I chose the cheapest means of getting a job: studying accounting.
I never saw accounting as my ambition when I was young.
I gave up dentistry, medicine, meteorology, oceanography.
I gave up UK, US, Australia.
I gave up my passion for something I've never studied before.
All because of money.
My parents always quarrelled about money.
From as young as I could remember, it was always money.
Even with my grandparents, it was about money.
Money, money, money.
I could understand from their background that they appreciate money and not take it for granted.
But bad investment decisions, stinginess, and too much ego to even admit one's own mistake and to learn from it makes their 'principle' one that has no true value.
One can have many principles in life, but to never admit any mistakes, to never listen to opinions with an open mind, to never want to resolve conflicts but run from them will nullify all possible positive effects the 'principles' ought to give.
I was once told that they had an argument with my grandmother because of money. My grandmother was being calculative and was always talking about money. They got fed up their relationship went sour and they just kept quiet and sent in the money every month.
It seems to me it is just the same in my case. My parents are always complaining about money to me. Accusing their children of never appreciating the value of money. When I am the one who has been getting barely RM1 a day for majority of my primary school days, surviving school mostly with an empty stomach. I have been surviving for 5 years since I first began college with an amount of allowance that has barely gotten me enough to eat. Gave up my ambition for cheap education. Didnt demand for an expensive first car. In fact I was asking for a simple secondhand car. Instead I got a cheapskate quality Proton Saga that wasnt even worth the money paid. I never went on holidays like all my friends do or like my siblings. Never went overseas for studies. Yet here I am, being accused for not appreciating the value of money.
I never could voice out my opinion to my parents on what I think they should do or ask for extra money at times. If I should do that, I would be told off with "next time you earn your own money then you will learn to appreciate money" or "this is our money, we do what we want". Everything in this house is "theirs". to them there is no such thing is one's privacy. the doors should stay unlocked because it's their house and they never understand privacy.
What's the point of money if you keep investing it wrongly and being stingy when you really need it? What is generosity when you intend to give only when you have more than you want? there is a flaw in that principle. Men will never be contented with what they have. it will always be abit more. just abit more. and never enough.
Almost all my clothes and items I own are given by friends. My parents? they always think that I have more than enough casual clothes. comparing to them constantly. WRONG ANSWER. they dont wear casual clothes to work on a daily basis. I wear them to class every single day. I sweat in them. they barely do. they have more formal clothes than I have casual clothes. they have more casual clothes than I have casual clothes. Yet they claim that I have more than enough.
I gave up many things for my family. Yet my parents think I am a spendthrift. Both my sisters are abroad studying and living there. The nest is almost empty. One day when I am able, I will leave and never return. The last people I want to live under a roof with are my parents. Their immaturity in dealing with problems make them the last person I want my future family to be influenced by. I never want my children to be extremists and egoistic. Just as I am, I want my future family to be open minded to opinions, willing to learn from mistakes, be moderate and patient. Not stingy, not bias or judgemental. Not cowardly in dealing with conflicts. Not lazy to deal with conflicts and avoiding them. Not wrathful.
Some people may go to church, but some people never truly change their ways. Humbleness is not existent when one is egoistical and never wanting to learn from mistakes.
If money is what they want, fine. Take my salary and do as they please. At the end of the day, they have become who they did not want to be. I will never be them because I made a sound choice to never repeat their mistake.
They may think that bringing up a family means forcing unto them the skills you want them to have and providing mainly finances, they're wrong. They have neglected the mental upbringing. the character building. the religious upbringing. All they ever did was taught us that money has been provided and we are taking it for granted. All I ever learnt are from what they lacked and what we learn ourselves from the world. If anyone should take credit for what we achieve in life, it would be everything else and only a minor portion from them because all that ever mattered to them was money and they only cared about 'not wasting money'.
I'm done. I'm tired. I'm leaving.
