***JaniceChanYanLi***

I'm so bored that i decided to blog.
Dear Jinglin suggested that i should blog when i've nothing to do since i haven't done so for so long. Hee. So here i am, blogging again.

My mind is filled with all the ROM stuff these few days. I kept asking myself:"Am i really getting married???" It feels so unreal. And the fact that i'm so excited, makes me feel pathetic, cos it feels like a one-sided thingy. Sounds weird, but i really feel this way.

Went around looking at wedding bands alone, and seeing other couple browsing around as well, makes me feel uncomfortable. Maybe becos he's not around and not becos he didn't wanna be around, that's the only excuse i can make up.

Anyway, i'm bored alone at home, loads of free time to think of nonsense, so bear with all my rubbish....

My dad is a funny guy. Not many people will describe him tat way i guess, cos he is funny in his unique way.

My dad is a sternly quiet person when he's sober, but when he's drunk, he talks like there's no tmr. But the thing is, he blabbers rubbish deep from his heart.

I broke the news to him about my ROM 2 days ago, but he didn't even say a word(cos he's sober). Just now when he came home from his drinking session, he started asking me why bf's family didn't come over to discuss the matter. He seemed pretty upset about it and i just kept quiet.

He also mentioned that his daughter,which is me, is not a nobody-want-gal, so i should be treasured and acknowledged.
Although he sounded kinda full-of-rubbish, i can feel how much he treasured me and i'm really touched, cos i know my dad really loves me a lot....

Ding Dong Ding Dong!!!

This year's X'mas is our 7th Year Anniversary. Finally the 7th year itch is over. We've been through rough patches and happy moments, now we're finally gonna settle down together.

He proposed in his not-so-romantic way, the way that i'd imagined him to propose, cos it's just him. If he was to suprise me with something special, i might not be able to react appropriately.

Well, i guess i'll have to accept the way it is since i've decided the person to be him. Oh, and anyway, i got a Trilogy ring from him, the ring tat i used to love years ago.

The next will be our wedding bands.....

I had a bad dream last night. Not really a nightmare. Just something scarily real.

I dreamt tat i had a bf who has another gf, meaning he's a two-timer. I was so in love with him tat i did not mind sharing him with another woman. My heart was hurting badly even after i woke up from the dream.

I came to realise that i'm just another typical stupid woman.

I am supposed to be going on my vacation tmr. It's supposed to be my first holiday since i started work in my new company. It's my first annual leave but in the end, i'm gonna be stuck in singapore.
Sad Sad Sad....

Marriage is the grave of love. Then why do people still get married?
To me, marriage is just a cert that allows u to get a home. What is the meaning of getting married for the sake of getting married? It doesn't make sense me me at all. I dun think i'm suitable for marriage right now.

I think that time is the killer of love, especially for a drama addict like me. Watching all those love stories definitely make me expect a lot from a relationship, and not even getting close in reality, makes me emotional at times.

Watched "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" today. It's a nice love comedy worth watching, cos i like this kinda movie. And it's sweet tat Peng knows my preference and decided to watch with me. But sadly, after the show, we both acted weirdly. Indescribable feeling. Watch it and tell me.....

I feel emo right now. Feel like doing stupid things again. Feel that i'm too dependent on my relationship, on him. And that i should move on. Start all over again. Feeling stupid.
Feeling upset that we're together for so long, but we're still so young. Feel ashamed that i couldn't get along well with his family. Feel like an idiot in total.

Feel like running away...... Can i????

I love aerobics. It's fun and it's a really good work out. Everytime i work out, i'll eat healthier and do stuff tat is healthy. Like applying moisturisers all over my body, doing mask, etc.

Signed up for Amore fitness but only went once. Anyway, it's a good start i guess, and i do enjoy the class. Signed up for the personal training class as well, but haven get started yet. It's a bit scary to go for the first lesson.

I'm over "Branded" goods at this point in time. It's kinda splurge of money when i could have save up that amount. And i dun like the feeling of people looking at me and giving the look that i've changed to become someone materialistic. They might not really think tat way, but i feel conscious. Not a good feeling.

So now, i'll stick to the not so expensive items. At least i'll try. hee.....

I wanna fall in Love again......

I read Cleo magazine and there's this group of people who doesn't believe in love at all. Saying that all the time and effort spent falling in love will go to waste eventually... one day...
Sounds like it's true. But human beings just continue to fall for it.

Even though i think it's true too, i still wanna be in love......

With Love, everything is possible......
With Love, there's life to living.....

I've got so much to say, i dunno where to start. Life seemed peaceful to the extend of a being a bit boring.

I'm not sure if i'm being proud of myself or am i being pathetic. I went to the cinema to catch "12 Lotus" all by myself, didn't wan zito to watch with me as i'm sure he doesn't like the show. And i was trying to find something to do so that i won't be so bored at home.
Bought a pair of nike running shoes while waiting for the show to start. Felt lonely while trying on the pair of shoes as there were 2 sales person serving me, and i am not really the type who likes to shop alone, as i need others' opinions.

Went for softball gathering at Colin's place yesterday. Just a simple gathering with a few frens whom i've not met for ages. It was nice being occupied with people around, made me feel alive.
Left colin's house for another softball senior's new apartment at sengkang for a Wii session. Ended up being forced to play mahjong with them, cos there isn't enough players, lucky thing is i didn't lose my money.

I didn't even realise that i've got a softball senior who has been working in my company for 7 yrs before she left last August. I was interested to find out how her life has been, wat she's doing now and how she felt about her entire working experience. Looking at her newly renovated home of her own, i felt at ease, hoping that my life will be like hers, just being simple and satisfied.
I like how her apartment's designed. A platform at the small living room space, the wall of one room replaced entirely by glass and the simple retro wallpaper behind the dining table's wall. Everything is just nice.

Had a long chat with Ailin on the phone yesterday. Really happy for her that she's marrying shah in october, but feeling a bit mmmm...... "sigh"........ that she's not gonna at least try to be my colleague again. She'd wanted to, but just as she wanted to go for the interview, shah proposed and of course the answer is "yes". Thus her intention was replaced by her new plan.

But it's nice to know that another fren is gonna settle down, with someone trustable. And not forgetting dear Priscilla and jiarong, another lovely couple who's gonna tie the knot, in october as well. Feel like it's a trend, but why not..... Just another happy ending....

Finally home from Amritsar.... A hell station..... Nice station to really rest though, cos there's seriously nothing to do over there....
Stucked in the "best" hotel for 4 full days.... No internet, no shopping mall, no entertainment for the entire stay..... Good news is: it's really low cost.....

Now home, i fell sick again.... Doctor said i got Traveller's Diarrhoea.....
Continuous stomach spasm was killing me yesterday... Went for a painkiller jab and an antibiotic jab..... Feeling better now, but with a new injection injury on my butt.....

My hard earned 2 off days are gone, having to rest at home again.....

My only anticpation now is to be able to see dearie tmr morning..... cheers:p

Reported sick for flight again... on the highest allowance flight that i got for the month... hope my probation will not be affected....
Guess it won't, unless my sore-eye does not recover before my standby, which is tmr..... haiz.... in that case i'll definitely have an extra 6 months for my P-plate.....

Consolation from my MC...... i got a good check report from my standby called up shanghai flight.... Hurray!!!! Finally...... it's about time anyway...... hiak hiak......

In singapore everyday since i came back from houston... 3 days off + Dhaka turn + Jakarta turn + Jakarta turn(last min taken off the flight) + off days + Bangkok turn tmr...... then finally Zurich..... *tada*

Including my Bangkok, it'll be a total of 11 days in Singapore... It's nice... except for all the turnarounds... but it's still nice, cos i seem to be able to see Peng everyday....

Thought we'll be able to play bowling today again, but he got called up for Capetown last minute... I didn't feel the pinch initially.. He was the one feeling sucky having to do a flight he doesn't really like, but when he was about to leave, i felt a sense of loneliness creeping into me...

He's gone now... and we won't see each other till i'm back from Zurich... which is one week away.... Feeling lonely... suddenly.... Have not felt like this for a long time....
I'm probably having my pms.... that's why i'm feeling emotional... plus i'm still sick...

Really dislike this feeling.... take it away from me....

Then came the thought that couple coding sounds like a good idea..... but marriage sounds bad.... Haiz....... +1-1=0

I figured that i'm an irritating person most of the time... Cos i never fail to mention about "My Boyfriend" in front of other people....

My world seemed to be surrounded only by my boyfriend and watever i do or i've done, has something to do with him.... it's true that he's a big part of my life, but i have to get rid of this bad habit....

To a point when a colleague asked me:"who's ur boyfriend?"...... The question came across as though he's someone really great, and she's so curious to find out who this guy really is and why is he so great..... haha.....

The point is..... he's someone really important to me.....

The long 24hours of paxing flight is finally over... From Houston to Moscow to Singapore.... Now i'm finally home... With a horrible jet-lag...

Woke up 2 hrs ago... Now at 3 am in the morning, i'm wide awake, trying to find something to do... i guess this cycle of waking up when the world is sleeping is gonna last throughout my 3 off days....

Slept since afternoon when i came home from the paxing flight... Didn't have much time to spend with zhou, and he is now gone for his bombay flight... Have to wait till saturday before i can see him... I actually woke up at 5pm, desperately looking for him... cos i didn't realise that he'd already left for his flight....

I was really tired.... although i slept a lot on board.... Sorry dear..... Miss u....

Flight was easy... Easy 11.5hrs.... Passengers were extremely nice, Crew were much closer to me after the 5 days together on this long flight..... BUT..... I met the most horrible complex leader, by far.......

I like to think tat i can take challenges, trying to learn from my dearest.... But my tear still dropped uncontrollably under the merciless creature who threw his tanthrum at me unreasonably....... The one who gave my bf an extremely good impression...... I strongly believe that he made a wrong judgement......

He's an easy going guy in a way, everything can be done the shortcut way..... In another word, he's just pure lazy.... He's the most lazy complex leader so far as well.....
Everything has to be done his way, and as i was helping out the forward galley with their service, i was screamed at (during the second time helping them), not listening to him the first time......

Well, it's my fault not following his instructions, but did i mention that i dropped the entire drink cart while doing the drink service, and i injured both my shins when the lower portion of the cart lifted and hit directly on my poor shins.....
Therefore the forward had to use their cart to cover my aisle while my cart was in a mess.... Thus feeling guilty for delaying their service, i felt obliged to help them, as one of the crew seemed unhappy abt the delay.....

And thus, i was stucked in the middle of instruction and obligation..... And choosing the later ended me in my poor state...... His temperament went up and down throughout the flight, shouting at me one moment and joking with me the next..... And with the combination of the traumatising falling cart, i almost went nuts..........

Lucky thing was, i made it through, and from the incident, i found out from the rest of the crew that this guy actually had a horrible reputation...... So i feel good knowing that the problem doesn't lie with me........

I'm just so glad that it's over........ God bless......

I'm glad that i won't have to face the nonsensical topic for more than a week... Hibernating in Dubai now... Kinda bored, but considered to be in a relax mood....

Comparing to back at home with the uptight situation caused by my sensitive emotions, it's better to be bored here... Running away in a way...

Yeah, my sensitivity is getting a little over-board, but it's all caused by a series of incidents.... Creating scenarios, accomplice in hiding stories, etc.... How dramatic was that.... How can i not be sensitive after all that??? I started to feel that i'm the female-lead in all the events that surrounds him.....

I've been thinking a lot.... Too much.... Then i started getting advises from people.... Not very positive ones.... Which made me think even more.....

Did a Penang turn today... Easy flight... Short and sweet....
Drove dad's car to and fro.... nice.... But sprained my right wrist while closing the compartments.... Still feeling the pain right now.... Think i gotta head to the doctor for a consultation in case it worsen.....

Went for a pool session with a new friend, a new Mr Phang.... and i lost...... damn...... he's lucky.... cos i still think i'm good.... haha..... so i owe him a drink now....
Gonna meet Darling Sharifah tmr for lunch... It's been ages since i met her... Bet we've got lots to catch up..... Probably meeting Jinglin and Xiaoling for KTV session tmr night.....

Looking forward to tmr..... Packed with activities..... *Happy*

i Made a huge decision........

I hate it when people interfere with my relationship.... or comment about my relationship..... Especially when her own relationship is a mess... at least to me......

When 2 person are having problem in their relationship, who are others to comment on it, even though it concerns her siblings..... Cos one'll nv understand what the couple is going through........ cos i'm nv able to understand why her relationships are in such mess, always.......

Met up with gwen and matt just now... shared a bottle of red wine....

It's nice meeting them, cos i really missed them..... Especially when i have not-so-good flights.... But so far so good la.... touch wood....

Seeing and talking to them made me feel so warm..... Like having someone there for me again.... Then again, i miss Abu Dhabi and my friends.... Looking at some of their pictures, made me wanna be there for a while.... just a while, cos i dun wanna go back there for good.... hee....

Life's not complicated, but i always make it complicated with the sophisticated mind of mine...... Haiz..... I'm not sure what i want anymore....... I'm not sure what i love anymore....... I have a feeling that i'm gonna do something stupid again soon.......

I think i dun really bother about the outcome of my new rosters anymore.... As long as it's not that horrible of course.....

Regardless of whether it's a shopping station or a nothing-to-do station, i'm still capable of finding something to spend on..... It's one of my talent i guess....

I'll just go for flight and come back home to sleep, and then go for the next flight..... Sounds sad isn't it? It's not that bad actually..... I just like to exagerate, cos i'm extremely bored right now...... I miss Abu Dhabi and everyone there....... Gosh......

Peaceful but not quite....

Life may seem peaceful on the surface, but deep down inside, the current may be so strong that u can never imagine... I guess it happens frequently in real life too... Things are happening, but people choose to oversee them, or simply do not wish to bother about it....

I'm very tired about what's happening. The ups and downs are driving me crazy. I can choose to make a big hoo-haa over it, but i choose to ignore it, thinking that things will be better after a while. But seems like it's getting worse. I'm tired....

Work seems great... Travelling around, seeing places that i've not been to... Taking loads of pictures and buying stuff.... But my high expectation at work, made me really upset about myself... Bad check reports are driving me nuts... Not that i'm incapable. I rather i'm incapable, but i'm not.... Getting bad reports are beyond my control, but i'm affected badly, unnecessarily....

My paranoia nature adds dark colours to my life.... I started worrying not only about myself, but about my relatives too.... I hope my aunt will overcome her financial problem soon, cos i really can't help much now..... For the rest of my relatives: Pls do not add on to my worries....

I'm tired..... tired..... tired........

Give me a BREAK......................

It's been a month since i last blogged....

Life's good. Back to my kinda lifestyle. Off on weekdays and not having to squeeze in town with the weekend crowd. Everything seems so familiar to me. It's like i've been doing it for a while.

The fact is that i've been doing it for a while, but in a slightly diff way. It's more like the combination of my first and 2nd airline. Off days in singapore, but doing international routes. Nice....

Well, i feel that i deserve it, cos it's been a long way. And i knew that i have watever that it takes.

Life is great in a way, but somehow is becoming a little stagnant. Not so challenging anymore. Not that i like the challenging life though. it's kinda contradicting. The feeling is like.... when u see an LV bag that u really like, and u finally bought it... and then the next moment, the excitement's gone.... Human-being behaves like that, i supposed....

I'm not sure if everything is exactly that great. Especially when some things become stagnant for too long.... Somehow i seemed to look forward to new excitement in my life. I'm not sure if anyone else shares the same feeling..... hmmm.....

How sucky can it be when we have to be separated almost the whole month by our clashed Rosters....
An entire month with only ONE off day together...

So tell me that being home is better than staying in AUH.... Haiz... Not very promising....

Let's hope that the next one will be better.....

There is no Absolute good or bad in this world.
Death is bad for our Loved ones, but it's good for the undertakers...
Be scolded by someone is bad, but it's because he cares...

Whatever we love to do is bad for us, whatever we hate to do is good for us... So we must be discipline to do the things we hate, cos it's good for us....

A very traumatising thought - if you and ur husband are threatened by a huge armed guy to either take you or ur husband, who'd you surrender?
It's horrible to give up urself, but it's equally horrible to imagine that guy doing something to ur man.... EWWW.....

Have been disciplined enough to go for my gym and jog.. trying to keep it up, so tat i can fit easily into my kebaya.... and of course, trying to keep a healthy body, so that i won't face any problem during my probation...

Exercise can really make a person in a better mood... "Keep smiling", someone said, not to me though, but to someone who is still a torn in my heart... i dun like people complimenting her smile.... but when i think about it again, my Smile is my Asset too.... So.... WHATEVER....

My instructor mentioned something really interesting today, something that many people knew, but probably refused to face the reality... He said that he'll not force us to listen in class if we refuse, cos if we want we'll naturally do it...
Therefore in life, there's no point trying to change someone into another person u'd prefer, but to find someone whom u're able to accept, cos that person will never change no matter how hard u try....

Quite Cool.... i thought.....

I will try not to live my Life satisfying every Want.... Similarly, i will not live my life satisfying Everyone....

Can life be more wonderful? When everyone around is safe and sound.. When u dun have to worry much about money.. When u have the one u love to love u.. and when u're in the dream job u've always wanted....

It seems great, when everything is heading the right direction. This is how life should be. But we'll never know when will another crisis hits you unexpectedly... Therefore preparing for the worse situation is the best method to counter the uncertainties in life.

It's been a long while since i last blogged, as usual. Training isn't that tough, but it's really tiring having to wake up so early every morning. That made me a zombie, thus having to log online is a real chore.

Life has been good. Not so much drama. Went on alright, not that great either.
But these few weeks have been interesting due to the advises that i've got and the ability to change my viewpoint in a way or another.

I've changed to look at things more lightly. Trying to make myself feel better. Lowering my expectations and being able to lower my competitiveness.
It's difficult, but it feels good doing it bit by bit.

I'm gonna continue practicing the low profile and humble attitude. And i really need all the support and advises that i'm getting now.

Started with a very bad sensitive nose on tuesday and went on to a very bad throat inflammation yesterday and started having flu and blocked nose this morning... Feeling rather sick and need lots of rest, but the training doesn't allow me to have the luxurious rest tat i need...

Went for the US visa application followed by collection of uniform accessories yesterday. The day went by pretty fast, but it was quite a bad day for all of us. The whole class, except for me, had to wake up especially early, cos i always have to wake up tat early. Therefore they were feeling exhausted from the travelling, but the most irritating part was the screw up in the arrangement to collect the uniform...

Our uniforms were supposed to be requisited, but there was some kinda miscommunication, thus everyone had to re-requisite, and it was a big screw up. Although everything was eventually resolved, we didn't really have to go through all the hassles in the first place.

We ought to be like a team and not blame anybody, provided that somebody provided us with an explaination, instead of keeping quiet like nothing had happened. I'd not blame anyone too if somebody bothered to at least try to explain, but too bad... Irresponsibility comes naturally....

As the days go by, more and more true colours are showing, and i'm sad to say that - most human-beings are ugly....

I haven't had such a bad day for quite a while. Moody Ms Janice burst out some sacarstic remarks during our food tasting session...

Really wanted to hold my words, but it spurted out, as usual. Felt horrible afterwards. Trying so hard to maintain good relationship with others, but being unfriendly is so much easier. The boiling feeling in me fluctuated around 90+ degree celsius, and the agitation made me boil into steam.

Mr Chia called me in the morning to inform that he'll be on 2 weeks MC, thus the class will be left alone without an instructor. The exam is just around the corner, and i'm as worried as everyone else.
Wondering wat could be done to make sure everyone pass. Feeling so obliged to make sure things will work out. Somehow i feel that the arrow is pointed at me. But at least i know that Mr Chia trusts me.

Felt disappointed. A sense of betrayal from someone whom i thought was the closest to me.
I'm not sure if i am thinking too much. How should i feel when someone suggested that i should not do certain thing to help the class as it may lead to some complications, but in the end did the same thing herself?

Life is full of scheming people, and they're apparently everywhere... I'm disappointed.....

Had fun, laughter and a bit of drama during our class's night's out on friday.

It was a fun-filled evening. Went to zouk initially and swapped over to MOS, as tat's the only place all of us can get in FOC. Played some stupid games and got drunk. It's good to play stupid things at times, as it can bring out the life within oneself, but it's not tat good if u get drunk and acted stupidly infront of everybody.

I was behaving really childishly before we went to supper. Weeped like a baby infront of my new friends. I always get emotional when i drink. Bad Bad.... Hope i didn't scare the hell out of them...

Looking forward to the next clubbing outing, but let's hope the embarrassing part doesn't repeat itself...

Slept around 5 plus in the morning and was awaken at 8plus by a msg from Laoshi. We arranged to meet up with him for hi-tea to celebrate his birthday.
It was supposed to be only Xiaoling and i plus his family, but he wanted more people to join last min. Thus for the sake of the Birthday boy, i'd to rush to find ppl a few hrs before meeting at 2pm.

Felt like a zombie the whole day. But the meeting was worth all the hassles. It felt like a mini gathering amongst the long lost Orchestra friends. Xiaoling, yujun, frankie plus another 2 JSS seniors, whom i've not met before, attended the mini celebration for laoshi.

We went for KTV session at the party-world beside my block. It was the best KTV session so far. Now, back from party-world, i'm totally exhausted, wondering how i'm gonna manage another 5 days of class.
The only motivation is tat dearie will be back on thurs... and i feel really guilty for not being able to make it to chat with him online today..... :<

We've planned to play mahjong today. Supposed to be at sharon's place, but because she didn't have and couldn't get a mahjong table, the 3 of them came to my place instead. The Easterners came all the way to the West to have 2 rounds of mahjong.

Matthias drove Sharon and Sherman, and they had an incredibly hard time finding my block. It wasn't the most fantastic mahjong session, but they're definitely a group of crazy fellows who made me laugh the whole night.

Sherman and Sharon lost 70 and 50 bucks respectively while i won 2 dollars, so the overall winner gave us a treat at NUS nasi lemak stall.

It's like a total waste of time as i didn't manage to thrash those guys.. haha... but luckily i didn't lose anything. I hope we'll have more sessions to come and let's hope that i'll win some money soon...

It's been a while since i last blogged. Have been really busy with training. Reached home feeling exhausted everyday, having to wake up 5 plus every morning. Always looking forward to the weekends, the only 2 days that i can pamper myself with a bit more sleep.


Got to know my batchmates better after these few weeks. It's been almost a month since we started training. The beginning was bad, very dreadful, but i'm beginning to like most of these people, except for a few that we gossiped about all the time.

I've came across many other batches at STC and realised that some of them has already started to show off their "Seniority" in front of the juniors, like ourselves. And the weird thing is that we're all trainees. These weirdos acted like they're the only Beauties around.

Looking at these people, i begin to appreciate my chinese batchgirls. They're extremely simple in their thinking. They are different from singaporeans, not showing off and genuinely nice girls. Therefore slowly, they've really became our friends.
And the fact that most of us are trying very hard to help them in class, our bond became even closer.


My relationship seemed to be alright right now. Not 100% sure, but i'll just let it be. He went for an 8 days Auh-Jed flight, leaving me alone at home. And when i start flying, seems like it'll be worse. Not sure how many times we can see each other a month. Fingers crossed and let nature takes its course......

I've been so excited to start training and start a new life. But it didn't turn out exactly the way i imagined it to be.

Firstly, there're only 2 guys in the class. Not tat i'd love to flirt with guys, but it's always better in a not-so-female working environment, cos girls always have problems with each other, thus 2 guys out of 18 in the batch is simply too few.

Secondly, my batch is the only batch around in the training centre now, that has 8 China girls. I thought that it'd be more fun if most of us consist of singaporeans or malaysians.
By far, we seemed to be having communication problems with these girls. They are nice girls of course, but having to cope with the new information and having to make sure that they keep up with our speed, is actually quite a challenge.

I hope like what everyone else says, i'll learn to love my batch. Fingers crossed though...

Did our grooming lesson today. The day that i've been long waiting for. Longing to be assign Brown colour for my eye shadow. Did each colour on each eye, and really had the urge to make my blue as horrible as can be, but my perfectionist character creeped in again, so i had to make both colours as nice as possible. In the end, like wat everyone guessed, i got the typical Blue!! *damn*

But i do have to admit that the blue colour compliment my look better, but i look nice in the brown too. Still, the loser has to go....

New Life, new beginning.... weird feelings devours me as the new beginning crawls into my life. Excitement and anticipation made me wanna start everything, but when the moment came, i was totally not prepared for it.

Regardless of how much i wanted to think that it'd be a good start, a part of me just knew that i would not be that lucky. As usual, i often get the 'not so good' combination of certain things. It was really too rushy for me to start off my training after a couple of days back from AUH. Should have given myself more time allowance to get myself prepared.

Well, i guess everything's predestined. So i should try to make the best out of it. I'll still strive for the best i can, given my perfectionist and competitive character. But somehow, i might be giving myself too much pressure.....

Finally almost finish packing my stuff. Gave a lot away, threw a lot away and left a lot right here in abu dhabi, at my 'home'... not anymore though...

Have been at home for more than a week. Felt so bored and wished that i'd have requested to leave earlier. Now, only a few hours away from leaving this house, i'm feeling a little lost. A sense of fear creeped into me...

Fear of losing everything, fear of leaving some friends, fear of going back to the past, fear of a new beginning. Of course my excitement is way over my fear, but the scary feeling took over me at this point in time.

My batchmates and some other friends did a farewell for me yesterday. I had dinner with Gayle, her bf, Duncan and erick at rockbottom again, and we headed to Zenith after that, not knowing that there were many more friends waiting for me there. Duncan arranged the rest to be there to do a farewell for me... it's so nice to know that i've friends like that.

I always like suprises, and that was a real suprise for me. I never had anyone arranging something like that for me, cos usually i was the one who'd do it, therefore i was caught off my guard and i felt really happy.

As expected, they kept giving me drinks and i got emotional after drinking, i hugged everyone and started crying... Felt really upset to leave these beautiful people. Shared wonderful moments with them, despite of many unhappy times here in abu dhabi...

Colours were added to my Life in Abu Dhabi because of these people and i'll never forget them... ...

Zann took my id ticket to go back to singapore for the SQ interview via Etihad. So i tot it'd be nice to send her off at the airport since it's like my territory in AUH.

Woke up at 6.30am to prepare myself, and reached my lobby around 7.20am to find out that a bus just left 30 seconds before i came down. The problem with this buses is that they never turn up at the correct timing. So i had no choice but to wait for the next bus that's supposed to arrive at 7.40, in the end arrived at around 8am.

When i got up the bus, the driver immediately told me that if there's not enough seats at the next pick up destination, i'll have to drop off, but before he drove off, he ask me to leave the bus. I was so pissed with all the waiting and now, i can't even take the transport.

I wanted to take a taxi, but couldn't get one, so in the end i came home. Now i'm worried that zann's not able to board the flight, cos her driver told her that the flight is very full. If i can make it there, i could've requested a jumpseat for her, but i feel so helpless now...

Worrying in agony....

I'm so bored right now. Regretted not arranging to leave on Friday. I could have and should have...

Have been spending time watching dramas on crunchyroll. It's nice, i watched a korean and a taiwanese drama. Romance drama as usual...

Received news from Jamie that she'll be getting married in June. Ask me if i could make it or not. I wish i can, she will be my first friend getting married. I believe there'll be many more couples followed by her.... so sweet...

Now, i wish that i have a sleeping pill that can make me sleep all the way until Sunday morning.....

Had a very bad day... Went to settle my admin stuff at the head office. Ran around from office to office. Damn tiring. Stupid company, torturing us before we leave....

Slept at 5 plus in the morning last night, watching dvd with Raine at my place. Woke up at 8am to go to the bank and headed to the office after tat. Came home after 3pm and totally knocked out until evening time...

Met up with my dear friends for dinner. Participants: Serena, Raine, Pony, Elena, Juliet and me... it was nice. All of us had the same dish, Sirloin Steak and lots of drinks...
Elena and i resigned, so the girls were so nice to buy us the dinner... Really touched... Thanks girls....

I'm so gonna miss all this girls. They're all so nice. Raine, my best fren here. Serena my best singapore fren. Pony, someone who always bickers with me, but i always have good times with her. All this people made me so sad to gonna leave them here....

Such a nice evening, plus a call from Peng that he's gonna buy me a longchamp bag in Frankfurt....*happy* He bought a lime green medium size longchamp bag...yeah!!!

Shah came to join us late after dinner. Bought us drinks, including 2 tequilla shots... It's the first time i had tequilla. Nv drank it before, but i'm glad i'm not drunk after tat.
Played a few pool games at the challenger table, and really glad that i played well today, at least up to my standard.... :>

Raine's off today, so she accompanied me to search for the Legendary 'Red, White, Blue big paper bag'(direct translation from chinese). It's those huge china plastic bags that has a zipper , and many old fashion people will use them to carry stuff.

I've returned my company's cargo bag, so i'm only left with one cargo bag that i brought from singapore. So i decided to use the big plastic bag to store all my clothes and check it into cargo. Anyway my clothes won't be ruined without the protection of hard-cover bags, so it'd save me more weight using the plastic bag instead, since i only have 60kg allowance.

Our trip wasn't wasted. Managed to buy it at Hamdan street, a place that looks like lucky plaza. Bought 2 bags in the end, thinking that maybe the bag might tear, so double layer would be safer...

So when i return to singapore carrying that bag out from the conveyor belt, people will really think that i'm "Made in China"....

Time seems to be going by so slowly. Still have 10 days to go before my flight home. Feeling extremely excited, nervous, tired, sad and emotional...

I hope for time to fly, so that i can start my new life sooner. On the other hand, i hope for time to stop so that i can spend more time with my dearest friends in AUH before i finally leave them.

I felt obliged, so i went out with Filzah last night. It's like my last time out with her in AUH. Last time to see her dance and last time to accompany her. She'll be heading to phuket tmr, so i wont see her until our flight back to singapore. She'll be going back with me to sin for 4 days.

I didn't dance at all. Just drank a little and watch her dance. She used to be a traditional malay dance teacher, so her moves are very beautiful. We took some pictures and went home early. Met Elie and shah and some other friends as well. Everyone was happy for me....

http://janiceblog.multiply.com/photos/album/10

When everything turns out the way you want it, life just seemed so wonderful.... *fingers crossed*

Supposed to go for Casablanca for my last flight, but i called up to do Frankfurt on my standby the day before. I was delighted, because i was having headache how to call sick for my Casablanca flight. I heard so much stories about Moroccan passengers that i dread to do it on my last flight with Etihad.

Came back this morning and supposed to have 2 more standbys tmr and the day after, but the frankfurt is my self-declared last flight.... hee..

It's a nice flight to do. I get it on my roster every month. And i was hoping that i'll be assigned galley position, and the cabin manager did put me in galley. Am i lucky or wat??

Flight turned out good. Everyone was nice and i had one extra crew to help me with everything, so that made my work much easier.
But on the flight back, i was feeling a bit moody. I guess it's normal to feel weird on my last flight with Etihad. The mixture of excitement and a bit of sad feeling.

I've been in AUH for 9 months, it's not a long period, but it's not tat short either. Kinda have sense of belonging with some friends here, and the thought of not sharing my life with them anymore makes me really sad... like my heart is crying every now and then....

10 more days to go before i finally head home, for good. Still have alot of things to settle with the company, and i shall make use of these few days to catch up with my darlings in AUH.... *sob sob*

Finally after a couple of years, i have my dream come true....

I'm not sure if i'll get use to the culture again, but it's definitely a good thing that i'm finally fulfilling my dream and finally going home again....

It's been really a long road for me. If not for the dream to fly, i won't be in silkair(cos i can't get into SQ). If not for silkair, i won't get into etihad. If not for etihad, i won't finally get into SQ for the fact that i broke my bond with silkair....

i feel so relieved now, finally passing through all the interviews and not being honest with my application. It's definitely a roller coaster ride...

But all the ups and downs are definitely worth it... Experience a lot during this period.... Now I'm looking forward to a new beginning...

Has been a hell of a ride for me these few days. From the beginning of the year till now. Nothing negative yet, but *Fingers Crossed*!! Has been quite lucky so far actually, but the final outcome is yet to announce, still waiting in agony.

Finally made it to SQ interview, again. Couldn't make it for the original invitation on 27th Dec '07, so they re-invited for the next one which happened to be on the 3rd Jan '08. I was happy and excited. By hook or by crook i had to attend that interview. In the end i did, made a huge lie of my brother getting married and took emergency leave from the company.

So i went. Passed the first round with ease, followed by the kebaya and then the 1 to 1 interview. Passed everything, and requested for myself to be squeezed into the management interview slot on the same day. It was the management interview for the group who went for their first interview on the 27th dec, so i was really lucky to not have gone for that interview... *phew*

In the end they managed to slot me in the same day, and here u go, i passed the entire interview within a single day!!! *TADA* Went for my medical check up the following day, which was my dad's birthday as well. Everything was fine, until i received an email from a Cabin Crew Executive asking me to call her back.

Funny thing is, i didn't put down my hotmail email address, but the email was sent to that account. Hmmm..... As u can guess, they found out that i was from Silkair, but i failed to declare that in my application. And so, that lady asked me why and i told her the truth.

All she said was to ask me to send her an email and state that i forgot to mention in my application form that i was working for silkair. And so i did, and finally got a reply today, to continue waiting.....

Waiting and waiting and waiting... Like Gayle mentioned, this is probably the best situation that i could have been in, so i'll just wait for the outcome, regardless of good or bad... If i'd declared myself initially, probability is high that i wouldn't even have come this far. It's good news, to think on the bright side. But i haven been a bright person for a long, long time....... so it's hard....

I'm so stressed out right now. I feel like throwing tantrum at everyone. Everyone seemed against me. I'm tired....

Like i said before, if I dun make it, i dun think we can make it either... So let's not make me say anything when tat happens. You'll know wat i mean when it happens. Give me an easier path...

Mentally stressed out. Physically exhausted. Financially broke. Emotionally lonely.
How much worser can i feel?

There's so much in life that you want, but things just doesn't work accordingly to as planned.

Trying so hard... Barriers after Barriers...

It's when u know u can do it, but yet u can't.... Leaving u in agony....

I've wanted so much to be there... So that i can solve the rest of the problems, but it's not within my control anymore...
To be home... To be with u again.... It's like a dream for me now... So near yet so far....

I know i was the start of everything. I've created a path so hard to walk and wat's the point of regretting now? I can only wait for others to give me a chance, or not.... and it's like waiting for the verdict from the judge...

Agony and agony....