I know that everyone out there has probably experienced this at one time or another, saying things, or having things said over the wire that were definitely NOT meant to make that leap. When I was younger, oh say 11 or so, I had my first experience with that type of embarrassment while sitting around the table for dinner with my family. We had just sat down, and were on the verge of blessing the food, when the telephone rang. I jumped up to answer the phone, but, unfortunately, was also preparing to say the prayer. This strange combination resulted in me answering the phone "Our dear Heavenly Father"! Laughter greeted me from across the line, and an older man said "Not yet I am not, but thanks for the compliment". Mortification rolled over me in waves, my preteen mind could not wrap itself around what had just happened and I just sat there with the phone in my hand until my mother came over and wrenched it from my nerveless fingers. I looked over to see my dad laughing so hard that tears were rolling down his face. That moment in time is frozen in my mind. Of course, the fact that my family witnessed this remarkable event also means that I will NEVER forget it.
Joe has told me some very funny stories involving phone call mishaps, at work. These ones have me rolling in the isles. I will share the best one with you. Joe's meetings frequently are held over the phone, "teleconferencing" as they call it, because of the simple fact that he has employees and clients all over the country and it isn't always practical to meet. This, of course, has many advantages for the callers,
ie. they can take the calls at home in their pajamas, or in front of the TV and no one is the wiser (unless of course they aren't paying attention!!). But there is ONE place one should never take their phone, no matter how tempting, and that is to the bathroom! Cellphones and telephones have been known to betray the caller at the most inopportune times. Like, well, you know, when...... ahem..... you think that you have pressed the mute button, but in fact you are NOT on mute and then you go to um....... powder your nose or some
other thing, with your phone in your pocket, and the whole department is on the phone listening in shocked silence, wondering which of the other persons forgot to push mute and feeling a very strong inclination to talk right then so everyone else KNOWS that is wasn't them...... Need I say more?!? Oh, except, I better make it clear that it was NOT Joe in this embarrassing moment. He was speaking at the moment and was cleared of all guilt, well except for the guilt of going silent at the sound of.......
Haha, oh well, that is what makes life fun right? Watching, or rather...listening to others embarrassing moments? It is safe and fun as long as it isn't you!
But, my favorite embarrassing phone moment was, in fact, pulled off by Joe.
Hahahaha. I still just laugh thinking about it. It is one of those CLASSIC moments in time that you replay over and over in your mind just for your own enjoyment. The setting is this: Joe and I were dating, it was
BYU in 1996, and Joe was living in Liberty Square. He was trying to get a job as a TA for one of his professors, and had just received a letter stating that he, indeed had got that job, and was to call for instructions, to let the teacher know what hours would work best, and for the start time. Joe was nervous to make that call, and had practiced what to say with me, for 5 or 10 minutes, until he felt confident that he could make a good impression with this teacher and make him glad that he had hired Joe. Enter onto the scene, a telephone and a sinister answering machine. Joe called the number listed and discovered that it was an answering machine at the other end, so he hung up to change what he was going to say. He was relieved that it wasn't actually Professor Thurston, in person, so now he could just say what he wanted, word for word, no surprises. We practiced what he would say for the machine, and once again he picked up the phone to make the call. The phone rang, the answering machine picked up, and Joe said, after all his practice......" Hello,
Prothether Thurthton" like he had some REALLY bad lisp. Horror shone in his eyes, and I had to bite hard on my lip to keep from laughing. But did he hang up at this point?!?!?! NO!!! Of course not!! Instead of hanging up and waiting a respectable time to call again so that the teacher would not relate the phonetic mishap to him, he only paused a moment before barreling on with the rest of his incriminating message! "This is Joseph
Severson........" I mean REALLY who does that, and TELLS the person their name right after?!?!? Oh the comedy of errors! I was laughing so hard! I guess it might be one of those situations that you had to be there for but, it is still funny to me, all these years later. All those minutes of practice, all the planning, just to screw up in the crucial moment, and not be able to take it back!! It was recorded on a machine for crying out loud!!! Joe buried his face in his hands, bemoaning the fact that his teacher probably thought that he had hired a moron to work for him. But, as things always go, for Joe, his teacher ended up loving him, relying on him and definitely didn't think he was a moron!!
Yesterday, I was given the gift of another embarrassing moment all my very own. There are things out there that as soon as they happen you wish so hard you could take it back. This is one of those things. Of course, Joe is more of the culprit than the telephone, as you shall see, but this is once again an embarrassing phone event. I have this really crazy quirk about me that causes me to break out into song in every situation, with singing, clapping, or stomping out a beat. Joe always laughs because I get the boys jiving and bopping to my made up songs,
all the time. To an outsiders view I am sure I look like a quack, I am okay with that, it is just a part of who I am. Now I watch my sisters do the same thing, and I am sure that it must be genetic, since we all have this quirk. I do however, want to pick and choose what the public eye sees me doing, and there are definitely songs I do NOT want
anyone seeing me perform! The question comes to mind, why I even do them.....but alas, there is no reason, it is just inevitable, it just happens. Spontaneous crappy songs....it is just the way it is. This one, yesterday, was no exception. It sprung from an incredibly stinky diaper attached to a very small and insanely cute child, and "voila" a new song is formed. Imagine a football cheer "song" with lots of beat and put to it the words "
KK's a
poopy boy, HEY HEY a
poopy boy,
KK's a
poopy boy, ....... and so on and on...." It doesn't help that I get encouragement from said "
poopy boy" by his immediate smile and bopping dance moves. Who knows how long I had been in this "
poopy" dance trance, but before I know it there is a phone next to my ear, placed there by my dear loving husband, who was kind enough to have already answered it and had the person waiting on the line for me. I look at Joe, betrayed, he put a live phone to my ear while I was in the middle of a "
poopy" dance song?!?! I was mortified! What to do?! I pause for a moment wondering who got to hear this lovely song, bite the bullet, and say "Hello?", all the while giving my husband dagger eyes! He could have warned me, or all least muted it for me!! But no,.... straight to my ear! (he was probably subconsciously getting me back for my years of razzing him on the "
Prothether Thurthton" incident.) I don't think I remember anything I said to the Young Women's President, who had called to inform me of a meeting that night, but I am sure that I sounded like an idiot. I never asked her on the phone if she heard, mainly because I was still trying to get my brain to function after the shock, but that night I brought it up. She hadn't heard, but laughed as she said she sure wished she had!! So, all that embarrassment for nothing.....but the "what if" STILL gets me!!
How about you? Do you have any embarrassing phone stories to share?
After a while that sweet little baby Jesus can't take it anymore.... And he gets replaced by a stuffed Santa. 
