my free moment: 2022

Saturday, December 03, 2022

connection

I don't know much about Bible history but I picked up something interesting the other day.
Paul went on several missionary journeys and he wrote the book of Romans while he had a brief stay in Corinth. He wrote the letter to folks in Rome encouraging them to build a peaceful and close relationship between their house churches.
But here's what struck me:
In Romans 16:1-16 he mentions 27 people by name, and most of those in terms of personal connection. Here's this guy that is traveling around, doing his thing for God, and still manages to make personal connections along the way. Paul even mentions someone's mom who "has been a mother" to him.

And more than that... those mentions made it in to the Bible, to be remembered and read throughout history. That's got to account for something that God wants us to see and understand.

I believe that God wants us to see, and embrace, the importance of connection with other believers.

In her Bible study guide, "Get out of your Head" Jennie Allen identifies the "enemies of our mind".... which I believe are tactics that Satan uses to destroy us. The "enemy of isolation" is so prevalent in our society today. We may have thousands of online friends but I'm pretty sure that none of us could mention 27 people that we really know. Can we even mention one or two?

Jennie writes, "We weren't meant to be alone in the dark. Being known turns on the light. And that scares the devil. He doesn't want us in the light, because when we stay in the dark with him, he can tell us whatever he wants. No more. Use the weapon of connection and fight with the light."

The weapon against Isolation is Connection!

Paul knew that. Paul knew that connection with others was important enough to mention and to nurture. The church draws it's strength through the connection of like minded individuals. We all play a part in the big picture- and being connected is the key.

My ponderings over Paul's connections seem to be a perfect segue into mentioning that I'm planning to work through a study called "Find Your People: Building Deep Community in a Lonely World" starting in January.
Several gals and I have been doing a study on Philippians over the past few months and I'm hoping they'll continue with me on the new study, in the new year.
If you're interested in jumping in with us, and learning how to "Find your People", please send me a message!

Friday, December 02, 2022

old habits

I have been grieving the loss of my old habits lately. I miss my early morning jogs, and I miss how awesome and confident I felt just 5 years ago.
I recently cleaned out a drawer where I had been keeping my "when I lose those 20 pounds" clothes. I held up some of the shorts and they looked like Barbie clothes! (It's only one size smaller than what I wear now.... but MY GOODNESS.... they look tiny!)***
The fact that I used to confidently wear them made me gasp, but also made me realize that it's only MYSELF that is keeping me from wearing that size again.

20 pounds lighter, I totally wasn't small by any means.... but I felt powerful, confident, and healthy.

Over the past 5 years, I've learned to stop fighting my body. I've gone through periods of shame, disgust and disappointment in myself. And then I finally realized that life happens. Our bodies will fluctuate the same way our minds and emotions shift and change. However as I age, I want to keep moving my body in productive, healthy ways.

This week, I started jogging again. (small intervals, of course)

My internal dialogue:

The first two days: "who am I kidding?! I've got too much extra weight to start this. I need new shoes- I'm going to hurt myself. I'm too old to start this again. I should never have stopped. Maybe walking IS better for me."

Day Three: "Oh, I'm going a bit further. I can probably do this again. New shoes would be helpful. Jesus died on a cross for me..... the very least I can do- to honor this body- is to jog to that next mailbox.
Oh my goodness, I feel amazing. I did it!"

Day Four: "Look at me. I'm pretty much doing it. Jesus, give me your strength. I'll go a bit farther. I'm feeling so good! I can do this!"

I had no idea that I'd be hooked again in a matter of days. I'm so pleased. I don't want to become a runner. But I do want to continue to be someone who gets outside daily, soaks up sunshine, and does some jogging here and there. I'm feeling capable and want to be a good steward of the body that God has given me.

Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 NLT

***Minimalist tip: Holding on to, or storing, clothes that don't fit your body at it's current size takes up mental storage space, physical storage space, AND creates feelings of guilt, shame and anxiety.
I donated these smaller clothes to Goodwill knowing that I can treat myself to new/modern clothes if/when I reach a smaller size.

Friday, November 25, 2022

making a wonderful life

It's a Wonderful Life has been on repeat all day. It's one of my favorite movies and such a great reminder that all of our little moments matter, that it's our interactions and relationships with people that make a difference in our world.

Yesterday morning I woke up thinking about past Thanksgivings. I thought about Thanksgivings with my extended family at my grandparent's house, I thought about Thanksgivings with Thayer's family. And this is the second Thanksgiving without Lucas. Things haven't really felt like "tradition" in many years. I started the day on a bad foot, grieving years past.
BUT I pulled myself together and asked God to give me fresh/happy memories for the day ahead..... He answered:
Yesterday was one of my favorite, most relaxed Thanksgivings. :)
We had a lovely time at my sister's house and then traveled to visit with the kids in Roanoke.
I enjoyed every minute. I'm so thankful that Greg and I are creating new traditions as the landscape of our family continues to change.

On the same note, I've been thinking of several of my friends who are entering this season without their loved ones.
The Holidays are hard.
Making new traditions are hard, but like my Dad always says, "Time doesn't stop for nobody".
We will need to move forward, and embrace the new moments as they come.

It's no secret that I'm not a fan of Christmas. To clarify: I AM a fan of Jesus. I'm NOT a fan of what Christmas has become in our society.
This year, I'm determined to drop the stress of society's expectations and try to embrace the little moments.
It's the little moments with family and friends that matter.
It IS a Wonderful Life. Let's enjoy it!

Loved our time with the kids and the EX-tended family. :)

Saturday, November 12, 2022

godspeed

Lucas recently came home on leave for three weeks. Having him home for a brief stay was such a treat. He basically took up residence in his room, just as before. He visited family and friends, he hiked, went fishing, went Frisbee golfing; and still managed to spend crazy amounts of time playing video games into the wee hours of the night. I think he had a nice vacation from the military grind.

Earlier this week Greg and I drove him to Baltimore to catch a flight to England. We stopped for lunch on the way, and our destination came up in conversation with our server. She took the time to say a lovely, long, prayer for Lucas and for our family.
I have heard about people just stopping everything to pray for strangers, but I have never been on the receiving end. It was a lovely gift to my mama-heart to be reminded that God is covering us even in the midst of big life changes.

I should have remembered the impactful message of her prayer over the next few days BUT

We were quickly dismissed at the airport as Lucas found his people- and it felt like leaving him for Basic Training, all over again. That small sinking realization about how far away he'll actually be.
Not only the distance.... but more so all of the unanswered questions and concerns that I have as a parent:

Communication questions, transportation questions, housing questions. One thought would snowball into another.

Would I dare say that I was worrying?! I am NOT a worrier!

Greg, who is a worrier by trade, has had to talk me down a few times. I know everything will work out fine. I know that God has big plans for Lucas. I know that Lucas is a problem solver. I know that he'll take it one day at a time and be a total rock star.

Lucas has been on base a few days, and he's figuring it out. He will need to buy a car, rent a house, start a new job, and adjust to a new culture this month. So much adulting!!

And I'm over here with my hands tied. Thank God that they are tied together in prayer. That's really all I can do.

Please join me in praying for Lucas as he continues on this adventure.

I'm one proud Mom.

I love you, Lucas! Enjoy every minute! :)

November 3, 2022

Lucas, 20 Daniel, 22

My babies :)

Wednesday, November 02, 2022

pumpkin party

I hosted our 22nd annual Pumpkin Party this past Sunday. Every year I say that it's my last year, that "I'm never doing this again".... but I keep doing it because Lucas says that it's a Botham tradition that needs to keep happening. I suppose I'll keep doing it until he, or Daniel, decides to take it over.

The Pumpkin Party has taken many shapes over the years. It started as a small Halloween gathering of friends, in costumes, when Thayer and I were newly married.

1999

We missed the next year because we were adjusting to being new parents to our little pumpkin, Daniel.

We resumed the festivities in 2001 with a pumpkin carving party.

2001

At some point, I dropped the "carving" part of the party, and asked people to bring their pumpkins pre-carved and ready to be entered in the contest. Prizes awarded for Most creative, Funniest, Most Boo-tiful, and Scariest.

The guest list has varied over the years. We've had family, friends, lifegroups, neighbors, or various friend groups included.
My goal was to take a group picture every year.... but I only managed to pull that off a few times:

2003

2005

2006

2013

As I have gotten older, and know my limitations, I have simplified the guest list to include my family (my parents and sister's families) and a few close friends.

This year was a special year to celebrate because Lucas is home on leave, and was able to participate. He'll be flying out to England next week and will be gone indefinitely.

(whew...my momma heart doesn't want to think about how many pumpkin parties he may miss)

We were blessed with great weather on Sunday so we were able to do a FULL experience of pumpkin chili, yummy sides and desserts, s'mores, and time outside by the campfire.

I think this was one of my favorites.

And this might be the first year, ever, that I will say, "can't wait till next year!"

Year 22 was a good one:

super proud of my creation this year

Lucas threw this fun one together 30 min. before the party... and won "Funniest"

camp fires are my favorite

Also super excited about my luminaries this year!

Perfect night!

Wednesday, October 19, 2022

my idol?

I recently started gathering with a group of ladies every other week to do some Bible study. We are starting out with a study guide: Get Out of Your Head, A Study in Philippians by Jennie Allen.

Interestingly enough, this study has encouraged me to get IN to my head a bit. It has challenged me to consider what I actually THINK about; what I hold in the forefront of my thoughts. I have uncovered that my most prevalent thought/emotion is Anticipation. Not worry, or fear.... just anticipation of things to come.... mostly all of the good things. I get caught up in planning and looking forward to certain events or occasions.
While that, in itself, is not a "bad" thing, I know that always looking ahead isn't the best way to spend my time. I want to learn to be in the moment and to enjoy what each day brings.

When Thayer died, I learned rather abruptly that plans can change so quickly. I remember throwing away my planner after Thayer died. I had a tough relationship with paper calendars for quite a while after his death. Here I am, over 14 years later tethered to my planning and my calendar.
I won't deny it.... I am a planner through and through. I have said many times that if I don't plan something, it doesn't happen.
I've realized that this probably classifies me as a control freak. eek.
I'm starting to grasp that my over-planning might not always be the best thing.

God says, Be still and know that I am God (Psalm46:10).

Do I take the time to be still and rest in His presence? Am I putting my full calendar squares and busyness ahead of my relationship with God?
Is over-planning my idol?!

Whew. Idols.
Jennie Allen made a bold statement in the video that accompanies our study:

"We need to hate the things we love more than God."

This statement reminded me of Luke 14:26:

If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. (ESV)

The mention of this verse pretty much derailed our little study group. Everyone agreed that "hate" was such a strong word! The thought of "hating" our family was awful to consider.
I found a nice article that explains this verse a little more in context: PLEASE READ HERE.

In short, Jesus' command requires us to prioritize our relationship with Him above all other relationships. We are to prioritize our relationship with Him over everyone and everything!

You shall have no other gods before me. (Exodus 20:3)

I've gained a new perspective to consider as I fill my calendar:

Am I devoting my time and energy to Him?

How do I spend my free time? What are my idols?

Lord, please direct my thoughts and help me to prioritize you above all else.

Saturday, October 15, 2022

black squirrel

Not our squirrel. But similar :)

There is a solid black squirrel that lives in our yard.
I had never seen a black squirrel before moving into our neighborhood. I started to regularly observe a black squirrel on my morning walks a few years ago, and was excited to consider it a rare sighting. My interest was peaked when one took up residence in our yard earlier this year. It seems that black squirrels are a bit rare.... only 1 in 10,000 squirrels don a black coat.

Our squirrel catches my eye, daily. Some days I have seen him* sit upright in our driveway for long stretches of time, as if in deep thought. One day I stared at him for several minutes as he held an acorn right outside of my window. He'll jump from the trees or sit on logs. You know- just doing squirrel things.
I'm aware that there are tons of other squirrels out there.... but he is the only one who entertains me. He stands out. He has zero camouflage amongst the brown leaves and tree bark. There's really nowhere that he can hide. I love that he is unique.

Nature, and rarities in nature, are grand reminders of how we are all unique creations. God has a purpose and a plan for us. He cares for the sparrows, he cares for the black squirrels and he cares for you!

I think about how that black squirrel stands out and I wonder what impression I have on people around me. Do I fall into the background? Or do I stand out? Do people see my uniqueness in Christ? Do I make a difference in someone's day? Can I bring a smile to someone's face?
I don't want to be a regular ol' squirrel.
I want to be a black squirrel. :)

In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. Matthew 5:16

*I haven't gotten close enough to know for sure.... but we like to assume he is male. :) He doesn't have an official name yet.

Wednesday, September 21, 2022

do the thing

I often use the phrase, "sometimes we have to do hard things".
Most often, it's an internal speech to myself.
Other times, I'm thinking it towards people who are making excuses or procrastinating.
And very rarely, I'm caught saying it out loud to push someone to just DO THE THING!

Our culture seems to be producing people who want to avoid the hard things.
There's a pill, a program, a product, or an app that "solves" everything.

People don't like being uncomfortable or being exposed to new situations. I witness so many people wanting to take the easy way out.

I have found that it's those uncomfortable moments that produce the most reward, pride, growth and fulfillment.
This is part of living.

Whenever I'm unsure of the next step, I'm just going to do the thing. Whether it's just some random thing in my home or something that takes intentional planning.....
I want to be fearless and do the thing.

Life is full of hard moments. I feel like that's where we can build the most character.

Make time for friends, take time to help people, visit with family, volunteer at the place, do the house project, make the recipe, attend the event, plan the trip, work in the yard, build something, create something, play with the kids, put down the phone, interact with people.

Time is going to pass anyway.
Make the most of it.
Do the thing.

Wednesday, August 17, 2022

14 years

Here we go.... my yearly update and thoughts about Thayer's death anniversary. Yesterday marked 14 years. I was ready to blog, I was ready to do some computer projects, I was ready to do something.... but I couldn't. My attention span was short yesterday. I couldn't really get myself to do anything. I have always thought that my body knows when these dates are here.

Today I made myself have an official "lunch break" and watch a movie before I started with my to-do list. I managed to watch an entire movie about a cat that becomes a guy, and then goes back to being a cat. It was just as bizarre and weird as it sounds. But I actually sat through it. Most movies I set out to watch take me 3 or more hours to finish because I get highly distracted by piddling around the house or tending to chores. This one... I watched through in one sitting. Not sure if that's a good- or bad-sign of my mental health.

As of now, I've caught up on some computer chores and I'm sitting to think about what I should have written yesterday.

The entire life and death thing has become rather ordinary since I've worked at the funeral home. Death is never wanted.... but I've learned to accept it. I learned a lot about death when Thayer died; and as I age, it's even more "expected" (if that's the right word).
We're all on borrowed time.

What matters is how we spend that time.

Thayer's time was short, but no doubt he spent his time well. I will always admire him for the time he invested in family and friends, the time he spent helping others, and the hard work he put in, daily, to better himself and those around him.

This all makes me consider how I'm spending my own time.

I recently decided to try to cut back my screen time on my phone. My goal is 30 minutes/day. However I'm still averaging just under 2 hours. Certainly a work in progress.
I did some math and realized that spending 2 hours a day looking at a screen equals THIRTY (30) DAYS of a year. If we do the math with waking hours.... it's over FORTY-FIVE DAYS! Holy cow.... an entire MONTH, or more, of a YEAR completely evaporated.
This has been a wake up call for me.

(Granted.... watching a movie about a cat-guy isn't the best alternative)

I hope to be more intentional with my time so that one day someone will say..... "she lived her life well".

Proverbs 27:1 Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.

Today is our day. Make the most of it.

Sunday, August 07, 2022

always good

This week, I have sat with my dear friend who was thrown into turmoil with the sudden death of her Mama and the tumultuous hospitalization of her Daddy. The crisis continues.... with really no resolution on hand. There are so many questions about the days, weeks, months to come.

As a friend, my heart breaks for her, and I don't know what to do other than be available. It's been an emotional week....
for lots of people.

So I keep telling myself God is always good. Even in the midst of turmoil and loss.... God is there. He sees us. He hears us. He grieves with us. It's so hard to see from the pit... but God's plan is bigger than all of this mess. So much of life is waiting. And trusting.

Music is always what seems to point me in the correct mindset when trials come. I believe that God speaks to us through music.
Imagine my "got it" moment when the first song on my Pandora app the other day was "Always Good" by Andrew Peterson.

God, thanks for this. You're always good.

Tuesday, June 28, 2022

crisis

I heard somewhere that we, as people, are either getting ready to enter a crisis, are currently IN a crisis, or in the process of coming out of a crisis. I also think that statistically we are in some sort of crisis every 6 months.

Let me tell you..... I feel like I'm surrounded by people in crises.
It has been heavy on my emotions... which says a lot, because I didn't know I was so caring. hah.

If you've seen me recently, I have probably blabbered to you about Lucas' stolen car, his recovered car, his lost car, his new orders for England. (All of that was a lot for my mama heart, but Lucas handled things like a boss, as usual.)
On top of that: My mother-in-law has been diagnosed with cancer, my sweet friend's mom is in the hospital, my sister-in-law had to say goodbye to her dog, my sister is dealing with mobility issues, and my brother-in-law's granddaddy died.
In our own household: I'm head first into menopausal hot flashes, and Greg is having to deal with so many crazy women. (haha)

Whew.

I've been alone for most of today.... and I think I'm recovered from a crazy few weeks. I cut the grass and listened to a few podcasts before planting myself on a pool float.

One podcast reminded me that we are 100% going to face struggles in our lives. Those times of crises are 100% going to come. But the thing to remember is that Jesus will 100% meet us in those moments.
I can testify to that. And I think that fact has kept me somewhat "calm" over the past few weeks. Whatever life throws our way, Jesus is 100% there for us.

This is a friendly reminder to you, and me, to find Jesus during those uncertain and scary moments. Let's have faith like the lady in Mark 5:25-34... simply reach for His garment, and see how He will show Himself.

Another podcast reminded me to be content where I am. Even in the tough times. There are so many seasons of life: so many happy moments, so many sad moments, so many joys and trials.

If we keep in mind that trials are where we most often meet Jesus, let's see him in those moments- and grow our relationship with Him. I strive to be content in all circumstances, knowing that God is in control.

All of lifes moments are part of the bigger picture!! Let's loosen our grip on the brush and allow Jesus to paint our story.

Wednesday, May 25, 2022

the little things

As I was driving to a friend's house on Sunday for our weekly girls' night I had a feeling wash over me. Something told me to really enjoy my time with my girls: For our talking, for our games, for our laughter, or for whatever our night would bring.
I often find myself thinking about the next thing, the next day, the next chore. Often watching the clock for no real reason.
But in that moment, I wanted to be fully PRESENT in my time with my people.
We are not promised another day, or even another moment.... so we should live fully in the NOW.

I told the girls about my revelation, which didn't come across as very deep when I said it out loud. ha-ha. We all kinda know this in our beings. But in our society, being present in the moment is easier said than done.
I went on to enjoy my evening.... no timeline.... just making memories where it mattered.

This idea of being present has followed me into the week as well. (I love it when God is driving home a good point).

Greg and I watched the final episode of This is Us** last night. And guess what?!.... the entire episode was strategically written to remind us to embrace the little things in life. Those little things are often the most important.
The main character, who struggled with memory loss in her older years, had the biggest fear of losing simple memories of a Saturday afternoon that the family spent together when her kids were young. Those little moments, little memories, were the important ones!

Watching this show, working at the funeral home, as well as witnessing health issues with others- I'm becoming more keenly aware that we can't escape death and it's the living that we need to do, now.

YouTube recommended a Ted Talk to me, today, which touched on the same subject! Go figure. This gal is pretty inspiring.
Here's the synopsis of her talk:

Elin Kjos is a sport’s trainer who was diagnosed with incurable lung cancer two years ago. She was given less than a year to live and has yet defeated all odds. Everyday, she shares her journey with her hundreds of thousands of followers on Instagram. Today, she will talk about how her cancer diagnosis changed her perspective on life. Through this story telling, we hope you will be inspired to start living your life in a more meaningful way. Elin is a former elite swimmer, an entrepreneur in physical training & health and a life inspirer with the motto “Life is here and now”. Since two years ago, she lives with the diagnosis of an incurable lung cancer and wants to inspire others to dare others to live life to its fullest everyday - regardless of diagnoses or challenges in life.

I'm inspired to take hold of my moments, to make them count. To be present with my people. To be a better listener. To relax. To take it all in.

"Take the risks. Make the big moves, even if they're small ones. Forge ahead with your lives in any and every direction that moves you. I'm asking you to be fearless. " Rebecca Pearson #ThisIsUs

We've only got one shot, one opportunity. Let's make it count!

** This Is Us had FANTASTIC writers. Over the seasons, we watched an entire family over many decades. Generation after generation. With rewinds and fast forwards. Such a great, poignant show. 10 out of 10, would recommend.

Tuesday, May 10, 2022

something good is coming

I'm super late to the world of listening to podcasts. Basically because I never really knew how to listen to them. lol.
"Just download the Google Podcast App".
oh! ha. That was simple.

I've been opened up to a whole new world of educational entertainment. I listen to some dark historical stuff, some minimalism stuff, some comedians, and some faith based folks. I know there's a ton of material out there and I'm very slowly identifying podcasts that fit my interests. I have enjoyed listening to people way smarter than me, who have researched well, explain all of the things.
(any suggestions?)

The other day I was listening to some chick interview Andrew Peterson.
Andrew was talking about how he went through a period of depression several years ago. He described how he would often sit and cry for no apparent reason. His wife would come to him, hold his head in her hands, tell him to look at her... and she would say to him, "Something good is coming". He said that was such an important reminder.
And that phrase has stuck with me the past few days.

"Something good is coming."

I'm currently IN the "good" and I don't want to take a moment for granted!
However, I can easily remember my own dark moments of the past. I remember how long those nights were after Thayer died. How dark my future felt. I know people probably suggested that I go on some type of medication to make the loss bearable, but I wanted to experience the feelings, the emotions, and see how Jesus met me there in the depths. I think it's important to be able to feel those dark moments and to be reminded that "something good is coming".

God always provides a way.

In my case, my "good" came from my community of friends and family. My "good" came from God continually providing for my needs- mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually.

I can't say enough about how God has consistently surrounded me with the right people at the right time.
Granted, I have had to often seek out - or create - my own "community" in many seasons of my life. I had to put myself out there, send the texts, make the calls (ack!), attend the groups, plan the activities, invite others IN.... but in every instance God surrounded me with the right people: My life-long friends as well as those who have come and gone.

It's a precious thing to think back and remember all of the people who have brought the good.
Even more precious to thank God for his provisions.
God always provides a way- just look for it.

Something good is coming.

Tuesday, May 03, 2022

on the road

I love a good road trip. So when Greg suggests mini vacations, I am always on board. Last month we headed to Kentucky to visit the Creation Museum and the Ark Encounter.

Upon booking the hotel in Florence, Kentucky we realized that we were just moments away from Cincinnati- which encouraged Greg to snag some tickets to a Cincinnati Reds game.

We spent two full days reading about creation, the history of the Bible, the significance of Jesus, all about animal adaptation and seeing possible ways the ark could have sustained Noah and the crew. We watched a speaker talk about aliens (or lack thereof), and watched presentations about various topics. All in all, a fun, educational outing.

After that we headed over the the ball park to watch a baseball game. Well.... Greg watched a baseball game. I basically people-watched and bided my time until I got a hotdog and popcorn. Greg is slowly learning that concession food is really all that can keep me happy in a stadium.

This past weekend we went to a For King and Country concert. And next week we are heading to a John Crist Show!

I LOVE our outings. Most of all... I love spending time with my guy. :)

Friday, April 01, 2022

a little nudge

You know when you start a new job and you dream about it?... Simply because it's new stuff that your brain is processing?

Yeah, well, there are some nights that I dream about dead people. Not scary or disturbing stuff....just snapshots from the day. And oddly, I've been ok with all of it. Maybe not even "oddly". I think my friends have always been correct when they say I have a "cold heart" and that I'm "dead inside". Perhaps I've found my people. haha.

The upside of the death thing is that I've been thinking about Kids' Haven, almost daily.
Here lies the proof that I'm totally not dead inside! I do have compassion for people and I do have empathy for those who are grieving.
So.... I just applied to be a volunteer with Kids' Haven. If I'm accepted- I'm hoping to help out with their summer camp and possibly help facilitate in group nights this fall. I'm pretty excited to finally "give back" to an organization that helped me and the boys so much! The connections that we made at Kids' Haven were essential to our journey and I am forever thankful for those friendships.

Over the past few months I've thought about what a circle my journey is making:

I'm working at the same funeral home that processed Thayer's cremation, and now I'm seeking out the same group that was so beneficial to me and my boys.
God certainly uses life experiences to mold us and send us down the path He desires. Sometimes He is abrupt, and sometimes he nudges.
I would have never guessed that I'd be where I am today. And I certainly can't guess where I'll be years from now.
The journey continues...

Friday, March 25, 2022

save this page

I've been at the new job almost two months. Since I'm super part time.... I still feel like such a newbie. I continue to learn each day, and have gotten a grasp on the simple procedures and happenings. I'm eager to learn new tasks and I'm still so appreciative of the directors who take the time to explain things to me. Everyone continues to be so gracious and patient. Such a lovely group of people. I am so thankful. I hope that I will grow to become an asset to the team.

I'm still adjusting to a "slower" lifestyle that came along with the job and trickled over into my personal life as well. I'm working fewer days- which leaves me at home a few days each week. Instead of overbooking my free time, I have learned to stretch out my lovely morning routine, keep the house in order, attempt to meal plan, run errands, and work in the yard. Honestly, it's been such a refreshing change. I am so thankful for my circumstances. I don't want to take any of these moments for granted, since I'm aware things can change in an instant.
This feels like a new chapter, and I hope it's a long one.

Sunday, March 06, 2022

quick trip

We recently had a quick visit with Lucas in New Mexico.
(I just concluded that we hadn't seen him since August!)
My sister, Sherry, accompanied us and I'm glad she endured the travels with Greg and myself. The flights all went super smoothly which seemed like a first for us. But it turns out that we couldn't rent a car on a whim in Albuquerque as we had planned to do. Thankfully, Lucas agreed to be our chauffer for the weekend.
That in itself was an experience.

We had two full days with my boy.
The first day we traveled to Santa Fe to go to Meow Wolf. Meow Wolf is an "explorable art experience" that's hard to explain... but pretty interesting!
We enjoyed our time "exploring the experience"! ;)

The following day, our adventure was to view the area from the top of the Sandia Crest. Lucas drove us up 10,679 feet above sea level to a snow covered ridge where we saw amazing views of New Mexico below.

Lucas taunted me by standing too close to the edge, which reminded me of our trip to the Grand Canyon when he was 5 years old..... me begging him to get away from the edge.
It's true that mothers never stop worrying about their babies! And it's true boys' brains don't fully develop.... probably ever.

And just like that, it was time for a breakfast at Denny's followed by our flights home. We had been anticipating this trip for months and it flew by so quickly! I'm glad we finally got to see Lucas in his new environment.
I'm always so proud of my boys. :)

Saturday, February 19, 2022

growth

The daffodils have started to emerge from their slumber. I think it's too early. The cut of the winter wind doesn't seem to be the correct time for new growth. However I'm not in charge of that- and I trust that God's timing for the garden is more than sufficient.

Seeing the new greenery emerge reminds me that I still need to cut back some of the plant foliage that didn't whither until after the first snow. Interesting how the fall clean-up becomes the winter clean-up and it will slowly merge into a spring clean-up, in preparation for the summer growth, followed by a summer season of tidying the spent flowers.
And so it goes.

In years past, I grumbled about having to tend to the plants. And now I'm seeing the grand benefit of tending to a garden, even if that garden is a small flowerbed.

I've lately been drawn to books and documentaries about the benefits of gardens.* The benefits that being in nature has on one's physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well being is of no surprise to any of us. It's a given that being in, and being active in God's creation is GOOD for us. Yet our society spends almost 90% of our time indoors. (A quick google search points out articles about what happens to our bodies by spending so much time indoors)

This past week, I missed my morning walks, for whatever reasons. And I FELT it! My mood was off, my body felt different. That has a lot to do with my body missing the movement, but I also think it has a LOT to do with not being outdoors. I know my soul missed drinking in the fresh air and attending to the sounds of creation.
I've walked for the past two days.... And I'm already feeling more like myself.
I am 1000% convinced that being outdoors, and participating in nature is essential for our well being.

This afternoon I sit behind this glass and witness the trees hold their ground against, what Pooh would call, a "rather blustery day".
Those little daffodils are standing firm, soaking in the sun, unfazed by the windy chaos above.
They are flourishing.
I'd like to think I'm on the same journey.

*The God of the Garden by Andrew Peterson

*The Well Gardened Mind by Sue Stuart-Smith

*watch The Gardener on Amazon Prime

Tuesday, February 15, 2022

new wardrobe

The new job..... is at a funeral home! Like I said.... entirely new for me. It's been two weeks of part time work and I am very hopeful. I come home at the end of the day feeling h a p p y! I am learning a lot and I hope that I'll be able to settle in as time progresses. The folks there have been super patient with me, and I am so thankful for their willingness to show me the ropes. I'm not too sure of my schedule.... so I often joke about whether the boss will ask me to return for another day. I'm set to show-up two more days this week, so I consider that a good sign.

This is a HUGE change in pace for me and I'm slowly adjusting to the new surroundings.
I was telling a friend that I still feel like a person at the end of the day..... not a tired, grouchy minion. Since I'm not covered in sweat and milkshake splatter at the end of a shift, I'm able to run errands or do things after work. Dressing in normal clothes is a welcome change, although a bit stressful as I piece together a wardrobe that will pass as funeral attire.
All in all, I'm feeling like a productive person again! I'm excited to learn, to contribute, and to become a part of a new team.

Wednesday, January 26, 2022

Here I am, after only a year and a half of employment, gladly burning the ships, again. I stewed over my situation these past few months, and I couldn't be happier with my decision to resign.
I've told everyone that there is probably a much longer discussion to be had about finding my purpose and having a job with meaning.
But in simple terms, I think I just got tired of peddling chicken to people addicted to MSG.

I left without having another plan in place.
I am fortunate enough to have a very capable husband and provider that allows me to have some freedom in choosing what comes next. Last night I ~~jokingly~~ mentioned to him that I feel like I want to be one of those 40 year old kids in the basement who are waiting for the "right" job to come along. I LOVE being a housewife and socialite. I want to take my time and find something that I can be passionate about.

But the truth is.... after only three days of being jobless I am uneasy. I know Greg wants me to work somewhere.... not only for my sanity (because I need to get out of the house each day)... but also to fund my social activities (when I leave my house each day).
It's a catch 22. :)

I'm not a fan of uncertainty and I've been a antsy not knowing what to expect each day.
I put in an application last week and was just getting ready to check on that status when I received a phone call from another guy I talked to a few weeks ago.
Looks like I'll be clocking in to try something entirely new on Monday morning at 10am.
The only thing this new job has in common with CFA is that people are always dying to get there.
I'm excited to see if this new opportunity will be a good fit.

More to come....