my free moment

So we had movie night with some of my favorite people.... and God spoke to me through Nicholas Cage. 
Weird, right? 
I'm sure that Lisa didn't even notice. 
(I don't think I even noticed until just a few minutes ago.)
We were watching The Sorcerer's Apprentice in which a powerful sorcerer, Balthazar (played by Nick Cage), is attempting to train a plain ol' guy, Dave, to become a "very important sorcerer".     Balthazar says...

That's it.   That's what God wanted me to hear.    I am so much like Dave.   
No way can God use me to do great things.  I'm too plain, I'm too goofy, I'm too irresponsible, I'm not 'spiritual' enough,  I am too broken, I am a lousy parent, I'm afraid of falling,  I'm afraid of rejection AND I'm afraid of ants.

But God says, "stop worrying and believe in yourself."

There are so many things that I WANT to do... but I guess that worry, and/or trepidation sometimes cloud my vision.
I want to be an effective host to my young widows group and my new single moms group.   I want to volunteer more of my time for things that matter.  I want to be a voice for Mission Link's widow's ministry. 
 When it comes down to it.... I struggle with worry of rejection, not enough time in the day, and a fear of public speaking.

But God says, "stop worrying and believe in yourself."

Deep down, I know that God can use plain 'ol me to do big things.   Because that's the way He works.  And I'm secretly anticipating Him to do something with me....
I need to start believing that I am capable of being used by God.



I sometimes feel like I've taken the first step... but I need to trust Him, completely, so that I can walk.

I've decided that I shouldn't always be the blogger of bad news... so I figure that I'll give a little update on the good stuff.
Our January days have been pretty nice.

We've settled back in to work and school following the Christmas vacation.   Things are running smoothly with my 'less is best' scheduling.

**Yesterday, I started hosting a new 'single moms' lifegroup (Bible study group, girl group... whatever you want to call it.)    The thought to start the group was planted months ago by one of the ladies in my 'young widows' group.     I have thought about it and prayed about it for several months, knowing that I would love to develop a 'community' of single moms to surround myself with.

Has anyone else noticed that I've done this with every stage in my life??   (new mom group, ladies group, widows group, and now single moms group)  I vow NOW to NOT create the cat lady group.  Please hold me accountable!

Anywho.  The single mom group has started.  I'm excited about it, intimidated about it, hopeful about it, and also realistic about it.   Since I know that single moms, including myself, can be flakes... I'm not exactly sure how well it will roll.   I'll leave that in God's hands.  One of the largest obstacles for us will be the issue of childcare during our meeting.   We are initially planning to let the kids be on their own, in the basement, and see how it goes.   (If everyone attends, we will have 5 adults and 12 kids.   So this should be interesting.)

**The kids and I have been super well about doing our chores lately and the house seems to be keeping in shape.   Interesting how things look tidy if you do just a few things each day.   Genius.

**The boys are successfully saving their allowance money and they have enjoyed another day at Snowflex.


I'm getting a little too excited about their excitement. 
And I can't say enough about the amazing instructors that have been teaching the boys.    We have each picked our favorites... but all of the instructors have been tremendous.  
I often get the feeling of pulling these guys to the side and giving them the whole little speech about how my husband died three years ago, and how nice it has been to watch their interactions with my boys.   I want them to know what positive role models they are providing...even if only for a short time.  
The guys often spend over the allotted time with my boys and I think it's neat.  It's great to see that they are enjoying their jobs.
I've been toying with the idea of taking the boys each week.  It's a bit pricey... but it's WAY cheaper than if I were to enroll both kids back into Karate, or gymnastics, or lots of other sports.   It would be a small price to pay if it's a sport that they will commit to!

*Lucas earned back his Wii game and has a strict limit of one hour per day.
so far, so good!

*The boys have been completing their chores and helping more around the house, with promise of "$7.50 once a week."

so far, so good!



*The $7.50 once a week will allow them to pursue their new interest of skiing and snowboarding, every other week, at Snowflex. Daniel is learning how to snowboard, and Lucas has decided that skiing is much more enjoyable.

so far, so good.

*I have worked on a budget and cleaned out a really messy cabinet. I feel ready to be more organized this year.

so far, so good.

*Amazingly, our calendar is looking rather relaxed over the next few months.

The boys have decided quickly that they are not interested in the cub scouts.
(Atleast I can say that I offered it to them.)
We have 'graduated' from the Kids Haven program, for now.
So, as long as they don't instantly become interested in team sports.... We'll / I'll have it made this spring.

We'll see how it goes :)