Lucky in love

I love birthing stories.

Monday morning I woke up feeling contractions. They weren't anything special so I didn't think too much about them. My mom and I left on my morning 3 mile walk where I was timing them at every 3-5 minutes. I knew it was because I was walking and didn't get too excited about them. I was right. When I got home to stretch, they backed off significantly.

9:40am Chloe, mom, my MiL and I left for a quilting store in Springville where they were having a sale. I was starting to hurt, but it was nice to walk around and be distracted. I started feeling the need to sit and was sick to my stomach. I turned my timer back on but the contractions were erratic at best. They'd clock in at every 7 minutes for 30 seconds for a while then switch to ten minutes for 40 seconds. I never got a consistent read on where I was at so I never committed to thinking I was in true labor.

We grabbed some Zupas on the way home, hoping it would calm my stomach. The children went on a play date that a friend from church insisted on the day before. Truly a thought sent to her by God. I could not have relaxed that afternoon like I needed to without her family's generosity.

12pm  I sent a text to Mariah, my SiL telling her I think I am in labor. I also text my sister asking if she wouldn't mind sharing her birthday with a niece.

From 1-4pm I alternated between bouncing on my ball, leaning on it and trying to lie down. Around 3 or so I couldn't stand it any more and asked my husband to walk around the block with me. I needed distraction. The back labor had set in. We had to stop a lot on our walk so I could breathe through the contractions. One friend saw us and said we needed to just go in and get induced. Jameson said he didn't think we would need to do that.

I started watching "What to Expect When You're Expecting", one of my happy place movies when pregnant.

The children came home about 4:30. So i turned on the oven for chicken nuggets and settled back on the couch. I started having Jameson push on my back with a tennis ball when he was close enough to do so.

Why hadn't I gone to the hospital? Well, if you click back a post and read my experience with Kaid, I was convinced they'd send me home like they did with him. My numbers never were consistent, I didn't trust my pain level with back labor in the equation and I wasn't about to go through that again. SO I kept at it at home.

About 5pm my mom was the closest one to me with Jame dishing up the kiddos and I needed help. I asked her to push on my back. In true laboring woman form, I snapped at her for what in my head was "not doing it right" and not very politely, I told her to "step away" and then burst into tears. She immediately walked to Jame, and told me later had one of her clearest spiritual promptings, and told him he had to get me to the hospital. NOW.

We both went to the bathroom, well, I tried to. I was crying and contracting too hard to manage any sort of sitting position. We grabbed the hospital bag, added a couple things and shambled (much to my mother's toe tapping displeasure) to the car.

I dont remember much of the drive. I was hurting. We got there and apparently before I even got through the admittance doors, they called the midwife. They knew.

They said they had to check me before taking me to the real room I would labor in. So i laid on that triage bed for all of ten seconds for them to tell me I was a 6. Now, if we have talked about labor, you know that I do not like epidurals. I didnt have a good experience with one before and I love the feeling of pushing the baby out. But with back labor and fully expecting a long tedious time ahead of me, I told them I wanted one.

One of the midwives, Sue, had just happened to pop by in her street clothes before going home. She and nurse Ana, aka Magic Hands, helped me walk across the wing where they got me in a gown, began Jame's conversation with the anesthesiologist and checked me again (maybe about ten minutes?) to find me at an 8. I heard a lot of what felt like, panicked voices about how quickly this baby was coming and if the on call midwife would even make it, necessitating Sue, in street clothes, delivering this baby.

My eyes didnt open much at this point. I knew Jame was standing by me because he was cradling my head in his hand (he is seriously the best). Later Jame told me that at least 9 people were in the room because we had gotten there at shift change. We had the day and night nurses, 2 midwives and then some.

Magic Hands promised me the baby would be here in a matter of contractions. They could give me the epidural, but I didn't need it. She said I was strong. I believed her. I said if she kept pushing on my back, I could do it. They broke my water, checked me next contraction and I was a 10 plus. In a very surprised tone said that the baby was right there, just had one little lip to get past, and did I want to push?

HECK YES I WANTED TO PUSH!

So I got on my back, they helped position me (I have needed a bar in the past, so just curling in was lovely), first push I felt her crown....

CROWN!

Second push, still first contraction, felt her head come out. I heard Jameson's shock that she was here, the midwife's comment on what an amazing pusher I am...

Third push, second contraction, all 7 lbs, 3 ozs of our 19 inch angel was here! 

I was in shock. NO way did I just push out a baby in 3 pushes. They found a lot of meconium when my water broke, so I didnt get to hold her for long before they had to check her lungs. But everything checked out and we got her back quickly. Jame and I were both in shock. In less than hour of leaving our home, a twenty minute drive there, a five min walk from car (contractions people!), getting check and getting in my room... that girl flew into our lives.

And THEN! And then!......

They had to check me in hahahahahahahaha. It all happened so quickly we didn't get any admin done until after she got here. Man, that had us laughing. She came so fast they didn't even keep the baby monitor on me, which, was so awesome. So awesome. 

I got the labor and delivery I had been praying for. Well, minus the back labor. I didnt want that again. But because of it, I labored at home the entire time and got to the hospital for the pushing part. Nurses and midwives really do make a huge difference. The biggest difference of all is my partner, my best friend, my amazing birthing coach, my husband. He is so supportive. So understanding.

His face, when he sees our children for the first time, when the 9 months of pregnancy is over and it is finally real for him, I live for that moment. He is an amazing father that knows what a gift these children are. It takes my breath away.

We are happy, healthy and glowing in love.

I wrote this forever ago and forgot to post it. But here it is, Kaidan's Birth Story.

Saturday was really, a rather normal day.

I insisted to Jameson that we had to go buy our Christmas tree and get it up because we really had no idea when the baby was coming and I did not want to miss out on the experience. So we went to the DI, bought a tree stand. Went to the tree lot, picked a tree, some kettle corn and yummy Korean BBQ. We went home to play a game with family but ended up not. One of my good friends asked if she could crash at our place that night so we had her come over.

I started to feel some stronger contractions around 7:30 so I took a big hot bath to try and calm them down. I wasn't uncomfortable by any means, but I also knew the contractions were becoming consistent. Jessica got here so we hung out, talked, joked about her recent car experiences then got ready for bed. It was around 10:00, I think.

Jess left on her date and we tried to go to sleep. Jamie is blessed and knocked out. The contractions were about every ten minutes and I just couldnt fall asleep between them. I knew this was it but that I also had to wait until they were close enough together. So until two I sat out in the living room bouncing on my birthing ball and trying to get into positions that felt better.

That is when I noticed something was different.

I could still feel the contractions. But more than those I had contractions in my lower back. And those took all my attention. At two I woke up Jamie telling him I couldn't do it on my own anymore. He was very sweet (despite having been ill all day) and started to help me get through them. Jessica got home about 3, we told her what was going on, Jameson woke up his mother and we were on our way to the hospital. I had this nagging feeling that they would send me home because it hadn't been very long but the contractions were five minutes apart and I was feeling very little relief i between.

We got in, met with a nurse, checked in and the measured me at a 4. They watched me for an hour and without progressing, the midwife told them to go ahead and send me home. The nursing staff was very concerned about sending me home because they were all convinced I was in true labor. But we lived close enough to the hospital that they felt I could probably make it back in time. The nurse said I would be back in that day (Sunday) to have the baby. We left and I felt very discouraged. I had been so certain I was in labor and I was already in a lot of discomfort. How would I know when to go back?

We got home just after 5. I tried to sleep but every 5 minutes a contraction would hit. Luckily, as odd as it is to say, luckily, the children were up at their normal 5:30 so I could go in their room to try and distract myself. Jessica didn't know we had come back, so she came in to help. I was able to semi distract myself and let Jamie get some sleep. But once he was up, I was done. I took a shower, but after being up all night I kept jerking where I stood between awake and asleep and knew I had to lay down. The hot water was just helping the pain in my back.

I tried to sleep again but nothing had changed. The discomfort was getting worse and it got to the point where I was moaning into my pillow. My sweet mother in law, Jessica and Jameson got the children ready for church. My father in law was speaking so Jamie came in to ask if I was up for him going to listen. A contraction hit and I was really struggling to not cry out, so he made the executive decision to take me back to the hospital. My mom had also just suggested the same thing over a text. I was feeling a lot of self doubt about my ability to gauge my discomfort because they had sent me home only a few hours earlier. It was now 11.

We went to the hospital, walked into the same stupid checking room with new blue bands on my wrist and a lot of anger. I didnt want to be sent home again but I also knew I was in labor and didnt want to be told I had to go home to do it some more. The nurse, Wendy, was amazing. She said she had heard of me and was hoping I would come back to help her not be bored anymore :) She said a lot of the right things that day. She checked me and congratulated me on waiting as long as I had, I was now an 8 plus!

When she told me that the bigger nicer rooms didn't have a bath, I told her to stick me in a smaller room, I just wanted the bath. So we grabbed our bags and walked next door. I was the only one in that wing and it stayed that way the whole time. Small rooms all the way! They let me labor another hour, broke my water and that is when things got... well... out of hand. I had made it to a ten, which I never did with Bear. But I was also very uncomfortable.

Kaidan was curled up on one side of my body and his head turned sideways, caught on something. In case you remember reading Chloe's birth story, she was the same thing and they had to use forceps to get her out. I was already hurting and hearing about this position started to really freak me out. I suddenly felt very out of control. I kept asking questions but I swear no one answered them except Jamie. I didnt know if he was going to come out and I didnt know if I was going to be able to continue pushing. I was exhausted.

I am not a mean laborer. I do not yell "You did this to me!" or "I hate you!" In fact, I said a lot of "please" and "thank yous" between my rather "barbarious yalps". I now know what women are talking about when they talk about back labor. And I add my testament to theirs. It is the worst feeling in the whole world.

What happened was this. His head was turned so that the hardest part of his skull was going up and down my spine. Even though I was at a ten and effaced, he was getting stuck so even though he dropped almost out every time I pushed, the moment I stopped, he was sucked back up and going along my spine again. With that kind of pressure on my spine, my labor felt like one huge contraction. We pushed for 45 minutes.

I say "we" because it was just as much work for Jameson. I had enough sense that every time I looked into his eyes I saw how hard it was for him to work with me. Jameson is one of the most empathetic wonderful men I know and he loves me. He loves me enough to not only let me choose how to deliver our children, but to support me in it. He was hurting. I wish I could have reigned in my pain, to yell less, to be less panicked. But I couldn't. I felt very out of control because of the back labor. Every time the midwife would check me during a contraction I tried to get her to stop, I would yell at the nurse to stop messing with the monitors to get Kaidan's heart beat. The only one I didnt get frustrated with was Jamie.

Nurse Wendy was awesome at applying pressure no matter the position I assumed. My midwife Becky was very encouraging of me trying new positions and getting Kaidan into a more productive position. Jameson was always by my side, encouraging me and loving me through it.

We had finally gotten Kaidan's head turned and he was crowning! I was so thrilled and I knew it was over that I would not stop pushing. I had now been contracting for almost 16 hours, without sleep. I was done. So I tried to push him out. I thought that was what everyone was telling me to do. Jameson told me that everyone was trying to get me to stop.

hahahaha. Like that was happening.

After his head came out, he stopped. I was really confused. Turns out, his shoulders were broad, so he was stuck. AGAIN! So we pushed his shoulders out and finally, at 1:44pm, Kaidan was here and screaming and my back finally didnt hurt. Halleluiah!

7lbs 10 oz 20 inches of glory. He is our biggest baby. And boy did he feel like it. It is strange to say that as I snuggle him and marvel at how small he is.

Bear and Chloe adore him. Bear did a dance where he stood when he walked into the hospital room and saw him. Chloe kept holding him and kissing his head. Jameson had sent his mother a picture of him after he was born and Chloe was enraptured. She kept asking questions and making observations about how he looked (she is super into anatomy right now).

We are thrilled he is here and love every inch of him!

So when things happen to me I write a blog in my head. More correctly I start blogs in my head. They never make it anywhere, but I really enjoy writing them. I work out the wording and everything. I truly love and believe in the power of journals (or blogs) because I think they are important. The thing is... I just don't take the time. Obviously. My last post was months ago.

That being said, let me give you some blurbs.

Chloe, my baby, my first born is 3! Soooooo weird. But fun. I had a really great day with her on Friday. We had a bad experience with the day care a week ago so we decided to skip out on classes on Fridays for a while (the day the care worker works). So we are now having Mommy Daughter swimming dates! It was really fun. She was so happy to be back in the water--now whose daughter could she possibly be? ;) That was really great but it actually got even better after. We hit the showers and she has never taken one before. At first she was totally freaked out by it but then she kicked me out so she could play. It was hilarious. Don't blame her though. That room was so warm! She had her check up. She is developmentally right on, 30lbs, 30th percentile. Go figure.

Bear is a...well... a bear. He is 18 pounds. He is so mobile he has already started to drop in percentiles. The day care is actually taking bets on if he will break the earliest walker record (8 months). He mumbles "ma" and "ba". He is super ticklish. It cracks me up. So cheerful and so high maintenance--always needs to be held, only falls asleep when he is being nursed or driven somewhere and even those aren't guarantees.

Jamie is working like a crazy man. 50-60 hour weeks. Picked up at second internship, like a boss. Now we're hoping to be back on track for August graduation. He is working so hard. I am so proud of him.

Here is to more blogs in the future.

Also, I created a meme in my head. For those of you have seen the awesomeness that is Oscar, imagine this: Tim Curry's head popping over the upstairs banister with "Today my hormones said: Hello!"

Children sure make the months seem like a big deal. High school drug on, college was measured only in haircuts and one kickbutt trip to Europe. But seriously. Every month I see a new sparkle in Chloe's eye, I hear a new sound from Barrett, Jameson and I find new gray hairs and smile at each other knowing that next year we'll look back and be shocked at how far we've come yet again.

Georgia.

We have officially been here a year and I think I have enough "data points" as my Dad calls them to weigh in on how we like it here.

First and most importantly we are just grateful that we had the opportunity to come here. That despite the huge drama it was to get here, it has truly been a blessing that we will always be grateful for. This school has been perfect, not only for Jameson's personal school needs, but for us as a family.

Weather. Ouch. We LOVE the no snow thing. I dont have to pray Jameson isn't crushed in the convertible on those ridiculous freeways. We love the fall here. The trees are gorgeous and again, no early snow! I personally love the long pool season! Especially when I was super duper pregnant.

That being said, I hate tornado sirens. I cry inside when they go off. Especially when Jameson is at school and I am watching the news caster point at the red outlined area in which I live :( I know, I know, faith not fear. This heat is also a bit intense--well, humidity is probably a better word for it. The funny thing is, I am the one turning off the air when Jameson leaves for school. I cant stand the cold breezes and he is sweating like a crazy person. What crazy world is this!?

People. People are super nice. I love the variety of people we meet. We also rise to the occasion of being a religious minority! I have never met people before who hadn't heard of the LDS faith and it is invigorating for me. I've never been a big missionary so it is really pushing me.

We hate the traffic. We live in a beautiful downtown area that we just cannot navigate during certain times of the day. Jameson has a horrific commute! Long long drive. Horrible horrible drivers. Parking lot freeways. Ew. If he gets hired on after this internship then we'll probably relocate closer to work. Which would be sad. It is a great area, but it also has nasty taxes on top of bad traffic.

I LOVE being by my sister! Haven't lived by her since I was 11. It is so fun for Chloe to have cousins. I had a great running partner last fall. Being close to Boo gets Mom out visiting more too ;)

We really like it here. We could see ourselves staying. Whether that is because we feel like it will be more convenient for Jamie to get his LMFT here or we just cant afford leaving. We're looking at licensing options and keeping all our doors open. I think we'd both like to end up back West. We love Seattle (expenses not included :P) but we did also really like Utah. Never thought I would say that! We would have to put up with the snow again which wouldn't be ideal but we like the idea of being more central to more family (sorry Boo! I love being by you).

Over all, we enjoy it here. Oh... minus the bugs. EW and ouch! Too many darn mosquitoes!


                        Here is some Ranck attitude headed your way ;)

I have to get this down before I just let it pass me by. I believe in the power of handwritten things, I just dont think my hands can keep up with my thoughts on this one right now.

Many of you know that I had a really hard time following through with Jameson's and my plan to get pregnant because I couldn't figure how I could love two children. I talked with a lot of friends and family about it and even though what they said made sense, I just couldn't grasp it. I have a rather simple mentality when it comes to love. You love and serve ONE God and ONE spouse. So how could I ever split devotion into two or more?

Then we got pregnant and I forgot about it for a while. It would work out. Occasionally it would sneak up on me and I'd realize I had no idea to deal with what we'd done. And that there was a timer on Chloe's time. We stopped pressing teaching her that a baby was coming and focused completely on her. We made more of an effort to play, laugh, watch less tv, etc. And it made us better parents. But it was over my head that I would never be able to do this with her again and that broke me heart.

Chloe visited me in the hospital and she immediately crawled in my lap to cuddle. She didnt much want anything else. And I loved sitting with her. I wasn't juggling children so in my head it didnt feel like I was mother of two. I was mother of Chloe in that moment.

Leaving the hospital I had an emotional break. How could I do this? I love Chloe. I love Barrett. When it comes down to their needs how could I pick who comes first? Who would fall by the wayside and how horrible of a parent would I be? Mother of two? It just isn't possible.

Now I've been home two weeks and I get it. Well, to the extent that Becky Ranck age 24 on July 18th 2013 can get it. I sing lullabies to Chloe and I still love her 100%. I do tummy time with Barrett and I love him 100%. This is the best way I can think to put it: Loving someone or something doesn't invalidate the love you feel for someone/something else. Mother of two? Totally possible.

The thing that has really surprised me is that I have become a better mother for Chloe by having Barrett. When he is asleep I make an extra effort to play with Chloe and do new things. I turn on the tv less (part of that is I am finally not 9 months pregnant and tired). I play more games she wants to play instead of modifying them so they're something I'd prefer. I take more time to see what she wants instead of saying "no" or "stop".

Dont get me wrong. I still snap when I shouldn't. I still have to tell her I cant because Barrett needs to eat. But over all, I make more of an effort. And I love that! I love that something I thought would hurt my relationship with Chloe has only made it stronger. I love that this is new and different. I knew I wouldn't get the same first few months with Barrett that I got with Chloe and I never will. That experience was a one time thing. And now Barrett is a one time experience.

I am so blessed to be a mother of two. It isn't the crisis I thought it would be. It isn't the emotional travesty I expected. I have learned I can love more than one child. So thank you everyone that took the time to try and explain it to me. For your patience and enthusiasm to share your experiences. I never knew what you were talking about. I couldn't have. And I am so glad for that because it has been amazingly sweet to learn this with Chloe and Barrett.

Preface/warning: My family will tell you, I am a full disclosure person. So... this'll be a long one. Secondly, I really really really wanted to try and give birth without medication. I wanted to with Chloe but I didnt feel I had the support system in friends or family. A few weeks before Barrett was born I was told by one of the doctors that I had strep B and would need an IV during birth. Since then I have been more open to the idea that this birth was not going to go the way I hoped.

July 4th
 I woke up from my nap with some strong contractions. I thought I knew what a contraction was. Boy was I wrong. They started at ten minutes apart and I was SO excited! I packed a hospital bag, made our contribution to the BBQ that night and patiently waited for them to speed up. They did! So I called the hospital and they told me to do things to slow them down to make sure they were real :( I took the bath and they slowed down. I started to feel some self doubt but was still hopeful we would not be returning home that night.

We got to the BBQ and continued contracting every 10 minutes. Everyone said I was over reacting and not in true labor yet. I called the midwife hoping for someone to think I was in labor. She was super rude and wouldn't let me finish a sentence. Everything I told her she got mad about so we went home. I was angry and hurt and just wanted to go to bed. But the contractions continued and I couldn't sleep through them. I only got about 3 hours sleep that night.

July 5th
Mom and Bonnie called me to go to the temple with them first thing in the morning. I jumped at the opportunity! I was tired and still contracting every 10 minutes. We ended up going for bagels and my contractions were getting more intense. Everyone could sense how frustrated I was so they put me down for a nap and went to do things. I slept for, you guessed it, 10 minutes before a contraction woke me up. I burst into tears and called the midwife. I did not have the emotional capacity to keep having these and not be in labor! It just wasn't fair! She was very sweet and said that if I wanted to I could go to the hospital right now and she would induce me. (Side note: I was going to deliver at the new hospital by Bonnie and the hospital she was at was the old one and not where I planned). I called Jamie, telling him to make the decision for me. He told me to call my Mom. Mom asked what I wanted and I said I wanted to be done.

I called the midwife back and told her I would be there in 30 minutes.

Mom and Boo showed came to watch Chloe, Jameson drove a sobbing Becky to the hospital. He asked who I wanted to tell and I said "No one." I was so ashamed that I cracked. I was so close to my due date! I sat there doing paperwork and felt really peaceful. I was still contracting but they were getting a little closer, more like 8 minutes. The nurse that came to get us was super nice. She asked if anyone ever told me if I look like Jessica Biel! I laughed and said I hadn't heard that one before. She asked who and I said Mandy Moore to which she freaked out "THAT'S IT! We were all sitting back here trying to figure it out!" She was nice :)

I got changed and waited for the midwife. Jamie was smiling and supportive this whole time. When I contracted he did what we practiced and kept me focused. He was my rock. The midwife came in and we got down to business. She checked me and got this weird look on her face. I thought she was going to say I had like... un-dilated or something. She checked again and said "You're dilated to a 7. Do you have the urge to push?"

*side note: The contraction that woke me from my nap, I had the thought 'I wonder if I push if it'll feel better'

SAY WHAT?!

Second pleasant surprise: They checked my chart and the doctor told me wrong. I didnt have strep B! So I wouldn't be needing an IV! I had the midwife AND doctor double check to make sure.

The next nurse came in to ask the million questions. She was awesome. She told us to tell her when I was contracting so she'd shut up. Jamie would tell her then coach me through and I would answer. She got a kick out of watching us cause I wouldn't make a sound. I would just lean on Jameson and wait it out. She said there was a woman across the hall at a one screaming bloody murder. Another nurse walked in to prep the room and she asked her "Does she look like someone dilated to a 7!?" She gave me confidence :) A third nurse came in saying "I heard we had a patient that looked like Mandy Moore! You totally do!" To which the midiwfe said I was here under a pseudo name. They were seriously cracking me up. I would recommend this hospital to anyone.

After an hour or so of being in the room, the midwife broke my water (I was now 8 1/2) and told me to call when I had the urge to push. Maybe a half hour-ish I started to feel it. She came in and said I was 9 and she'd let me push!

Pushing is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Watching me push was probably one of the hardest things Jamie has ever done. But he didn't waver. He was right there talking me through everything. After pushing the "conventional way" the midwife suggested bringing in a birthing bar. Basically it's something they attach over the bed that you sit up, throw your arms over and hang/crouch to push. Best. Thing. EVER! She offered me an epidural when I started to tell Jamie it was too hard. But she followed the question with the statement that I was very close and could do it without it, that I was made for this. I took her word and Jameson's and kept going.

I started to doubt her... so she turned to Jameson at one point and said, "Tell her how much of the head you can see!" He looked down and I could see the shock on his face when he said "I can see most of it!" It is impossible to tell you how treasured the pictures in my head of Jameson coaching me through this are. This one time, he got me to open my eyes to look in his when he told me I could do it, and every fiber of my being believed him. I could not have done this without him.

When Barrett began to crown they stopped me because the midwife only had one glove on and the tech nurse hadn't been called. Umm... first off, like HECK I am going to stop pushing and secondly, how flattering that I exceeded their expectations :) They barely had time to catch him.

30 minutes of pushing. That's all. It was the weirdest thing being able to feel it all. But weird in a cool... inexplicable way. There he was. 7lbs 10 oz 20.5 inches long, dark brown hair and the most beautiful baby boy I had ever seen. They gave him right to me! I didnt get to hold Chloe until after they had checked her. It was so cool! Jamie even cut the cord this time :)

So, that was how Barrett came into this world. It was crazy and emotional and I cant believe I got exactly what I wanted. I got to labor almost entirely at home. I made it without medication. My husband, my love was with me. And Barrett was perfectly healthy. My friend text me within an hour of having the baby asking, "Would you do it unmedicated again?" And I didn't hesitate with my answer, "Definitely." To which I have been chuckling about since because it was dang hard work! I hate saying one birth was better because that simply isn't the case. Chloe got here how she was meant to and both births brought me wonderful, glorious children.

 I loved that Jameson and I got to laugh and talk and nap waiting for Chloe, watching my contractions on the monitor and giggling, having no clue what we were getting into. And this time I loved that we were doing this together, working as a team. That being said, I cant argue with the amazing feeling Barrett being born and the post birth experience I had. I was up and walking by the time Bonnie and Mom got there (less than an hour after having him). I could go to the bathroom by myself, I had the saftey-net IV out before going to bed. I loved the freedom of being able to move! I ate my dinner standing up for goodness sake!

After eating half my dinner I went into the bathroom where Jamie followed me because I wasn't allowed to be alone yet and after washing my hands I turned to him and said "I think... I want to lay down" He laughed at said "I bet!" It was just a completely different experience. I loved it and I would definitely do it this way again. So yeah, I guess I can say I prefer birthing naturally. And I can still love Chloe's birth.

Before I end my novella, I want to tell you about Barrett's name. We had a lot of trouble picking his name. More accurately, I did. Jameson was cool with whatever. We had narrowed it down to two family names. And I honestly thought we'd name him one of them, especially because I thought Jameson prefered it. But when I saw another name earlier in the pregnancy I just couldn't get it out of my head. Barrett is the name of one of my Dad's siblings that passed away after 3 precious days of life. Robert is Jameson's middle name which he got from his Grandpa. So that is how he got it :)