Lucky in love

Children sure make the months seem like a big deal. High school drug on, college was measured only in haircuts and one kickbutt trip to Europe. But seriously. Every month I see a new sparkle in Chloe's eye, I hear a new sound from Barrett, Jameson and I find new gray hairs and smile at each other knowing that next year we'll look back and be shocked at how far we've come yet again.

Georgia.

We have officially been here a year and I think I have enough "data points" as my Dad calls them to weigh in on how we like it here.

First and most importantly we are just grateful that we had the opportunity to come here. That despite the huge drama it was to get here, it has truly been a blessing that we will always be grateful for. This school has been perfect, not only for Jameson's personal school needs, but for us as a family.

Weather. Ouch. We LOVE the no snow thing. I dont have to pray Jameson isn't crushed in the convertible on those ridiculous freeways. We love the fall here. The trees are gorgeous and again, no early snow! I personally love the long pool season! Especially when I was super duper pregnant.

That being said, I hate tornado sirens. I cry inside when they go off. Especially when Jameson is at school and I am watching the news caster point at the red outlined area in which I live :( I know, I know, faith not fear. This heat is also a bit intense--well, humidity is probably a better word for it. The funny thing is, I am the one turning off the air when Jameson leaves for school. I cant stand the cold breezes and he is sweating like a crazy person. What crazy world is this!?

People. People are super nice. I love the variety of people we meet. We also rise to the occasion of being a religious minority! I have never met people before who hadn't heard of the LDS faith and it is invigorating for me. I've never been a big missionary so it is really pushing me.

We hate the traffic. We live in a beautiful downtown area that we just cannot navigate during certain times of the day. Jameson has a horrific commute! Long long drive. Horrible horrible drivers. Parking lot freeways. Ew. If he gets hired on after this internship then we'll probably relocate closer to work. Which would be sad. It is a great area, but it also has nasty taxes on top of bad traffic.

I LOVE being by my sister! Haven't lived by her since I was 11. It is so fun for Chloe to have cousins. I had a great running partner last fall. Being close to Boo gets Mom out visiting more too ;)

We really like it here. We could see ourselves staying. Whether that is because we feel like it will be more convenient for Jamie to get his LMFT here or we just cant afford leaving. We're looking at licensing options and keeping all our doors open. I think we'd both like to end up back West. We love Seattle (expenses not included :P) but we did also really like Utah. Never thought I would say that! We would have to put up with the snow again which wouldn't be ideal but we like the idea of being more central to more family (sorry Boo! I love being by you).

Over all, we enjoy it here. Oh... minus the bugs. EW and ouch! Too many darn mosquitoes!


                        Here is some Ranck attitude headed your way ;)

I have to get this down before I just let it pass me by. I believe in the power of handwritten things, I just dont think my hands can keep up with my thoughts on this one right now.

Many of you know that I had a really hard time following through with Jameson's and my plan to get pregnant because I couldn't figure how I could love two children. I talked with a lot of friends and family about it and even though what they said made sense, I just couldn't grasp it. I have a rather simple mentality when it comes to love. You love and serve ONE God and ONE spouse. So how could I ever split devotion into two or more?

Then we got pregnant and I forgot about it for a while. It would work out. Occasionally it would sneak up on me and I'd realize I had no idea to deal with what we'd done. And that there was a timer on Chloe's time. We stopped pressing teaching her that a baby was coming and focused completely on her. We made more of an effort to play, laugh, watch less tv, etc. And it made us better parents. But it was over my head that I would never be able to do this with her again and that broke me heart.

Chloe visited me in the hospital and she immediately crawled in my lap to cuddle. She didnt much want anything else. And I loved sitting with her. I wasn't juggling children so in my head it didnt feel like I was mother of two. I was mother of Chloe in that moment.

Leaving the hospital I had an emotional break. How could I do this? I love Chloe. I love Barrett. When it comes down to their needs how could I pick who comes first? Who would fall by the wayside and how horrible of a parent would I be? Mother of two? It just isn't possible.

Now I've been home two weeks and I get it. Well, to the extent that Becky Ranck age 24 on July 18th 2013 can get it. I sing lullabies to Chloe and I still love her 100%. I do tummy time with Barrett and I love him 100%. This is the best way I can think to put it: Loving someone or something doesn't invalidate the love you feel for someone/something else. Mother of two? Totally possible.

The thing that has really surprised me is that I have become a better mother for Chloe by having Barrett. When he is asleep I make an extra effort to play with Chloe and do new things. I turn on the tv less (part of that is I am finally not 9 months pregnant and tired). I play more games she wants to play instead of modifying them so they're something I'd prefer. I take more time to see what she wants instead of saying "no" or "stop".

Dont get me wrong. I still snap when I shouldn't. I still have to tell her I cant because Barrett needs to eat. But over all, I make more of an effort. And I love that! I love that something I thought would hurt my relationship with Chloe has only made it stronger. I love that this is new and different. I knew I wouldn't get the same first few months with Barrett that I got with Chloe and I never will. That experience was a one time thing. And now Barrett is a one time experience.

I am so blessed to be a mother of two. It isn't the crisis I thought it would be. It isn't the emotional travesty I expected. I have learned I can love more than one child. So thank you everyone that took the time to try and explain it to me. For your patience and enthusiasm to share your experiences. I never knew what you were talking about. I couldn't have. And I am so glad for that because it has been amazingly sweet to learn this with Chloe and Barrett.

Preface/warning: My family will tell you, I am a full disclosure person. So... this'll be a long one. Secondly, I really really really wanted to try and give birth without medication. I wanted to with Chloe but I didnt feel I had the support system in friends or family. A few weeks before Barrett was born I was told by one of the doctors that I had strep B and would need an IV during birth. Since then I have been more open to the idea that this birth was not going to go the way I hoped.

July 4th
 I woke up from my nap with some strong contractions. I thought I knew what a contraction was. Boy was I wrong. They started at ten minutes apart and I was SO excited! I packed a hospital bag, made our contribution to the BBQ that night and patiently waited for them to speed up. They did! So I called the hospital and they told me to do things to slow them down to make sure they were real :( I took the bath and they slowed down. I started to feel some self doubt but was still hopeful we would not be returning home that night.

We got to the BBQ and continued contracting every 10 minutes. Everyone said I was over reacting and not in true labor yet. I called the midwife hoping for someone to think I was in labor. She was super rude and wouldn't let me finish a sentence. Everything I told her she got mad about so we went home. I was angry and hurt and just wanted to go to bed. But the contractions continued and I couldn't sleep through them. I only got about 3 hours sleep that night.

July 5th
Mom and Bonnie called me to go to the temple with them first thing in the morning. I jumped at the opportunity! I was tired and still contracting every 10 minutes. We ended up going for bagels and my contractions were getting more intense. Everyone could sense how frustrated I was so they put me down for a nap and went to do things. I slept for, you guessed it, 10 minutes before a contraction woke me up. I burst into tears and called the midwife. I did not have the emotional capacity to keep having these and not be in labor! It just wasn't fair! She was very sweet and said that if I wanted to I could go to the hospital right now and she would induce me. (Side note: I was going to deliver at the new hospital by Bonnie and the hospital she was at was the old one and not where I planned). I called Jamie, telling him to make the decision for me. He told me to call my Mom. Mom asked what I wanted and I said I wanted to be done.

I called the midwife back and told her I would be there in 30 minutes.

Mom and Boo showed came to watch Chloe, Jameson drove a sobbing Becky to the hospital. He asked who I wanted to tell and I said "No one." I was so ashamed that I cracked. I was so close to my due date! I sat there doing paperwork and felt really peaceful. I was still contracting but they were getting a little closer, more like 8 minutes. The nurse that came to get us was super nice. She asked if anyone ever told me if I look like Jessica Biel! I laughed and said I hadn't heard that one before. She asked who and I said Mandy Moore to which she freaked out "THAT'S IT! We were all sitting back here trying to figure it out!" She was nice :)

I got changed and waited for the midwife. Jamie was smiling and supportive this whole time. When I contracted he did what we practiced and kept me focused. He was my rock. The midwife came in and we got down to business. She checked me and got this weird look on her face. I thought she was going to say I had like... un-dilated or something. She checked again and said "You're dilated to a 7. Do you have the urge to push?"

*side note: The contraction that woke me from my nap, I had the thought 'I wonder if I push if it'll feel better'

SAY WHAT?!

Second pleasant surprise: They checked my chart and the doctor told me wrong. I didnt have strep B! So I wouldn't be needing an IV! I had the midwife AND doctor double check to make sure.

The next nurse came in to ask the million questions. She was awesome. She told us to tell her when I was contracting so she'd shut up. Jamie would tell her then coach me through and I would answer. She got a kick out of watching us cause I wouldn't make a sound. I would just lean on Jameson and wait it out. She said there was a woman across the hall at a one screaming bloody murder. Another nurse walked in to prep the room and she asked her "Does she look like someone dilated to a 7!?" She gave me confidence :) A third nurse came in saying "I heard we had a patient that looked like Mandy Moore! You totally do!" To which the midiwfe said I was here under a pseudo name. They were seriously cracking me up. I would recommend this hospital to anyone.

After an hour or so of being in the room, the midwife broke my water (I was now 8 1/2) and told me to call when I had the urge to push. Maybe a half hour-ish I started to feel it. She came in and said I was 9 and she'd let me push!

Pushing is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Watching me push was probably one of the hardest things Jamie has ever done. But he didn't waver. He was right there talking me through everything. After pushing the "conventional way" the midwife suggested bringing in a birthing bar. Basically it's something they attach over the bed that you sit up, throw your arms over and hang/crouch to push. Best. Thing. EVER! She offered me an epidural when I started to tell Jamie it was too hard. But she followed the question with the statement that I was very close and could do it without it, that I was made for this. I took her word and Jameson's and kept going.

I started to doubt her... so she turned to Jameson at one point and said, "Tell her how much of the head you can see!" He looked down and I could see the shock on his face when he said "I can see most of it!" It is impossible to tell you how treasured the pictures in my head of Jameson coaching me through this are. This one time, he got me to open my eyes to look in his when he told me I could do it, and every fiber of my being believed him. I could not have done this without him.

When Barrett began to crown they stopped me because the midwife only had one glove on and the tech nurse hadn't been called. Umm... first off, like HECK I am going to stop pushing and secondly, how flattering that I exceeded their expectations :) They barely had time to catch him.

30 minutes of pushing. That's all. It was the weirdest thing being able to feel it all. But weird in a cool... inexplicable way. There he was. 7lbs 10 oz 20.5 inches long, dark brown hair and the most beautiful baby boy I had ever seen. They gave him right to me! I didnt get to hold Chloe until after they had checked her. It was so cool! Jamie even cut the cord this time :)

So, that was how Barrett came into this world. It was crazy and emotional and I cant believe I got exactly what I wanted. I got to labor almost entirely at home. I made it without medication. My husband, my love was with me. And Barrett was perfectly healthy. My friend text me within an hour of having the baby asking, "Would you do it unmedicated again?" And I didn't hesitate with my answer, "Definitely." To which I have been chuckling about since because it was dang hard work! I hate saying one birth was better because that simply isn't the case. Chloe got here how she was meant to and both births brought me wonderful, glorious children.

 I loved that Jameson and I got to laugh and talk and nap waiting for Chloe, watching my contractions on the monitor and giggling, having no clue what we were getting into. And this time I loved that we were doing this together, working as a team. That being said, I cant argue with the amazing feeling Barrett being born and the post birth experience I had. I was up and walking by the time Bonnie and Mom got there (less than an hour after having him). I could go to the bathroom by myself, I had the saftey-net IV out before going to bed. I loved the freedom of being able to move! I ate my dinner standing up for goodness sake!

After eating half my dinner I went into the bathroom where Jamie followed me because I wasn't allowed to be alone yet and after washing my hands I turned to him and said "I think... I want to lay down" He laughed at said "I bet!" It was just a completely different experience. I loved it and I would definitely do it this way again. So yeah, I guess I can say I prefer birthing naturally. And I can still love Chloe's birth.

Before I end my novella, I want to tell you about Barrett's name. We had a lot of trouble picking his name. More accurately, I did. Jameson was cool with whatever. We had narrowed it down to two family names. And I honestly thought we'd name him one of them, especially because I thought Jameson prefered it. But when I saw another name earlier in the pregnancy I just couldn't get it out of my head. Barrett is the name of one of my Dad's siblings that passed away after 3 precious days of life. Robert is Jameson's middle name which he got from his Grandpa. So that is how he got it :)

To stay awake awaiting my husband's return from school I am going to blog.

What have I been doing to wind down after a long second day of potty training? Well, I cracked up to "What to Expect While you're Expecting". HOLY COW! I laughed. I cried. I smiled like a giddy school girl. And I wrote down the times of two scenes to show my husband :P

I am now struggling through an elimination episode of "The Voice"... Which, really, should have only taken 5 minutes. Musical numbers are pretty good though. I liked Team Adam's group song.

ANYWAY.

Chloe. Potty training. This time, like last time happened when we're like, "OH! We're out of diapers. Should we buy a new box or try to potty train?" She's been yanking off her dirty diapers and showing some serious interest again so we figured we'd give it a go. Last time we didnt make it a day. We were all so frustrated. This time we're a lot more laid back and letting the process happen. Instead of the advanced college course we went for last time, we're doing the more K-12 approach. Jameson proved himself far more knowledgeable than me. I've been researching and what not but because of my friends and their children only taking 2 days, I thought that was normal. Jameson wisely understood this is a week(s)-month(s) process. My midwife today said I could do what I want, but it'll all go away once the baby was born.

Yeah. That is what you tell an emotional crazyy pperson. I came home in the pit of dispair just totally distraught. What if I give up again? I cant bear to fail a second time. What if I ruin Chloe by going back and forth. She's so smart. Facebook wall of shame. ETC! Luckily, I'm married to Jameson. He held me while I cried, rubbed my back, took Chloe to sit on the potty after she wet herself in her high chair and told me he supports me. And that I wouldn't have to make the decision alone and that it couldnt hurt to try for a week or two. It isn't a one day decision.

Isn't he a gem!?

So we're continuing. My doctor appointment went well today. Strong heartbeat of 134 I believe. My weight is on track, my belly is measuring well. Funny story. The midwife walks in the room, double takes and says "Has anyone ever told you that you look like Mandy Moore? Cause seriously you look like her doppleganger! Or stand in or something!" She wouldn't let it go the whole appointment. It was really funny. She walks out before me and I hear her grabbing someone down the hall to "Come see this girl! She looks like Mandy Moore! I think this is just her pseudo name so we wont really know who she is!" She was so funny about it. Those comments are fewer and farther between but they always make me smile :)

Jameson has started his 3 semester of graduate school. We bit the bullet and decided to take the extra course (paid for by tax returns because loans wouldn't cover an extra course.. YAY for tax retruns!). His workload has honestly more than doubled. He is reading over 500 pages of text, writing weekly papers, group projects galore! We decided that with the help of very loving and supportive parents and loans, school needed to become his focus and he quit is job at Target. It's been a real leap of faith for us, but his first week (last week) every night he came home he would say how right it was to quit and how much he loves his classes. We've learned that this is what our "thing" is when it comes to answers from Heavenly Father. We are one of those that He needs to leap first and you know what, I'm okay with that.

Chloe blows my mind daily. She is stringing together some pretty serious sentences and is getting really great at communicating. She loves to sing, especially Happy Birthday, Once There was a Snowman and Popcorn Popping. She still loves the classic Pirates of Penzance but is enjoying trying out Disney/Pixar films from which she is picking up words like "Executed" and "Shiny". Her favorite book is "Baby Dear" which is a story about a little girl whose Daddy brings her home a doll the day he brings the Mommy and new baby back from the hospital and how she and her mom take care of their babies. I'm telling you, this girl is smart. She knows what is in the future. Her new way of letting you know she is in a happy place is to nod her head and say "yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah" it is soooo cute! Especially cause it always comes out of nowhere.

It wouldn't be a blog by me if I didnt say at least one more thing to brag about my husband. So, here it goes. Jameson walks 3.1 miles with me every day (weather and doc appointmentments permitting) and then plays with Chloe and I at the park. That hour walking together and talking makes me feel like we're dating again. We talk about the most random things but I never get tired of listening to him and watching him smile over his own nerdy comments. I married a great man that takes time to listen and be with me. What more could I ask for?

Beard or no beard, he is one attractive man. But that is not what I am bragging about today.

Today I want to focus on how he looks out for me. I was really sad after my last doctor appointment. The techs messed up and took my GD test late and implied that because I did not do an optional thing I may fail the test. I also found out that I had gained a lot of weight. That alone is an ouch, but I gained double what I should've. So the doctor did talk to me about it.

Jameson, as always was very positive and continued telling me all day how beautiful I am and that I am pregnant and not in control of everything. But knowing I wouldn't let it go he has done his homework. He came home from Target the other night and told me about some meal options that would help me make better choices without skimping on my attempt at meeting my protein goals. He has suggested ideas and very...very selflessly has offered to finish off the caramel corn ;)

But it isn't just his thoughtfulness away from the house and constant compliments. It is his time. Yesterday (day after my appointment) I asked if he would be up to watching Chloe at the park while I did the big loop (3.1 miles). He is really stressed with finals next week and said he wouldn't be sure. I could see he needed space so I packed a bag and got Chloe ready to take her on the walk with me. He immediately stopped and said he would come with me, but to walk with me!

Two days in a row he has stopped what he is doing, helps me get Chloe out the door and walks with me. He could stay home and play games, do homework, sleep, read, blog, any number of things that would be enjoyable! But he puts me first. Today he even said that he likes going on the walks with me because it gets us out. Which is a huge thing for him to say because he has always made fun of me because he says there are walks and then there are my (Becky) walks. He prefers the former :)

In a life full of husbandly, school, personal endeavors, fatherly duties, Jameson still takes time to be a friend. And it takes me back to dating...walking around Provo just getting to know each other, loving just listening to him, watching what makes him smile... COMPOUNDED with joy by watching him laugh just as hard as Chloe when they swing together or beaming at her when she does something new.

Jameson, February 15, 2009, I thought I loved you then.

My husband likes food. He eats what I make. He gets treats from work. But he doesn't LOVE food like I do. When I eat a great bite of food, I dance. Literally. I sway in my seat. I recognize when something is well made. He may notice the charcol, but it doesn't change his appreciation for the dish.

So when he asked me the other day "What were you going to make for dinner anyway?" ( I think he thought I didnt have enough time to make dinner before he left for school and so assumed I forgot)

I respond with "Egg McMuffins"

And Jameson's face breaks into a grin with a surprised "Oh!...." I know I have a happy husband and I chose the right thing.

Woot!

Everything gives me heartburn. And we're not talking the mild "oh, that is uncomfortable". We are talking about some invisible hand punching through my esophagus to grab somewhere near the middle of my high upper back and squeezing everything on it's way into a used tissue. Ouch.

I've realized how much I need this blog lately. I've been overloading my facebook with needy status updates and hasty pictures searching for some outside connection when really all I have to do is post here!

But enough about me.

I cant tell y'all how many blogs I have written in my head that just dont make it on to here. Some are about pregnancy, others about Georgia, mostly about Chloe, but they have all been updates. So I think we'll start there and I am going to end with a bit on where I am with July 6th.

We've really adjusted to being here. We like the weather. The traffic is a biznatch, but we really like our apartment, ward, being by family and where we are. I've had one or two breakdowns about student loans or how it's hard to be the one friend in my group not looking into buying a home in the next year or two. But you know, it's okay. I love our home and I love the choices we are making. It is like the moments where you wonder, what if I had done this or that or not gone on that date with my now husband and then you look into your spouse's eyes or catch them doing something sweet, maybe stealing a kiss from your baby and you realize there is no other reality better than the one you are living. No matter how difficult or heartaching it may be.

Jameson is not having a great semester. You know how last semester he came home the first night and twirled me telling me how happy he is to be here in this school and this is what he wants to do? Now... not so much. But we've made this a serious matter of prayer and it was part of our fast today and I feel completely at peace with the direction we are going. He is still working part time for Target and making friends there. Not a dream job, but it is the little boost we need and it does get him out and about. He has also really gotten into a blogging community and has made some friends.

Chloe is living up to the title of "Terribly terrific twos". She has the dramatic flair or throwing herself on the floor or part of the couch and wailing. It is really hard to not bribe or go for the quick fix. I know things that will stop her mid-scream (i.e. Candy hearts, Monsters Inc, chips, etc). Not that any one thing is necessarily bad, but I dont want her to be "programmed" into thinking that candy or electronics will bring her happiness. But when I am doing dishes or frustrated up to my ears thinking of the picture in Lilo and Stitch:

Not the most attractive title. Props for reading on.

I feel like I should give background on this story... but if I do, it kind of loses the "wow factor". I guess it doesn't really matter. Title like "poop" and you know where it's going.

So, Chloe has a pattern. Especially lately. But normally, when put down for her nap she has a window of about a half hour that it takes for her to wind down, stop knocking and fall asleep infront of the door. At night it can last up to two hours. Usually not that long, but she just chills and kicks the door good naturedly. The only times this does not hold true is when one of two things happen. One: She is exhausted and falls asleep quickly (still infront of the door) or Two: She is poopy.

Normally this "poopy" thing isn't a big deal. But lately, she's realized that being poopy bothers her. So she'll try to stick her hand up, down, around... basically into her diaper.

Fast forward to today. Chloe had some major stinky toots but nothing happened. So we changed her diaper and put her down. I went and started on the dishes after Jameson and I finished the Ballroom scene of Enchanted on tv. It closed in on a half hour after putting her down and I told Jameson I was thinking of checking on her, to make sure she wasn't poopy, because that is the only reason I could think of that she'd be up! But I didnt want to jeopordize her sleeping. So I said to forget I said anything. About 10 minutes later she's kicking on the door pretty bad, so Jamie goes in.

A minute or two pass so I follow him in thinking he was having a hard time finding her binky too. He looks up at me with this... not frantic... but... perhaps frazzled 'are you kidding me!?' face and tells me that there is poop everywhere. Poop in her hair. Poop on her feet, between her toes. Poop AROUND her mouth (10 to 1 that wasn't the original target..ugh). Everywhere. I found it on the floor. Who knows what else she touched!?

So, I took the advice of my good friend Becky Cardwell and I just laughed. I got the lysol wipes, laughed. Scrubbed, laughed. Ran a bath and scrubbed her laughing. Granted, it wasn't crazed laughing or anything. I would just chuckle. What else can I do!? Chloe is happy she's been saved, Jamie is frustrated it happened... I gotta balance it out somehow!

We de-poopified Chloe, I got out our Little Green Bissel (THANK YOU wedding gifts we NEVER would've thought to ask for) and cleaned the floor infront of the door where she usually resides. Got her back in bed and we all took a nap! Not exactly what we planned to do in the middle of the day, but you know what?



That is a bonding experience :)

I think it is fun to guess and I know lots of people have their opinions or "tells" on what predicts the baby's gender. So I looked a bunch up and I'll do my best to shed some shady light :)

My Dad says that you can tell it is going to be a boy because your makeup doesn't work. The "tale" is that if you are having a girl, she steals your beauty, leaving you with acne and horrible blemishes. THAT being said, my makeup still looks awesome. Is it a girl?

Dry hands and cold feet are a sign of a boy. Every nap I've taken lately I have to wear socks or I fall asleep and wake up with cold feet. As for dry hands, I'm actually using lotion! Is it the new climate or is it a boy?

When swinging your wedding ring over your belly, if it goes in a cirlce, it will be a boy. If it swings back and forth, it'll be a girl. My ring went in circles.

If your baby's heartbeat is over 140 it's going to be a girl. Baby's first recorded heartbeat was 161. Compared to Chloe's 174. Girl or quite a bit lower.... 

This is one that will be funny to think about. If you crave salty and sour things, you will have a boy. I cant get enough chips and salsa in my body. Mexican food is my friend. Those of you that knew me during Chloe's pregnancy... I ate taco bell on a weekly basis... SMOTHERED in hot sauce.

According to the Mayans, if your age and the year you concieve are both even or odd, you will have a girl. If  it's one and one, boy. 24---2012.

According to the Chinese, and their calculator... It is a boy.

If your husband shares in your cravings and puts on sympthy weight, you have a girl. I wanted Qdoba, he drove me there and got a burger. I wanted froyo with fruit, he got ice cream and chocolate syrup. So... are those sharing in the cravings or not? I say no.

Morning sickness is the sign of a girl!? I threw up. But I wasn't sick. I would just throw up. Randomly most of the time. With Chloe, I threw up a lot. Boy? Or circumstantial grave working?

During ultrasound one, baby would not uncross their legs no matter how many positions or how hard the tech proded. Sweet chaste little girl? ;)

Well... According to the color we have a clear winner here. If there is one I missed I'll try my best to address it if you leave it for me to review. That being said. Let me tell you where Jamie and I stand.

Jameson is team GIRL! When we were first married he told me that I would get one girl. Two weeks or so before we found out what we were having we were on a walk and he told me that he wanted a girl. We actually named Chloe the day we found out what she was going to be. Jameson told me very matter of factly that she was going to be Chloe. Which was my number one name! Then we figured the next girl would be his number one name. Not as a default thing, but it just felt right. No explanation. Jameson has recently recanted his "one girl only" statement and now really wants another one! He even said he'd be cool with all girls!

Becky is team BOY! GIRL! Alright, every mother knows the feeling. We just want a healthy baby. 10 fingers, 10 toes. That being said, I dont want a boy. I have this inherant desire to give my husand an "heir". I know, not really our century. But I find myself hoping for that. I've been hoping and pulling for boy. When the ultrasound tech said she might've seen something. Why she said that when baby never crossed their legs is beyond me. But I think that got in my head. That said. Today I was looking at some baby pics of Chloe with her and seeing her in the cute little girl clothes we have and... I admit it. My vote is swing. I would love another little girl. 

10 fingers. 10 toes. That's all that matters.

Jameson had pertussis.

It has been a while since I put up pictures, so if you make it through this, or scroll down, you will be graced with them :) Either way, I wont judge you.

Let me first confirm the suspicions. We made it through the holidays. We both felt a little out of place and floundering. We were caught really off guard and even though we had lots of family to do things with, it felt family-less because we've done holidays with inlaws, parents and solo. This was just new to us. It was super fun and full of craziness and lots of blessings. We are grateful to have so many people looking out for us.

I'll do a holiday blog later. Today is about me and my pregnancy.

So. My sister has a friend that works in the best hospital in the state. Not just in the hospital, in the delivery ward. She knows her doctors and her practices. When she found out who my doctor was she commended my choice, but not the practice and told me their C section rate was 30%. I did my research and one went so far as to say 40%.

Now, I am not saying anything is wrong with C sections. If me or my baby are in danger and need to get it done then cut me up! But they are something I would rather avoid. Before getting pregnant this was actually a big fear of mine. I have been thinking about it a lot because when I delivered Chloe the nurses told me if anyone but Dr Judd had been there I would've had a C section. Having just delivered a healthy baby girl, I wasn't thinking about baby #2 and didnt persue that train of though. Now, I am.

I've been freaking out. I've been looking into other practices, asking around, trying to figure out how I could have ever gone with this doctor when this is how it was going to turn out. I finally called my old doctor's office and talked to a nurse. She said they didnt have my delivery on file, I would have to call the hospital for that. But she talked to me about what the doctors and nurses told me during the labor and what that would mean. She was very honest with me and we came to the conclusion that Chloe's delivery was a one time occurance. She happened to be the right size to get stuck, happened to be in the wrong position, and it wouldn't likely happen again.

It could be me. So I am sending for my records to find out if I am a high risk pregnancy. Just in case. Personally, and in my currently rational state of mind, I think they would've warned me if I was. Like, "hey, by the way, next time you deliver, WATCH OUT!" or something else less subtle.

As for now, I am sticking with my doctor and going to talk to him about my fears at my next appointment. If he doesn't think I will get what I want then I'll move on. But until I talk to him I am keeping my research to a minimum. The thing Dr Judd's nurse said that calmed me was that Dr Judd is a one of a kind doctor. No one is trained with forceps anymore. Most weren't in the first place. I had a one time experience with him and chances are I'll never have that again. You think this wouldn't be what calmed me down. But it did. It made me realize I was lucky to have him for a doctor and that I will have good doctors, I just wont have him.

When God told Jamie and I that we were supposed to be in Georgia we listened. When God told us to have another baby, we listened. He wouldn't make those mutually exlusive. We know we're in good hands and we trust Him.

A more interesting blog is on its way. Just, wanted to get this out. Thanks for sticking it out, or for those scrollers only, here are the promised pictures. You first group, you earned it :)