Just As I Am

In case I do not make it in time,
here's wishing all a great 2009!

It was a good 2008.
2009 brings much uncertainty but I'm hopeful, though anxious.

Nonetheless, I await.


I anticipate.

I sense history repeating itself.
Will it?
It's all too familiar...

The load of bull.
You may think I bought it, but no.
It was for me to finish up unfinished business.
To try to end the year settled.
But it's still hard.
I now know fully the meaning of inner struggle, my friend.
Don't know why I do but I still do.

It's gonna be over
It will soon be over
Just gotta hang in there
A lil while more
Before I bid you a final goodbye.

It's been around ten long years.
A decade?!?! Hard to believe but true.
Most of it were nice, good, fond memories. The later years, for lack of a better term, sucked.
It's been a ten year relationship with you.
You've brought me joy yet much pain too; physically emotionally mentally.
I've had enough.
As I sat and looked, I thought...
And I knew I couldn't be with you anymore.
The days without you were good.. rewarding.
I don't see any more reason to stay.
I've other loves now.


It's time...

The unsettled part has finally surfaced and came knocking on the door of confrontation.
Of all times.

Wavered;
A part doubts.
A part wants to believe.
A part is hesistant.
A part is fearful.

Caught off-guard.
Too sudden.
I thought I could escape
I thought I could drift
But no.
You looked me up
as uncertain as a thieve does.
--
I've been having many 'suddens' of late.
More than my entire lifetime.
Or am I exaggerating.

What am I to do now?
URGH.
So many things bugging me,
Suddenly.

Project crap.
That soon-to-be settled crap.
Year end crap.
New year crap.
Future plans crap.
(crappier ones are 1,2 and 5)

urgh.urgh.urgh.

I've yet to have a day off to myself; with you.
I need the bike
the road
the ride
the sights and
a guide.


Suddenly it doesnt seem like Christmas...
Won't you make our day...
Just come

Come to the Father
Though your gift is small
Broken hearts Broken lives
He will take them all~

The power of the Word
The power of His blood
Everything was done
So you would come.

--
I've issues
I've pride
You've skills
But no foresight.


So...

What now?

What next?

And it's been a long time since.

It's been a long time since I made a new friend
It's been a long time since I had some time for myself
It's been a long time since I came home that early
(which is not v early)
It's been a long time since I got that kind of shock
(actually i dont remember anytime else)
It's been a long time since I last soaked in Your presence
It's been a long time since I last threw up and had diarrhoea
It's been a long time since I last exercised
It's been a long time since I last read
(oh, i got to remember to read!)
It's been a long time since I last slept soundly for so long (heh)
It's been a long long time since I last cycled
It's been a long time since I last watched non-recorded telly
.
.
.
It has been a long time...really.

It takes skill to CRAFT DRAFT SMOKE WHIP and COOK up just a SMALL CHUNK of information for some silly report. SERIOSULY! And it's bad bad bad. Bad for the eyes, brain, body mind and health! The eyes get smaller, brain gets dried up, body is stressed out (thus producing stupid pimple hormones), mind is worried and health of course gets affected! See the whole chain of events there!! There you have it! This is not good for you and for me and the entire human race! Hah.

I must go!
But I can only sadly say that... There's more to come...


Till then, I really need some 'me' time before the year ends!


-Slow down won't you please? -