It is written in the stars above

We had a wonderful Christmas! I really enjoy spending time with my family. My cousin came in from Ca and brought his girlfriend with him (he told me he's going to ask her to marry him!). It was great to see him because last Christmas he couldn't make it in. My good friends from Philly, J and J, came and my Mom's friend from work came and brought her family. My parents house was overflowing with good people, good cheer and good food! Thanks Mom and Dad for all the goodness.
I started working out again. That J.illian Michaels' shows no mercy. I did Fa.t Booster yesterday and I'm going to walk/run on the treadmill. I do hope to maintain consistency with working out. I get thinking that I'm going to work out something fierce and then I go downhill from there.
Today Aunt Flo came. I always hope that she doesn't show up. I was thinking that if I was pregnant I could say, "Look what came--a late present from Santa!" Yes, these scenarios happen in my head. Astral's World is a a lovely place. You should come visit sometime.
Kona is crying because M took Logan for a walk. E is going to straighten up her room. I'm going to hop in the treadmill and work on leaving my anise cookie butt behind.
We are having my friends over for dinner. Shrimp carbonara--yum!! I don't get to see my good friends too often. They all live at least 40 mins away. Tonight will be a good time.

Merry Christmas to you and your family! I wish you all the best for a happy and healthy Christmas ;-)

Here it is a mere five days away from when the jolly mon comes down the chimney and I'm still not done yet. Classic Astral. I believe I do better under pressure.
We're going out today to try and finish with shopping. I didn't go right out this morning because we got snow. Not alot--maybe 2-4"--and it's a powdery snow. But I wanted to make sure the roads were okay to travel on.
I am also finishing the Christmas cards. I give children/pet photographers so much credit. Trying to get the dogs to cooperate was very hard. It did get easier when I put peanut butter in their K.ong balls.
We have an appointment with Dr. G on Jan 14. I do wish we could have gotten in earlier so we could have done our pre-i.vf testing over Christmas break when we are both off, but what are you going to do.
I walked for a half an hour on the treadmill--my goal is to lose 20 lbs and be in shape for the i.vf.
We were watching W.eeds last night. We have seasons 1-4. Such a good time. A totally twisted show that makes me laugh so hard. I also enjoy the little songs while the credits roll.
Like this one:


Enjoy your afternoon ;-)

We're almost done here getting ready for Christmas. I am going to decorate the tree in the basement and put our window clings on the front storm door. I'm so used to having time during the day to get ready.
I have tonight off which will be a big help. I'm going to get things ready for the Sal.vation Army and make a drop off when I take the dogs to the groomers. Time to shed the old stuff. We don't have much storage space in this house so being a pack rat is not an option. Unfortunately me and E like to keep old stuff.
The weather here has been very cold. The high today is 33. Add severe winds and it feels even colder.
I am looking for a new winter coat. I found a red wool walking coat at L.ands End. I waited too long and now it's gone. Apparently red is the new color for coats.
**Big news**
We met with the credit union on Wednesday and got the money for i.vf. M is going to check his schedule and give me dates to meet with our re. We are ready to move ahead full speed. I'm excited, nervous and sad. Obviously excited because of the chance to begin treatment, nervous because $15k is alot of money to spend on something with a zero guarantee and sad because we can't build our family the usual way. (I'm also still mad because people who don't want children or who want them as accessories can have them so easily.)
There is testing before we can begin our mock cycle. So it is going to be a little bit before we actually do our first fresh cycle.
I would always regret not giving us a chance.

I can't believe it's Thanksgiving today! We are well on our way with preparations for our family dinner. The house is clean, the dishes are ready to be put on the table and I've had a taste of our deep fried bird--delicious!
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!

I was doing good with eating and exercising until I got sick. Now I've put a couple of pounds on. it's so bad that when I was getting dressed last Sunday my jeans were tight on me. I did what I normally do when things are tight I "stretch" my jeans out. I put a hole in them. I guess I "stretched" them out one too many times.
To get things back on track I'm going to exercise everyday. Even if it's for only a little bit. I see my buddha belly in the mirror and I can't believe it's my body. I'm used to seeing the athletic body in the mirror. Well when one hasn't been athletic in years I don't know why I am shocked to my current body reflected.
I'm taking M up on his offer to take me to the gym he goes to. They have ellipticals, tread mills and weights. I need to amp up the cardio to get rid of my belly and other areas that have expanded.
I'll let you know how things go.

to my Dad, Poppy and all our veterans for serving our country and making life as we know it possible. We love you!U.S. Marines raising the American flag over Mount Suribachi, Iwo Jima, in February 1945.

Thank you so much for the birthday wishes! I had a lovely day with my family. We went out for dinner at a terrific Italian restaurant nearby. Let me tell you--the cannoli was so good I wanted to lick the plate! I get home and my wonderful husband and daughter had gotten me a french press! My Mom thought it was funny that I received this as a gift--"You don't drink coffee", she says. I told her about three months ago I started drinking it in the morning. M adds its because I work during the day and need it to get going. I am going to exchange this for a french press that you can close the spout off by rotating the lid. I do like the red (my favorite color). So I'm going to get the red metal french press by Bod.um. It's so supposed to be really good coffee because it allows the natural oils to flow through. When you use a filter it traps the oils. I can't wait to try it!

I love today because it's my birthday! 2:41 p. m. I was born into this world. I can't believe it's here already!

Happy Halloween to you! I'm not doing much this day except for laundry. I have work tonight. There is a bartender willing to pick up my shift but she's serving and we can't find someone to pick up her serving shift. Such is life. Also, I'm sick. I still can't shake my head cold. I feel very run down.

We carved pumpkins last night. They turned out well. I have to take pictures of them and post them. We are going to make pumpkin seeds. Here is a recipe:

Baked Pumpkin Seeds

Preheat oven to 350°F. Separate the pumpkin seeds from the fibers. Wash, drain, and dry the seeds on paper towels. Coat 11/2 cups seeds with 1 teaspoon vegetable oil. Toss the seeds with salt (or omit salt and toss seeds with any of the suggested seasonings below), and spread them in a single layer on a baking sheet. Bake, stirring occasionally, 12 to 15 minutes or until golden brown.

My job is going well. Friday was fun--I dressed up and the students had their Halloween parties and parade. Some of the costumes were great. I especially liked the washing machine one and the gypsy girl. I was a scarecrow:

It was all about comfort: I wore a plaid shirt, carpenter jeans and sneakers. I sewed patches of fabric to my jeans and shirt. Not too bad for putting it together the night before, eh?

We went to the hot air balloon festival at Shawnee-on-the-Delaware on Friday. It was cold and rainy. We made the best of it even though the hot air balloons didn't go up. We'll try again next year--hopefully the weather will cooperate.
I got a lot done today. I went shopping and got a new cardio video (j.illian michael's). I took the puppies for a walk and then I went for a walk by myself. I logged into ww online and entered my foods and activities for today and yesterday. I looked at my butt in the mirror yesterday and oh my word it's like it's own country back there. I can't have that. It's hard to be good and do the right thing with eating and exercise. I need to realize that it's going to be challenging and not to get too far off the tracks. I have beautiful dress pants for school and I can't wear them because they are like skin on baloney. Also I can only fit into my one pair of jeans.
It's really nice out today. Chilly with the wind but no rain. I'm thinking about taking E and going for pumpkins today.
What are you doing today?
The puppies doing their favorite past time: Squirrel!! watching.

I love this clip from the movie "U.p" This is what my dogs are like, especially Logan:

I love my new job! I am the support teacher for the reading teacher in first grade. I don't even feel like I'm going to work. I am so lucky to be with the people I am (wonderful group) and the school district (child centered and an accelerated school). I feel almost spoiled because this is my fourth year there. I did all my observation/participation there for two years, last year I did my internship and student teaching there and now I'm working there.
To get a full time teaching position (I'm part time) I have to start racking up credits and taking the Praxis (teacher exams). I'm low on the list (#19) and that means that 18 are ahead of me to get teaching jobs. However if I have certifications that they don't that means that I will get the job. It's about making yourself marketable and useful.
We have off tomorrow because of so many children district wide being sick. The superintendent thought that by giving us tomorrow off and making it a four day weekend (we have Monday off because of Columbus Day) it will give everyone a chance to get better. I say alright!
I just found out one of the teachers is pregnant. It stings because here I am waiting, hoping and praying for a miracle to get pregnant and everyone around me is doing it relatively easy. I just hope they know how lucky they are that they didn't need medical help and spend thousands of dollars for procedures with zero guarantees.
I so badly want to do i.vf but we haven't talked about it in awhile. I know I would always regret not doing it. Now I have to factor in going back to school and figuring out how to fit it all in. Oh God why can't PA mandate health insurance to at least pay for some procedures? I go on cycle sista and read how people are getting to do i.vf and I want the same chance.

I got it!! I got the job!!!! I'm still quite amazed that I did it. When the meeting was over I went to thank the board members and they told me that I was the most enthusiastic interview they had. That I was all about the children and my passion was very evident. That made me feel so good :-) I want to thank all of you for your support and well wishes and prayers. That means so much to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

"You will be showered with good luck". That was my fortune last night at the Chinese restaurant. It couldn't have come at a better time. Tonight is the night--the school board meeting where they vote on me. I saw our neighbor (the one on the school board) and he said it's a go. He has been an immense help with getting me votes. But I'm not counting my chickens until they hatch.
So cross everything you've got, say prayers, light candles, do a lucky dance for me!! The meeting starts at 7 and I'm not sure how long they last but I promise I won't leave you hanging--I'll update as soon as I get home!

I feel really, really good! My interview went super well. Thank you for all your support and prayers. The interview was a short one--only 4 questions. I did wow them with my literacy bag (it's a bag with 3 books and each book has an activity to go with it. it's to foster the love of reading and have families spend time together. the really cool thing is that everything you need to complete the activities--crayons, glue, etc. are included in the bag.) This school district is huge with parent/family involvement. They all responded very well to the literacy bag. I was asked by the superintendent if I had any questions for them and I asked them what they were looking for in a teacher. For every answer the super replied with he would add--"You certainly have that". So I will eat my hat if I don't get this job!
I believe the school board meeting is next week. So I will keep you updated.
My temp this morning was 97.9. Up four points from yesterday--but I think that was due to nerves.

Today is the big day: I interview before the whole school board. I'm excited and nervous. I have been reading over my teaching stuff and a very good friend of mine prepped me on what kind of questions that I might be asked and what questions I should have for them. I do know some of the people and that makes me feel a little bit better.
Wish me luck!

I've decided to take matters into my own hands. Since we can't do i.vf right now I'm going to do what I can by myself. I began today by taking my temp before getting out of bed and writing it down. I'm going to follow the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility. In this book they give you a cd that you can use to chart your temps and cm, etc. I also saw at weggie's (We.gman's--my most favorite food store ever! Seriously I can live there:-) ) that in their organic food aisle they have tea that promotes a "healthy womb". I'm going to pick some up the next time I'm there. I know it won't solve all my if problems but it will be good to be proactive.
My interview is tomorrow in front of the whole school board. I'm prepping myself both mentally--reading over my Teaching Reading and Principles of Teaching books and physically for it--paint my nails and give myself a facial. I am very interested to see how this interview will be conducted. Only one member of the board is in education, a principal actually, and this suprises me. These board members appoint teachers, shouldn't they be in education themselves to be able to do that job well? I'm sure they have questions provided to them by the superintendent. I know also the board members take into consideration the recommendations of the superintendent and the interviewers. My Mom says I will do well. That I'm a very good speaker and passionate about children and that will come through in the interview. This is my first real interview for a real job. I'm so ready to become a teacher I can taste it.

I'm finding out more people around me are getting pregnant. It makes me very sad. And frustrated because we don't have the money to do treatments. I live my life in two week increments. Two weeks after CD 1 I ovulate and two weeks after that I wait for my period not to show up--but of course it still does.
I'm ready to get pregnant and share that experience with M and E. I'm ready for the late night feedings, crying, teething and poopy diapers. I still have all of E's baby stuff. I refuse to get rid of anything.
I still really don't understand why God gives babies to crack heads and people who kill their children and infertiles are left out in the wind? People who want babies can't have them but the derelicts of the world are fertile. Oh and the Du.ggars are now having their 19 kid? wtf? Michelle Du.ggar said she can't believe this is happening. Yeah, me either. I know it's not my place to know why things like this happen but I would just like to have an inkling.

I received a phone call today for my second interview!! It's this Tuesday before the whole school board. I'm excited and nervous.
I subbed on Monday and today. I was in for the teacher I was with for student teaching on Monday--and E was in the class too! Quite a day. I spent this morning with kindergarten and the afternoon with first grade. Oh how I love the younger ones. I had to observe other teachers as part of my student teaching requirement. I did third and fifth grade. A huge difference in the classroom atmosphere and they don't get to do cool crafts and activities like the younger ones do. It solidified my choice to be with k-2. But I will go with where they tell me too. I just want to get a job!
I finally received my certification from the state. Holy crap--it should have been covered in gold! And come with a job offer!

I started running and working out again. Wow what a difference. I ran four miles yesterday at a decent pace and it feels so good. My clothes are getting looser and the number is going down on the scale. I do my morning runs after I drop E off. I do need to start running early in the morning so that if I get called to sub I'm ready to go. I'm so not a morning person. Any ideas?

The school board hired two people and I was not one of those people. They are still hiring two more people. Our neighbor is on the school board and is trying his best to get me in. M spoke with his yesterday and got the scoop. There is a distant cousin on M's side that we share a last name with and apparently he's not well liked. Having the same last name is hindering me getting a teaching job. I have never even met this man nor has M. It sucks that they think I have something to do with him. But there are still two openings and I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

The school board had their emergency meeting tonight at 7 pm. I hope my phone will be ringing tomorrow. Keep the prayers coming and your fingers crossed!!
I called my Dad after my interview on Friday to tell him how things went and he gave me the news of my great aunt passing away. She was very sick--lung cancer. My parents, E and myself went to the viewing and funeral in n.j. It was very sad because she was such a great lady--very loving and a good time to be with. My parents lived there for a little bit after they got married (my parents anniversary and my great aunt's is the same day). My mom and her used to do ceramics and my mom would tell me she had such a good time laughing and listening to stories about the family--my family is great--I love them to death but they are crazy, crazy in a good way. So even though it was a somber occasion I was happy to see my family and catch up with them.

Three years today at 3:30 pm we were married. We almost forgot about it because we were excited about E's first day of first grade today. I feel like we've been together forever. They say you should marry your best friend--I'm so happy I did!

I had an interview today!! The district secretary called me yesterday afternoon to come in this morning to interview for their four year old program. They hire their elementary teachers from this program. What a whirl wind! I found a suit, had my mom hem it and prepped for possible questions. It was a very informal interview. I still can't believe how relaxed it was. The one person was in jeans and a polo! Hopefully everything works out. I feel good and it's a chance to get my foot in the door.
I'm having my friends over that I student taught with. Shrimp carbonara!! I'll have to post the recipe later. I worked after my interview at the og and I have to vacuum and get dinner ready. I thank you so much for your good vibes and prayers and keep them coming!!

In this area you still have to know someone to get a teaching job. Even after this area is riddled with investigations from the F.B.I. I called my former criminal justice teacher and asked him to help me get into the school district by me. He's the mayor of the town over that way. He's been mayor for about five years now and I thought he could help me. I left a message Monday and he returned my phone call and said he would do his best to help me out in any way possible. If I can get my foot in the door subbing that would be great because this district does hire their subs. I worked yesterday at the og and my co-operating teacher came in and told me of an opening in her school district for the family learning center. This is where they pull their new elem teachers from. And a good friend called me and told me of an opening about an hour from here. So I stayed up and got my applications ready and they are being mailed out and dropped off today. Wish me luck!! Finally some good news ;-)

I wish I could get pregnant right now. I wish I could get a teaching job. How long will these things take I wonder? I know that eventually I will get a job. But as for the baby part that may never happen. And that is a very hard pill to swallow.

My application for my teacher certification from the state has finally been assigned to someone!! It's only been there since May. Dude they move slower than molasses uphill on a summer's afternoon.

We talked a little bit about the future. I put in alot of applications for a teaching job but I didn't get so much as an interview. I'm going to put out new letters of interest stating that I would like to substitute teach. I have to get my foot in the door somewhere. It is so political in this area--it's who you know not what you know.
I'm tired of being in limbo. I finally finished school and I'm ready for a real job. The OG is great and helps out but it's not my life. I'm ready to make steady money, have weekends and holidays off. I'm ready to spend time with my family. I also want to get a teaching job so we can do i.vf.
If anyone has any ideas or advice on how to get a teaching job I'm all ears.

The endo was minor. I asked where the two polyps were and was told they were growing in my endometrium lining in my uterus. The biopsy from one of the polyps showed nothing. My fallopian tubes looked great--a healthy pink and clear. In fact everything looked good. My doctor said to keep trying. We will because i.vf will only happen if I get a teaching job.

I made some changes to my blog. I thought it was time for a change. I liked the black--it made pictures pop but I want to lighten things up a bit. I would love to have one of those cookies in the title header--yum!

A good friend of mine came up yesterday for a visit. We were talking about people we graduated with and she showed me some of their pictures on f.acebook. I'm not on that or m.yspace. I have my blog and that's good enough for me. It was nice to see pictures of my classmates, especially those I went to kindergarten with. It's different to see some with children. I don't know why. Not that I thought they would make bad parents--just different I guess. I still can't believe that I have E (she turned 6 on 7/22). I don't feel old enough to have a six year old.
It bothered me with the way I've changed. I am once again out of shape and could stand to lose a few pounds. I do wish I could be consistent with my weight loss and exercise. I did 50 minutes of tae bo today courtesy of you.tube. I started eating salad with spinach and romaine lettuce. Little changes. They say if you do something everyday for 26 days it becomes a habit. I can vouch for that because I did that with flossing. So I started tracking my diet via weigh.t watchers on line and have signed the b.ob green'es total body makeover contract (again). I fell off the wagon with that when I had my lap done.
I go today for my post lap check up. I will update you later.

If you would have asked me at the start of my journey for a second child if I thought I would be still trying for another baby fours years later I would have answered no.
I will be 34 in November. One more year until I'm 35. That's the age when your egg quality decreases. I feel like I'm playing beat the clock, but not with my best ability because all fertility treatments in Pa are out of pocket. I.vf is put off to the side until I get a teaching job. How long do you try for? When do you start to explore other options? I know we each have our own breaking point. I get frustrated because I know what I want. And there is no way of knowing whether my dream will come true for one more baby.

My belly is getting better. It is now slightly sore. I slept better last night (I'm a side sleeper and I couldn't sleep on my side because doing so would pull my stitches).

Here is our girl Mel giving her first book reading.

Reading & Discussion of "Navigating the Land of IF" by Melissa Ford from StirrupQueens on Vimeo.

Being an infertile comes with a lot of questions and I think Mel does an excellent job of helping us out. Please click here for another video of Mel.

My surgery went alright. There was endometriosis on by bladder and two polyps--a piece was taken for biopsy. I see my gyno on July 24 for a follow up. I have questions of course about the endo and polyps--how does this affect me getting pregnant, will it come back again, where were the polyps, etc.
I am feeling a little better today. I slept on Wednesday and yesterday. I forgot how much it takes out of you. I keep comparing this surgery to my gallbladder but I shouldn't because I stayed in the hospital for that.
I encountered something new: B.air Paws inflatable gowns. They attach a hose to your gown and you control the temperature. I was warm and toasty!! Keeping you warm before surgery is supposed to help reduce infections.
We got home around 7 pm or so. I couldn't figure out why it took us so long to get home. I remember being in recovery at 4 pm. When they wheeled me back to my pre-op room where M was the nurse told me to rest and I took an hour long nap! M said you could really mess with someone when they're medicated. I agree.

Me in my inflatable gown.

Today is my surgery. It will be at 2:30 p. m. M asked if I'm nervous. A little. I know I will be very nervous right before I go in. That's how I was with my gall bladder surgery.
It's very important to me to get pregnant on so many levels. With E I was abused and after I left I was dealing with the divorce and seeing a therapist ( I have been meaning to write about that. I'm getting up the gumption). It should have been the best time of my life to be pregnant with my first child and I was robbed of that. I want to have a child with M. I believe it would be one of the best experiences to create life with the person you love.
I am holding on to hope that today will go okay.

I drank all 10 oz of magnesium citrate. Eh gad--that stuff is nasty! It tastes like really sour lemon soda. I have to laugh. My orders for today are to eat and drink clear fluids/food. But it all goes right through you so why eat anyway? Ironically I did eat wild strawberry j.ello and vanilla tea (no milk of course).
The hospital called to confirm the surgery for tomorrow and to give me a rundown of things I will be continuing to do. All I want to do is eat food you can't see through.

This morning I went for blood work for my lap on Wednesday. I have donated blood and had to have blood work done many, many times but I still do not like the pick and feel of the needle in my arm. I guess it's just one of those things that I will never get used to. My phlebotomist had this on her cork board:






I got out my j.ello to make for tomorrow. Although I'm not sure how much I will be eating because I have to drink a liquid that will flush out my system. The directions state to drink it in the morning to make sure it has enough time to work completely.
I do hope to get some anwers from the surgery. I also hope it's not anything too bad. My Mom mentioned endometriosis. It is hard to toss another item into the ring that hinders me getting pregnant.
I'm going to the library today to get some light reading. I figured since I will be stuck in the house and in the bathroom I should have some good stuff to entertain me. Do you have any suggestions?
My holiday weekend ended well. I went with my family to see fireworks in the neighboring town. I enjoyed the show and spending time with my husband and daughter. I did catch fireworks at work Saturday night. The finale anyway. We really have a great view from the OG patio. We also have really great sunsets in our neck of the woods.
Thank you to Mel for wishing me well on my lap and for posting it on LCFA! She takes such good care of us all ;-)

Happy 4th of July!! I wish all of you a safe and happy holiday! If any of you are in my area feel free to drop by the OG and watch the fireworks with me on the patio ;-)

I saw my other gyno yesterday. My blood tests were normal (I so thought my progesterone would be out of whack) so I'm having a lap done on Wednesday. A lot of prep goes into getting ready for a lap. I did not know that. On the down low, he's going to shoot dye and comb my ovaries, to see how things are from a fertility stand point. Maybe it's just what we need to make this baby happen.
M and myself have off today and I'm not sure how we are going to spend it. We talked about taking the puppies for a walk and going to the drive-in. We can also visit Chachi out at the campground. Maybe not-she's supposed to be studying for her comps on Monday.
I started to do the T.otal Bod.y Mak.eover by Op.rah's trainer Bob Gr.eene. I am good with doing my stretches and weights. I do have a hard time getting motivated in the morning to do my cardio. Also, breaking my eating in front of the tv at night. There are five simple rules: eat breakfast, no alcohol, eat consciously, have cut off time from eating 2-3 hours before bed and drink 6 8oz. glasses of water. Exercise isn't too bad either. Stretching and aerobics 6x a week for 30 mins. I am not a morning person so that doesn't help. Any advice?
I'm off to get ready for the day. If I don't get to post tomorrow, please have a happy and safe 4th of July!


Kissing puppies

Last Friday I had an appointment with my gynecologist. Going through the usual procedure (taking blood pressure, weight, etc.) the nurse noticed that my last appointment was December of '06. I can not believe it had been that long. I guess because we did our iui in Nov of '07 and had appointments pertaining to that that it slipped my mind about my yearly exam.
I told my gynie about my irregular periods (I have bleeding before I get my period. I call it the period before my period) and having extremely painful cramps. She ordered an ultrasound, blood work (she's concerned with my thyroid and progesterone levels) and a laparoscopy to find out what's going on. She also said the lap would be good also to see if my parts are in working order. I asked her if the bleeding could be a sign of short luteal phase and she said it's possible. She also asked about our plans to have a baby. She mentioned donor sperm and adoption. I told her that we will be doing ivf because it's not like we don't have any sperm. Of course if there's something wrong with me we will have to have discuss another course of action.
I mentioned not being able to lose weight also. I've been eating healthy and exercising for an hour every day and I'm not seeing/feeling a difference. It's just so frustrating. The whole if thing and now we are starting year five with no baby. I hope to get answers after the tests and surgery.

No, not a swimmer donor but a bone marrow donor. A little boy named Liam, whose mother is from my area, has a very rare blood disorder. The family set up a bone marrow registry at a nearby hotel. I went this morning and found out that I was already in the registry after having done so many years ago at the Red Cross. I got bracelets for me and E. Walking into the hotel I started to cry. I kept thinking how terrible it is that this little boy is going through something so horrible. The registry started at 10 am. I got there at 9:50 and the parking lot was quite full. I'm glad there was such a tremendous outpouring of support. They were also selling baked goods and there was a Chinese Auction. I pray that they find a donor soon.
You can read more about Liam here: news story.
All they do is swab your cheeks. Have you thought about being a donor? Find out more here.
Find out what the rest of the class is showing at Mel's blog.

I get a period before I get my period. I'm such a lucky girl. I have shared this info with my gyno and she never really addressed it. I read Taking Charge of Your Fertility and I now believe that I have short luteal phase. I'm seeing my gyno on June 5 and I hope to-- A. have answers and B. have a solution. It certainly doesn't help our situation if I can't even give an embryo an endometrium lining to burrow into. I'm going to get my progesterone checked and also my thryoid so that when I go to my appointment I'm armed with information and none of that, "I'm sending you for blood work and we'll make another appointment." I'm tired of waiting. Anyone who knows me is familiar with me and patience--we're not on the same page when it comes to my body. I just want to get the ball rolling. If I can't have another baby I want to know now so we can go in another direction. We have talked about adoption before. Maybe that's the plan.

Saturday I graduated from college with a 4.0. My degree will read "summa cum laude" but I was not allowed to wear honor cords. Why you may ask? Because prior to the semester in which you are graduating you must have 45 credits. I had 39. "Wait," I asked the provost lady--"what about this semester?" "It doesn't count." That's crazy--I had 12 credits for student teaching which were not free and this person tells me it doesn't count. I should have ordered the cords online. I did attend the ceremony, certainly not for me, but for the people who love me and support me--my family. I still can't believe that I worked so hard, at times had two jobs and a family and I was not recognized as an honor graduate. That is terrible.

My Mom gave me all the books to the Twilight series and I just completed book # 2 last night. Oh my word are they good!! Exciting and fast paced I'm hanging on every word about Bella and Edward. The teacher in the room next to mine read the series also. I had to laugh when she told me her husband would come home on the weekends after working away all week and want to catch up. "I have to find out what's going on. Edward is in trouble", she would tell him. The author Stephanie Meyer is so descriptive with the character's feelings and happenings that you feel as if you are in the book right along with them. I highly recommend the series.
Speaking of books, I'm reading Taking Charge of Your Infertility . I'm pretty good about being in tune to my body and I thought I would chart some cycles and see if that helps. Anything to give the swimmers a chance. Has anyone used this book to help them? Specifically to help with low number of swimmers. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated!
I'm going to take my puppies for a walk and go for another long walk myself. I have to bake brownies and get ready for a baby shower. It's for a good friend of mine that I love dearly. It will be hard for me to go but I would do anything for her.

We took a lovely trip to Jim Thorpe today. Why you ask? For wine. Yes, we traveled 45 mins. one way for wine. Let me explain about this nectar-it's delicious, sweet, fruity, hints of apple pie a la mode wine. We bought three varities: La Brusca, Apple Raspberry and Spicy Apple. And the best part: it's $8 a bottle!! I know!!! Good times! We are having Easter dinner here because mil had knee surgery (she's doing really well, thank you) and we thought we should be prepared.
I feel bad that in the way of preparations we aren't really doing much. Sil is making the ham, stuffing and sweet potatoes, mil is making bread, my Mom is making ricotta cheese cookies (soooo delish!!) and regular potatoes (because, omg, my Dad has to have regular potatoes), we are making tilapia, salad and homemade fudgy brownies.
I, of course, am going to clean like a crazy person. I like things to be neat, clean and orderly when we have company. I'm going to straighten up tonight and tomorrow will be cleaning.
I also have to shop for Easter baskets. Last minute Annie, that's me. But I do get everything done. I work better under pressure.
How are things on your end?

I can't believe spring is here and I'm almost done student teaching. My days are so packed that time is flying by. I'm with my students all day, after school I am getting things ready for the next day of teaching and/or hanging up students' work, go home and do house stuff, i.e. - vacuum, laundry and all that other good stuff. Student teaching is going well. My co-op teacher does team teaching which is nice. She has almost 30 years of experience and she gives me lots of good ideas. The kids are funny. I did a lesson on how a seed becomes a plant. I started the seeds on moist cotton balls so they could see the transformation. They thought it was cool. Soon it was time to transplant the seeds into peat pots I had gotten. One boy came back and asked what the peat pots were and I told him the name. Another boy came back and asked the same question. The first boy said, "Those are peacocks." Omg! Too funny!
E keeps getting boo boo belly. We had her in the ER a couple of weeks ago for severe dehydration. We could not keep any fluids in her. She has a little boo boo belly again.
M was operated on Friday morning. His shoulder had been hurting him for quite some time. He had bursitis and a small bone spur. The orthoped shaved the bone and cleaned everything up. Hopefully M will have relief. My Mil had surgery last Monday--a total knee replacement for her right knee. We joked that with three family members there should have been a discount. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they are on the road to recovery.

I wish all of you a belated Happy Valentine's Day!!! "In the end the love you take is equal to the love you make (the quote that used to be on Mel's blog)." The Beatles.

Two nights ago I had the most wonderful dream. It was warm, maybe late spring or early summer, and I was in a living room. I was holding a beautiful baby boy. He had brown hair and was wearing a white onesie with little blue and green cars and trucks on it. I had a blue blanket on my other arm. We were getting ready to go to an amusement park. I remember smelling that baby smell. And I could feel him. His soft and pudgy legs and arms. It was so real.

My husband's birthday is today. Happy birthday love!! He is absolutely the best thing that ever happened to me. He is kind, caring, funny and loves me unconditionally. I am so glad I sent him that wink ;-)
We spent the day with our families and at a charity basketball game between the fire dept. and police. We won this year. We celebrated afterwords with pizza and wings. Some of my husband's friends/fellow firefighters bought tastycakes and the servers put candles in them and came out singing happy birthday. They also love my husband.
I love you M!!!

While there is lot of good news in the blogosphere, I'm being reminded of what I don't have: a baby. I'm very happy for my cohorts because I'm aware of their struggles. But it still hurts to read betas, look at nursery pictures and see newborn pictures. No one said life is fair but it sure sucks sometimes.
We've been trying for almost four years now and it isn't getting easier. We are going to do i.vf in September but it seems like ions away. Pa is a shitty state to live in when pursuing treatment because they do not mandate insurance companies to cover anything. Hopefully I will get a teaching job and we can get started. It's so much money but I would always wonder, "what if?" if I didn't pursue it.

I am having a pampered chef party tomorrow. I didn't want to have one but I can't say no. Only a few people are coming because a lot of my friends work on the weekends and that's ok. It will be a cozy dining affair with great company, good food and wine (maybe sangria?) I'll have to remember to take pictures.
Student teaching is going alright. It's a bit overwhelming. It doesn't help that my co-op teacher doesn't explain to me the curriculum and prep me for each day. I get there around 8:40. Some kids (I'm student teaching 2nd grade) are starting to straggle in. I put up the morning agenda, check homework, get a lunch count and take attendance. There are 23 students and on most days there seem to be more. They have one special per day (music, art, gym, etc.) and we use that as a prep period. It's a rush to get things done in a timely fashion. I conduct morning circle time where we go over the day's message. The message contains math problems, a sentence that has spelling/grammatical errors and an analogy. That is our morning. Afternoons should consist of math and reading. However, if there are delays or an assembly then that puts a crunch on those subjects. The school I'm at does integrated lessons (one topic covers math, reading, science and math. long gone are the days of teaching math for 45 mins., science for 45 mins., etc.) My teacher is great and does team teaching with me. Yesterday though she left me alone a few times because she was having a problem with her daughter. I just jumped in and began where she left off with reading. It helps tremendously that I know these kids (I did my internship with this class). My adviser will be coming on Thursday to do an informal observation. That is nerve wracking.
I have many pimples on my cheeks and chin. This is due to nerves and my incessant eating of chocolate. I can't help it, I'm an emotional eater. I love chocolate. Surprisingly my weight is going down. I was too tired this week to work out. I started again today. I hope my work out videos come today.
I have work at 3 pm. I am so tired of working on the weekends. I get no rest. I'm so ready to have Sat and Sun off.
What's new with you?

I've adopted a new motto for this year, "Be positive". I am trying to stay optimistic. Every month comes with a new hope of getting pregnant.
I've gained some weight due to emotional overeating. I'm back eating healthy foods and indulging in goodies lightly. I am getting up early for student teaching (which started today!) and I'm going to add exercising to videos or Fit tv to my morning routine. I'm tired of being tired and having back fat. I can't control when I'm going to have a baby but I can control my weight.

Student teaching is something that I knew I had to do in order to graduate. But I never thought the time would come to do it. I'm in my last semester and today was my first day. I am with the same teacher and class I had for my internship so there is no getting to know you period. I'm very comfortable with the class and the teacher is wonderful. She herself a former stirrup queen. How nice is that? I lucked out.

The Arctic front is coming through our neck of the woods. I'm dressing in layers to stay warm. And there's nothing like a nice hot cup of tea with milk and honey!

I had my Praxis II today. Very random questions. I hope I did okay. While waiting to be checked into the exam room a very pregnant woman was talking with someone she knew. She was asked if this was her first child (no. she had a girl) and if she knew what she was having (a girl). The woman then said, "We're going to start our own goddamn Girl Scout troop. I'm so tired of having girls. It's like I'm being punished." She then proceeded to tell her friend that her daughter is terrible and went into detail about why she did not like her daugher. I wanted to hit her. Or yell at her loudly. How dare she--that ungrateful person--stand there and bitch and complain. Again, I don't understand why God gives these people children and there are so many of us that struggle for a baby that may never be.
How about all the other Praxis testing locations postponed the test until next week? Yes. I thought that was a gas too. In about 4 weeks I will know my test results.
I would rather have been home watching the best movie that was ever made:

We are going to borrow money from our retirement investings but we can't do it now. The payments aren't bad but with me leaving my TSS job (bc of student teaching) and only working at the OG on the weekends we can't swing that right now. I am so tired of the waiting, seeing children who are poorly taken care of and people getting pregnant WHO DON'T WANT KIDS (WTF?!?! That really pisses me off). I'm so upset and mad.
This sucks. I reserve the right to rant again if I feel like it.

Our wonderful Mel is up for a weblog award for best Medical/Health Issues blog. Go vote for her here! You can vote once every 24 hours. Let's go kick some ass!!!

I've made some changes to my blog design. I hope you like it. I have a question for people who use blogspot--how do you change your layout so that you can have items on both sides of your posts? Thank you!

I am off today. It started snowing and then it turned into freezing rain. I took the puppies out last night before bed and it was ugly. The two hour delay turned into a closing for all schools in our area. Yipee!!!
I've already done two loads of laundry, played Wii sports and the Littlest Pet Shop.
I believe I will be taking a nap today. I may or may not get out of my pj's. I haven't decided yet.
How is the weather in your neck of the woods?

I am very glad 2009 is here. 2008 sucked balls. This year will be filled with lots of goodness. I will be graduating (again) from Bloom with a B.S. Elementary Education, be doing i.vf w/i.csi, getting a teaching job (fingers crossed) and I'm going to start running again. The possibilities are endless. Everything is coming together nicely and I'm so happy about that.
What do you look forward to in 2009?


my painting

Christmas was very nice. I really enjoy spending time with my family. My parents host Christmas Eve and we do the traditional Wigilia (Polish/Lithuanian Christmas Eve dinner) . My Dad makes his mushroom soup, pierogies, fish and sauerkraut and peas. Desserts were out of this world--baklava (my uncle from Egypt makes this just for me!), homemade cookies (anise--thanks Mom!) and Red Velvet Cheesecake (also made by Mom). Santa came and spent some time with us, taking a break from his busy night, and handed out presents. Christmas Day was spent with the in laws. Again it was nice to spend time with the family and enjoy being together.
New Years Eve we had yummy seafood with my parents. M and I thought we were going to bed early and got sucked into the Food Network Star. We went to bed just after midnight.
New Years Day my Mom came up for our trip to Philly. We went to visit my best friend and saw the Mummer's Day parade . It was crazy. The Mummers were spectacular!! And these crazy Mummers and fans had been drinking for a very long time. It was like Mardi Gras but colder. I especially liked the string bands. They are called "Stringers" and boy could they jam! We all had a good time.











Me and Christina (she lives one block from Mummers Row--the parade route. How convienent is that?)






A Mummer and his beer.