Backside of Forty (archive)

Backside of Forty is undergoing a few minor renovations.  When I began this blog, it was nameless, and void of personality.  It was first thought that Jen and I would share it, both posting to it as a family scrapbook.  Hence, the original blog address... "jeffjenny.blogspot.com". 

The nameless blog became "mine", rather than "ours", however, quickly emerging as Backside of Forty and developing a personality as an extension of myself. 

I have wanted to "re-route" the blog to a more fitting address for a while, but it is no small task to successfully re-route it, while maintaining active links, followers and traffic statistics.

But... BoF just turned four years old and I decided it was time for a transition to a new address:


To make the transition as smooth as possible, I have created a carbon-copy of the blog to date and archived it so that most old links should still work.  In fact, that is where you are now.  No further posts will be made to this archived copy, but the link above will take you to the active blog (which still includes all past content).  To keep following along, please take a moment to save the link above to your favorites, set it in your readers or blog lists, make sure your "following" link is active on the new site... whatever it is that you do to visit BoF!  I appreciate the readers who, over the past four years, have found anything I have to write interesting enough to read.  I really appreciate those of you who have left comments here on the blog pages... comments are like a drug to bloggers... we can live several days off a good comment!  In fact... the four year anniversary is a great excuse just to leave a quick comment to let me know who actually reads this stuff (anonymous welcome)... with the exception of a few faithful commenters, I really have no idea who really visits my slice of the blogosphere!

Four! More! Years?  Nah... that's too political!  I'd like to last longer than that!

When my older boys were just little tykes, I bought an older fiberglass canoe.  It was a great moment in negotiating (which has never been a strength of mine).  After examining it at my brother's neighbor's yard sale, the purchase went something like this:

Me (with my two toddler sons in tow and thinking that the $150 price was probably reasonable):  "Will ya take one twenty five?"

Jim (rubbing his chin and probably remembering when his kids were little):  "Naw, I won't..." (pause for dramatic effect) "but, I'll take a hundred."

Although I had visions of fun family outings and possible peaceful solo paddling jaunts, the reality is that it is quite a lot of effort to use the thing... dragging it out of the shed...getting it on the car top (which is permanently scarred from a few canoe "oops" episodes)... strapping it down... getting it off the car top and into the water...

Jen proved to only be good for short outings (making it hard to justify the effort), so the boys were only out in it a few times (riding in the center).  Over the past few years, they've gotten big enough to paddle, so we've had it out for a few guys-only outings, but, there's still that effort thing...

It has mostly rested comfortably in my shed. (Sorry, Jim!)

I love the idea of a canoe, but I've long been attracted to kayaks.  The dilemma is that it seemed selfish to trade my canoe (which can accommodate two adults and one or two kids) for a kayak (which can accommodate... me).  I considered purchasing multiple kayaks, but the expense of multiple boats and licenses didn't seem practical for this frugal Dad!

Although that's pretty much the extent of my sons exposure to boating, both Dylan and Zachary have had a long-standing interest in boats. 

I'm not sure of his exact age, but it was probably around six... Dylan (who has always wanted to be an inventor) devised a plan to build his own boat, the "Teeth Warrior".  It was to be a one-man battleship with large metal "teeth" covering the exterior.  Everyone knows a good battleship is made of metal, so Dylan was going to fashion it out of the only source of large quantities of metal a boy of six could get his hands on...

"Mom, can you start saving me your tin cans?  I want to cut the sides off of them and hook them together to build a boat... I drew plans... do you think this'll work, Dad?"

Although he kept the plans for a long time and was convinced that he would some day build the boat, he has since lost them (but not before I scanned and saved them!)  I'll share them with you (with Dylan's permission) if you promise not to steal them and build your own battleship!

The iconic American... strong, independent and stalwart.  Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... well, maybe not... but at least able to pull himself up by his bootstraps any time something gets him down, right?

Or... maybe not.

But, with most of those around us walking around wearing their "I'm OK" face, we can easily think we are the only one who feels like we sometimes have problems or shortcomings that are bigger than us.  Everyone around us seems to be solving their problems and yanking on their bootstraps... all the while smiling and appearing to need no help from anyone.  Why can't we?

Well... more than likely, many of them are looking at you and I and wondering the same thing (and they may not even know what a bootstrap is, for that matter).  Because, after all, there is a certain stigma to admitting we may need help to overcome something in our lives.  That "something" can take on many different forms, but regardless, the stigma can make someone feel that they are weak if they admit they need help and seek the help they need.  The force of that stigma can leave a path of many forms of devastation in it's wake, and the ripples of that devastation ebb outward and touch others... even those who still insist on maintaining their "I'm OK" face.

I am one who is both proud and private... too proud to ask for help or accept it when it's offered, and too private to share honestly with others when I struggle.  I smile and try to figure out just how to get ahold of my bootstraps.  But, while I choose not to elaborate here (I'm still private), I do have to admit that the past few years have brought some difficulties into my life that have seemed bigger than me.  For the first time in my life, I felt like I was faced with things I couldn't just pull myself up from.  And, I found myself reaching a point where I began to ignore some of the stigmas and begin to seek and accept some help, in a number of forms, which required me to cast aside at least some (not yet all) of my former pride.  I also reached a point where I began to confide some of these struggles to a very few close friends and family members, which required me to cast off some (not yet all) of my former privacy.

And, you know what?

I don't think any of these people who care about me thought any less of me for it.

And, you know what else?

I found out that when I took a risk and opened up to them that, in some cases, their life wasn't as buttoned-up as the image they cast.

But, this blog post isn't really about me and my struggles (see, there's that privacy thing, again!)

Enter: Larry Davis...

Larry's "something" was a many-year struggle with depression.  Larry finally reached a crisis point in his struggle that he realized that he needed help, and he cast off the stigmas and sought the help he needed.  And, in the process, he discovered freedom.  The message of freedom from the stigmas of depression was one that he felt he must share with others.

The desire to share with others gave rise to the idea behind "enjoy the ride".  Larry's idea was to combine a love of adventure, a love of bicycling, and the desire to share his message into what became a two-month, 3,000+ mile bicycle ride from his home in Santa Cruz, California to his hometown of Southington, Ohio.

Others have completed similar rides, but Larry's ride was a little different.  You see, Larry took his "solo" ride on a bicycle-built-for-two.


Why would one man choose to ride over 3,000 miles on a bicycle-built-for-two?

Glad you asked!

Larry chose this bike to represent the fact that battling his depression was something he couldn't do by himself.  To be successful, he needed to seek help.  On the road, the symbolic help was in the form of "stokers"... guest riders who volunteered to hop on the back of the bike and help Larry power through his adventure.  While he did ride sections of the trip solo, he had many stokers throughout the two months.  Many were friends or relatives that rendezvoused with him to ride a day or stretch of days.  Others were followers of his Facebook page or people he met along the way.  Once, he even picked up a hitchhiker in the desert (who he found out in the course of conversation had just been released from jail!).

Larry pulled a gear trailer behind his tandem, making it a pretty long rig that attracted some attention, giving him opportunity to explain his mission.  Dubbed by some the "Hillbilly RV", Larry said his rig had a dry weight of around 75 pounds and was usually laden with an average of another 75 pounds of gear, food and water... that's powering 150 pounds for 3,000+ miles over numerous mountain ranges... in just 2 months... Wow!

Larry rolled into one of his brother's homes in Northeast Ohio midway through last week and spent the remainder of the week relaxing and planning the final leg of his ride.  The final leg was a 40 mile Saturday ride from his brother's home to his childhood home in Southington, Ohio, where his Dad still resides.  He divided the ride into 8 segments and openly invited volunteers to ride as stokers for a segment.  The 8 slots filled fast!

I considered riding one with him, but I was at work when the invitation went out, and as the saying goes... you snooze, you lose!  (Well, I wasn't snoozing at work, but you get the idea!)

I had never personally met Larry, but I have been friends with his brother, Phil, for many years.  I had followed his trip via Facebook since he departed from Santa Cruz on May 2nd.  I really wanted to be a part of the excitement around Saturday's ride.  So, I made plans to join Phil in riding out several miles from Southington to intersect Larry and ride as a member of a bicycle entourage that escorted him to the completion of his ride.

But, Friday evening I checked Facebook and found that the stoker of Segment 6 decided to vacate his position to allow another rider to join, since this stoker had already met and rode with Larry across parts of Michigan.  Thank you, Chris... I'm in!  I immediately messaged Larry and was first to respond... the stoker slot was mine! 

Around noon on Saturday, I had Jen drop me off at the beginning of Segment 6, then drive ahead to the end of Segment 6 to drop off my bike.  When I completed my section of the ride, I then joined the entourage on my own bike through Segments 7 and 8.

I was hanging out with Benny in the backyard a few evenings ago, when he started a game of his version of Follow the Leader/Simon Says, in which he initiates an action and looks at you to imitate it.  His repertoire includes such things as standing, sitting, jumping, leg slapping, whacking himself on the top of the head, banging on any object nearby, running, shouting, fake sneezing/coughing, etc.  It's amusing the way he initiates this game... it is usually a silent initiation.  It involves performing an action and then a hesitation while he gives you this certain Benny "wanna play?" look.  He just silently draws you into his game. 

We played for several minutes when I decided to end my participation and relax in my lawn chair.  Benny was not ready to stop.  He stood up and waited for me to stand.  When I did not, he sat back down and stood up again, waiting for me to follow.  I told him, "Daddy's resting."  He sat back down and stood up, looking at me to follow, and added, "get up!"  Again, I reminded him that I was resting. 

After a few more repeated attempts to get me to stand and continue the game, he changed his tactic.  He stood up and moved over close to my chair, putting one of his little hands on each of my cheeks.  He then turned my face toward his and moved his face as close to mine as he could manage and said, very authoritatively, "I talkin' a YOU!"

I stood up and played a little while longer.

Although it seems quite popular, I have never been to IKEA.  I have browsed their website, but never saw much in the way of style that appealed to me.  Maybe the actual store would be different?  I do have some ready-to-assemble furniture pieces in my home, of the kid's dresser, entertainment center and computer cart variety, but a ready-to-assemble sofa... that doesn't seem like a good idea.  Or, does it?

Our home has a 12' x 16' living room... relatively small by today's housing standards.  I have a family of six... relatively large by today's family standards.  As we finally moved into the front [remodelled] area of the house, Jen and I started to ponder the most efficient way to offer cozy seating in a tight space for a larger family.  The corner sectional sofa seems the most efficient solution.

I assumed that a sectional sofa was just that... many sections of a sofa assembled in a flexible configuration, right?  Wrong... mostly.  We did some furniture browsing and found that several of the furniture store's "sectionals" where little more than a couch and loveseat with the arms lopped off and shoved together.

So, I went online to explore sectionals.  And, that's when I discovered Home Reserve.  Based in Fort Wayne, Indiana, they specialize in ready-to-assemble sofas and chairs, build them from American made materials and sell them exclusively online.  I was intrigued by the company and their website and it looked like a good product at a fair price, but I was skeptical... very skeptical.  After all, it takes a little faith to order a seven piece sectional, give them my credit card number, and watch as the UPS man carries my new sofa to the porch in seven relatively small boxes!

So, I did some fairly extensive research on the company.  They are featured by HGTV and Better Homes and Gardens, just to name a few.  They have an excellent rating with the Better Business Bureau, and a vast majority of independent online opinions are favorable.

I convinced Jen that it was a good idea to further explore.  (After taking 7+ years to remodel this portion of the house, convincing Jen that ANY of my ideas are "good" ideas is more difficult than it used to be!).  But, we scanned the many online fabric swatches, and ordered a half-dozen actual swatches at $1 each.  They arrived on schedule, just as the company stated.  I then called customer service with several questions, and my questions were courteously handled.  The company offers customers to tour the factory and watch their sofa being made, but since Fort Wayne is over a four hour drive, I opted not to conduct on-site research.

The company offers a "risk-free trial" in that you can order a single armless unit to assemble and try in your home.  If you like it, order the remainder of the sectional.  If not, box it up and ship it back and the company will fully refund your money, including shipping. 

We decided to try one piece.  We placed the order and, just like the swatches, the single box showed up on our porch perfectly punctual, just as the website shipping information stated.  I assembled it in under an hour, and was impressed with the simplicity of assembly and the clarity of the instructions.  The finished product seemed sturdy, durable and comfortable.  Our only concern was that the seat depth seemed a little shallow, but this was not surprising, according to the many reviews I read.  The shallowness was not bad, and in a smaller room can actually be an advantage, as some overstuffed sectionals would likely swallow up the room.

After sitting on, and looking at, the single piece for a few weeks, we decided to order the remaining six pieces.  Once again, a very smooth experience.

Our local Kiwanis Club sponsors an annual Junior Olympics for grades K-6.  It is held each year in May at our high school track, and some members of the high school track team are always there to assist with the events.  I really appreciate the Kiwanis Club for making this investment in our kids, but I also give props to the high school track team members who participate.  The students who are there each year enthusiastically volunteer their Saturday morning, and they seem to really enjoy working with the possible future members of the track team to follow in their shoes.  They are always very encouraging of all the kids, no matter their abilities.

The event was this Saturday, and the weather was perfect.  Dylan, Zachary and Lily participated this year, and both my parents and Jen's parents came to cheer on their Grandkids.  I was never an athlete in school, but I considered joining the track team, and I think I would have enjoyed it.  Jen was taking pictures, and I was supposed to be watching Ben.  At one point in the first competition (Zachary's long jump) I got so involved in cheering for Zachary and Blake (our Pastor's son), that I lost Benny.  There was a moment of panic until we spotted him climbing to the top of the bleachers.  Actually, Zachary spotted him and was yelling and pointing from the field, while waiting for his turn to jump.  Fortunately, the bleachers were enclosed by fencing, but there was still plenty of opportunity for a kid like Benny to get hurt.  That was my "wake up call"... I didn't lose Benny any more, when he was in my charge!