Well, this morning John and I met with Dr. G at the Cleveland Clinic. What a nice, informative man he was. He basically told us that if we were to cycle with him he would up my current medication dosage a bit, or perhaps change it just slightly by using Follistim rather than the Bravelle and Menopur I've used for two cycles. He did say that all patients are out for the retrieval, they do assisted hatching on all embryos, and all transfers are ultrasound guided. We brought up the idea of using a surrogate, and he was all for it. In fact, he thought it was a great idea.

We left CC and headed to Akron. As AF (my period) had started on Saturday, I needed to get the cycle day three blood work done for them. Instead of going to a LabCorp up here, the called on Sunday and asked if I wouldn't mind going to them to have the draw. I was excited to see where the office was located and to meet some of the staff. John came in with me and stood there while EIGHT vials of blood were drawn. (I was more worried about him fainting than me!)

After Akron we went to get lunch and talk things over. While CC has a great track record...they ARE "The Clinic" after all, I just didn't feel the connection with the staff and doctor at CC as I felt with Akron. So...I think we are going to cycle with Akron! :-) I still have *think* in the above sentence because I want John to meet Dr. Mooney first and make sure he likes him too, but that is DEFINITELY where I am leaning right now.

Another thing I should add...we are 100% sure we are going to use a gestational surrogate! If money were no issue, then I would 100% move forward with a third IVF try. In my heart I want to believe that cycle #3 would work for us, but if it didn't, then that would be yet another almost $10,000 gone for nothing. So to go the "safer" route, we are going to seek the use of a surrogate. We are still in the beginning stages, and thankfully I've been introduced to some great girls who have gone the surrogacy route, so they have been WONDERFUL, answering all of my zillion questions. As we are in said "early stage", there is still a lot of time and learning left to be had before we can forge forward.

So now we are going to just take it one day at a time. That is all we CAN do. We have a meeting in mid-January to talk with Dr. M and get the results of my blood work. From there, we will decide when will be the right time to move forward and how.

I hope we've made the right decision! I guess only time will tell!

Before I talk about my appointment, I just wanted to let everyone know that I hope you had a very Merry Christmas! Ours was busy but wonderful. Christmas Eve we endured a three and a half hour drive up to Cleveland (it normally takes us just over two hours). We went to friends for an INCREDIBLE dinner. Serena is 100% Italian, so the food was out-of-this-world, and the company was great. It was fun to be around three very excited children for a few hours. Then we went back to my mother-in-laws house to do gifts with her. Then to bed around midnight, only to be up at 6 AM to leave the house by 6:30 to get her to the airport for her flight to Arizona. We left straight from the airport and got home around 9. I started our Christmas breakfast, we opened presents, ate breakfast, then took a needed nap. At two we went to my parents house where we opened an incredible amount of gifts from my parents and Colleen and Tom. We were at their house until after 10. It was a GREAT day with my family...I am SO lucky to have such a wonderful family!

What I want to know, now, is where has December gone? I remember getting out of my appointment in early December with Dr. Mooney from the Akron clinic and thinking that my appointment with Dr. Goldfarb was an eternity away. Well, my appointment is at 9:15 AM on Monday! I am glad John will be with me for this appointment.

In other news, AF started today, so I've found a LabCorp near John's mom's house for me to go to on Monday to have my blood draw done for Dr. Mooney. I'll be there at 8:00 when they open, and then we'll leave from there to go to meet Dr. Goldfarb.

I will update once we return from Cleveland on Monday afternoon! :-)

I posted on one of my Internet boards about the label of "recurrent pregnancy loss" and one of the girls said that maybe my blood work is labelled like that so that insurance will pay for it. I hadn't thought of it that way before at all. I think she might be right.

So I am now back to thinking we are "male factor infertility" on paper, with something funky going on in my uterus when it comes time for embryo's to attach! ;-) Hopefully this blood work will tell us a little more about me!

Recurrent Pregnancy Loss - - - I have never thought about those three words when it comes to my 43 months of trying to get pregnant. Yes, you read correctly...we've determined that we've been trying, for the most part, for 43 months, and within another day or two, that will become 44 months. That number stings, but seeing the words "recurrent pregnancy loss" on paper really shocked me.

I spoke to the IVF nurse at the Akron office this week. She told me that even though they know we aren't ready to move forward today with things (plus John and I still have our meeting with Dr. Goldfarb at the Cleveland Clinic on the 29th) Dr. Mooney wanted me to get some preliminary blood work done. She did warn me that they would be drawing quite a bit of blood and since my period is starting this week sometime, and the blood work needs to be drawn on cycle day 3, they sent it out for me to do (I'm off all this week too, so it makes for getting to the lab easier).

Looking at the first page, I thought I was going to die. The IVF coordinator was NOT kidding when she said that there was a bunch of blood work ordered...they are checking the levels for 23 different "things" in my body. From my FSH (which measures the level of follicle stimulation hormone in my body) to testosterone (I had mentioned my previous treatment for a hypoactive adrenal gland) to Lupus anticoagulant (not Lupus the illness, but rather something which could cause recurrent pregnancy loss - - - thanks Google!), everything under the sun is being tested.

Then I turned to the second page, where is clearly states, as a diagnosis: Recurrent pregnancy loss. Ouch, that hurt! Never before have I been given that title. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel with that title. I'm sad, I guess. But then John and I were talking during dinner, and I guess it is true. ***UPDATED***After six embryos have been put back, and nothing has thrived, then does that qualify me as having recurring loss?? Does having 3 IUI's, 2 IVF's, and 1 FET qualify as recurring loss? So I guess our medical diagnosis of "male factor infertility" on paper could change to "male factor infertility plus recurrent pregnancy loss" dependening upon what the blood work results come back with.

I am thrilled that this new doctor is taking quite a strict approach and ruling out as many things as possible. I will let you know my results once I find things out!

John keeps telling me that my grading load is worse this year than many past years. I don't think it really is, although I must say, I am swamped. I am trying to grade like mad lately so that I don't have to do too much school work over break. It isn't going too well.

So if you've called, texted, or e-mailed lately and I haven't responded, please know that I'm buried beneath a pile of homework and I will get to you soon.

Oh, and too, if you are someone who normally gets a Christmas card from me...that is going to be delayed. Sorry!

Well, we got the call tonight. The owner of the builder we were dealing with does not want to buy our condo. So, we are taking the condo off the market after being on for 10 months with no hope for a sale.

We are bummed. We just wanted SOMETHING to happen with our condo for once. Geesh, am I asking too much???

So, we have set our sights to fixing up the condo. New carpet, fixing some walls with nail pops (which have recently made themselves aware, after just six and a half years of living here), maybe even getting rid of the current shower and putting something with tile in instead. We shall see.

2009 IS GOING TO BE OUR YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And all I can say is WOW. Just WOW. This doctor was WONDERFUL. He sat and talked with me for almost 1 1/2 hours. He never once said a bad thing about my current RE, which I respect him for, but he was very firm in telling me what would be different if I went with him:

1. No more Bravelle or Menopur. He said that he actually uses Bravelle to slow down women who are stimming too quickly. He said I would be using Gonal F, Follistim, &/or Repronex. He is going to be rather aggressive with my stimming, which, going on round #3 (fresh) and #4 total, I'm perfectly fine with this. He would like me to have about 20 good eggs at retrieval time, with about 15 fertilizing, if all things go smoothly.

2. He would be doing an u/s guided transfer, which is not done at my current clinic.

3. While the clinic is up in Akron, OH, all of my monitoring appointments would be done at their new office near me. So, this means I don't have to go back to my old clinic to have u/s and b/w. This makes me happy. I will have to go north for the ER and ET, but I'm fine with that.

4. He told me that even though there are four doctor's in the practice, he will be the one doing my ER and my ET. I was happy with that, as you never knew who you had at my other clinic until they walked in the door.

5. He wants to do assisted hatching. He was thrilled with my first IVF cycle and on paper said that it looks like it should have worked. He thinks that assisted hatching will give me the "oomph" needed.

6. As I am paying OOP and this is our third fresh cycle, he and his staff are going to do everything they can to keep our costs low and they are going to work their tails off (the nurses words, not mine) to find us as much medicine as they can.

7. Lastly, he doesn't think the idea of a surrogate is that bad. It is something I am still trying to wrap my brain around completely. I guess if it comes down to us cycling at the beginning of the year with a BETTER chance at having a child through a surrogate than on our own, then that is the route I am ready to travel.

We have another "2nd opinion" in Cleveland at the Cleveland Clinic at the end of the month, but John has suggested I cancel that appointment as we are happy with what we had today. Plus I feel that a round of anything at the Cleveland Clinic will 1) be really expensive and 2) make me feel even more like I'm a number, not a patient.

So that's it! :-) Guess John and I have a lot of talking to do!

I can't believe today is finally here. I'm leaving in about 30 minutes to meet the first of two new Reproductive Endocrinologists. Today's meeting is with a doctor whose clinic is actually in NE Ohio, but they now have an office in Westerville, just a few towns away. I'm not quite sure if this Westerville office is just for consultation appointments, or if it is an office where ultrasounds can be done. I do know for a fact that if we did choose this lab our actual retrieval and transfer would take place up NE in Akron, Ohio.

I'm so nervous to have him look at my papers from ORM and tell me where he thinks we should go next.

I'll update later!

I think I am going to try to create a poll. I've never done one on here before, so why not now?

The question is...

Should I change the name of my blog???

I'm not exactly dieting right now. I am eating healthier than I have in a while, and I am working out more than I used to, and I am trying to just take care of myself, both inside and out. I am NOT, however, dieting for "that"...as "that" isn't a guaranteed thing anymore.

I'm thinking I want to change my blog name to something like....
The Road Not Taken

or

The Road Less Traveled.

Vote, and let me know what you think! :-)