalet toilet & we left for clubbing!!! woots! 1st time we're early lor.. haha~ then duno why only *weiliang came.. then he just left also.. duno wat he doing la.. lol~ then we walked to DXO.. in heels!!! oh in da afternoon i had my retail therapy again.. haha~ brought some make-up, a silver bag &.. my white butterfly heels!! whhaaha..

yep.. i was feeling so down at DXO la.. & we drank this: bottom's up!!!




all of us.. from left: *lettie, *jas,*cey,*me,*stef,*michelle and *gum.

then i was feeling so low la.. cos DXO's kinda a diff club.. everyone's just slacking around & there's no 1 dancing.. but the environment was super nice.. the stage was filled wif butterflies!!! lol~ 2 bad i don't dare to flash photos then.. then i cried. but no1 saw it la.. i was so scared that i will spoil my make-up la.. lol~


me & my dear *cey!!! =)))

then we took 36A down to Chinablack!!! got this cute guy sell tix to us $14 each.. woah.. we brought cos he's cute HAHA. then the woman that let us all in finally was so bitchy.. zzZz.. girls.. remember to bring yr ICs while gg to club alrights.. lol~

then we went in.. it was smoky & all.. it was kinda boring at 1st.. cos we didn't dance.. but every1 started to get v high when we finally managed to squeeze thro the crowd & to the dance floor!!! lol~

the music was kinda great i must say.. but *darren's says Zouks much better.. maybe must experience more lor.. hees! i know *cher can bring me go.. haha~ but then my mom sure nag de lor.. my hair now so punk la.. ahaha. okay no link. whatever. (>.<)

then.. we clubbed til ard 3am? oh the bar tender was super kb.. Zzzz.. i hate him. i don't even bother to say thanks to him!!! sickening piece of sh*t!!! my feet were so sore la.. trying to balance & dance & shake in heels?! 1st time lor.. haha~ nvm larh.. i guess there's much more to come. =)))

then i was almost dead on the cab back to the chalet.. was sehing... then went back to chalet.. bathed.. played asshole dai dee with some of those guys that were staying over.. then the girls slept on better beds lol~

then the next time they left ard 12pm? me & *cey then go have lunch at parkway.. accompanied her to buy present for her *jj then we both went home lerx... i reached home ard 3.30pm.. then we bitched together becos of some *toot*.. who looks so much like a demon. haha!

went to have dinner at taka wif my family lor.. then at night.. was the previous entry la.. lol. yep.

i guess it's true ba. & oh! i talked to *peiyu until 5.30am this morning!!! haha~ sorry girl if you look like panda today alrights? i really needed some1 to be there then la.. i couldn't sleep at all.. but really thank you yarhs? =))) really need that company.

& woah. suddenly like all the guys come talk to me larh.. haha.. shocked. but really.. thank you for being there la.. at least i can whine to some1 when my gf's are not around.. lol~.

& ya. expected the unexpected.

*fanghao contacted me. lol~

& *kevin's coming up wif some business wif his frens... hope he can succeed in his new project. but suddenly i'd realised.. i dun really know wat to talk to him abt. haha~ oh well. cos he's like suddenly so serious?! lol~ so unlike him lor. well.. *cher. i won't fly to boston. =) he got no time for me. HAHA.

& also got this *guy wanna erm.. go stead with me. HAHA.

but i guess he's just crapping la..

anyways.. i'm trying to put on a brave front still..

i'll get it back. definitely. you shot me. i'm giving you back. DOUBLE.

trust me.

haha. or maybe i dun even have the chance.

we shall see.

bastard. *drops died*

haha!

u know what. i suddenly just got it all figured out i guess.

you guys are definitely right man.

i tried so hard not to believe in it.

but i guess it was true.

fuck.

i totally cannot take this.

i feel all sorts of emotions... agitated, anger, whatever.

i'm not gonna spelt it out. i hate you.

bastard.

i was so suprised.

seriously.

why in the end is was some other but never *you who'll turn back to me?

& let bygones be gone?

*sigh*

the whole incident (though just sth small) is making me so depressed.

damn.

i thought i had gotten over it. but somehow, it starts settling in me once again...

okay.. let's talk abt happy stuff 1st? shall we? =)

*ahem* yest BBQ i think it was a SUCCESS!!! thank god!!! & i did most of the planning... hEes.. only *ru & *bear couldn't make it.... & i was late!!! lol~ guess i couldn't quite estimate the 32 ride anymore.. i spent like 1 hr on the bus?! oh man.. ZZzz.. & oh!! my bus & mrt rides like start on adult fare le!!! wth!!! ZzZzzz... but i haven confirm. lol~

anyways.. yest.. *jiyang & *houston were so sickening... they sat at starbucks & watch the guides walking by w/o calling them.. so mean lor!!!! lol~ lucky *cey told me they were there.. haha~ so i wasn't that kuku.. & i chiong all the way from roxy square larhx.. all the lactic acid stay within my legs.. lol~ ouch.

then we had me, *jas, *lixin (sooOOOoo long never see her le), *jiyang, *houston, *lettie, *cey and her *jj..we went to buy food.. in the end each person paid ard $12.. hEes.. after that *weiliang, *keatming (the VCD seller with kim mo), *gum, *michelle, *ber & *stef came... we really have lots of fun crapping la.. lol~ i was the.. prawner i think.. & the so-tonger.. lol~ cos i managed that 2 food... then waterboy transformed into waterMAN le.. Whahahaha~ chao funny larhx.. & that *jason ( oh i 4got to mention him) wear until like some working adult la.. so chao lao!!! lol~ all of us really grow up le sia.. how time flies man.. we know each other 6 years le.. though we aren't really close at first.. but we can still have so much fun together no matter how time tries to pull us apart.

oh!! & we bought alcohols also!!! hahaa~ i suggested to purchase the Corona.. cos.. some1 said it was nice & i never had the chance to try in... in the end i think it's the nicest of all the other 3 we bought. OH MY GOD LA... the Long Island Tea sucks!!! lol~ the rest taste like medicine also... haha~ the green apple tastes like.. green apple.. =p but still sucky. haha! then in the end i drank quite alot of corona.. lol~ then i feel so H.O.T!!! then the *kimberly aka *ber was so sickening.. she really think she's so hot as though she was on fire.. haha!! ZZzzz.. i was thinking i so lan arh.. can only take so little alcohol.. cos i felt that i was burning.. but they said it was normal.. lol~ maybe i'm really too inexperienced in drinking liaoz.. lol~ should explore tomolo man!!! =)))) we're gg DXO i think.. hahaha~ dun even know where the hell larhx.. (>.<)

then we played zhong ji mi ma to finish that bottle of disgusting Long Island Tea.. then i ganna once... had to drink 5 mouths.. eeks lah!!! (>.<) i rather drink Corona.. & i think i drank too much.. lol.. but obviously i'm not drunk!!!

then after awhile we went home le lor.. had a lift to bedok mrt from *stef's mom.. she & her mom is still as whiny & funny as ever.... & her mom can NEVER pronounce my name as *ching but *chin. lol~ like how many years le still like that.. but at least she remembered me! =) then i went home myself lor.. wait the stp bus so long... when i reached home i was shocked that *peiyu wasn't playing maple.. *ru too.. then i called *peiyu & we talked for like almost an hour.. cos i didn't know wat to wear the day after to take my testimonial rememeber...

& i must say this: thank you *stef. really. you should know why. well.. more on that later. =)

so.. TODAY! well.. last night i couldn't even sleep.. perhaps i was anticipating sth.. but i felt the GREATEST this morning.. it bet's me why too.. maybe the talk wif *stef ba...i thought i was getting better until night falls again... well.. i told my mom that me & *him are through.. thank god she didn't ask much.. i love my *mom!!! perhaps it wasn't THAT difficult after all was it. oh well.. just a barrier in the heart i guess.

then i reach school & took my testimonial ard 8.50am.. had to wait for my friends till 9.30am cos we actually were to meet them.. but almost every1 was late.. lol~ then i talk to *ber lor.. lucky i wasn't alone then..

(okay by the time i type till here.. i just wanna say this.. tp is COCK-EYE.)

then me, *ru, *zhen, *yu, *yeewan, *chiachin & *jiasheng went tm to watch Zathura.. nice show... lol~ the elder brother was so HANDSOME!!!!!! lol~ he got gorgeous eyes!!! lol~

after that we had lunch @ foodcourt.. then we went town to shop.. onli left me, *ru, *zhen & *yu le.. we like walked almost the whole of orchard la.. lol~~ i seriously need some retail therapy sia.. i brought a freaking expensive pair of earrings which cost me $16 bucks.. but i simply LOVE IT! it's NOT PINK!!! lol~ hahahaha.... it's blue though. then i brought a handbag & 2 tank-tops... yepPpp...

had dine @ cine pastamania.. lucky got place.. cos we v tired le.. lol~ then i got home un-drenched.. thank god.. it was raining so heavily larh... (after i got home)

yArh. & here i'm at home lor...

actually i wanted to say sth.. but then now hor.. i duno i'm still ready enough to say this.

but if *you're reading...

*sigh* i thought maybe i could end it for myself by today.. cos awhile more it'll be 3rd... but i guess i'm still not ready.

i did felt *your presence today. thank you whatever that made me not that disappointed. but i wasn't really hoping for anything. seriously. at that moment, i was too afraid to do anything else. i wanted that moment to be longer... but i'm too afraid to be noticed.

but whatever the case... perhaps i sounded too mean in the previous entry. *stef had gone thru much more than i have.. & i guess she really talked some sense into me.. not like the others i have talked to.. didn't.. but somehow.. *stef's was like the most real &... perhaps it's all because she had gone thru the same sh*t as i did...

i guess *he still cared after all.. or maybe i WAS in denial. but *you can tell me that i'm wrong. seriously. STRAIGHT INTO MY FACE. I WON'T FUCK CARE. & it was the change. too drastic. until it's over & gone. it's the personality. & not the events that had actually happened. & it's pointless to pin-point who's wrong now. but all the while, i thought it was me.

I don't know what's the point of being emotional & all.. *cey. i know you trully cared. but i can't promise you to how soon i'll recover. & i almost cried while singing ^ben lai^ by tong en the other day @ k-box la.. oh man.. guess the lyrics was too..

yep.. maybe i'll just let myself to over-pour this time..

hope *you're really having fun now. i guess it really doesn't make a diff even if we don't crossroads anymore. but i want *you to know. that i'm still loving *you. maybe it has become kinda one-sided.. but i'll defintely remember *you. i wasn't that over to say any thank yous to *you yet... & remaining silent i guess it's just a way for me to avoid. & besides, what's more is there i can do?

i always tell myself. *you made the right decision. perhaps it was mean to me.. but it's what *you wanted. i'm giving *you this freedom. i'm not saying i'm however great... but just giving *you what *you wanted.

arugh. it's time like this i seriously hate myself. but it's always better to get things off me.

i'm still not up to the point that i can say that i'm letting *you go. but i'll try. i guess that's what *you wanted to.

i want *you to take care like just how much *you told me to. even if it pains me as i couldn't do anything more besides saying crap like this.

i'm strong. i'm not. i'm. i'm not.

i'm so torn btw this 2 statements.. i'm freaking tired.

perhaps i'd really gone crazy. sometimes i could just be so fine & all & suddenly.. i'm so messed up again.

maybe i shldn't blah anymore.

i just want to end up with this.

happy anniversary to *me.

back from guides camp.. more of a chalet in school man.. lol~ but it'll be our last stay in chung cheng i guess...

& i slept the most for the whole of yest le... guess my lack of sleep has accumulated even from before the camp.. me & *cey already bth by ard 1am last night.. lol~ which is like.. kinda amazing.. cos we could not sleep until like 4++am?

well.. later leaving for guides & scouts bbq le..hope that it will be fun since it has been a very long time since the last gathering.. but *bear couldn't go cos he got class chalet. guess i won't be meeting up wif him also le.. cos he going NS soon..

well.. regarding the chalet.. lol~ it was kinda boring at times cos we didn't know what to do.. but we did have a nice time catching up wif one another.. & i guess all of us had grown out of that stage when we're all so crazy & noisy.. we talk abt serious issues we never really mentioned like in the past.. everyone is so caught up in life.. (well, maybe except me) blah blah blah... & we shall be going clubbing on sat night.. hees! at least i got myself a date on 3rd.. erm.. that day of the month will no longer be special anymore.. & how cliche.. it's supposed to be my anniversary. *sigh* something i was ever so looking forward to... but it wouldn't happen anymore.

or perhaps i might get a glance of him on fri.. when we'll all be in school taking our testimonials.. but i guess he'll just try his best to avoid me barh.. & besides.. maybe i wouldn't be so fortunate to even spot him from afar.. happily together with his beloved friends. oh well..

the feelings just don't subside isn't it. or perhaps it's just one week or 2's not enough. or it's just me. ask me abt why i couldn't let go. i couldn't give you any answer i guess.. and i can tell you, i'm still the same as ever.

or perhaps i couldn't hide the fact that every1 in my life has changed. myself too. but if i wanted something, i guess i'll make the effort now to work towards my goal. but.. it's the chance i'm lacking. i was shunned at the doors. all i could do is to stand at the door. i dare not knock or even do anything to get through to the other side.

how absurd. i don't know. it'll just slap me hard.. especially when i'm just awake. & i always have dreams that will never come true. & it's not like i'm not trying to get myself of out it. i just can't. well.. maybe i should learn that from him. how easy is for him to let me go just like that. or i really give him an easy time. i seek for no explanations that i so much wanted. & i'm not doing anything to interfere with his wonderful life now.

maybe i'm just reiterating my points over & over again.. but come on man. i'm not even over it. so bear wif me i guess.. i wouldn't know it'll take me how long.. but i guess it'll come to a point when my friends are all so sick of me.. still clinging on him.. haha~ just like the old times isn't it. but i promise not to say that much after all.. as time goes by. and *kevin's not coming back this christmas. Haha.. so long since his name ever appeared isn't it. cos i don't have to bother anymore.

right. maybe i shouldn't be rambling on & on le.. & *cher.. i'm waiting for you to come back. lol~ you better not leave me alone! lol~