heeh. =))

had a wonderful christmas eve!!! (minus the part that i got a little pissed, & i got BULLIED again.)

went for *bestie's christmas gathering. 1st time going to her "sort-of" party w/o her doing anything. (except for eating & making noise haha) it was cool.. we watched *elf & ate nice food.. we cam-whored too as we were freaking bored b4 the "party" started.

had a long bus trip to *parkway to meet the *scouts & *jasmine. but it was a pleasant trip too.. long time not taking long bus trip wif *bestie. heeh. we were just talking & crapping. haha. =))

so the guys were playing pool.. meet *ziyan & we went over to *ecp!! we settled for @ *beach cabana for the countdown. omg i love the party feeling. hehe. & it wasn't THAT crowded, compare to the squeezy town or where else. (which made me realised, i totally 4got abt the fireworks thingy.. haha. also cannot hear the exploding sound from the pub anyways)

& when the clock struck 12, every1 became mad. yes. MAD. every1 begun spraying crazy ribbons at their friends or just any1 @ the pub haha. it was cool. filled wif screaming, siam-ing & more screaming. haha. =X it was my 1st christmas countdown outside wif my friends & i totally love it. =))

& *jasmine got herself *mr. cabana. HAHA. (*stef: that guy still remember HER lor.. call her *BIRTHDAY GIRL. hahaha.)

me & *bestie wore a lighting earring each wif a snowman on top on it..SO CUTE!!! =pPPp (i think i/we will look dumb if we wear a pair of it. lol)

after that only the girls & *bear were left, we chilled @ the pub (nice songs wif dj & dedications) & went for *mac ice-cream!! whee!! my *rasberry flavour burst, so long never eat le. =))

& we chit-chatted there for quite long. then they bullied me!!! =((( i was bombarded. & they wanna sa-bo me @ games during my party. well done. (but of cos i WON'T allow that. HAHAHA.)

but i kinda seh-ed the moment i got onto the cab. (to go home) i dunno. most prob becos of the stuff they said.. & it was the 1st time i'm actually REALLY thinking abt this. i duno. maybe was tired & kinda tipsy, i felt lost again. i felt kinda scared too.

scared not becos of what had happened. but scared & worried for myself. i dunno. maybe all i could say is that.. i don't think i can love again. just, not now. & not... yah.

oh, let time tell. let time heals.

but still, thanks for *your reply. i really really appreciated it. no matter where *you are right now. no matter who's in *your heart right now. i still miss *you. alot. yea.

i hope every1 that i knew had a wonderful christmas too! ho ho hoo!! =))

didn't exactly had the mood to blog... but i guess i SHLD b4 everything pills up & all. =))

just read some friend's friend's blog & she said: "Xmas is a very special time. By special, I mean weird. Coz you can be either really happy or really sad. And I'm drifting in between." well. i guess i share that very similar sentiment.

i duno. been emo. but i'm trying ever so hard to whack that feelings off me. knowing that nothing *special* or unexpected will ever happen this festive season, knowing that things will remain as bad as it had became, knowing that every single thing i pend for will not come true.

alas. i wished for a merry christmas. =)) for all my friends, family, and *you.

been listening to stories & more stories of how my friends or extended friends had been while studying overseas. suddenly i yearned for that change in my life too. though it's totally impossible to this point of time in my life, there's just this burning desire growing ever stronger by each day. what if.. NUS didn't approve my appeal? will i be having a much happier life over @ canada or just anywhere else but home? i duno. really. by going to NUS, i made everyone but myself happy perhaps? at some point of time, i was still thinking, going overseas may not be such a bad thing after all..you learn to be more independent & yepp. life will definitely change for myself. but all this at the expense off my parents. every1 thinks i'm rich but i can honestly tell you that i don't look as rich as i seemed to be ok. really. don't see that as a lie. *ching don't lie regarding stuff like this.

you see, i guess humans just CANNOT be satisfied with what they had in life.. just like how i wanna change course in NUS but in the end given up that idea.. yeps. pple had been asking me whether did i changed course, but no, i didn't. it just so happened that when that appeal period came, i felt lost again & in the end just killed that idea due to plain laziness or cannot-be-bothered-ness. there. it's all "god's will"... so to speak off.

ahhHhh. driving me nuts. i also duno what's happening to me. but that 10day breakaway was really so free & easy.. i don't even wanna face responsibilites anymore. no family ups&downs, no studies to worry abt (yeahh.. tell me abt CAP on *27thdec), just plain fun, play, eat, sleep, shop w/o any worries. yepss. i'm being selfish.. but at many times i just see myself suffocating in that invisible stress. things that i say/don't say. things that pple say that they do understand but who really does?

maybe i shld learn to appreciate life more. appreciate things i already had. don't yearn for things that i had lost or things that i'll never have. but they call it dreams don't they? so.. maybe i shouldn't dream anymore? which so shouldn't be the case? well done. =))

okay.. maybe i shld leave things as they are. whatever will be, will be.

***

on a happier note, life has kinda been "happening" (quoted from *jasmine) as after my breakway trip... i had been out almost everyday. really glad that friends around me still bother to make time for me. =)) really. & of cos i try to squeeze out time for everyone.. in the hope not not pang-sehing anyone.

& i'm supposed to be like brain-storming for themes for upcoming SDE FOC.. pls help me! lol. i'm so lazyy. =pPPp

wed: ohh. (suddenly got brain-freeze) went *bear's house for the 1st time to get back my stuff. lol. i think i would be over-loaded if not for him. heeh. thanks for the wonderful time we had during yr hk trip. whahahaha. =)) we did lots of cranky things together. example 1: winning soft-toys like crazy, in the end having us being envied by many wif our big big *BEAR & tones of soft-toys haha. & lastly, having to worry how on earth to bring them back to sg. HAHAHA. example 2: how we got stucked & the clubbing door cos i 4got to bring my ID. WTH. hahaha. (>.<)

anyways, his house is bigg neh!! & i never get lost!! though that stp idoit asked me to make a left turn when it's on the right! (>.<) ching's zai! lol. so we chatted @ his place.. abt some stuff lor.. then i made him kinda cried which made me felt so bad abt it. =X *sigh* like what you said, maybe i'm too numbed le bahh.. & i don't like to cry in front of pple. ohs wells. if there's still something worth me crying over. it's been so over, so loonngg ago alr. i dun even know how on earth did i get myself to such a state. but i'm still like that. bother.

after that we went to eat beancurd. *yummy* heeh. we ate also @ *lautau island. at 1st he don't want let me eat lorr.. but i whine whine whine then i got to eat it. HAHAHA. & we never qiu qian... damn sian lah.. cos you're supposed to do everything yourself. & i don't see the point if no1 reads yr "qian" for you lahh.. & we didn't have time to go "wong dai xin" also... & we walked that long long route to see the "xin jin".. haha. the 38 bamboo plated wooden boards. HAHA. i don't think i'm that enlighten lehh.. (>.<)

ok i side-tracked. lol. wed's night went for mambo. drank quite abit also. but i'm NOT drunk. lol. but wasn't really that high also... & i was kinda... emo. yeps. but still, i gotta meet my *bestie! whee! & *lili. =)) & *stef!!

thurs: manicure & k-box day!! wif *peiyu, *peizhen & *silvia. *yay. got pretty pretty nails. for photos pls visit *peiyu's blog. i lazy to post alr. =X but i really love my manicure keke.. so christmasyy!! whee!!

fri: hmm.. went back to cchs. HAHA. guess who's my brother's form teacher? MS SOH. YES. she taught me sec 2 history.. lol. she & her ever LAME ghost stories. HAHAHA. & sorry but being mean, she's still a ms. =X anyways i saw *MEHMEH too. you know what's the 1st thing she said to me?!

"WAH. *CHING SO FAST GETTING MARRIED AHH??"

i was like.. "HUH?! (thinks: WTF?!)

apparently she thought that i was back in school to give her my wedding invitation. -_-" WTF?! hahaa..what on earth is she thinking man.. i'm only 19!!!! she old until so blur.. also duno which batch i graduated from le.. lol. & somemore.. where to die out 1 husband for her now?! lol.

but was really glad to go back cchsm that day.. so long never go back le lor.. i really miss IT!!! there's this new little "temple" guard house near the main gate.. so cute lahh!! but i didn't explore the refurnished old block though..

the thought of seeing my brother in my old school uniform is so... heart-warming. lol. i really really missed those innocent days, where going to school is something that you'll look 4ward to instead of dreading it.

evening i went for *val's christmas party @ her bestie's place.. it's @ CCK lah.. omg. took so long to reach there. though i duno anybody there.. (except for *val), i did had fun lahh.. thanks for the party!! to the 3 hosts! lol. i love the pink champagne! & i suddenly realised that my circle of friends is not really that big either. =X

sat: chilled & shopped in town wif *bestie, *lili & *weiling. *peiyu was there awhile b4 she went for her date. lol.

***

& a wrap to this entry...

merry christmas to all! =))

& *jasmine is NOT gg to die. *yay!! lol.

am feeling slightly better. =)) but still, i guess the post hk-sydrome hasn't bypass me yet.

& i'm waking up like oh-so early now. my body clock is screwed after my breakway.

still went out yest despite the bloody rain. it was so damn heavy lah. omg. but nevertheless, i feel blessed cos i can drive. HAHAHA.

met *peiyu (the JADE) & *peizhen (the PEARL) yest @ *PS. (somehow *pearl tried to name me *BELL cos i kinda mentioned that i'm not precious compared to them. & that ching sounded like BELL cos it'll go "ching ching ching". wth. i guess no1 will see the link except for her. lol. but is BELL that precious?! i see. haha.)

had dinner @ *secret receipe, dessert @ *gelare & watched *the holiday. whee. i love that show. i guessed i had my fair share of "the holiday" but somehow i didn't have a house to exchange wif a total stranger & the guy-of-my-dreams didn't pop by. but anyways, *jude law is totally stunning & worth your ticket value. haha. me & *peizhen keep drooling for him. (>.<)

& then i sent the girls home. omfg the rain WAS SO BIG. 1st time driving in such a nasty weather. i made a wrong turn but it was ok, i still got the girls home & myself home in 1 piece. =)) & i bypassed places where *you would have been. oh wells. that's so not the point.

& i broke my thumb-nail. well done. it was so painful & thurs was supposed to be manicure day. =((. i can't bear to cut it awayy.. eeewww.

***

maybe i should feel contented, cos *colours still pops up.

*bear said it was all too coincidental. but wth. i d0n't see the link boy. lol. i guess it won't make any differences lah, seriously. it's not that anything would ever happen now anyways. but the thought about it.... is... lol. i dun even know what i feel towards it. but ya lah.*bear's zai lah. you predicted it to come true what. & it did.

***

"i understand what you're going thru." this line is kinda over-used but still, it has its value when you totally mean it.

***

i want to say so many things but i just can't phrase myself properly. lol.

ahhhs...

some shout-outs then. whee.

*jasmine: heys girl. well, everyone shld be saying the same thing to you. i think *ruru's alr nagging & bugging you daily. lol. but really. it's better to know earlier than to drag it on & on. what for anticipate in misery when it may be a negative? this hols we shld be OUT OUT OUT & enjoy ourselves b4 boring SEM 2 starts. eyy? rememeber all of us truly care & we love you. so you shouldn't make us all so worried. i understand you need your time, but is it dragging on a little too long? -sigh- i don't know what else to say. but take care alrights? locking yourself up is definitely not the best thing to do now.

*the ever precious jade: eeyy. yest not enuff time to nag you. LOL. cos i had to concentrate in driving. =pPp but anyways, really. just do what you think it's right & that YOU just have to do it. you know we'll definitely be against it, but who are we to stop you? but like i said, communication now wif him is definitely a no-no & you should know it. cut the crap abt "less painful" or whatever lahh. i totally don't see the point. this might sound so cliche cos it's coming from me but... i just think that you MUST & you MUST get yourself away from him. he would forever be a Mr. Niceguy for you so don't you see? there's no point "being friends" remember? WE have to get ourselves out of sh*t. YES.

*bestie: I LOVE YOU. lol (ok this is totally random but still, i really meant it =pPP)

***

ok. i don't know what i'm rambling abt. haha. mind's in a swirl.

maybe someday, i'll come to realise that things are not as important as they seemed to be anymore.

let it fade, let it fade, let it fade.

i'm back home.

but sick. =((

dun wan to be sick. i wanna enjoy my remaining hols.

anyways, it had been a fruitful 10days breakway in hk.

how i wish to stay there even longer.. dun wanna come back. haha.

more updates when i get better.

***

maybe it's for the better...

突然之間,很喜歡*你恨我.

hope to be forgiven.

treated at least like a friend.

or even acquaintance.

emu ilusion.

will *you be happier when i'm gone?

i duno why i'm still not sleeping at 3.15am.

i'm freaking tired. i'm SUPER grouchy. i keep going f*ck here & there, which made me feel kinda bad. =((. i promised to try stop using so much of it.

i duno. partly or mostly becos of my weird way of hang-over?

***

okays. let's start this entry from like, after my CH2271 paper.

went home & TRIED to fixed my bloody wireless, which in the end ended up wif me f*cked my my elder sister. ohs wells. until now it's still sot sot de. ZZZ. but aways, i'll be away for quite sometime so the fact that i'm off the virtual world doesn't really mean anything. as yet.

& i didn't even feel a SENSE of happiness when i finished my last paper. i wonder why too. the anticipation to the end of the exams was much more happier. ohs wells. isms weirds.

yeps. so i FINALLY got to meet up wif *cheryl dear & *amy (after like almost 3yrs). nice dinner @ *Pasta Cafe (though the whole dinner was puked out wif orange colour) & we went shopping. bought this *sexy* dress from *Zara. whee. i loovvee it! =))

then it was off to clubbing. yes. the mambo night so so so-much highly anticipated. but ended up SO SOON.

the whole world was supposed to be there that night. but i didn't see any familar faces except for some random guy whom i couldn't come up wif the name & mousey mouse.

*BSR + *weilyn & *fernie went early, waited for 1-for-1. so the next hour was like US getting higher & higher. whee. i drank like *1 tequlia shot, 1 *apricot brandy wif 7up & 3/4 equalivent cups of *long island. (omg it's f*cking disgusting. i'm SO not gg to drink it anymore. though it's makes your head spin & spin & continue spinning)

so it wasn't THAT much right, but somehow, the 4 of us got REAL high. *fernie left & i duno why we left *zouk for *phuture. I WANNA MAMBO I WANNA MAMBO! but you know what, we only clubbed for MAX half an hour. NO KIDDING. i can only vividly remember me clinging onto *jasmine, *stef & *weilyn were dancing wif some cmi guy & the next minute they disappeared.

*jasmine said i keep stepping on pple. i'm oh-so sorry but i dun even remember a thing. i only remembered *jasmine wanting to drink water but i dun let her cos i dun wan this kinda high-ness to die down. HAHAHA.

& somehow, *mr.boonlay was here, so we went out to meet him. THEN FUCK. I BLOODY LOST MY PHONEEEEE!!!!!!! YES I LOST MY PHONE!!!!!!!! i duno what happened. (i think i wanted to call or sms some1) then WTF MY PHONE NOT IN MY JEANS!!!!! i was like. oh, i'm really drunk to this extent. then i whine & whined & whined & (blanks in btw cos i cannot remember a single damn thing.)

in the end we ended up in *mr.boonlay's car. *weilyn was puking beside me. & i think i sat on her puke. eeks. =X *jasmine was talking to *mr.boonlay.. then some point of time, *jasmine wanted to TAKE bus home, SO she just walked out of the car when *steffie was like getting our bags (AND MY IRRITATING *ZARA paperbag =p) for us. THEN I HAD TO DRAGGED *jasmine all the way back to the car. omg. she was like practically walking in the middle of the road. dammn. but i saved her lol.

oh yah.. & SOMEHOW i got back my handphone. I DUNO WHY. can some1 enlighten me?! some1 just came by, asking me isit my phone. then i remembered saying : YES IS MY PHONE. (then i flipped up my phone) can't you see, that's my face in the phone!? then i smiled @ him/her. WTF *CHING.


so i ended home in 1 piece, wif *stef sending me upstairs. i'm so sorry for going on & on abt my damn wireless HAHAHA. & i'm so glad that no-1 knew i was totally bonkers when i reached home that night. whee. =))

but the bad thing was, i think i stupidly did SOME stuff which i dun even remember. & shit. i so totally think i screwed myself so badly. WELL DONE *CHING. =)) & right now, *you're like totally ignoring my sms. i wonder were *you really THAT pissed wif me or something. but hey, if *you ever come across till this part of my blog, i seriously didn't mean to disturb *your beautiful sleep alrights. ohs wells. like *you'll bother. & now, i think *you hated me so much. whee! i'm so happy.

& i tried to sleep. BUT I COULDN'T. the moment i lay on my bed, my head will jus KILL ME. in the end, i think i sat up for like 1hr plus b4 puking everything out. yes. been ages since i last puked. which kinda made me sleep finally.

but the sad thing was, I COULD ONLY SLEEP TILL 630am. i duno why, i'm SO BLOODY TIRED but i just couldn't SLEEP. i'm still so bloody awake now, but so zombi-fied. then i was calling pple (thanks for being there for me =))) & b4 i knew it, my mom came by asking me NOT to sleep cos we're going out. -___-"

yeps. my daddy's NEW CAR got in today. SO COOLLL llaahhh!!! I think it's *Mer's Kocompressor 200 series. or whatever lah. lol. why i dun have a new car 4 myself when i got my licence?! =((. ohs wells. i'm not a spoilt brat. at least i got nice car to use @ times. =))

went *Vivo to meet up *guides, *bear & *jason. WAS supposed to be a gathering for *ber cos she could only made it for that day. but in the end, she still is 1 of the few who couldn't made it. so yeps. we watched *Cinderella... some korean SCARY (again) movie regarding plastic surgery. oh eeks. =X but most of the scary parts i was covering my eyes. HAHAHA. & we screamed quite a couple of times lol~ seeing everyone squirming under the jacket was so cute! =pPPp

in the end, we managed to DRAG *peiyu out of her house for supper. omg. she's such an unsafe driver. & i helped her parked her car. but i duno how to operate her gear. LOL. & my car didn't have foot brake so i dun really know HAHAHA. but i managed =))

but she sent me home after a nice supper @ *chomp chomp. -hugs- girl. where most of the time me whining, screaming (f*ck), trying/wanting to puke but to no vain.

*sigh*

& i guess. it's all just my form of a disguise.

deep down, something's so SO wrong.

but what can i do? shld i even do anything right now? or shld i just, accept my fate?

whee. gone wif the wind.

those were the days... those were the days.

i'm sorry for behaving like f*ck today. really. but i guess being friends they just think i'm still having my hang-over or sth. i duno. i also duno why am i reacting this way.

whee.

*sigh*

i hope, i'll see the light soon.

& i still feel like puking.

like... now.

*rar*

miss me pls. =))

waken from my dream by *jasmine's SMS.

right. she had liberatted too. I M THE ONLY 1 LEFT! BLOODY HELL!

!#$^$&#$*#(#&#^#%#

nvm!! tomolo i shall be liberated 2! WHAHAHAHAHA!!! =)) then it'll be 1 whole month of freedom! whee!!

hmm.. wonder do dreams actually signify anything at all.

i dreamt on *you today. a much shorter one... but so much more different from the previous night's. i could actually feel my anxiety, my awkwardness, the heart-skipping, my happiness when we're together again.

ohs wells.

dreams are dreams. i always have sweet dreams. lol.

1 more day. 1 MORE BLOODY DAY.

i offically declare my wireless as DEAD.

...missing *.

hmm.. today was supposed to be a happy day.

becos i FINALLY got to meet my *bestie! whee! soOOoo long never see her le lor.. although now she only misses *bubu, i still miss her okays~

anyways, the siao char-bos went to scare ourselves wif scary movie again!HAHAHA. only we'll go for such nonsense thrills! =X (right, i'm SO behaving that my exams R over, but hey, actually i still got 1 more paper to go on WED! DIE!! & i have been slacking the WHOLE weekend!!! well done~ =)))

watched *9.56, had lunch @ *Jack's place & watched *material girls.. whee!! movie marathon!! =))) *9.56 was more of sad then scary lahh.. haha. this kinda movie no kick for us already. HAHA. =pPpp *material girls was NICEE!! =))) *hilary duff's guy WAS SO HOT. eeWwwWw.

then we went shopping.. wao lau. 1st time going home empty-handed. really nothing caught our eyes lahh.. ZZZ.

& yep. i'm supposed to study but wat i m doing here? =X i tried to bloody fixed my wireless connection, which somehow seemed to be down becos of i-duno-wat-the-hell happened. SO PISSED!!! *rar. & i couldn't do anything abt it!! ZZZ.

***

right. i wanted to blog abt my dream last night actually.

HAHAHA. (>.<)

it was somewhat funny, yet.. i duno. made me view things from some other perspective. LOL.

okok. maybe my most inner inner INNER sub-consiouness, i still miss him. whee. not saying the name haha so paiseh. =X (but you all shld know is who HAHAHA)

ya. the story somewhat evolves ard HIM coming back for ME. HAHAHA. eeWWw.. SO SWEET RIGHT?! =X

okay lahs.. i think i abit SIIIIAAAOOO. but come & think abt it. why will i suddenly dream abt him. hashas. sos funsnys.

anyways, sweet dream. haha =pPp

***

& i wonder, why i became so skeptical towards love.

oh well. i dunno what to say anymore. but, hang in there girl alright. remember, your *affair always LOVE you. =)) hugs*

如果我问*你。。。

两年前既今日，*你做昨D咩，同边个一齐？

我谂,*你应该会记得。

但情怀？

感情？

我谂, 应该面目全飞， 消失于风雨中。

末咩。。。

我剩系想同你讲一句，我真系好挂住*你。

希望在末我既世界，*你真的快乐。

而我，会缺氧的，生存与末你既世界。

如果有一日，*你爱上另一个她，

我会深深得祝福*你。

但。。。我希望，我有个个机会，

再做那个*她。

好傻吧。哈哈。

=））

P.S 我爱*你。

whee!

i'm so in the holiday mood now.

no mugging no mugging no mugging!

but nahh. slacking will only be today. & monday.heeh.

I WAN TO GO OUT I WAN TO GO OUT I WAN TO GO OUT!

but also dunno who to ask. (>.<)(wan to ask also dare not)

but got date later alr. CAN'T WAIT!!! whee! (okay lah. somewhat of i dated myself lol)

PF1101 was.. much too easy than expected. But then.. i think every1 will find it quite easy also.. so getting an A maybe somewhat of a problem. but still, can't let my darling down!! heeh. i mugged the most for this module lors.. HOR *VW? haha.

but.. maybe no more *TLF already. ewWwwWww. =((~

*sigh*

4 down, 1 bloody more to go. i can't wait for wed to come!!

& it will be back to slacking days. =))

suddenly, i got this thought.

我好惊，你会唔记得我。

=((~

ohs wells.

***

btw. reply to tags. (ok maybe abit late)

*jasmine darling: whee to *channing tatum!! hahaha. let's double date him! heeh.

*steffie hun (i duno why you become my hun but since *jasmine is my darling haha): take a long rest & we'll get high tgt alrights! whee!

*bear: my sec2 home econs partner. HAHAHA. why you'll suddenly remember?! you don't say i really really REALLY totally 4got abt it le.. yeps. i remember that we're in the 2nd class, then we baked muffins, cooked maggie for some healthy-meal thingy (which i think is SO stupid becos maggie is NOT healthy at ALL) what else? macoroni issit?? =X but anyways i really dun remember why we suddenly got close =pPP.

*ling: my exams finishing on the 6th!! can't wait to go out lor!!

*shiyu: you've been missed. =))

*val: good luck got your JS papers!! shall cya soon! =))