Hope Coaster

Hi Friends,
It turns out, I really needed a place to share my TTC journey, but not so much my pregnancy journey.  For awhile I was feeling so good I didn't feel like there was much to say.  Now, at nearly 15 weeks, I continue to feel good and everyone in my life (family, friends, co-workers, facebook) knows I am pregnant and wants to chat about it.  Occasionally I find myself feeling guilty about not blogging and it's time to call it what it is.  This was my TTC blog and I'm signing off. 

I am grateful to all of you who read and commented, encouraged and shared ideas.  Being able to share and compare was a critical part of surviving the roller coaster of hope and disappointment.  Thank you!

This is a quick post because there is so little time during this season to sit and write a thoughtful post.

We had our 6.5 week U/S Tuesday and saw one healthy little embryo!  This week, while it is the size of a blueberry, we are calling it Azul.  Stats include heart rate of 112 (week 6 range should be 100-120) and size is 5.6mm, yes, that is a blueberry.

Also, we have a friend who is a triage nurse at a local OB/GYN practice and she told us with a healthy 6.5 week ultrasound, only 3% of women have a miscarraige and 97% have live births.  I LOVE that stat, it calms my worries as I wait to mark the end of the first trimester.  Here's to the 97% ladies!

Off to work...

My third beta was Wednesday and it was 1,569.  I have my pregnancy ultrasound scheduled for Dec 13, which they told me is 6weeks, 3 days.  I filled in my google calendar with each week marker, all on Saturdays. Tomorrow marks 5 weeks.

I've been having a hard time knowing how to refer to the embryo/embryos.  I'm really caught up on the fact that I don't know if it is one or two. I asked my IVF Nurse her thoughts on a single or twins and she said she has seen it go both ways.  P says the nicknames will come to us organically.  This week we're using Poppy and next week will be Sesame based on size, what is the analogy for week 6?

They have been testing my estrodiol and progesterone along with my beta.  Since the levels are doing well in all areas and because they don't like the fact that the Progesterone IM injections make me itchy, starting yesterday they switched my progesterone injection to an oral progesterone.  My nurse called in the script and I took a break from work to pick it up.  When I got back to the office and went to take one I realized the instructions said to place vaginally twice a day.  I'm already on endometrin suppositories so I called the nurse and I swear the nurse said this was oral so I called her.  She explained that, strangely enough the same capsule can be taken orally and vaginally.  She used one of their standard forms, which indicates vaginal, but yes I got the right thing and yes I should take it orally.  It was hard to get my head around that, but I took the pill.  Monday I go in for another blood test to make sure I am getting what I need from this form of meds.  Cross your fingers for me; if they aren't at a satisfactory level I will have to go back to the injections (I think).

Let's start with what I know, my numbers continue to increase and look good!

What I can't seem to figure out, and would like your help with, is whether I'm most likely looking at a single pregnancy or a twin pregnancy.  Here are the facts and figures:

Nov 17: 5 day transfer
Nov 25: Beta 149.7
Nov 28: Beta 623.9

Also, what day should I use as a marker when the charts are based on DPO?  My first beta had me thinking one embryo implanted, my second beta has me wondering if both implanted.  For those of you who "get" all of this calculation stuff, what do you think?

Thanks!

...of pure JOY!

I had my blood test this morning and then dropped P off at work.  The plan was to have lunch together and listen to the message from the IVF Nurse.  Well, the call came at 9:45 so I called P and asked if we could have a snack break.  The minute the nurse started to talk I could her from the tone in her voice she had good news, and she did!

P and I hugged and I started sobbing.  Crocodile tears and big, heaving breaths.  I was such a relief to hear what I so badly wanted to believe.  I think I have been holding my breath since the transfer and could I finally let it out!

My beta is 149.7, which they said is, "a good, strong number."  Estrodiol is 552 and progesterone is 50.5, those were described as, "Good levels for you."

Our IVF nurse happened to be the one on today and poked her head in while I was having my blood drawn.  P told her about my discomfort with the IM injections (tenderness, a lump on each hip, and itching).  She didn't like the sound of itching, so she talked with the Dr on call this weekend and they are having us make a slight decrease to my dose starting tomorrow, as well as trying a shorter needle.

Life is good!

In my last post I said I paid attention to my body so that I wouldn't ask a kajillion questions about what is "normal."  Yeah, so it turns out I'm just asking different questions.  The most frequent things I question are related to appetite and emotions.  Here are some examples:
-I want something salty.  (Do I usually want salty snacks?)
-I am crying at a cheesy movie.  (Would I cry at this moment if I weren't pregnant?)
-I'm thirsty.  (Do I usually drink this many fluids?)
-Awh, someone just said something really sweet about me.  (I feel like I'm about to cry, is that normal for me?)
-Do we have any chips in the house?  (What's with the salty snacking these days?)
You see what I'm saying?

Remember that post about how great the shots were going?  Things have changed.  I guess it takes dily shots for a prolonged period of time to piss off my glut muscles, and we have reached that point.  I have a large, sore bump the size of a small sand dollar on each of my hips.  And P says they are looking red.  I've been on the IM injections daily for about 3 weeks, with as many as 9 more to go.  I see my accupuncturist tomorrow and I hope she has some relief to offer.  The discomfort isn't constant; I seem to notice it most when I am walking or as I lay or sit down.

I don't recall how this conversation came up, but a really nice guy at work said to me and the woman who sits next to me, "I'm so glad we've all chosen not to have kids.  My friends keep having kids and I get so angry.  Don't they know about overpopulating the planet?"  Whoa.  I get that we are all 35-40 year-olds in long-term committed relationships without children, and none of us talk about having children at work, but he made a big leap in assuming we don't want children.  When there was a bit of a break I reacted by saying, "Don't get too excited about that because we do hope to have children.  I get what you're saying about overpopulation, but it doesn't bother me until couples have more than 2 children.  Also, at lunch I was reading my book and there was a part where the main character was asked to take a picture of her husband and son with the deer they killed hunting.  She was initially repulsed and then realized this scene has been repeated over and over since our ancesters scractched images of their bison hunt on a cave wall.  She decided killing animals might be as instinctual as conceiving children."  He agreed that people are compelled to have children with or without reason and appologized for his assumption.  Then he asked if we were going to adopt and I said, "Maybe," then quickly realized I couldn't live with that answer and added, "But we want to try and have children of our own."  Then I felt like I might cry.  How could I be faced with this conversation at work this week?  How could I almost lie about how hard we have worked to conceive?  It is so hard to talk about becoming parents when we are in this space of waiting to know for sure.  I imagine it will be even harder after we have confirmation and before the end of the first trimester.  It seems like answers just lead to more questions.

Keep your eyes on Sugar and Spice over at Hail Mary tomorrow (Wednesday).  They are waiting for confirmation, but their 2WW has been stretched into a 3WW.  Give them your love!

I couldn't be happier with the way things went today. I had a relaxing massage, then lunch with my sweetie before heading to the clinic. The nurses got me ready and gave me blankets from the warmer. Then my acupuncturist did my points and I listened to relaxing music for 25 minutes. The nurses used U/S to looka t my bladder and determined it was too full. So, my big challenge of the day was to pee 3/4 cup and no more. I did my best. Dr B came in and talked with us about the procedure and gave me a dose of valium. The embryologist gave us the report that they only thawed 2 embryos and they had started to expand (I can't remember the technical word for that), which means we have 13 more frostiness should we need them in the future. After that I got my hat and booties on and P got the same plus a jump suit and I was wheeled in to the surgical suite. The transfer itself was pretty quick everyone complimented me on my level of relaxation. When I was wheeled back to my room T did more acupuncture and P held her hand over my uterus welcoming the embryos and encouraging them to make themselves at home! We both feel like it is working, everything just seems right this time. I don't know how to explain it except to say I feel confident rather than just hopeful.