i find myself... weird.

but anyways, somehow i just don't feel like a loser anymore.

maybe i was enlightened. maybe only.

but i'll keep my promise.. yep.

made to *you.

i'm kinda convinced that this wouldn't get across anyways.

but i was happy. really happy. then.

i thought i had lots of say, but i duno wat to type anymore.

maybe another time.

***

In the years to come...
Will you think about these moments that we shared?

In the years to come...
Are you gonna think it over?
And how we lived each day with no regrets?

Nothing lasts forever though we want it to.
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you.

Sometimes goodbye though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny;
Sometimes goodbye though it hurts is the only way now for you and me.
Though its the hardest thing to say,
I'll miss your love in every way...

So say goodbye,
But don't you cry,
Because a true love never dies.

In a year from now,
Maybe there'll be things we'll wish we'd never said.

In a year from now,
Maybe we'll see each other,
standing on the same street corner though it rains.

Each and every end is always written in the stars.
If only i could stop the World i'd make this last...

Sometimes goodbye though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny.
Sometimes goodbye though it hurts is the only way now for you and me.
Though it's the hardest thing to say,
I'll miss your love in every way...

So say goodbye,
But don't you cry,
Because a true love never dies.

And when you need my arms to run into;
I'll come for you...
Nothing will ever change the way i feel...

Sometimes goodbye though it hurts in your heart is the only way for destiny.
Sometimes goodbye though it hurts is the only way now for you and me
Though it's the hardest thing to say,
I'll miss *your love in every way...

So say goodbye, but don't you cry;
Because a true love never dies...

***

just came back from shopping. *tired* lol~

anyways didn't buy alot lah.. bought a top, 2 tubes (1 for *rachel) & earrings!! hees!

& my mom tried to con my pocket money!!! eeewww!! =(((~ when i'm already SO BROKE.

***

yest was recuperating from night cycling lol~ after that went out to meet *bestie 4 awhile then went to meet my 04so6 gang. =))) i was wanted there becos of the BIG NEWS. HAHAHA. oh well. i seriously think i talked alot last night. (>.<) update update mah.. =pPPppp

watched *Lake House!!! woho!!! though some pple said that it wasn't that nice, i still LOVE it!! *me, *shiling & *ru were making alot of noise throughout the film haha~ =X & i thought i will cry lah.. but i didn't in the end.. cos it was a happy ending whats.. =X but i seriously think that the movie is very cocked up.. super alot of loopholes. who cares anyways! bleah. & *js immediately yawned after the movie.. haa!! damn funny~

ok! time for dinner!

stupid *forever 21 makes my head goggy. arugh.

was feeling quite down & sucky actually...

but trying very hard to keep those feelings away from my <3.

***

i'm aching, soring & my *butt seriously hurts. slept @ 8++am this morning lol. kinda just waken up. went night cycling wif *KAKA! cool man! my 1st experience of night cycling!! =)) saw*peiyu @ ecp 2.. her most happiest day le i guess. HAHA. & her Mr. X is so sickening.. duno wth is wrong wif him lahh..

anyways.. we started off from ecp mac.. cycled all the way out of ecp.. went to kallang mac, our 1st resting point.. then we headed off to esplanade!! seeing all the couples making-out really make you feel so spoiler.. lol~ then we headed off to the merlion.. *babyface was COOL larh.. like such a nice chillout bar.. next time must go there.. at least for one time lol. ate supper @ *Lau Pa Sat then we chiong to *SMU then turn-about point @ *Taka's Civics Plaza.



hees! the group photo! =)))

then we headed for the indoor stadium & rested near *Cosy Bay.. went to all those romantic places sia.. lol~ makes you feel so out of place seriously. =S went back to ecp ard 6++am?! cos they wanted to see sunrise.. but in the end also never waited for it.. ate Mac breakfast & cabbed home already..

was happy that i completed the whole journey. =) endurance!

& i realised i was quite lagged actually. alot of scandals i also duno.. lol~ oh well. none of it involves me anyways.

***

fri: medical checkup/rag/meet *eric. (my sec 3 sort-of crush haha, at least he stills remember me la.. i guess?)

thurs: recuperate from clubbing/drove to school for matriculation package (bloody waste of my time)/sleep/eat/slack

wed: rag/mambo/phuture. (music equally good. a pity that i was still high & the music ended @ 4am. i'm not chiongster ok.. i'm just there becos of my friends. lol.. 2 OG groups again. the world is really so small.. everyone also knows one another de. & news really spread sia..but it was really fun that night. =)))~ just didn't quite like the feeling of being split by 2 grps of friends again.) knocked out @ 6am again after some some nice barley drink.



*me!



some of us.. when the rest are @ *phuture.

tues: finally met up wif *bestie after so long.. guess we won't be meeting up as often le bah.. sch's starting & she's staying in hostel. *NTU stealed all my friends from me!!! =(((~ ok. i'm bonkers. went for *amore & we went *marina again.. lol. she treated me dinner & we took alot stupid photos! lol! & i wonder why i keep looking @ the 3rd floor, from the 2nd floor. & trying to piece everything together what could had happened on last saturday. oh well. so near yet so far. it may not be a bad thing too. who knows what i'll see anyways.



our food.



hers.



mine. (*peiyu wanna eat again right. lol)

mon: rag/ragger's dinner.

***

seriously couldn't think anymore.. maybe the lack of sleep. or lack of energy.

& i often wonder why things that doesn't concern me affects me so much. everyone i had been wif recently seemed to only touch on 1 topic... 1 that i won't really like to talk abt anymore. skeptical you called it i guessed. or it's the feeling of fear, tiredness & sadness. sometimes i really wonder when will that feeling fade off. or it'll never will. or maybe there's something i could do abt it.. but i always ended up stopping myself from doing so. or perhaps, even if i really did anything @ all, the situation will still the be the same. because everything had changed. & it's never easy or even possible to get it back i guess.

very tired. <3's pretty heavy.

but anyways. i still love my *bestie. =)



she made this. =)))

OKAY. i'm back blogging.

lots of pple ask me what happened to my blog.. haa. just change your encoding la dudes.. =X

anyways. i was too lazy to blog lah.

YAH! busy woman whats! haha! seriously, i don't know what i'm exclaiming abt..

suddenly i feel high but i know *stef's having sailor's gathering now.. my high partner!!! & bestie for 1 night! haha! she made me believed that *ching was actually g**. lol.

right. i wonder who's next in passing driving. HAHAHA!

was thinking of getting a new mp3 player.. my shuffle cocked up lerx.. couldn't decide on what i wan lol~ *peiyu help me!!!

anyways, today i went shopping wif *peiyu.. *bestie ps both of us.. ZZZ. i bought 2 tops from *ZARA. 1 for school & the other for clubbing.. wahhaha~ & we ate SUPER NICE JAPANESE DESSERTS!!! =))) *bestie!!!! you gonna treat me THAT again!!! (shit man. 4got to take photos LOL!)

***

yest.. was a sickening day. cos i had to go for QET. some english qualifying test by NUS. gosh. it's like freaking 8 mths since i last written an ESSAY?! & i felt so stuck seriously!!! i can't WRITE @ ALL!!!! =((((~ i guess i had to go for the english modules for 2 sems le.. i hope got pple pei me go.. if not it'll be so boring!!!!

rag was ok/boring. & my dance partner didn't pangseh me.. *yay. he was weird la. he called the previous night & said he not coming.. then in the morning tell me he's coming.. i was telling *peiyu that if he's nice enough, he WILL come 1 lor.. wahhaha! i was right lah!! but then he's a meanie meanie!! =(((~ but i guess in a joking manner but i find it so insensitive.

so i guess *rebirth's dance step was finalised. anyways.. yep. just a little update.. i'm involved in SDE's Rag team larhx.. it's like some NUS chingay performance on 12th aug.. & *ching is dancing!!! LOL! well.. maybe still quite un-glamly but i'm trying my best okays!! *bear say he'll come down to support me.. wahahah! *yay!

ragger's dinner was kinda boring too.. maybe i was tired lah. cos i didn't sleep enough lol~ & i went home straight after dinner...

***

thurs.. was supposed to meet *bestie but she's still v sick.. so i went to cut hair myself.. wif bangs now!! lol!! everyone asked me did i rebonded my hair.. haha.. cos my bangs are freaking straight.. but i didn't la.. (i went for soft-rebonding HAHA =p) i did treatment tho.. then hair not so dry le.. =)))

then went for *KAKA outing.. @ Suntec Kenny Rogers.. just had dinner lor.. never do much together also.. me & *christina keep gossiping.. HAHA. talking abt all the scandals in the grp!!

***

wed.

rag again? haa!

left early cos i had free tickets for *pirates of the carribean 2.. (thanks to my *jie). had free popcorn & drinks & CHOCO! haha!! then during the movie.. every1 was asking me to go mambo!!! then was undecided @ 1st but i still went in the end.. haha! cos my 2 OG grps both going.. & it was supposed to be some UC tradition to go for mambo after the camp..

it was FUN that night!!! i have never met up wif so many friends @ mambo b4!! lol! saw *fanny!!! i was screaming when i saw him!!! it has been a long time since i last saw him larhx.. *stef was there too wif *weilyn & *fen-ni. haha! then i was sticking wif *KAKA 1st b4 meeting up wif *CORVUS/rag peeps.. wahahha.. see how torn am i? but i was glad that at least i could like deal wif the 2 grps of friends larh.. =)))



those from *kaka who went mambo! =))) (i looked weird)

OH! & *stef dragged me up the podium when i dun even know how to mambo! lol~ *phuture's music was totally awesome that night!! i was so sober but still could dance! lol~

had supper somewhere near my place & knocked out @ 6am.

***

tues. can't recall.

oh ya. went shopping wif *ber!!! lol! very long since i last saw her also..

***

monday was COOL man!

that was the day i got high on betel nut!! lol~

*chiawei was like daring me, *rachel & *yenny that if we could eat (more of chewing) that THING for 5mins.. he'll treat us dinner!!! so we TRIED!!!



me & *rachel wif our betel nuts in hand.. (it's wrapped in leaves)

& got ourselves free dinner!!! lol!

but the progress was damn funny lah.. it was actually some mild drug called bing lang. wao lau eh.. i kuku duno anything then they bluff us!!! ZZZ. we were like chewing chewing then suddenly.. !!!!!!!!!!! so GIDDY!!!!! *rachel was WORSE than me. whahahaha! i hope they don't put the videos on youtube.com!!! so freaking PAISEH!!! =X

& i actually ate CRICKET!!! yes!!!! 2 bad i stil don't have the photos!!! there's evidence ok! lol~

***

ok. don't high already. but i guess it's just a way to hide those sickening feelings within me.

anyways. more photos!



i just trying to show my new pink cap la. haa!



*joyce, *xiaoqian, *me, *rachel, *michelle



we trying to LIKE *xiaoming!! lol~



i'm QUEEN! lol~ (wif *junni, *yanling & *zeting) (in case you wanna know, KR's corridor looks like this!)




*KAKA ROCKS!



to show off our face paints. (*pam, *zeting, *me) (yes i'm wearing CCHS PE t-shirt. lol)

&.. I WAN TO WHINE!!!!!

$W&amp;amp;(#($&#(%&#(%&#(&#(&#(&#(#&!!!!!

#($&#($&#(&(#&$(@_!*_@)$&(#$$(!!*!(&!!!!!!

=((~ lol. i'm mad.

最后一班悬浮火车,
满载悬在空气中的不舍.

我们却像陌路旅客,
在月台分开站着毫无牵扯.

现在的我能说甚么?
徘徊你们之间的流浪者.

说决定心是给*你的,
却要你给我留下来的许可.

我只想再哭一下下...
把记忆彻底地分化.

等哭完我就会回家,
眼泪我会替自己擦.

我只想再哭一下下...
假如你不反对的话.

以后我不会再牵挂,
可知我有多努力啊?

只有这办法,
才不再想他...

希望你是谅解我的...
感动过的痕迹很难割舍.

一颗心就要爱你了,
暂停一下并不算出尔反尔...

我只想再哭一下下...
把记忆彻底地分化.

等哭完我就会回家,
眼泪我会替自己擦.

我只想再哭一下下...
假如你不反对的话.

以后我不会再牵挂,
可知我有多努力啊?

我只想默哀一下下,
把记忆彻底地分化.

等哭完我就会回家,
眼泪我会替自己擦.

我只想再默哀一下下...
假如你不反对的话.

以后我不会再牵挂,
可知我有多努力啊?

只有这办法,
才不再想...*他.

明白了。

在<*你>心中﹐我的位置。

(但我喜歡等﹐ 不管最後如何﹐ 早清楚 <*他> 當我什麼。)

其實﹐早應該明白了。

still recuperating from my 2nd camp. lol.

but maybe it was my 2nd camp in NUS, expectations got higher. so i won't say it was superb, but no doubt i did enjoyed myself & know a new batch of great pple. =)))

NUS Union Camp: 11th -15th July 2006

*//day 1

met up wif *peizhen & *juliet b4 heading to keat ridge together. (the place that we stayed for the entire camp) they're in Cap5 & i'm in Kaka so basically we got split up.. & i saw *kaiyi & *gabriel @ the camp LOL. (somebody was so jealous =p)

usual icebreakers? (my head is still kinda gong gong now. lol~ just woke so can't really recall well)

the group was quite big la.. there was 24 of us in total. OGLs also got 16.. so it's a very large group of pple.. but at least i tried to mingle wif most of them. =)))

did some group games ard the school.. & i just remembered having to climb alot & alot of stairs. (cos everyone was complaining lol)

Oh. & we had this Secret-Pal thingy.. so all of us were blindfolded & got to talk to this SP for like 15mins.. my nick was "Romeo's Juliet".. wth right. lol~ & my SP's nick is "Uncle Henry Pewter". so he became my uncle.. haa! but he was dumb enough to tell me which group he was from already. (>.<) [ok he said the wrong thing] then the rest of us were like "scanning" for the rest of the days haha!

I must take back what i had said earlier regarding the hostel.. i think keat ridge is a very nice place in fact. & we got a room each.. just like hotels but w/o air-con. & i think it's cool~ but it's still having common restrooms.



room key~



the table side...



the door & the bed.. (wif *me in the mirror lol)



the view from my window~~

*//day 2

we had to put up skits for the sponsors.. & my group KAKA won for the "thinkpad" skit though i wasn't really involved la.. lol~ i still thought the other skit would win instead cos it was more special.. & my voice got better finally.. haa! but i ate medication everyday.. but my voice wasn't really spared becos we had to cheer very loudly throughout the camp.. & i had a SUPER hard time learning all those hokkien cheers.. i seriously cannot get them lor.. haa! but of cos by the end of the camp i did & i'm proud of it. whahaha~ maybe it'll be a dialect that i'll never master. lol~ but my cantonese is ZAI! =pPPPp


had pool games & it was Fright Night. okay. i was kinda disappointed cos my group went to SDE & Engine for Fright Night. 2 of the stations i also went b4 le.. the Lift & the Tunnel.. so i wasn't really scared & the Tunnel was SO brightly lighted larhx.. (compared to Flux) & i was wif a guy also.. at least not alone.. =pPPp (and that guy was the cutest in my grp. wahhaha! he's nice la. but damn shy)

& for the Engine session we had to walk alone.. ok la.. i keep walking the wrong direction & i couldn't find *siwei.. lol~ & it was quite hilarious too @ the Lift station cos it was PITCH dark & we couldn't find the bucket for the beads.. but at least he zao gu me.. =)))

& KAKA's pple all very gossipy & kpo de.. LOL~ we keep talking abt *ahem*

*// day 3

went Sentosa!!! (i went like weekly for 3 consecutive weeks lol) all of us were very shagged already cos we didn't have enough sleep.. so we were quite seh but we managed to pull it thro~ & they keep calling me the "Italian Defencer" cos i'm zai in blocking off captain's ball while being piggyback-ed by the guys. i so paiseh larh.. cos i'm like not THIN. i think the guys must had suffered lor.. =X so paiseh.

the games are all quite fun larh.. the last game we had to play "wu gui wu gui tiao".. the loser's group must roll down the entire group's pple.. wah.. the guys are like SUPER heavy.. then everyone was like OUCHHHHHH.. WAHHHH.. lol~ i also tried not to roll over them ler.. =X then everyone keep saying "sorry sorry". so funny. & there's this 3-handed volley.. my group played against Cap5.. but in the end i only like stand there & no chance to play.. ZZZ. but my group won la.. HAHA! *yay

the campfire @ night was quite disappointing cos it's like.. just performance put up by all the groups.. maybe i always go to campfire last time.. then the lighting of fire also not grand de.. like so much lacking.. no games, no songs, no cheerings. most of the time i was just stoning lol~

*// day 4

War Games!! most FUN section of the camp!! i had cool white paint design on my face.. wahahah~ =))) & it was really really so DIRTY.. i had mud all over my white shirt!! (i wanted to throw away my old tee anyways) my group was also v high for the whole day.. we won most of the games though there're some disputes wif some other groups during games.. but we were still very high.. keep doing cheers, in a ZAI way.. lol~

there was this part where the girls could choose to ren their SP nots.. then the guys had to perform la.. it was DAMN funny.. most of the guys sang & some even bribed wif expensive presents.. lol~ & KAKA's girls were all being bitchy haa!!

SP dinner was like SUPER boring. okay. my SP isn't that bad la.. but i guess he was too hyper-active for me.. & i also dun feel like entertaining him. =X like so bad.. but he was an OGL & keep wanting to take photographs for other pple then let him take lor.. i was like seh-ing already.. lol~



wat i wore 4 SP dinner.. (i felt so un-glam)

& *siwei won the peagent!!! wohoo!! *amanda also won an award!! *yay!!! KAKA ROCKS!!! =)))

@ night my whole OG went *chunchy monkey to chill out.. tried to ton the night but i cmi la.. LOL. the sofas are too comfy le.. though my whole body was aching the next day lol~ we played games, drink alcohol & even danced on the stage.. lol~ then every OGL got to give a small speech.. & they put up a slideshow for us.. so sweet of them =)))

*// day 5

it was just a day to check-out & announcing the best OG lor.. i was so disappointed lor.. seriously. we didn't even make it to top 3. =((( *eeewww.. not that it really matters but i think my group was really cool & bonded & WE SHOULD HAVE WON!!!! lol~



most of the girls.. =)))



*juliet, *me, *peizhen

i hope that KAKA will be still as bonded though the camp ended too too soon.

KAKA ROCKS!!!!

presenting the "bimbo cheer":

like totally, for sure, i'd even got a manicure.
the sun, i swear, it's bleaching up my golden hair.

red, blue, yellow, green,
wat's the colour of my theme?

i don't know, i don't care,
how should i do my hair?

.... (forgot)
gee! i hope i look alright.

yeah go, yeah go, yeah go KAKA!

(i'm so out of point but nvm! lol~)

FOC @ NUS SDE: 3rd-6th July 2006

*//1st day

was frantically flagging for a cab cos i was late.. lol~

reached school.. did the usual ice-breakings..

had lunch.. had games @ other faculties of the school.. it was tiring cos we had to keep running/walking & we could just follow blindly cos we dunno wth are we heading to also... & our OGL skipped 1 station so we ended up waiting quite alot..

did TAKASHI. ohh.. that's how i ended up wif bruised knees & injured elbows. we're supposed to climb up a SLOPE (quite steep mind you) & the seniors were pouring soup & water down.. everyone was just like crumbling on one another.. lol~ it was really DIRTY & hard work.

had dinner & we're supposed to find our own hostel rooms w/o the number indication on the keys.. ZZZ. so we're supposed to *beep* at every single doors lol.. but me & *xiaoqian found it quite fast. keke.

(& i so DUN WAN to stay in hostels anymore.. lol~ it's so stuffy & i think i wouldn't dare to go toilet myself @ night...)

tried the cheese prata & milo dinosaur @ the *Cheese Prata Shop nearby..i still prefer the 1 @ Jalan Kayu though it's soaked in oil..

*// 2nd day



the girls with disgusting lipsticks on our brows & lips.. (our forfeit)



we had some outdoor cooking.. =))



the sunset then...

it was FRIGHT NIGHT. SO COOL!!!! lol~ but by then i already had no voice to scream.. the "ghosts" are really fantastic man!! with all the makeup & everything.. the "Sadako" keep pulling my shorts.. she very violent lor.. dun wan let me go.. then i also duno how to pretend that i'm scared HAHA. (>.<) but i was REALLY SCARED @ the Tunnel... FREAKING DARK LAH... i think i'm really scared of complete darkness/blindness man.. i don't dare to walk @ all & i seriously walked freaking WOLS. I was already dozing off but when i had to finish that station.. i was so WIDE AWAKE cos i had to look for the fading red light sticks... so xin ku leh.. then i really very scared. HAHA.

(oh. can i add something. we had to WALK ALONE. yes. ALONE)

then some senior grabbed my hand from the window & i hurt my elbow again.. ZZZ.

then we watched WC!!! was freaking tired already but my OG still wanna watch it.. lol~ & Germany lost.. ZZZ.

*// 3rd day

SENTOSA!!!! the date i met *bestie!!! keke. =)) it was a fun day larhx.. though it was freaking hot & i tried Tug of War for the 1st time.. some stp thing bite my thumb & the Frisbi cut my tiny finger.. (this camp i really injured myself alot)

the "water-bomb" volley was so fun!! =)) & we had Amazing Race.. wah.. run until wanna die.. but guess all of us had fun.. & we had to combine wif the Archi group named *Baubau.. & their cheer is freaking.. l***. lol~ anyways *Corvus ROCKS!!! =)))

WC again!!! this camp really never sleep de lor.. i'm super amazed that i could tahan for so long.. lol~ & Portugal lost!! =(((~ all those teams i support all lose de.. so SAD!!



*us waiting for the match to start.

*// 4th day



lunch.



all of us!!! after pool games~

we still had some games?? (oh some pool games.. i felt so FAT cos we had to splash water in a container & i never swim so fast b4 in YEARS) lucky we never ganna alot of forfeits.. =))) though we didn't get any awards.. it does not matter.. my OG was actually quite bonded. KEKE!! i love them!!! *muacks*



writing messages for OGLs.



the girls & *kozaw actiing gay.

did a performance wif *baubau.. lucky it went well although i was only the partition. (i couldn't talk whats) & i was kinda the choreographer.. =)))

after the camp, it was KO for me. lol~

yep. i'm back from the 4D4N FOC@ NUS SDE... but i'm sick. lol.

i lost my voice like from the 2nd day onwards. (>.<) don't ask me why. i didn't really shouted cheers alot.. most prob i didn't rest enough b4 the start of the camp.

so right now. i'm recuperating lol. as how *bear put it. lol~

shall update abt the camp in the next entry.. i'm too tired right now. my brain cells are sleeping. lol~

(right. & my mom is forcing me to sleep now cos i'm sick.. but i will wake up for the match later~ =pPPp & i'll still support PORTUGAL though i know Germany will win. LOL. i think i'm crazy.. it's like.. i wanna support France but i think Italy will win. HAHA.)

anyways, i made a nice bunch of friends during the camp.. *whee!! =))) & the camp was totally AWESOME although i wasn't looking 4ward to it @ 1st.

i was actually quite pissed off. but then again.. i should have expected it lol~ but at least things are cleared now.. & i won't be pang seh-ing my friends..

*bestie!!! I MISS YOU SO MUCH!!!!! hope you're having fun @ Bangkok!!!

*cher! i miss you too!!! you didn't reply my sms lol~

*bear~ didn't quite know what to say. but i'll be here if you need me alrights. =)) cheer up.. & hopefully the clouds will move away soon enough.. hees.

*peiyu! you also cheer up okays!! i'll also be here for you to whine & maybe we could go esplanade again. HAHA!

*ber! sorry la.. sick cannot pei u go shopping.. & this busy woman will become "free" woman in a week's time~ =pPPp (free as in got time to pei u go out okays)

*steffie! have fun in school alrights! =)))

cmi le.. shall blog another time! =))

my arms are breaking. seriously. maybe i injured myself during the gym session yest or something.. it's just so painful. =(((~ *eEeWww.

say bye-bye to auntie training sessions.. my parents will be back later.. & i think that i'm actually the only 1 who really bothers. nvm.

camp's tomolo. totally not looking 4ward to it. but maybe it will be fun. who knows. & i'm surprised that my turtle bag could actually occupy the amount of things i brought there. lol~ too long never go 4 camps le i think.. i actually kinda misses those camping life me & my guides' friends used to have...

portugal won!! & brazil was totally disappointing. i seriously duno which side to choose anymore. but i guess i'll support portugal all the way.. haha!

oh & i finally met up wif *cher. lol~ & it's her birthday today!!!




like very long never exclaim bdays in my blog le.. lol~

i'm actually quite bored right now. (>.<)

& *bestie, don't miss me so much. i shall see you @ sentosa. HAHA.

time to activate my special delivery! =)))