No promise for tomorrow

How did it get to be nearly April and I haven't written? There's too much to catch up everything, but the main events have been school and the new guy.

School:
I received my official acceptance into the nursing program. Very exciting! I spent a week running around getting paperwork, titers, TB test, exams, drug test, background check, fingerprinting, etc. This coming Monday is my all-day orientation where we get the class schedule. I'll be in the evening/weekend program; I decided to do this because the day program is at the old campus with the tiny, uncomfortable desks. Maybe a stupid reason to choose a program but hey, I've got to be comfy. The program actually starts May 10 I think, so this will give me over a month to think, obsess, and plan how I will make this work. I don't know if I will have a job when school starts because my boss is not too happy about me not being available 24/7 anymore, but if that happens then oh well. I am NOT letting anything interfere with my school. I have worked too damn hard for it.

New guy:
T is cute but weird. He is insecure about several things: his financial stuff, his car, his height...I'm sure there's more. He doesn't tell me this but I pick up on it. His personality at first glance has him as very outgoing and confident, but I think it's an act, like "fake it 'til you make it". I had talked on the phone with him a few times and felt overwhelmed, like my personality couldn't keep up with his. I had agreed to meet him for dinner but cancelled because of this. He wrote the sweetest reply and asked me to reconsider. I did, and I'm glad I did. His online profile says he's 35, but thanks to my googling skills I think he's really 40. I haven't flat out asked him his age, so he hasn't exactly lied to me, but this brings up thoughts of E, and how he did lie about his age. I also found something about a prior arrest that gave me pause. Turns out charges were dropped, and it's a non-issue for me now, but I'm sure he's nervous about me finding out. I'm not going to bring it up at this time, I want him to tell me. T is in the Army Reserves, but activated to full-time, and is currently posted about an hour away from me. Not too bad. His civilian job and regular home is about two hours away. Still not bad, considering with E it was three hours. This has been the breakdown of our dates so far...

1st Date - The plan was to meet for dinner, we went to a steakhouse. Then he suggested a movie, during which he held my hand and didn't try anything else. Then when we were walking out, he asked did I want to see another movie, so we stayed for another. Yes, 5+ hours of movies. He kept thanking me for meeting him, and he kissed my hand twice but didn't try to kiss me otherwise or hug me or anything like that.

2nd Date - We met at a kind of "country" seafood restaurant. He was starting an intense course (he's an instructor) so could only meet for about an hour, but at least we got to see each other. He made a comment about how it's important for us not to go too long without seeing each other, especially when just starting out. I think that's pretty insightful. Of course the booth where we sat was tiny and I felt really fat, and then the first bite of food I take I drop on my shirt, but I just laughed about it and we had a nice time. He gave me an awkward hug at the end.

3rd Date - Salad bar. He chose this place (he always chooses, by the way) because he has a physical fitness test coming up and he is trying to lose a few pounds. I am not really that fond of salad (that's part of my problem LOL) but I am flexible. During dinner I brought up his birthday, since his profile says he's a Taurus so would mean it's coming up soon. He did not want to talk about it, and said something about not celebrating many birthdays when he was a child. I didn't like that he avoided it, but I didn't want to prod too much if it was a painful subject, so I dropped it. After dinner we went to the movie theater. He likes to see whatever movie is starting around that time, whereas I like to see a specific movie. He chose a super-cheesy chick flick that I really didn't like, but again, I am trying to be flexible. He held my hand again and gave me a hug at the end. I like that he is comfortable being seen with me in public and holding my hand in front of others, etc.

4th Date - We actually got to spend about six hours together. We met at the mall, then I drove us (he doesn't know the city, but also I know he is embarassed about his car). The plan was to go to the zoo, but we got there and it was so crowded, we decided to check out Kingsley Plantation (I suggested), this historic site in the zoo area. That turned out to be a good idea, and we walked around the grounds, holding hands, and it was nice. I am noticing he likes to be the leader in a relationship. The way he would gesture for me to hold his hand, while kind of sweet, was also a little bit odd... I'm not sure how to exactly describe it. We had lunch at a Japanese restaurant (he chose) and I asked him about his middle name (he had shown me a card with his middle initial on it, so I asked what the letter stood for) and he didn't want to tell me. I told him he was very mysterious, with the secret birthday and the secret middle name. Things got a little awkward for a minute, he said some things about being hurt before, being slow to trust, whatever. I don't really like the excuses but I am trying to be patient. I showed him one of the Filipino stores I go to (Joe was Filipino, and so is T) and he got really excited about that. He loved it, and I loved sharing that with him. We had dinner at a Japanese steakhouse (I guess it was Asian theme day LOL) and at one point he put his hand on my knee under the table. I put my hand on his, and it was like that for a minute, but then he pulled away. I dropped him back off at the mall to get his car, we had a semi-hug while sitting in the car, and then we drove away. Still no kiss.

5th Date - Salad bar again, ugh. He is still preparing for his run and so is trying to eat light. I like that he is making time to see me even though he's busy, but he is also pretty much controlling our relationship with his schedule constraints and his choices for where we go. Maybe that's my fault for not speaking up with my opinions more? Although he's not exactly asking for my opinion too much either. He suggested a movie after dinner, I did say that I didn't want to see the Alice in Wonderland movie because I thought it was creepy. I think he was a little disappointed since they were offering it in 3D (he's a bit of a dork, LOL) but said OK and we ended up seeing another cheesy chick flick. He acted a little odd in the theater, bouncing in his seat too much when laughing, kicking the seat in front of him (thank God no one sat there), and he even took his shoes off and put them up on the back of the seat. He did hold my hand a lot and it felt comfortable, which was nice. After the movie we went to the bookstore and at one point he was showing me lunges in the aisle? Weird. He also asked a few times did he look like someone ready for a 2 mile run. See? Insecure. He gave me three hugs after he walked me back to my car. I tried to give hints that I was open for more, I tried keeping the hug longer, I tried suggesting that maybe we should make the date go a little longer, but it didn't work.

The next day he texted me that he was laying in bed thinking how hungry he was. I texted back that I wished I had worked up the nerve to kiss him before. He said that all he could focus on was his weight and his upcoming run, but that he would have been really flattered. What the heck is that supposed to mean? We will have the 6th Date tonight, it will be after the run and he is talking about gorging himself at the buffet. I am not excited about this date, other than being able to see him. I am interested to see what happens. The last couple of days he has seemed to open up a little more to me, and I think that is a positive sign. Last night he texted me "Good night my love" which was different! Usually he says "my sweet" so I wonder if this was an accidental slip, or did he really mean it? I didn't mention it though, and I'm going to just let him take the lead on that.