To India for Lia Riyani

My kids love this book because there are three baby bears and because each one is the favorite. The Mama and Daddy bear tell them how wonderful they are and that it doesn't matter if they're boys or girls, biggly or littly or have patches or no patches. It is a good parallel for our family and I tell the boys at night that they're my favorite first and my favorite second. Sometimes I even tell them they're my favorite first and second baby bear because it makes them giggle and tell me they're not bears!

I used to tell Jack that he was the best baby boy in the whole world and then I'd tell Gavin he was the best big brother boy in the whole world. But sadly in the last six months Jack has reminded me more than once that he is NOT a baby! And it's true, he's not (although of course despite his denials, he'll always be Mama's baby!). He turned three last week and is such a big boy. He loves football (and demanded a football cake), the allowed tackling involved may be part of the draw! He loves anything that involves running, jumping, chasing, hiding, singing, dancing, climbing or throwing. He is pretty much in constant motion (and let me tell you, sometimes that motion is painful as he catches you in a tackle hug unaware or gets you with an errant foot as he is flying across the room. He certainly causes lots of bruises on himself and all of us).

But he is also the best 'sharer' ever! Maybe it's just the nature of being the 2nd child but he is always willing to share a toy, even if it is a brand new birthday present he hasn't even played with yet (I reminded his brother that he should remember this when his birthday comes around, unlikely). He gets incredibly excited so you can't tell him that you're going somewhere until right before, otherwise he'll ask all day if it's time to leave yet. He repeatedly told us last week that he was 'so berry becited' about his football birthday cake. He also loves 'Uggah' (Shrek) and 'Sully'. He will watch them 3 times a day if we let him. He is still watching Polar Express too (yup we pretty much celebrate Christmas all year long around here). He loves to play with his 'guys' or 'mans' as he calls them. Pretty much any truck, bus or train he gets better have little guys/mans that come with it, or else he won't touch it.

All three of my kids are exceptionally cuddly but Jack is the cuddliest. He'll grab your hand and lead you over to the couch and ask if you'll "cuddle him" while he sits there. And sometimes he'll say "I want to kiss you!" and you'll have to sit very still while he giggles and approaches very slowly and gives the sweetest kisses. He loves any excuse to leave the house and is my most faithful shopping companion (the only one who loves to shop); he tells me that things are "so beautiful". He loves that word; he also tells me, "You better watch this one Mama, it's going to be so beautiful," before he jumps high or does a somersault.

He adores his big brother and will do anything to be allowed to play with him. Although he still gets frustrated easily and resorts to hitting and kicking too often to always be welcomed as a playmate. They do play together well most of the time and it is hysterical to listen to their dinosaurs and trains 'talk' to each other. His sister is his most constant companion and he will grab her hand and pull her where he wants her to go (which sometimes goes over well, sometimes not so much) and lower his voice into a sweet little register to ask her if she wants a turn. She is sometimes wary of his tendency toward roughness (smart girl) but loves to hug him (and sneakily run away with whatever toy he is playing with). He always brings her the 'Dora' doll when she is crying and loves to hand her a bottle.

I think this boy is going to be the life of the party (which I think is both awesome and totally scary) when he grows up. He is a charmer (with the dimples and long eyelashes to go with it) but very determined when it comes to getting his own way. I can't wait to see how he combines those two! But not for awhile yet, I want him to stay my little guy for now (even if he won't admit to being my baby anymore) and I am going to savor his sweet exuberance, the adorable things he says and his amazing hugs (and try my best to ignore those temper tantrums). He is a talker and I love when he asks for his 'directions' (aka- options!).

I will update with the other kids soon, but wanted to get a reflection of him in for his b-day! We are crazy busy around here as I've doubled my teaching load and still only send the kiddos to the babysitter 10 hours/week (not much sleep going on) and we're trying to decide how to make this house work for 5 people (I am getting close to giving up and just throwing it on the market and see what happens but that's a lot of upheaval so we'll see).

Maybe there's someone out there who still reads this : ) If so, I heartily apologize for the neglect the blog has gotten. Right now I'm going to blame it on trying to get all my grading and lesson planning done while the children are sleeping, which leaves little time for fun online stuff (I do still read everyone else's though!). But I am going to try to post here occasionally at least, in case anyone wants to see the kiddos. And if you haven't already, you can find me on facebook, I'm much better at posting pics and stuff up there.

We are doing pretty well around here! We may have a white Christmas for the first time since we left NY! The kids are super-excited for Christmas (even though the youngest 2 are terrified of Santa and have requested that he leave their gifts in the driveway).

Lia is doing really well. Her adoption was finalized in September (it is a very low-key process here, so no fun judge pics : ( She has been home for almost 7 months! We recently had her 18 month check-up and she is in the 45% percentile for weight (!) and the 40th for height. So much for our tiny peanut, she may catch up to Jack. She is a girl who is always on the go and knows what she wants and when she wants it (we are actually looking forward to when she can actually tell us exactly what that is since it is still sometimes a guessing game for us!). She is talking a lot more though. Some favorites- 'ten to' (Thank you) and yuck (stuck). She talks all day long about whoever is not there (which means I hear about Daddy all day long!). She is starting to fight her naps (when we tell her it's time for night-night she screams 'Noooooo'- another of her favorite words) which is not so fun. The girl is FEISTY! Also, we are super-impressed with her immune system (I probably just jinxed us) since she almost never gets the colds and viruses going around (even the ones her brothers get)! She loves all things girly (purses, phones, shoes, socks with bows, baby dolls, etc.) and is a HUGE Dora fan- she sings the song all day!

The boys are loving winter- they've gotten to sled and build a snowman (we have had a very unusual early snow) and love all the Christmas parties and craziness. Jack is an old man toddler. He says the craziest, funniest, deep things and then throws the HUGEST temper tantrums. I am really hoping he doesn't teach these to Lia (but then again, she has a temper all her own! God forbid if those two ever team up on me). He is going to be three next month which makes me sad, but he has always seemed so much older than he is, that it's also surprising to me sometimes that he's still only two!

Gavin is such a big boy (they celebrated his six and a half year old birthday at school yesterday- his teacher does half birthdays for the summer b-day kids). He loves space and dinosaurs and all things mysterious and unexplainable. This makes for very interesting conversations with me, his very unscience-y and completely unconcerned with how things work mother! He is forever asking how many planets have been found (I have no idea), what a particular planet is made of or which was the fiercest dinosaur (again, no earthly idea!).

I wish we had a better local community of adoptive parents, my searches have turned up little other than regret that we don't live about seventy miles further east, where both the Indian and adoptive communities are much larger. But otherwise we're doing so well and know that we are so lucky in how easily Lia has blended into our family.

Hope everyone has a lovely holiday and all of you waiting are in my thoughts as I remember last year when we were in those shoes at Christmas- hang in there!

365 days ago today we got the phone call! We saw our sweet daughter's face for the first time and began the torturous process of waiting to hold her. In many ways it was a slow year- the steps could not go fast enough and we were keenly aware of the days, weeks and months we were missing. But on the other hand I cannot fathom that it has really been an entire year. Every now and then I look at her and think, "Oh yeah, the waiting's over she's actually here now!" I still cannot believe that I can scoop up my wild and wonderful 16 month old anytime I want! Even after four and a half months home the newness hasn't quite worn off.

I remember over the course of the past year getting the pictures in my email inbox (any email from Tami got opened immediately- especially one with attachments!) and searching them for clues to whether she was happy, healthy, sweet, colicky or energetic. It is frustrating sometimes how little a picture tells. I look back at those pictures now and it doesn't even seem like the same child I know. The baby in the pictures is remote and mysterious; the baby I rock in my arms everyday giggles and kisses me before she lays her head on my shoulder. If I don't sing she will say "La, la, la" to try to get me going. I love the look on her face when I pick her up from the babysitter's on tuesday and thursday mornings- simultaneously surprised and thrilled to see me and she throws her arms right up in the air. She has crazy long arms that can reach up to the kitchen counters and squish cupcakes all over or toss water cups on the floor (both have occurred in the past 24 hours). She needs to be in the center of everything (even if it means knocking over a large potted plant to get there- also within the past 24 hours). Yup, she is trouble but in a most wonderful way. The fears we had about whether she would be able to walk, would meet her developmental milestones, would cry all the time or have trouble accepting comfort, have evaporated. I still worry about her- but it's about whether she will fall on her head from the top of the picnic table where she climbed (yup, also today), whether she'll get the croupy cough going around, and a million others. But the shift is noticeable, the worries have little or nothing to do with adoption and are simply about raising my child.

I have no good excuse really, life has settled down considerably. Maybe it's Gavin going back to school or my getting out of the house to work 8 hours a week (most likely it's the fact that we've gone through a good sleeping stretch here with all 3 sleeping through most nights!) but whatever the reason this 3 kids, 2 of them toddlers business has gotten way easier. No, the laundry doesn't miraculously get done and is still almost impossible to get done in my old once a week time-frame and lots of nights we have grilled cheese or scrambled eggs for dinner (of course the night I gave them pb & j and fruit I heard several times that it was waaaay better than the chicken casserole I slaved over the night before!) but I am waaaaay happier and more settled. I think a big part of it is also that Lia seems to have settled into an amazingly happy, smiley and easy-going toddler. She has the cutest, most mischevious smile that just cracks me up. I know a huge part of the shift is probably the attachment thing- her to us and us to her. Although I can't put my finger on it exactly (the whole attachment business in practice is more of a hardly recognizable gradual and murky business than I had anticipated) but I know I have mostly stopped fretting that if we don't cater to her every need or want immediately we will 'mess up' her attachment. I do find myself thinking of her birth parents more often- it makes me sad for them and somewhat sad for her too. When she grins I feel a little twinge for the mother who doesn't get to see it and doesn't get to swoop her up in her arms and kiss her little double chin and tickle her chubby thighs.

But all in all we are good. Despite the misgivings I had about returning to work (both leaving the kids and the craziness of working for a state university in lean budget times) I think it's been good for me to still nurture that other side of myself. What isn't getting done of course is all the writing and proposals I was meant to be doing this year but I keep telling myself that this season of my life will be over at some point and I'll probably be drowning in time to myself (when I'm not worrying about my kids anwyay). I am going to embark on a new blog project soon. Like others who have come home and it doesn't quite feel right to continue along on the same blog I will start anew and broaden the focus a little bit beyond adoption and mothering (hopefully). Stay tuned.

Until then, love all the referrals and travel plans I have been living vicariously hearing about! Best of luck and safe travels to all who will be united with their new babies soon.

Last weekend we took a day to celebrate Rakhi day with the kids (a little late)- we had Indian food for dinner and the boys and Lia LOVED it! (Except for the gulab jamun- Jack said it was ok, Gavin hated it- can't blame him I don't like it either- too sweet, Lia liked it enough for all of us though!) We also did rakhis (homemade versions this year because it snuck up on me and I forgot to order them) and talked about the bond between siblings. We ended the day by reading Bringing Asha Home which talks about rakhis and waiting for an adopted sibling- we read it a lot while we were waiting for Lia but hadn't read it in awhile. Yeah, sometimes that sibling bond means being squished and hugged too hard : )

Cute and messy boy!