sad to say, i've been bugged by insensitivity and insecurity in this time of life.

insecurity - lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt: He is plagued by insecurity.
right, that would be me.
'A' levels is approaching in a mere 210 days and here i am slacking and flunking.
progress report aren't showing me any improvements that i could have possibly made.
physics' hindering my progress and i couldn't be happier if i could change my subject combinations now.
the class has seemed to be conforming to a fad this few days.
every single one is completing tutorials and assignments like crazy.
seriously, after a casual talk, what's the point of completing for the sake of completing, isn't it?
i'm still sticking to my policy of taking a step at a time.
it ain't logical for me to alter my studying pace now.
but, i'm making much progress in catching up with the topics.
kudos to me for my sleepless nights just to mug.
it seems common for me to fall into a serious sleepless cycle, i know.
but at least i'm satisfied with what i'm doing.
passed my retest on gravitation and shm.
am set for a big leap to overcome my next hurdle, wave and superposition retest.
sounds almost impossible, but, i'm gonna do it.

insensitivity - deficient in human sensibility, acuteness of feeling, or consideration; unfeeling; callous: an insensitive person.
that would be me and the people around me as well.
no point for me to dwell into this subject as i don't find it worth to mention about someone who i've condemned.

i'm getting more intolerant towards my class nowadays.
skip CCA meetings and trainings for all you want.
i've did my part in relaying down messages.
your attendence? not my fucking problem.
i've seem to cut off activities with most of the class people cause i seriously want to mug and partly cause i don't feel the need to bond.

am watching the drama, HEROS these few days.
have really got to say that it rocks.
okays, time to start studying for everything and anything and to prepare myself for lessons tml.

OFFICIAL STUDYING STARTS TODAY.
I'm going to clear GRAVITATION & SHM retest this thursday.
I'm going to finish up maths tutorial + assignment 13, 14 and 15 by this weekend.
Physics tuition starts this friday.
I can see my future glowing with blinding brightness.
haha.

the characters unmasked, revealing their true colours as the filmstrips starts to unroll..
this is very much of a impromptu post.
i'm here to actually blog about something which made me blew my top.
sometimes, i just don't get it.
why are people inching themselves further and further to test one's patience.
i don't see anything worth mocking at for the preparations of the XAC bbq.
seriously, the very much excess food was due to some of the seniors backing out last minute and everything went unnoticed.
this time, it was very nice of cherlynn and me to organise the bbq for everyone in XAC.
too bad, nonchalant people who attempts to act smart started to take this as a mockery.
we started off with no assistance although messages were relayed down to everyone to come at 3pm to purchase the food together.
people who didn't come - practically everyone - deserve NO say in anything and everything.
i cant beg to understand why are people so insensitive, naive and asinine to have remarks regarding the preparations.
i have my reasons.
firstly, i don't want people to have the impression that XAC is such a cheapskate club and the organisers are as cheapskate by shortchanging everyone who came for the bbq.
secondly, the primary objective is to induce fun and enjoyable moment for everyone.
thirdly, for people to get to know each other well.
fourthly, more food is better than less food.
just these reasons are enough to explain the reason why we spent $330 on food alone and $46 on drinks.
i don't see anything wrong in this cause we were expecting near 30 people and budget wise, its sufficient.

i've been too easy-going all along, i realise.
i've always been taking things so lightly that even insults aren't any hurtful to me sometimes.
i've taken comments so lightly because i realise that those hypocrites aren't worth for me to tell them off.
right, for this, i'm targetting it to the jjc people.
why would i put in so much effort to tell people off when these people aren't even going to be close to me even when i graduated?
treat it as i didn't give them a chance.
but i doubt they deserve the chance for being so childish, insensitive, naive and stupid.
and xuanyi, you're one of the worst hypocrites out there lurking around waiting to be unmasked.
and your companions aren't any better as well.
stop acting smart and drop the idea that you yourself being superior against the others.
learn to sit back and shut your mouth.

a downloadable version of the message history is available for download.
note how insensitive the purple font user is.
click here

i miss so contagious playing in my ear so contagiously.

i'm feeling great.
its the first day of the excitingly boring holiday.
yes, i've watched a long awaited movie, finally.
watched 300.
and i felt like i've grown up.
today marked my first official m18 movie in my life. haha.
300 was fantabulous.
other than the nudities and scandalous scenes.
300's actually from a small part of Greek history.
yes, Greek and Roman history fasinates me more than anything else.
knowing that 300's a part of Greek history, it feels like life's showered with icing sugar.
haha.
king leonidas had my hats taken off for him.
idealism doesn't proof to be the bane of one's existence afterall.
opportunists should just burn in hell.

i'm looking forward to the holidays!
and i'm having a dying urge to go for movies.
its beeen eons since i step into a movie theatre.
yes, i'm DEPRIVED of basic social life.
this holidays shall be movies, movies and MORE movies.

some people are starting to think that they are getting way too very popular.

finally, i got the urge to blog.
the past week seemed to be loaded with tests and assignments.
and this week's not an exception as well.
BUT guess what! this is the last week of term 1. haha.
am looooking forward to the one week break.
it seems like ever since jc education commences, every holiday seem like advent to me.
am left with physics lecture test 2 and gp tca to mark the end of term 1. awww.
physics' giving me hell load of headaches.
i'm constantly having the thought of switching physics to h1 and econs to h2 now.
its too late now, isn't it?
the thought of me getting BAD grades for 'a' levels gives me headaches.
insecurities and low self-confidence just dominates every part of me.
am now headhunting for physics tuition but at the same time looking for a tuition partner as well.
physics just don't seem to interest a teeny weeny bit of me at all.
just can't be bothered to study for SPA, finish up the tutorials and assignments.
test's coming up this thursday and i have yet to extract anything intellectual out of the notes.
on the bigger picture, 'a' levels is in 8 months time.
all the seniors been telling us to start revision early.
not for physics for the time being i guess.