The only thing I know for sure, is this journey has been unpredictable and an emotional rollercoaster. We have never been so happy as to hear those words that I was pregnant on July 1st. Such a completely opposite feeling as to what we felt on Monday when we went in for the 7 week ultrasound and all we were looking at was an amniotic sac that was only measuring 5 and 1/2 weeks. There was no heartbeat and no embryo we could see. Basically, the embryo just stopped growing about a week and a 1/2 ago for no obvious reason.
Dr. Hammoud was very empathetic and talked to us for quite awhile. He said that miscarriages happen all the time and it is typically a genetic issue. He felt that it doesn't necessarily make me more likely to have another one in the future. Unfortunately, insurance won't pay for any genetic testing unless you've had more than one miscarriage.
They want me to schedule a follow-up with him in about a week to make sure that my body takes care of this naturally, otherwise I'll have to have a D & C. Once the progesterone is worked out of my system, this should happen. I really want my hormones balanced. We'll be able to talk with him then about what would be the next plan if we decide to try this again.
Life just seems so unfair and confusing sometimes, but we are really trying to stay positive. We are very blessed in many ways. We have an incredible family and amazing friends. We have each other to lean on and as tough as this has been, every step brings us closer and strengthens our relationship. I'm glad I was able to actually get pregnant for my first time and it does give me some hope for having a biological child some day. I'm also relieved that it happened now than to have a problem with the baby discovered later.
It is just so hard to see all this money being spent without any results or guarantees. Most Reproductive Endocronologist don't do a good job with researching why individual patients have reproductive issues to begin with. They just treat patients with what works for most people and hope for the best. We need to get even more educated about infertility, that I know. I've found some resources that I'll be exploring.
Clay and I have a lot to think about right now in order to decide our next steps. It will get easier every day, especially as we learn more and settle on decisions. We just have to keep the faith that we will be parents one day...someway, somehow.
Thank you for your support, prayers and encouraging words during this whole process.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Double Happiness!
The past few days have been extra difficult waiting, so I've been wearing this special necklace for strength, courage and good luck! I received it from the Nelsons - they bought it in China and it means "Double Happiness".
We are certainly feeling double happiness today! The HCG beta test (pregnancy blood test) was this morning and it was POSITIVE! The levels need to be over 100 and my levels were 222! I think it would be higher if there were twins, but we won't know for sure until the viability ultrasound in 2-3 weeks. We so appreciate all of our friends and family's support, positive thoughts, vibes and prayers! Keep them coming for a nice healthy pregnancy and baby (babies)! We are just thrilled! I just cannot contain my excitement!
This morning was so tough though! We went in for the test at 8:15 am and we had to wait 30 min to just take my blood. They said they would call in about 2 hours, maybe 3, so we went to breakfast and were hoping to hear before noon. They didn't call until 1 pm! We were going crazy and trying to keep ourselves occupied! Lexi the nurse was great...she asked if we had cheated and taken a home test and I said "no" and then she said "well, congratulations you two, the test was positive!". Then she told me that I needed to make an appointment for the ultrasound between July 16th and 21st when I would be 7 weeks along. I was totally shaking as I was writing it all down. When we got off the phone, Clay and I just hugged and kissed for so long! It has been a long road to get here! Now we are facing a new and strange road, but we are excited to see what will be down there! Kind of ironic that today is the start of the 2nd half of 2010!
I just want to tell everyone and shout it from the rooftops, but I'm also really nervous because these next few weeks are such a sensitive time. Even though I'm publishing the news here, please try to keep it a bit quiet until the ultrasound. We've been able to talk to or get the message out to most of our immediate family and best friends. I loved making everyone cry tears of happiness! Double happiness!
We feel so incredibly blessed today for our growing apple seed sized embryo(s), but also such wonderful friends and family! Love you all!
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