To India, With Love, .....

Now that Ben has been with us for over a year, its been hard to find things to write about that are adoption-related. It feels like he's been with us forever!! I do hope that all of the awesome adoptive families we've met via this blog will continue to follow our journey, and as always I'm ALWAYS available via phone or email to answer any questions pertaining to older-child adoption, or adopting from India.

Love to you all,

Jo

Yesterday we had an awesome day! It was my first day off in what felt like forever, and despite the fact that I'm fighting this rotten cold thats making me feel like I want to die, we went ahead with plans for a family day out.

We started at "Namaste" for lunch ... a local favourite Indian restaraunt that does this awesome buffet. The best part ...we get a family our size in and out and FULL of good food for under $50. (Ben on his own eats around $35 worth, I'm sure!). He was loving all of the food, espescially the Pakora. After lunch given we had a few minutes to fill in before the movie so decided to see if the local Indian market was open so we could go stock up on some of the things we like to keep around the house to keep Ben happy. This was a new market that we hadn't been to before and its AWESOME! The owner, Mohammed was delighted to meet Ben, even though his attempts to speak to Ben in Hindi went largely ignored ... (a typical response from Ben around Indian people, even though I KNOW he still understands a lot of it). Ben did explain to Mohammed though that he was from Delhi and that his Indian name was Rashid. I was stunned! This is the first time that he's talked to anyone other than myself about life in India. After that, Mohammed called him Rashid, which Ben was happy to let him do. If anyone else except for me or J calls him Rashid, he tells them "I not Rashid, I Benjamin!". Mohammed wanted to know if we knew that Rashid was a Muslim name, and I was fast to tell that yes, we did know. He just grinned and told us that he was Muslim boy too. We chose a couple of DVD's and CDs that we knew Ben would enjoy, and Mohammed threw in a DVD for free that he thought all the kids would like. He also wrote his home number on the back of business card and asked that we call if we need any help with anything at all! His Mum sews Indian clothing, and his wife is an expert in cooking. He was just the most awesome man I look forward to going back to visit with him again really soon. He's the first Indian man we've met to this point who Ben would even talk to. I dont know if thats just about the timing, or Mohammeds personality, but either way its a huge step forward and awesome to see.

The coolest part of all ... The CD that Ben picked, with Mohammeds help ... he knows the songs. We were playing it today and he was singing along like he'd heard it just yesterday.

After lunch and the Indian market, we headed to the movies to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks. This movies totally rocks and I highly recommend it to anyone!!! Ben and the girls were just about peeing themselves laughing and I was right there with them.

Days like yesterday rock!!!

I'm so glad the stress of working over Christmas is all done. I'm ready for life to get back to normal.

Now that we're into January, life is close to settling back to normal. Every December Im left wondering why on earth I work retail. Christmas trading is brutal, and certainly wasnt made any easier this year by the fact that no one seems to have any money. There is always pressure for us to get our sales goals, and this year it felt like we were all getting there $99 at a time. I look back to last Christmas when I was working both at the airport and the jewelry store and can only assume I must have been temporarily insane at the time.

We all had a lovely Christmas Day. J had to work so the kids and I opted for a lazy day here at home, followed by dinner at a friends house. We did the whole family Christmas thing with J's family the following Sunday. Christmas Day itself got off to a super early start with Benjamin waking us up at 4.10am to announce that Santa had been "and had left presents under the tree and in my SOCKSIE!" (stocking). To see how excited he was really made Christmas super special this year. His enthusiasm rubbed off on all the girls (who were already super excited too) and as a result of that I have five kids all wound supertight like springs. By late afternoon Molly was crashed out on the couch, the older two girls had retreated to their rooms for a late afternoon nap and Ben and Maddie were still going strong playing with all their new treasures. My digital camera picked Christmas day to die, so we took a tonne of DVD with the video camera instead. I know that there is a way to get still shots off the movie, so next time I have a day off I'll be pouring over the instruction book trying to work out just how to do that. In the camera bag was the disc containing the video from when we'd arrived back at Portland airport with Ben and it was awesome watching that again. I couldnt get over how tiny he looked in that movie, not to mention how incredibly fast the last 9 months have gone. It feels like he's always been here and I cant even really remember life before him ... although I do suspect it was quieter! haha.

There are 3 more girls from SOS due to arrive in this area over the next few weeks (hopefully! ... their families are just awaiting a go ahead to book travel). We've been doing a lot of talking about this and Ben is super-excited to go to the airport to welcome them home. Still most days there will be mention of Surekha-Auntie, or Babbu. I've told him that one day when he's bigger we'll go back to India for a holiday so he can see his country, and hopefully we'll be able to visit with Vijay and Surekha while we're there. I just wish there was a way to track down Babbu ... He was a brother to Ben at the orphanage and his family arrived the week after we were there to take him home to Italy. It sure would have been awesome if he could have found a family here in the USA too.

Well, time for me to get ready for work ..again. I feel like I'm living there right now (and I just keep telling myself to think of the money, think of the money). Next week my schedule will get back to normal and I'll be back to working around 3 days a week. I already requested Sunday off as we plan to go have a nice "family day" to mark the end of the Christmas Holidays. I'm thinking we'll head to "Namaste" for lunch, and then go find a movie to watch.

Somehow I got locked out of this..and blogger being the exceptional site that is is has taken this long to get things resolved.

Jeeez, I don't even know where to start....

Ok .. we had a Dr's visit today, and Ben tips the scales at a whopping 60lbs (yup, I said the boy could eat!!) and 49" tall!! Hes literally been growing like a weed in the last 7 months.

He's got an ear infection again ... and again didn't complain about it. Our visit today was because of "toilet" issues that seem to be getting worse and not better. He's trying hard to hide the fact that he's still going potty in bed at night, and if nothing else other than for peace of mind, I just wanted to rule out anything medically wrong. Will let you know how it goes.

On a more personal level, things have been rough. Not rough with Ben, ..hes a total treasure and life with him is perfect. I'm talking more about me. I always seem to struggle this time of year with the grey clouds and the rain, and this year is worst than most. I'm doing all I can here to hold things together for the kids and not go totally off my rocker at my husband. The kid part of it all is going pretty well.

I'm brutally homesick and needing some things to change in order for my life here as I know it in the USA to be happy. I'll be sure to let you know how thats going.

I was a little apprehensive as to how Ben would handle the whole Halloween thing, but as with almost everything else since he came home, he completely took it in his stride. He woke up just wired ...so excited that today was finally the day!! By 4pm he was yelling "Mummy, I SOO scared!". By 5 pm it was "Mummy, Trick or treat, I want candy!!", and at 6pm we were finally ready to go!! He got his Batman costume on and was ready to head out the door!!

We had a Halloween party at the school yesterday with the Olders, and he loved every second of it. The Olders don't know anything about Bens history, other than that hes been home for 7 months. It was as if they realised that this was his first Halloween, and the level of consideration and sensitivity for how he may be handling this brand new experience was amazing. I'd met a couple of the older kids before, but to be there with them all as a group and to hear all they had to say about Ben and Maddie was just superb. They all wanted to make sure that Ben had the most ultimate Halloween ever, and they certainly succeeded!!

Here I am, a whole day later, and he's still floating on a sugar high!!

Photos to follow!

Thanks to all of you who have called/emailed to ask why its been so long since I updated this. I've been working a bunch of extra hours (think of the money, think of the money), and by the time I get a day off lately all I want to do is be a bum and hang out with the kids. I know I owe countless people emails and promise to try and get to those this week.

Life continues to be pretty smooth. We have had two meltdowns in the last couple of weeks, both of which were intense, but over pretty quickly. The second one had been brewing for a couple of days, and I sensed Ben needed a good cry just to get out of his system whatever it was that was bothering him. He woke up in a foul mood and just stayed that way all day. He was being really defiant and super whiny. After lunch he decided he wanted to go play at his friend Hunter's house, and I told him that until he could do as Mummy said he was going nowhere. That tipped him over the edge. He screamed, yelled, raged and cried. He told him he "no love Mummy" and took himself off to his room. I followed him up there and that just made things worse. I sat on the side of his bed until he'd calmed down somewhat, and then gave him a few minutes to himself. When I went back up to check on him he'd fallen asleep. He woke up in a good mood but was really clingy, and I ended up laying with him until he fell back asleep which was sometime after midnight.

Ben is super-excited about Halloween, though I suspect he has no idea what Halloween entails. Him and Maddie got to go to the pumpkin patch with their kindy class, where they both chose pumpkins to carve. J got to go with them, as unfortunately I was working. They both had a blast!! We already went costume shopping (ouch, those things have gotten spendy!), and Ben is going to be Batman!! Hes very proud of his costume and has had it on for a good portion of every day since we bought it. I've been trying to explain the "trick or treat" part of Halloween to him but I'm not sure he completely gets it. The part about getting candy caught his attention, but I'm not sure how hes going to handle seeing other dressed up in potentially scarey outfits. J and the kids decorated our house with Halloween decorations yesterday (again, I was at work), and everyone was very proud of how it looks.

Well, I actually have a few days off this week, so plan to update this some more over the next few days to catch everyone up on whats been going on around here over the last few weeks!

This week gets the prize for being our smoothest week since coming home. Ben has been super-settled, very smoochy and extremely happy. He's loving school and doing really well. His teacher comments often at how fast he's learning. He's getting the hang of being in a setting with a large group of other kids again, yet trusting that Mum will be there at the end of every day.

I feel like we've really gotten to know each other well over the last 6 months, but its just this last week that I've noticed a big change in him. Its like he's found a new level of trust ... a new comfort-zone. Other families that I've met who have adopted older kids had told me that the first 6 months are usually the hardest. I feel like we've been so very lucky, in that even our "hard" months were no where near as hard as some experience. I put some of this down to the fact that Ben was old enough to really want a family ... old enough to understand what was happening. For those of you who have followed his diary from the start, you'll remember that his morale was low at the time we found out about him, and that he was sure that "Mummies only come for babies". In the time he was at the orphanage he got to see children much smaller than him come and leave again. I don't know that finding a Mummy who lived in a different country and didn't speak his language was quite what he was dreaming of, but he's embraced those differences and has been so courageous when its come to trying new things. His English is now fluent (with a gorgeous mix of Indian, New Zealand and American accents). I get random kisses and cuddles all day long, and gone are the meltdown when he's sad or angry. He may still have a "moment", but is fast to come plonk himself on my knee and tell me exactly whats making him feel that way. It sure beats the four hour crying marathons that we were experiencing back when we first arrived home.

I've had people ask me if this has been harder than we expected, and my honest answer to that question is No. We knew that he'd be dealing with a lot emotionally ... everything from anger to grief, and we knew that he was so incredibly entitled to those feelings. We were also really fortunate to have had a small but amazing network of other parents who had adopted older children, and their willingness to share their experiences and their stories was more valuable in preparing us for some of the situations we may face than any book I ever read. Along with my desire for Ben to have his own story, sharing his story in the hope that it may help other parents contemplating adopting an older child was a huge motivator for starting this diary in the first place. And yes, in case you're wondering, I'd do this again in a heartbeat. Due to the financial burden that comes with completing an international adoption we probably won't ... but if money were no issue, I absolutely would do it again. And yes, I'd be searching for another older child. A few people have asked me how you "undo" those years spent in an institution .... I tell them, you don't undo it. You can't. Its part of your child. You embrace it, and you work with it.

Its been 20 months since we found out about Ben, and 6 months since he came into our home. I spent the 14 months we were waiting, hanging off an emotional roller-coaster as my heart yearned for this child of mine still living in another country. I would think about all we would do once we had him here with us, and wonder what his personality would be like. I worried about him, and I missed him more than words could ever express. I carried his photo with me everywhere and would look at it constantly, wishing and hoping he was somehow feeling the love that I had for him.

I just feel so lucky that he chose us .... That out of all of the parents in the world, we were matched with him.

I am just so in love with this child. My son.