My Life... 命運@機會

Freaking tired and anxious after the horrible OSCE exam that i had... woke up at 7am after a miserable night of insomnia... dragging myself out of my bed and prepared to get to the hospital for the exam... then being owned by a few stations asking me about Nephrotic Syndrome, interpreting abdominal x-rays, hypothyroidism etc... Received a brief e mail from the co-ordinator that the result will be released between 4:30-5:00pm the next day... (Can't they be more specific ... Grrrr....) Flashing back the previous terrible written paper asking me to talk about the breast screening programme in UK, multiple sclerosis -_-" and endometriosis (this is not even in the revision list) Oh GOD... was really thinking... "that's it... that's it... i'm not going to make it this time... "

The 29 hours before the released of the result was one of the few longest hours ever in my life... why 'few' because there were and there are going to be more moments like this in the near future... why do i have to always make myself into such circumstances where i can't even defaecate or urinate... or sleep properly... Though i was having BBQ with ppl that night... the feeling of anxious never left me... and it's getting worse as the time approaching slowly...

Keep repeating the same questions over and over again to my fellow batch mates "Everyone going to pass right... Sure can one right ?? " Pity them have to answer me the same answer again and again... but i only wanted to hear one answer "YES, We ALL CAN MAKE IT" whenever they are in doubt again... panic attack just struck me hard again... ARGHHhhhhh.... this is a great torture and i have brought myself in...

Getting down earlier to Boldrewood ( the campus that i'm not familiar with) did not help to ease myself down... instead it's making me feeling even worse... sitting down at the couch keep staring back at the notice board and discussing all the possibilities with navin is not calming at all... watching andrea and the other batch mates starting to crowding the compound is making my heart beating faster and faster... i could feel it pounding as if trying to release itself from pericardium... Staff came out keep postponding the release of the result is making me worrier and at some point frustrated with them... Arghhh.... Sitting down quietly, gripping my fist, holding my breath now and then... said a million prayers... not million but billions of prayers... Finally... three staffs walked out the office nodding their head indicating that it's the list we were all waiting for... me and navin were among the first to jumped out of our seat and rushed to the front... stopped by the staff to allow their colleague to actually paste the list up on the board... released us, when the list is finally up and sealed by the glass window... i moved forward... scanning the list up and down, looking for my ID no.

"no... where is it... where is it ????!?!??" Got it... found it !! I PASSED!!! YES I PASSED!!!! as if i just put down the million stones inside me. which had be compressing on my chest all the while.. i felt as if i was as light as feather... who says human need marijuana or similar to feel high... hehe... All fellow IMUnians all passed the exam as well... not great but we only wanted a pass anyway :) Wonderful feeling :) Malaysia here i come!!!

... and here i am back in malaysia... why must i always put myself into such situation.. will earlier and better preparation makes me more confident in such event again in the future ? Do i get the discipline to train myself to focus more on my studies after this event ?? Haih... Life goes on...