Just wanted to blog a bit, to clear some thoughts.
But my wordpress blog was down. :( So here I am, again.
GEEZ.
Had a long long long talk ~2h with Ng Lang Lang on the issue of Religion. LOLLL
I'll blog more about it when I have the time, right now let's just move on.
And then I was mugging with Lin, Tubao and Mud.
Hmm, well, it was more having fun and relaxing than serious studying to me. :Pp
And I needed that lar, g e e z.
And then what happened was, it was a Friday night. Why go home early?
So Mud and Me went to CS Food Court to eat, bought some alcohol, sat down in the dark opposite some block, and started binge... Drinking.
I wasn't drunk,
my face was just burning burning burning I felt all the heat searing on my face.
And we talked, talked, talked.
You know how I hate talking to people, people I just knew.
Otherwise,
I really loved talking. Talking. Talk-ing.
I think it's really sad you know.
I'm proud of the fact that I AM mature, or at least I appear to be, or at least people think I AM.
Yet at the same time sometimes all I feel like, I'm still that idiot.
That idiotic lil kid who refuses to grow up, like deep DEEP inside. Even though she finally knew, even forced to learn how to DEAL with the world, like she's still an idiot inside.
Like sometimes all I want is to hold on to a moment forever.
Yet my rational mind tells me time is slipping away, by the moment.
Like sometimes all I want is to be with good company.
Yet my worrying mind thinks of the future and uncertainties and how bad it would be to lose something you hold on to dearly.
So why fall in, be involved in the first place?
I don't know.
I think nights do that to people, when you don't have to pretend no more.
When all you're left with is your own company,
the cold hard truth you have to face. No running away.
After which I was - su bian - about heading home/ chilling out. And Mud preferred the latter.
So we kinda headed to Tampines Mart Mac again.
N then we were kinda talking about our respective childhoods. Like,
how different.
So it's incredible how we could even be talking of all this, at that moment, of the billions and billions of people in the world. Throughout the entire course of human history.
Kindly update your links (if u would be so kind as to update them) ^. ^ =.= +.+
;rock YOU.
3:50 AM
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
WAAA thanks la I typed such a looooong final entry and forgot to publish
Shit
Anyways
I'll put it in a concise manner then.
---
I think this is it.
At some points in life, you just know when you're there, that things'll never be the same again.
That there can be no turning back, no running away from this.
And so you think the person you knew was me.
I am fully aware of my childish behaviour, shout and yell, laughing out loud; every idiocy haunted by the eternal condemnation of a soul brokwn and seared within.
Ok it wasn't THAT serious, it's just an expression.
But point is all of us pretend.
At least I pretend, all my life.
But I can't pretend I can live with not being able to feel sadness, feel pain, feel things, etc. anymore.
I can't pretend like everything is alright. Everything's fine. I cannot pretend like I am the greatest person on Earth anymore.
Not anymore.
It just gets drained out of you.
This is the second time I feel so drained of all pretence.
And I thought this would wait till after A Levels. I tell myself I will be confident and comfortable to take a cold hard look at myself when, and only when a significant portion of my life has finally came to an end.
But life is just unpredictable.
All of a sudden, something comes a long, and then you cannot be the same person you used to be anymore.
Sometimes I put on my facade I pretend so much things just become a habit.
But I can't deal with that anymore. I need to come out of my shell.
Blah blah.
So much for a final entry.
I cannot be an idiot anymore.
I miss myself.
I miss that kid who saw the best of things when I was young.
Why is the world like that? Why is life like that? I cannot sit around waiting for change to happen spontaneously anymore.
I have to be that change...
;rock YOU.
10:27 PM
Monday, May 07, 2007
Ok, I made my final decision after the official release of Canon Powershot S5Is today.
I'll get a Canon Powershot S3IS. :)
I REALLY think that P h o t o g r a p h y is absolutely cool.
They say that photography is whatever you capture on camera. And GoOd photography is say, about stories. WOW Sophiscated~I like!
WAHAHA
CANT WAIT FOR S.H.E'S NEW ALBUMMM LAAAAAAAA
;rock YOU.
6:08 PM
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Ok this is going to be one of those rare, intellectual and truthful posts that don't skim the surface of a rotting-another-life-in-the-day-of-Chen-Enjiao kinda thing.
Because I just read one of those rare, intellectual and truthful posts on a friend's blog, and that friend is none other than the OTHER laugher-er. :)
I've always been mulling over this same thing too,
but I could never quite bring them out to the open, talk about them freely.
Because we are in this Sunny Little Island.
Religion is a taboo. Freedom to believe is a right. Yeah hell right, that's like so friggin' right.
Hmm, anyways,,,
sometimes I look around me, all the changes and trends, and I think I sense a quiet revolution in the making. A change of power. A shift of paradigms. The beginning of a radically new age. The rise of the empowered, almighty individual at the centre of everything, at the heart of the world. You and me.
I see a polarisation of the world, I witness the rise of terrorism and I secretly, anticipate the end of faith. And the future of REASON. I countdown to the intolerance of tolerating the intolerable, because enough is enough, and the time has come for us to start making better use of our wEeKeNdS.
You know in Sociology they have promises of revolution. When the mass would no longer feel contented with the few in power, when they can suppress their disillusion accept false illusions no more. Blah blah.
So I like reading because it gives me knowledge.
Provides you with an intelletual horizon, an informed way of looking at things.
And it's knowledge that breeds possibilities for change because you realise, you discover that some of the stuff fed onto you are pure bullshit; you perceive a world beyond yourself, you see greater things, you think beyond yourself, you think for yourself, you learn to [finally] use your own brains, you learn to [finally] exercise reason and logic systematically, you have the confidence and capacity to be critical, you act like a Homo Sapien truly, breaking free of that automaton trained and socialised by conventions and common beliefs and all the crap in the world to deal with so that people in power will remain in power, so that unquestioning will rule us all.
No questions asked, just follow the rules.
So far so good.
But when faith fuels fanaticism, when faith stands in the way of Scientific progress, when faith encourages backward thinking, when faith obstruts the evolution of human societies,
WELL,
I think there is a growing number of people who are having problems with THIS.
And I do, in fact I kind of STRONGly believe that there can be no middle-ground.
And my belief is clear, that God does exist. My kind of God. You know, there could be a Creator of the Universe. We just don't understand him yet. And we are going to continue to look for answers instead of simply accepting mediocre and feeble explanations. The Ancients decided to make their life easier by providing simple, straight-forward answers: Yahweh, Allah, etc. to the endless human query of the existence of life. Buddha is not in this category because it's in fact quite an atheistic belief, I THINK, if I'm not wrong or mistaken. But now we have Science, and centuries have passed since the days when the Earth is flat and at the centre of the Universe [as proclaimed by an ancient Holy book] were held as common sense, idiot-proof knowledge,,,
We know better. We SHOULD have known better.
Like whatever!
I like it when Richard Dawkins said that: Society bends over backward to be accommodating to religious sensibilities but not to other kinds of sensibilities. If I say something offensive to religious people, I'll be universally censured, including by many atheists. But if I say something insulting about Democrats or Republicans or the Green Party, one is allowed to get away with that. Hiding behind the smoke screen of untouchability is something religions have been allowed to get away with for too long.
I was supposed to sleep early, by the way,,,HEEE
Actually the thing is,
after I stopped believing in Religion at around Upper Primary or Secondary School,
I was sitting on the fence regarding this issue because I thought it best to keep your options open, have the best of both sides.
But then when I read my first book of Philosophy ever, that chapter on Does God Exist? made me see and accept only ONE possibility, one way of looking at things and understanding the world. Through a questioning and critical lens.
Anyways I think I'm just kind of meant to be an atheist in a sense because I do watch Harry Potter I like shows with vampires I enjoy movies with good violence appropriate levels of lust I tend to be particularly interested in censored movies I like people who are cool and proud of their sexuality who use birth control appropriately and I love spending my weekends being a G L U T T O N and the sight of headlines like this cynic-ises me
Pope Rejects Condoms As a Counter to AIDS Church Doctrine on Abstinence Affirmed By Daniel WilliamsWashington Post Foreign ServiceSunday, January 23, 2005; Page A23 ROME, Jan. 22 -- After several days of unusual public debate among senior figures in the Roman Catholic Church, Pope John Paul II on Saturday reaffirmed church teaching that urges abstinence and marital fidelity to stop the spread of AIDS and forbids condoms.
Can you believe this?
In the 21st century.
When people are not being fed and infant mortality rate is high, and birth numbers are still increasing, increasing. You have a perfect answer from the Divine: Let the numbers multiply!
And words like this skeptic-ises me
COLLINS: There are sincere believers who interpret Genesis 1 and 2 in a very literal way that is inconsistent, frankly, with our knowledge of the universe's age or of how living organisms are related to each other. St. Augustine wrote that basically it is not possible to understand what was being described in Genesis. It was not intended as a science textbook. It was intended as a description of who God was, who we are and what our relationship is supposed to be with God. Augustine explicitly warns against a very narrow perspective that will put our faith at risk of looking ridiculous. If you step back from that one narrow interpretation, what the Bible describes is very consistent with the Big Bang.
And I say that 'Religion' is not intended as Religion, it was not intended as an ultimate truth, the only answer.
It was intended as comfort to those in awe of nature and has no means to explore and explain things, it was intended as a possible answer, that we now know with as many physical evidence as possible, to be utterly misled. In other words, completely wrong.
God is a probability,
and I say that we don't know the answers yet, but we are struggling to understand, as Richard Dawkins put it.
Meanwhile all there is to this issue that we know for sure is, well, all this, this much that we know.
May I just say once again that I like it when Richard Dawkins says this: Society bends over backward to be accommodating to religious sensibilities but not to other kinds of sensibilities. If I say something offensive to religious people, I'll be universally censured, including by many atheists. But if I say something insulting about Democrats or Republicans or the Green Party, one is allowed to get away with that. Hiding behind the smoke screen of untouchability is something religions have been allowed to get away with for too long.
I like being an immoral Gemini borne in the year of the Dragon who believes in music and movies, the good life, the American dream, the fallen and the rotten and etc.
;rock YOU.
10:45 PM
WOOO I think the R E D S P I D E R L I L Y is totally whacked.
Came across it in vast bodies of literature, movies, and even songs, for example that song named after the flower itself by Faye Wong...
I like the redness and the symbolism of it.
Like some kind of violent, bloody desperation. It's poisonous too.
Went to Kovan Prata with Mildred and Tan Ah Tong...
RAN into GRASS&MuShRoOm, and I was like: OMG OMG.
And I was like: Why do people I know is all the same pattern one... When Mushroom was like, self-deluding about me gazing at her 'chio' face.
Like, rawrrr
Walked about, preordered S.H.E's P L A Y!
Ate at Prata shop, and talked. Talked. Talked.
Oh.my.sky... Is all I can say.
WAHAHA
;rock YOU.
5:39 PM
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Bringing to you the beautiful skies of Pasir Ris...
WAHAHA
That white dot is the MOON.
Stay tuned for more! (:
WAHAHA
Update update!
Friggin' tired in school today... Because we went to Miss Clarity Cafe last night for dinner, and walked about a bit. GEEZ.
US.
PE was fun!!! ((=
Anyways, I think I'm gonna go cut my hair this weekend.
As always, wanna keep the length...
But some parts of my hair has grown far too long far too dense larrr
Roarrr I hate having hair that looks rebonded. GEEZZZ
I THINK horrr
ERRR
EHHH
Wells, no wonder they call HAIR 3 thousand strands of worry/ trouble/ blah blah. HAIII
ANYWAYS
I'm really thrilled about going on an Overseas Graduation Trip with 203...
I don't mind Thailand/ Cambodia/ Malaysia/ Indonesia/ India/ China/ HK/ Taiwan!!!
WAHAHA
WOOTS
;rock YOU.
5:45 PM
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
I actually think that Spiderman 3 kind of suck-ed.
DUHHH.
Looking forward to eating at Miss Clarity Cafe with 203 girls tml! HEE
I love eating, and COMMUNICATING. ((=
There's nothing in this world like good food and great company!
WAHAHA
Gotta go study for Maths liao!
;rock YOU.
7:31 PM
Why do I always run into shitload with the discipline department???
RAWRRR if authority is having problem with people acting like individuals, well I figure it's high-time for a power shift. But then we are talking about this little red dot called Singapore, whereby Education and teachers rock the world.
Like HELLLLL yeah,
one day I'll be out of here. (:
And wild? I think Singapore has never seen w i l d like WOWWW. WAHAHAHA
Can't stand all the structural rigidities and rules and regulations lar like *BEEP!*
Went to watch 200 Pound Beauty with some of the girls,
ran into Celsius, Kelvin's twin brother. LOL
That movie totally kicks ass.
The female lead is like friggin chio, hot, with great vocals. Innocence.
Not to mention the charming male lead too.
Blah blah, I think if you ignore the fact that the movie almost seems to be encouraging, justifying ENTIRE make-overs,
it's pretty good!
TOTALLY WORTH THE MONEY.
Somehow this Kim Ah-Joong, something like that, reminds me of this girl from My Name is Kim Sam Soon too.
I wouldn't be surprised if anyone told me they're sisters... LOL
;rock YOU.
10:59 AM
>>descY
chronicles of a genius
lifetime of the GREAT
legacy of perfection
epitome of intellect
embodiment of knowledge legend of a modern human
breaking of the MYTH of the impossibility of success,
of static destinies,
of destituted fates,
of the inverse relationship btwn good looks & depth of thought =Pp
>>profileY
ENJIAO here =DD trying to think of an ENGRISH name for myself...CIEL!?!? =DD
>>playlistY
all-time faves:
jia BY nan quan mama
wo ai ni, yuan fang BY S.H.E
life's a struggle BY shawn song
shi ren BY Z. Chen
heng xing de heng xin BY mayday
imagine u n me BY simple plan
glamorous sky BY mika
faint BY linkin park
lose yourself, crazy in love BY eminem
when i think of all-time faves i think of songs that DeFINE ME a person. ((=
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