my free moment

Mr. Q joined our family in January of 2000 after a pregnancy hormone induced announcement that I "had no friends".   Thayer left the house and came back with a cat.
And then I cried about how inconvenient an animal would be.  
(poor Thayer)

For 15 years I have managed to keep that cat fairly trained.   He is basically a dog in cat's clothing.
I've maintained a strict rule that no animals are allowed on the couches.... unless they are in a lap or on a blanket.   And absolutely no animals in my bed.  ever.
 Mr. Q is smart about these things.  
The Blueberry cat is not.   She needs reminders about the couches.  (and thankfully she's never even thought about touching my bed.)

Something has recently changed.
I've become soft.

Poor old Mr. Q is ancient and frail.    Over the past few months, I have had many thoughts of  "he won't be with us much longer.   It won't hurt if he sits on the couch.  I'll deal with it."
(also keeping in mind that I'm getting new furniture when the cats are gone)  :)
He's skinny and pathetic at times.

One morning I walked by and saw him on my bed.   I had a passing thought of "let him be" and I did.
About ten minutes later I walked by and he had puked ALL over my duvet and feathers.
Of course he did.   Argh.

I vowed at that moment to upkeep the rule in play.  No cats on my bed.  ever.

But... a few days later, he was back again.   And instead of reprimanding, I left him there.
And yesterday too.
As I walk by his eyes get big, expecting discipline.... but then he settles down as if to mock me.

The cats know I've gone soft.
They have taken over the couches in the living room.   It is so disgusting.   It goes against every fiber in my being.    

As I sit here typing... this just happened... right in front of me.
A mess.



My dream couches are worn leather.
In time, my friends   In time.

The boys and I are coming away from SIX snow days off from school and one two hour delay.  
It's been fabulous.  Really fabulous.
Everything came to a STOP and there was no agenda.
It was a great taste of what summer may, or could, be about.   (How many days till summer break?)

We're back in business tomorrow.    Fun things ahead this week.
And the hint of another snowfall on Wednesday night makes me smile.

I've been thinking about Thayer this week.   A few events and conversations have brought him to mind, more than usual.   It's been bittersweet.    Good memories.  Yet still in disbelief that this year will mark seven years without him.    That's wild.  

I watched Cast Away with the boys the other night.   I'm pretty sure that Thayer and I had watched it together- way back when.   And I probably haven't seen it since then.    I knew the storyline and yet I cried through most of the ending.
 Really cried.
I felt especially torn when Tom Hanks' character returned home from the island after being gone for over four years.   His fiance and friends had "buried" him.... thought he was dead..... and moved forward.
 In only four years his fiance had been married and had a child.   She had started a completely new life.
It made me realize that Thayer has been gone for almost seven years and the kids and I, in some ways, have a completely new life.   But in other ways, I feel like we're stuck.

Yes, we are content.  And happy.  And ultimately the boys will grow up, move out and have their own lives.
But at this point I don't have any goals in life.   I feel like I'm kind of in limbo.
(and I really didn't start to think about this until I started typing.  I'm my own buzz kill)
What the heck am I going to do with my life?
I've got some ideas floating around in the back of my mind.  But nothing that I want to commit to at this point.

I guess that's not for me to figure out right now.

First things first.  
6:15am is going to come early tomorrow.
G'night!

I ventured into the sunlight today.    
We had been at home for over 72 hours.    That must have set a record for me!
Daniel had a follow-up appointment at the orthodontist at 3:55pm.   I don't think I've ever been so excited about an appointment!!
 -We went to the orthodontist.
 -We ran by the post office (yeah... what happened to the USPS this week?  I thought that nothing stopped the mail.  ??)  
-We ate dinner out.   This was a treat because we had eaten at home for 3 solid days.  haha.
-We grocery shopped at Wal-mart.
This was a big day!

Other than shoveling snow for 35 minutes on Tuesday I hadn't even been outside.  

How lame.
I noticed that other moms were playing with their kids in the snow.    Even moms with teens.    Or...my other conclusion is that they ran outside to take pictures of their kids and then retreated inside to post pictures on FB to make them seem motherly.

the token picture of my time outdoors. thank you, Lisa, for capturing this rare moment

There wasn't really any part of me that wanted to chase my teenagers around outside in the teen temperatures.   They were doing pretty well without me.    So all is well.

Tomorrow will be my fifth day home from work.   And I have absolutely nothing to show for it!   I paid bills and organized my tax papers yesterday.    I ran a vacuum today.
How odd that I long to have time at home to clean and catch up on things around the house.   And I've had four days of doing..... I don't have a clue.

It has been nice to socialize with friends for a few days.   I suppose that the relational time will have more of a lasting impact than if I had decided to clean the toilets.  

Tanner is here for another sleepover.  We watched the Box Trolls movie, which actually turned out to be a lovely film with several nice little messages.

I had plans for tomorrow... but they dissipated.  Another free day and the world at our fingertips!
I'm not sure what we'll end up doing.  
 Maybe I'll finally get to those toilets.
I love snow days!

We've just spent the past 48 hours having snow much fun!

Sunday night our little friend, Tanner, came to spend the night with us in anticipation of the snow on Monday.
After the snow started we were joined by Jamie, Lisa and kids.
The neighbours* came over for a brief dinner visit and then went home to snuggle by their wood stove.

Last night was a snowed-in sleepover for my family, Jamie, Tanner, and Lisa.
All of the kids have spent countless hours outside while the adults have chilled out.  Way out.

Today we peeled ourselves off of the couch to finish shoveling the driveway.  
Here's my public shout out to Lisa and Jamie for shoveling today.  We rocked it!
Daniel had attempted to shovel the driveway earlier this morning and announced that it was nearly impossible.   He managed to make two nice tire tracks and I was thankful.   The strong adults finished the job ;)

I'm not really sure what happened to the last two days.  It's been a lot of activity and inactivity.
I am so glad that the snow has come.   These days have been blissful.

 I consider myself to be blessed to have friends and friendly neighbours, and friends who are neighbors to hang out with!

On a side note:  I found it rather interesting how the other neighbors* waited until the entire block had shoveled their driveways before they pulled out their snow blower.    I felt the neighborly love.

* The talk of so many neighbors may be confusing.   for future reference they are defined as follows:

1.friend/ neighbor Lisa- lives across the street, friendly, seen regularly, trusted.

2. The Neighbours-  the fairly new, Canadian associated neighbours, friendly, watchful.

3. the other neighbors - sometimes referred to as "those neighbors", sketchy history, unsure of motives.

4. neighbor kids-   just all of the kids who take up residence at my house.  Can vary in numbers.

We do have other neighbors who rarely make it into a post.   They are generally friendly and are harmless.    We are thankful for them.

My attempt at minimalism is going well.   I've rid my house of 203 items so far.  
Yes, it counts when you clean out the bathroom and count out individual random items, such as the entire contents of an old first aid kit.   And yes, it counts when you flush a fish down the toilet and throw away the tank.  Every item feels like an accomplishment.   (don't get me wrong.  I was sad about the fish.... for about three minutes).

Come to think of it, I haven't dug much deeper than my bathroom at this point.   I've got tons of drawers, and nooks and crannies, that I'll work on over time.    I'm excited to see how much I can accomplish this year.

My schedule has kind of become minimal the past month as well.  I've been really intentional about it.   I have made it a priority to continue my daily walking and yoga with Lisa.   It has been good for both of us.   I'm feeling better and I'm in route to bring sexy back at some point in the future.  (haha)

anywho.

Today the boys and I worked in the yard for a while.   As if my neighbors don't already question our sanity.... I thought it would be fitting to pick up sticks and clean off the carport in 20 degree weather.   Isn't that what everyone was doing today?
I used the talk of possible snow to motivate the boys (and our neighbor boy!) to get out and help clean up all of the sticks in the yard.    
Every year, I use the snow reasoning.
IF it were to snow, we'd want all of the sticks out of the yard so that they could sled and roll around without fear of poking their eyes out.  
Reasonable, right?   The kids seem to agree.
All the while, knowing that IF they were able to sled, I will spend the day hollering for them to stay out of the neighbors yard.   (which I'm wondering why the neighbors haven't set up their chair boundary yet?)

  The yard is ready for snow.  The carport is ready for.... my car.   I have milk in my fridge.   And I'm keeping my fingers crossed for snow this week.   Chances are with all of my preparation the weather people will be dead wrong.

I was out of service for two days with a nasty stomach bug.
The kids hid out in the basement while they were home.  
Thankfully, my Dad took them to ride bikes and out for dinner.... but then they retreated back to the basement.

It's amazing how they didn't check on me, or offer to help their sick mom.
At all.

When they happened to come out of their cave to go to the bathroom or get a snack, I would ask them to refill my cup or feed the cats... which they begrudgingly did.
Once I was back on my feet and ventured through the house I saw that the dishes were piled on the counter and things just thrown about.
I cleaned up, scooped the cat litter and did laundry.
I'm wondering what would happen if I were REALLY sick for a length of time?
 Or.... if I were to die in my bed... how long would it take my kids to notice?

Am I preparing them to be good husbands?
Don't get me wrong.  My boys are good at many things.  And can be helpful when asked.
But as far as initiative.... they lack it.
And their compassion...
 mirrors mine.

oh yeah
It looks like we all have some things to work on!

This post will be akin to a runner's post.   So if you've ever read a runner's post....   Stop now.   Turn off the computer and walk away.  seriously.

I just completed my second Diet Bet.    And I won.  again.     It's not a huge feat... but I feel like I've accomplished something.   I'm not sure why the 'bet' has become my motivator.    It's just enough pressure to keep me motivated.

The amount of weight to lose for the duration of a Diet Bet game isn't much.  4% of your body weight.  
This month, I kind of slacked off... thinking, "I've got more time.  I'll lose those last pounds before the end of the game."   I was too casual about it, I suppose.

As time grew close, I had one pound to lose.  
The day prior to the official weigh in  (which is documented by photos posted to the site)  my thoughts were almost obsessive about whether I would win the weigh in.  
There is a 48 hour window for final weigh ins.... so I knew I had an extra day if things didn't go as planned.

Monday morning, I got on the scale and hit my goal weight for the month!!  Yay!  I was beyond thrilled.  I immediately knew that I'd celebrate with a trip to Bojangles for lunch.
I got off the scale and reached for my camera for the picture proof.  And when I stood back on the scale... I was one pound heavier!  what?!
holy crap!   no way!   I needed that picture!!
I used the bathroom again!, I moved the scale across the room!  Various numbers appeared on the scale... but not THE number I needed! And why the variation?!  I panicked for about 20 minutes, with no luck of having the magic number show up again.
Total defeat.

My only chance at winning would be Tuesday morning.  The pressure was immense.
I did all the right things on monday.  I ate well.  I walked and yoga-ed as usual.  I discussed with friends.  I obssesed.   I pondered that perhaps my scale batteries were dying.   But... no... the scale says "LO" when the batteries are low.

Monday night, I thought I'd get the scale out again and see if the numbers varied depending on the slope of the floor, or where I postioned it in the room.   Totally logical, right ?

9:45pm, the night before my final weigh in..... the scale reads "LO".
9:50 pm I peel into Walgreens holding a tiny circular battery.  Panic in my eyes, "Do you have little batteries like this?!"
I must have looked like an addict looking for a fix.     And the cashier saved my night.

6:15 Tuesday morning..... I weighed in .5 pounds under the designated goal.    My phone was in hand and I had photo proof.
I WON!!

Now.  Let's put things into perspective:

A one month Diet Bet.
2 days of complete crazy.  (my friends would think this is a low estimate)
I paid $30 into the cash pot.
My portion of the winnings..... $41.24.
My actual profit....$11.24.

Haha.   Total freak out over $11.

Obviously, It's not at all about the money.
It's ALL about the weight loss, the challenge, the accountability, and the success.
I still have a long way to go.   Ideally 40-45 pounds to go.

I'm starting a new Diet Bet on February 10th.  (wanna join me?)
In the meantime.... I'm planning a trip to Steak and Shake tomorrow.   Bring it.