No promise for tomorrow

I read about this on another blog, about posting something every day for 30 days. I think I'm going to try that. I've gotten out of the habit of writing much, and it is really nice to be able to read back over things that happened months ago. So, tomorrow (month of May) starts my 30 Days of Blogging. :)

No, I don't think this is sour grapes, rather, maturity on my part. Plus a deeper understanding on what truly matters in life.

Engagement rings are getting bigger and flashier every year. It seems like women want to one-up each other. I was no different. Like a typical woman, I appreciate shiny things, and I had been hoping for something eye-catching when E would propose.

The ring he gave me is not flashy, probably not terribly expensive (not saying it's cheap, just not crazy expensive), but it's beautiful and it's OURS. Every day I like it more and more.

At lunch with my sister today, she asked me if I had shown E my previous engagement ring. No, I have not. (My previous engagement ring was quite a bit larger, very expensive, but also stayed on layaway for 5+ years, long after we were married. Seriously.) She asked if I was going to ask that we return this one and pick out a bigger one together. No, I'm not. Big, flashy diamonds don't mean anything. They don't mean a better or easier marriage, truer love, or deeper commitment. The whole point of an engagement ring is just a symbol of the engagement - of the promise to be together. That, and maybe a "BACK OFF" signal to other men, LOL.

Like I said, every day I like my ring more. My ring is basically 2 smaller diamonds, snuggled next to each other. I look at it many times every day, and each time it makes me think of the two of us, bonded, united. It is a sweet thought.

I hope this does really mean I have grown as a person, past a little bit of materialism we are all guilty of.

Peace (and love) to you all.

Bob Marley and Lauryn Hill - you can't go wrong with that combination.

What number am I on? Probably best not to count.

It hit me the other day that every semester I am closer to actually being in the nursing program at school (right now doing pre-requisites). Every semester I am closer to having to wear those awful white pants - blech. White is generally not friendly to big asses. At least my big ass. :P

Since I had to clean out my fridge anyway (work being done at my house, emptied everything), I took the opportunity to say BYE-BYE to the junk food I had laying around. I made a quick stop into Whole Foods yesterday and picked up a few lower carb/healthier options. Things like celery sticks and fresh ground almond butter (like peanut butter, except with almonds). Today is Day 1 and so far I've done OK. I'm having cravings but I am not allowing myself to eat any fast food. That is a slippery slope for me. So I've crunched on my celery sticks, ate a container of those delicious fresh mozzarella balls (8 oz of cheese - I probably shouldn't admit that) and am hoping to get through it. Withdrawals suck!

Keep thinking white pants!

Yes, I am engaged. Please hold your applause.

This weekend was the 1-year anniversary of E and I dating. We were lying on the bed, watching TV, I mentioned my new ring (cheap, but cute) and showed him. He replied it was nice and said, "Let's see...what do I have here? I think this might look nice on your finger as well." He reached in his nightstand and slipped it on my finger. I was speechless.

He said he'd had it for a while, had just been waiting. I asked him what he had been waiting for, he just shrugged and said he was waiting for the right time. He's been especially sweet and hopeful for our future recently. Driving to check out a house I emailed him about, taking steps toward putting one of his houses up for sale rather than renting it again. Saying we'll find a way, he wants to make this work. All steps toward us being together. And no, I'm not getting rid of the dogs.

I told a few friends who were happy for me. Unfortunately my family couldn't be bothered to at least pretend to do the same. My sister started out by saying she was worried about me and listed several reasons ranging from him taking my money to being trapped in another country if he decides to pull a "Not Without My Daughter" move (see movie with Sally Field). She ended by saying that she wants nothing to do with this and walked off. My mother was a little more diplomatic but still not supportive and definitely not happy. My aunt said the ring was pretty but no congratulations or anything. The other people in the room didn't say anything. Really disappointing. I suppose it's my own fault since they mainly only hear about him when we're going through a rough time. He's only ever met my mom, so they really haven't had a chance to get to know him.

Luckily one of my friends I talked to today, gave me a pep talk. She said that yes E and I have our problems, but who doesn't. He doesn't hit me, or say mean things to me, or try to take my money. She says that that I deserve to find happiness, and that if I have found it with him, everyone else can kiss my butt! LOL

I know that mostly people just want me to be happy, and I do appreciate concern, but...I don't know...I just feel so bummed after seeing my family today.

Ah, the monthly spiral into depression. At least something in my life is fairly dependable. Not only am I sore, exhausted, bloated, leaking, I get to wallow in self-pity just a little bit more for the next few days. Great timing to talk to my brother-in-law and be reminded of the baby (and soon to be considered my husband-incarnate I'm sure) that is a very sore spot for me.

I feel bad typing that, but if I can't be honest in my blog, where can I be?

Please send emergency supplies - Advil and ice cream. :(

My birthday came and went on April 1st very quietly. It's probably laughable to those older than me, but I was really worrying about it. I felt I was getting "old." Well, the world didn't stop turning, I didn't get any new gray hairs (please God, the ones I have are enough!) and it was a pretty uneventful day. I did receive a wonderful surprise gift of flowers that are STILL looking good (now 9 days later) and that was really nice. Other than that, I didn't celebrate in any way, just wasn't in the mood.

E (yes, still seeing him) and I were supposed to go on "vacation" the 4-5 days following my birthday, although he somehow decided (on his own, without getting my opinion) that we would just go to a small town about 45 minutes away from my home. We ended up staying there for about 4 hours, and had a good time, and we went to the zoo the following day. However, it was disappointing that I took 2 days off from work and put my 3 dogs in the kennel (expensive!) and we didn't even stay overnight anywhere. Kind of a letdown.

I am almost done with this semester at school (less than a month left) and while it's nice that I am further along than I was this time last year, it's still discouraging that most of my classmates are 5-10 years younger than me. I should be so much further along. But, life happens, and we have to deal as best we can. So, I'm dealing.