Final Words

So everyone! ...Hello? ...Anyone there? Um...yeah, so I expected this. No one will be reading my blog anymore. I've been back for 3 months now, and there is really no reason why anyone would be trekking back here. However, I wanted to finish off this blog permanently with some final evaluations, because one of the biggest parts about studying abroad is dealing with the aftermath. Basically, what have we learned? And how will this newfound knowledge affect us? And what sort of changes will we make in our lives, as we return to the original state of things?

These are rather big questions. Ones that I'm not fully prepared to answer, even now. But I will tell you this--I have truly learned to live. Even back at Harvard, I refuse to let the drudgery that is school keep me back from enjoying my life...that I have now. Each day is not promised to me, as my mother and father often said to me as a child. And this rings true even more, now that I try as much as possible to do at least one thing a day that makes me happy. This is such a contrast to the "old me", who would live only for school, and shave off all unnecessary social interaction, physical activity, and hedonistic pursuit of pleasure. I've decided, I cannot do everything Harvard requires of me--so I'm changing the rules. Harvard is going to start doing what I require of it. I will do what I want, because I want to. And if I don't, then I won't (or do the bare minimum). Sure, my grades begin to show my displeasure, but they would show that anyway, because I absolutely cannot do something intellectual that does not engage me. It is not like the mechanical business of stuffing envelopes--something highly disengaging that often must be done. That I can handle. But if I'm going to be required to write several pages on dead people's opinions, it better resonate with me.

That was a bit tangential. Harvard makes me passionate! Übrigens I just wanted to say that it was the BEST. DECISION. EVER. to study abroad. And all those rough times, when I cried myself to sleep, when I laid alone in my bed at night, my computer hooked up to my American VPN, watching Netflix while eating Käsespätzle and chips, when I endured painfully infuriating sexual harassment, when I wanted to blow up Germany, when even the slightest syllable of Deutsch would roll effortlessly off of someone's tongue, a feat I still cannot manage to do, when I would come home exhausted from the day, when my senses were continually in a state of high alert, all of those times are nothing. They are nothing but a speck of dust on the grand spectrum of my delight. The good times were so many, that I cannot even make a list of them like the one above. And therefore, I will go back. I must go back, actually.

My travels, my progress, the things I learned, my internship, the food, and most importantly my friendships frame my memories. My friendships. My dates. My boyfriends. It was such a new, deep human experience. And just like before, humans never cease to amaze me or exasperate me. The most memorable of these interactions will one day find themselves in a future novel or a poem of mine, creating the vital and unique structure that makes my writing distinctive--and equally successful.

So, simply put, thank you Germany. Danke schön.

________

It's been such a pleasure writing this blog. I feel empty without it. I may create a new one, logging the terribly mundane events that mark my day to day now. But hey, I do have a penchant for inflating the mundane and spinning it into something wonderfully vibrant and almost unrecognizable. In other words, I'm good at being dramatic. ;) If I do take on this new venture, I'll place a link to it on here. Thank you, thank you, thank you, to all my readers and those who took the time out to give me feedback. I'm so happy I got to share my experience with you. Hopefully you learned a thing or two, or maybe you just realized how much you hate my writing style???

With so much love,

A.

Vienna!

More of Munich

Munich from my family's visit...it was hard to find photos without us in them!!!

My parents' and my little sister's visit

This is ridiculously late, but during and after my family's visit, my life exploded and I had no time to spare...especially none to write an hours long blog post. However, I've been feeling extremely guilty, and now that I'm back in America, I have a bit more time. So why not try to rack my brain, and write down some memories before they go completely away?

My parents and my little sister came to visit me in Munich at the end of June, beginning of July. They stayed about 10 days, and it was absolutely amazing. Unfortunately, I did have class and work during their stay, but I was able to miss a couple things, and spend more than enough time with them. It was exhausting, but I felt like they throughly enjoyed themselves.

I'd been looking forward to their visit soooooooooooooooooo much. Since my twin left, it was pretty much the only thing I had left to look forward to. And when they arrived, it was magical for me.

Their plane was delayed, and when they stepped off the plane, two of them were pretty grumpy. I expected a dramatic hug / scene, but instead I was the only one being dramatic. With long hugs and a sudden flood of tears, I looked a mess. But they were quick, and wanted us to move out of the way, and get food. I composed myself and took control. It would be the first of many times I would take control, a very unusual thing. I bought my mom and sister some German delights, and we were on our way to Munich! We decided to take the train after all, which excited me because they could see some of the countryside.

We visited almost everything good in Munich--Marienplatz, Odeonsplatz, the Olympic Center, Schloss Nymphenburg, the Neue Pinakothek, etc. But one of the things we did that I had not done already was visit the Residenz. I loved it! I can't believe I waited so long. It was a fine palace, full of history, and one could easily spend several hours touring the place. We had to speed through eventually because people were tired from low blood sugar...hahaha basically we were starving. We go to get "fish sandwiches", which was a disappointment I think. My twin sister was raving over a sandwich she ate while she was here, and then my family wanted to try it to. But I thought she was talking about some other place, and we went there, and it was just okay (I never go to this place. Ever. The idea of a fish sandwich makes me want to vomit.).

We also visited Vienna for a couple days. That was an experience. I liked the city (what I saw of it) and I really enjoyed the diversity of the people. We had a nice apartment too. But the train ride there was hellish; if I knew then what I know now, we would have done things very differently. But of course, I waited until last minute to purchase tickets...which meant they were rather expensive. So I decided to use the Bayern ticket to get us to Salzburg and then buy regular train tickets for the Salzburg to Vienna trip. But it was a Friday afternoon...which meant a terribly over-crowded train from Salzburg to Vienna. The first class tickets would have been worth the price!!! Interestingly enough, the trains on the way back to Munich on Sunday were nearly empty...

I had unbelievable amounts of fun with my parents and little sister, but I was exhausted by the time they left! And it was only 10 days! I was so proud of them though...within a few days of arriving they were navigating the U-Bahn like pros! :) While it was sad to see them go, I was okay knowing I'd see them all again in a month.

Oh, and my dad and Edeka...hahahaha everyday. ;) He hated the tap water there. :)

I just stole my mom's SD card from her camera so I'll upload a few pictures of the trip next.

The End

As of 4 days ago, I've been in America. Whoa. I arrived on August 8th, and boy, let me tell you, that trip was not easy at all. Nor was the jetlag. I was fine going to Germany, but coming back? Couldn't cope...

I'm delighted to be back home, in my old familiar house, with my family. But I would be lying if I said I didn't miss Germany. It's a lot to get used to, being back in America, but at the same time, it's wonderfully EASY. It is familiar to me, and I never feel as though I must always be on guard, merely because I'm slow at understanding what's happening around me. The American way of life is deeply rooted within me, a fact I must admit even as I grow irritated at some of our ways. It's in my bones, and there is no other place in this world that I will ever feel so attached to.

It's good to be home.

Blog posts about my parents' and sister's trip coming soon! Just trying to currently get some papers done and prepare for a big exam! I hope to do it at the latest this weekend, so that I still remember all the good stuff. ;)

My face for the past week. Life.

This look often occurs when people stare at me. I figure that if, when they stare at me, I give them such a disapproving look of disgust, they'll think twice.

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

Some Thoughts

As I'm feeling quite pensive lately, and as I have no desire to work on my project, I want to write about something close to my heart lately.

This relates to the Wilde quote I just posted earlier today. I got it from an article written by The Harvard Crimson (Harvard's famous undergraduate newspaper). I normally don't like The Crimson, but today's article really impressed me. If you want to read it for yourself, here is the link.

Lately this is something I've experienced often. As I have gotten older and neared the end of my incredible undergraduate adventure, I am also repeatedly confronted with substantial lack of enthusiasm from my fellow human beings. And it's not just a Harvard thing, like the article implies (it just may happen on a whole. 'nother. level.). It is just how we are I think. A couple of years ago, I was watching a documentary on the History Channel about the seven sins. There was like this question, something along the lines of: would you rather make $50,000 a year and everyone else around you makes $25,000, or would you rather make $100,000 a year and everyone else around you makes $200,000? Something like that. Anyways, most people chose the former option, even though the latter would clearly mean a higher-quality of life in the world.

So: I wonder if I will ever reach a point in my life where I cannot be genuinely happy for someone else's success. If I do, I will most likely be a very dark place. My mother always said that I need to "cut off" those who bring me down and surround myself with those who are better. And for now, I don't mind being in a position of subordination. I mean, I love learning from those who have done things that I have not yet had the opportunity to do...or that I will never have the opportunity to do. This is probably related to my habit of downplaying my achievements, because for me, I don't need other people to celebrate me. I'm looking out for me, and when I can sleep at night satisfied with myself, I am content. Braggards get on my nerves--wait, that is SUCH an understatement, because they actually make me want to obliterate them from the face of this earth--and people who also feel the need to puff themselves up in my presence. I'm hardly a threat. ;)

I am just deeply affected by the inability of some of my friends and acquaintances to share in the joys of success. Of course, these same people may (or may not) be capable of showing admirable sympathy in times of duress (do we feel better seeing others suffer??), but the moment something unimaginably delightful happens, I'm often left standing alone. At times like these, I begin to lose my optimism for humanity.

Now don't get me wrong--my best friends and my family never disappoint. I know that they are behind me, forever.

For example, I feel as though I had some rough months at the beginning of my time in Munich. But things got progressively better. And for others it either stayed the same or got progressively worse. After a few stings, I now no longer share parts of my life with these people. It would be futile for me to simply give rise to more jealousy.

'Cause that's what it really is, guys. Jealousy. No matter how you put it.  

Okay. I do acknowledge that it IS hard to be happy for someone when you are going through trials. Just as it CAN hard to be unhappy and sympathetic for someone's pain when you are bursting at the seems with joy. But as far as I know, those in my experience are not at these extremes. They lie rather in the middle, and simply can't stand for others to succeed...and for others to be better than they are. Some people take this so personally. I cannot help but think if these same people grew up in the same circumstances that I did, that they would be, well, used to this. Some people expect me to be less due to my appearance. In the past, I've had to prove myself again and again. I mean, my parents always told us growing up, that there is always someone better than you. That's just life. It was very humbling. :D

I delight in sharing my joy. I love sharing yours. I guess everyone wasn't blessed with such a capacity for understanding. And that I will have to live with. I won't grow bitter though. I'll continue celebrating myself and others, and maybe someone else will finally "wonder where my secret lies".

This is all badly written and disjointed, and I apologize in advance for that. I just hope you guys were able to follow me somewhat.

So if you're in Munich, and a large black girl (probably in mismatched, colorful clothing)  approaches you randomly and throws a compliment you're direction, don't be alarmed. It's just harmless old me, who doesn't mind telling a stranger that they are KILLING it today with that outfit. Just spreading a bit of cheer.

Oscar Wilde

Another favorite. These lyrics...just...yes, girl. Yes.

One of my favorites. I wish I could have the sheet music, because that piano just kills me.

Alicia Keys > Beyonce ?

I'm literally in heaven right now. I have rediscovered Alicia Key's album Songs In A Minor. I remember being first exposed to it because it was my mom's "car-CD" for months. I was very young, and I loved the melodies. I think it was before I'd even started piano lessons. Yeah, it was, because we were still in California. Anyways, now that I'm older and more experienced, I appreciate her complex melodies, old-school beats, and lyrics all the more!!! My heart hurts. Over the years, a few songs I've listened to occasionally, but listening to the whole album from beginning to end is like a drug. I plan to listen to all her albums again today, ending with her latest, from which I've only heard the main singles (and was not quite moved).

But everyone knows I love depressing music.

Songs In A Minor and The Diary of Alicia Keys are works of art. Magical. The Element of Freedom was also very enjoyable, with a certain intangible grandness that really made me feel like I was soaring too. But it can't beat that pain and grunge-like feeling in the first 2...especially the first one. You never forget the first. ;)

Why This Blog Is Boring Now

Hey everyone! I just wanted to say that I'm sorry the blog isn't so captivating anymore. I'm not taking many trips this semester. I'm working, keeping busy, and when I do go somewhere new in Munich, I just don't feel like lugging my camera around and being all touristy. :) So the interesting stuff will come at the end of the month when...MY PARENTS AND BABY SIS ARRIVE!!! I'm getting excited...even though it stresses me out that I haven't found 1. a place for them to stay the last night of their vist and 2. a hotel in Vienna. But I'm going to try not to worry about it. I got some other stuff to worry about. I resolve to do further planning this weekend.

I am quite impressed with myself. I have only wanted to blow up Studentenstadt three times since this music festival started. It hasn't been as bad as I thought it was, even though I'm sure I would be suffering even more, if it were warm and sunny, and there would be more people hollarin' outside...and I would also need to open my window to let in some air because this room gets steamy. So I guess I do appreciate the doom and gloom rain, just a bit.

I am SOOOOOOOOOO EXCITED that this four-day long festival will be done tonight! It's the last day!!!! 

I hate people. Especially when the party comes to me. I prefer that I go to the party, because when it comes to me, I go irate because I can't chillax. The remotest possibility of sleep comes only when I jam my earplugs into the deepest recesses of my ears. This action also increases my death-while-sleeping chances because I can't hear anything. Which means I am an easy target for serial killers and fire.

I mean, why is it that being drunk, and hollarin' (hollarin' is the extreme version of hollering, for those who don't know), and bad dancing fun??? Come on...especially in the cold and rain??? I'm not quite sure why this behavior is idolized and encouraged in our Western society. Used to be, that reading a book was appreciated. I guess I'm just really critical right now because stupid mariachi music is blasting through my windows. I can't even watch a movie to fall asleep.

Is all this hollarin' normal? I don't go to a party school, but is it just Germans that hollar all the time? These deep, lustful, throaty yells? They kinda make me afraid, because I get fake flashbacks of the Deep South and slave hunts (obviously memories from a former life...or implants from too many slave movies).

But for real. I love Sunday because it's so quiet. I look forward to tomorrow more than usual. I wake up early, get some things done, and feel quite at peace with the world.