No, not anymore!
I was over the moon a few days after
coming back from the UK as I learnt that I have got a First for my exams. The
feeling of being one of those few who made the cut and putting myself on par
with some of the countries’ brightest was great. A week after that, the
breakdown was out on the university system and I logged in to calculate my overall
percentage. As I scrolled down the page, I saw an ‘F’. I yelled out an ‘F’ word
too. I couldn’t believe what was happening. A First but with a failure in one
core module. For real?!
I asked around and all of my friends did
way better than they expected. One friend whom I tutored and supported got a
2:2 mark. That reaffirmed me that my mark for the module could have been
mistakenly calculated or keyed in to the system. Without wasting much time, I
emailed the secretary of the exam board for a recheck of my script. Yesterday
night I received his reply and my heart sank. There wasn’t any error in my mark
and he even provided me with my raw mark.
So I called dad to tell him the ‘bad’
news. It was too hard for me to tell him what had happened that I paused for a
while when he picked up the phone. I am sure dad would not have expected this
as the other day when I told him about the ‘error’, he backed me. I am feeling
guilty for letting down my dad, for not living up to expectations. I hate
myself for not studying harder and letting slip the chance of getting exempted
from a professional paper.
Now, it’s time to pick up the pieces and
mend my heart. I will have to re-study the materials again and resit for the
professional paper which costs 200 plus pounds.
Thank God, I will still be
allowed to continue on the course after being informed by my tutor.
I will have myself to be blamed for what’s
going on. *sigh* A painful and expensive lesson.
V
