Just As I Am

So many issues have been weighing on me since around a month ago. Mostly pushed right at the back of my head. But recently, this rather sensitive issue surfaced. Now I'm confronting it as best as I can and I hope with God's wisdom too.

For now, I feel at a loss and do not know what to do or how things would turn out eventually. I need wisdom and revelation and assurance and peace.

I do not know if that's what You wanted me to do or did I stubbornly go against it; with my own preference instead. I do not know if this is being selfish or smart, clever or insensitive. I want to know what's the right thing to do and do it.

But what's done has been done. The damage is there. It was clearly spelled out on her expression. I wasn't informed about anything prior to the online conversation. I do not know the full story and truth. I can't deny that it was done with a good intention, but it weighed on my conscience in an instance and prompted me to act upon it.

And now, if it is used appropriately, dissonance is what is felt.



Can someone tell me if I've done the right thing... or not.

Words do not do justice to all that's happening
All around.
Does it?

Your life. Mine.
Your problems. Theirs. Mine.
Drastically different situations altogether.
Fighting for survival, stability; security or whatever.



No, words do not do justice.


Call me irresponsible


Grow up Grow out Grow into.
Reaching the half time.
The most useless score.
A psychological effect.

What's the focus for the next half?

Michael Buble - Home

Another summer day
Is come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aerorplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believe in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home


Current fave.

I guess certain people would be able to identify the freedom and pleasure in one day being able to cruise along the city scapes and highways of this little island. Better still, do the same on roads elsewhere; across the seas, over the other side of the planet. Wherever. I'd be glad. Space. Personal space. Radio. Nice songs. Cruising.

Recently there were a couple or more major decisions I had to confront. Though nothing's been entirely settled, I guess only time can tell now. Time will reveal. Reveal the plan of the Almighty. It 's infuriating to have one's heart settled on a certain issue, just to let something else cause doubt and somewhat affect what's already been set. At least I just found out something: It takes courage to stand and be different for what one believes in. Much courage if I may emphasize.

Moving on to another entirely different issue... I've spent waay too much unnecessary time reading things that only made me certain that what's there has already been there before one came into the picture. It has been there. It will be there. It won't be easy to merge, intercept, include and accept so easily. So maybe, in this world, aren't we actually using each other?! In some way. To put it nicely, we need each other. We need people. Be it for survival, for face, for friendship, for companionship, for reproduction, for nothing in particular. Yet, everything in us cries out for people. Sometimes.. no?!

People need people.
People need space.
People are lost in their own world
People, we need God's grace.


I'm thankful for you people. When another group were an exclusive bunch, you people brought hope. Come what may, I give thanks. =)


-the melancholic-

It's Amazing!

It was just a simple affair except that it ended really well. It was like He knew what would surprise me, or simply make my day. (= And just as I thought that was about all, He again blessed with something I've been praying for and putting some effort into. It's just the start of another beginning, I hope! ;)



Beauty that made this heart adore You.
Hope of a life spent with You.