Hello Gary,

It's been 13 years since you last posted. Singapore now is currently locked down due to Covid-19.
I'm so bored at home I decided to come back and take a look.

Reading your past posts. I can't how believe how terrible your English was. I'm relieved that it is much better now. Also, what's with all the emo, self-loathing retrospective posts. Jeez grow a pair. And stop talking in cutesy lingo. Yes you were 18 but still that is something to be ashamed of.

Looking back, I think you always wanted to do well in Poly but lacked the discipline and the sense of purpose. You griped about the inevitable monotony of life but that is all you did, you complained. Just like a sheltered 18 year old teenager that did not have the slightest inkling of how society works. That's alright though, you found out later in life that everything happens for a reason and it is exactly all these little things that mould you into the person you are today.

I guessed something snapped in you during all the hours of standing in the middle of the night, doing guard duty during your NS days. What am I going to do after ORD? Am I going to be a bum and play games all day and work as little as possible?

That was when you decided to study hard in the best school you could possibly get into. You didn't want to live a "standard" life then, but that is what you HAD to do. You didn't have the luxury of choice. Your parents are getting older day by day. What do you have to offer? I'm proud that you sunk in all the savings from your NSF days to pay your school fees. The only splurge you had was a pair of Nudie jeans for your 22nd birthday. It wasn't the best school but you understood you were a student and you had nothing to lose. You had to play your part. I respect the hundreds of hours you spent studying what you absolutely hated 3 years ago. You did well and graduated amongst the top in your cohort. I knew you always had it in you!

That was the first hurdle down. Equipped with whatever accolades you have, you delved into the job market. Remember your first interview? You absolutely bombed it. Definitely one of the most humiliating experiences in your life. That's when you realised people actually PREPARED for interviews. You learnt and held on for 5months without income and a buttload of study debt. Do not forget how Mom didn't put pressure on you to get a job and gave you some money so you could get proper formal wear for your first aforementioned disaster of an interview.

5 months later, you caved. You took whatever you could get. It came in the form of a Citibank back-office role in Changi Biz Park, exactly 100mins from where you lived. You bit the bullet, took the role and paid Mom back asap. You told yourself 1.5years is when you will leave, and you started on CFA level 1 to differentiate yourself. You knew this was the start and you had to keep going. You studied during the day and worked the graveyard shift til 1am. Your role got outsourced 1.5years later, and you joined a hedge fund.

3 years later and CFA 2 done and dusted, you joined another hedge fund. You found yourself the love of your life 2 years ago whom supported you wholeheartedly while you were juggling studies and work. You and her applied for a BTO and will be moving in probably in 2023. You are making a very comfortable salary and you are exactly who you did not want to be 13 years ago - someone that is stuck in a desk job with no purpose in life.

And yet through this journey, you found that purpose - which is to improve the quality of your life, the lives of people around you, and will eventually be with you. The luxury of choice and the privilege of comfort is what you now thrive to provide to your family. I want my kids to be able to choose what they want to do in life and my parents to retire without need of worry. I want to enjoy things in life - food, travel, relive the love I have for cooking, learn new skills (pottery) and to pick up where I left off in learning Japanese after all these years. Being able to do these IS a privilege, and I'm thankful you made the decision to work so hard to lay a solid groundwork.

10 years later, I hope you have a stable, high paying job, a solid passive income portfolio, happily married with 2 kids and probably a dog. You became the person you hated. But you will love yourself and your family more, 10 years later down the road when you savour the fruits of your labour. It will be a long battle and it has only just started!

and yes, you made it to Japan. 3 times so far in fact - 2013, 2017 and 2019. It was and still is your favourite country.

Good job buddy, it has been a long long long 13 years thus far. I'm proud of you.

See you maybe in another 10.

Best,
You from 2020

last week, after school, i took the train home.


i slept at jurong east as usual.
i was so tired,


i slept til yio chu kang.


and i tot thats the dumbest thing ever alrdy.




today, i used almost 1hrs and 45mins to get home,
instead of the usual 1hr.






i slept at jurong east again.


i woke at khatib.
"damn!" i thought to myself.


then i alighted and took the opposite train home.


from khatib, i reached yishun.
3 more stops to wdlands.


suddenly!


i felt drowsy.
"i shall close my eyes and rest," i thought.


when i open my eyes.




damn.


kranji.


(actually i woke at marsiling, like 20 secs before the train door closed and went to kranji,
as i was digesting the info about where i am im right now, whether shld i alight, etc,
but i shall skip that cos the digesting part made me look stupid)


then i take train back to wdlands again.




that shall go in to my list of stupid things done.