Jonathan "Jonah" Liew

[I dedicate this post to my parents, family back home and to my many friends and “family” here at Monash.]

It’s been a good 3-4 months since I’ve written a blog post. There have been many times that I wanted to just that I couldn’t commit it down to pen. But right now, I’ve decided that I should in the midst of this period of my life.

Within 3 months, so much of my life has changed. I found myself moving from my comfort zone of home in Singapore to Melbourne. I will be honest and say that this change was initial tough for me. Change is not something I easily embrace given the fact that I’ve been so sheltered all my life. I never had to worry much about life and just took “advantage” of all the blessings I had in my life. Well, you don’t know what you’ve got until its gone away. On that last day before I sent my parents off at the airport, I held on so tightly to them like the image of how a child would hug his/her parents leg. It was tough to let go. Thoughts like “Am I going to make it? Is this really it? What if I don’t like it here?” streamed through.

The Month Of First

I admit my first month was probably the biggest hurdle or struggle I had gone through. It was battle that came with a new phase of independency. Ha, there was no maid to cook, help you wash your laundry and clean up your room. No one to help you purchase your daily essentials. If you had tasted my food in the beginning or taken a look at my laundry, I bet you would have a good laugh. I knew naught. Also, where was the comfort of the social aspect that I leaned on? Where was group I used to hang out with?  The reality was that they were all back home and could never move on with me. Alas, I felt the guilt of failing to appreciate them.

There were nights where I just felt like the loneliest person in the world, crying out to god. No I wasn’t over emotional. I just needed company and “family”. I was blessed enough to meet a new group of people a church friend introduced that helped me out along my way and things started rolling from there. I made friends here at the flats too. I had a “brother” in an former course mate from my diploma course. Also, I had another friend who continually encouraged me from another continent despite the time difference. Sincerely, if you people read this post, a big shout and thank you from the bottom of my heart. A million thank you’s could never sum it up. You all us individuals mean the world to me. You’d given me joy, comfort in many ways that I could never ask for. You are all wonderfully made indeed. 🙂

I remembered when lessons first started, the first time I went into tutorials. I knew no one. I felt like an alien. My “accent” and look gave it away that I was a new fresh face. But as with how the roots spread in a tree’s growth, my connections and friendships with my course mates grew. It bought on a new family. One family where we have had the best of fun with each other. Well as the older one in age, I feel like I reprise the role of a big brother or “grand daddy”. Secretly, I would love to help them as much to my ability, spread my wings and be with you them through the highs and lows of life.

Moving Foward

Come end May up till end June would be my first uni examinations. I admit there is a fair amount of stress on me as I want to do my best to get into graduate medicine. I aim to get 3HDs and 1D. I hope GOD grants the desire of my heart as I really want to be a doctor. I’ve sit on this dream and procrastinated on it too long that I can’t waste this opportunity or chance pass me anymore. But I know what matters the most is that strength comes from the lord and not myself. He knows what best for me. So as hard it is, I’ve got to trust my creator! He has provided and again he shall once more! 🙂

when i am up this early.

often, it would be (have been) to go to school.

or cause of medications when i couldn’t rest well or early.

but today. i woke up at this unearthly hour and spent time praying and talking to god.

maybe i’m starting to realize the importance of dedicating one’s day to the lord before the day begins.

a friend of mine asking me today what were my resolutions for 2011.

embarrassingly, i didn’t know how to reply. it totally slipped my mind! i overlooked this!

looking back, i remember that this used to be a must do before the precious year ended.

however that said, i am not in a rush to quickly pen something.

i think it due to the fact that i am worried about heading off and the time i have left.

oh well. i guess i will figure something. i think its pretty much the same as the previous years. : )

Over the past few days, I’ve been hit with overwhelming thoughts as the day of leaving draws ever so near. From looking back at your mistakes to reliving your past days in the middle of the night. This process of self reflection, conversating with GOD has been that of painful admission, guilt and joy too.

Let me tell you more. For those who don’t know, I come from a financially well to do background. All my life, I’ve always never felt much need to worry about the future.  I was never actually was as hardworking as my peers regardless of their background. I said a lot I want to dos and I want to becomes but I’ve procrastinated big time. I am that of a lazy nature. My mom tells me that I’m hardworking and smart but just pure old lazy. It’s not my parents fault, they did educate me on it but it seemed like I turned it on death ears. To clarify, I am sheltered but not spoilt.

However, of late this thought has been in my head. It rewinds and replays so often. How blessed I’ve been/I am. And with that, what am I going to do? Recently, I’ve met friends of various backgrounds and academics. To be honest, I die or trade a certain part of my life to be in their shoes. Funny how academics acts as a form of security in our lives. Nonetheless, all my life I never had a specific calling from GOD to do something. But there has been a desire. To be a doctor. I never saw myself doing other things in life. I know for one I’ve had an interesting medical history for anyone my age. I also know that when I went on missions, my heart ached for the kids in such conditions where lack of proper health care, treatment was all too common.

So now that I am embarking into my university studies. I tell myself that this is last time for me to run and pursue my dream. So I will run in this new direction despite the odds and difficulties. In my heart, I also know too that whatever I do, however I end up. I still am a treasure in the arms of christ. GOD will be pleased. 🙂

At 1.30 am in the morning, this song rings in my heart.

There are a lot of things in life we like to know. But yea. Sometimes. These things take time.

Sanctus Real – These Things Take Time

I wanna know why pain makes me stronger
I wanna know why good men die
Why am I so afraid of the dark ?
But I stray from the light

I wanna know why you gave me eyes
When faith is how I see
And tell me
Is it easier to doubt
Or harder to believe

Oh there’s so many questions stirring in me

And I wonder why
Sometimes the truth ain’t easy to find
I wanna know all the answers
But I’m learning that
These things take time
Yeah, these things take time

How could success make us feel like failures?
And the harder we fall the harder we try
The more I have the more I need
Just to feel like I’m getting by

Oh, there’s so many questions and one short life

And I wonder why
Sometimes the truth ain’t easy to find
I wanna know all the answers
But I’m learning that
These things take time
Yeah, these things take time

And we spend so much time
Chasing our tails, hoping to find
Every last answer
To everything in life

So many questions
Not enough time

But I’m still
Wondering why
Sometimes the truth ain’t easy to find
I wanna know all the answers
But I’m learning that
These things take time
Yeah, these things take time

Hey!
We all wanna understand why
Evil lives and good men die
On the way to Heaven the truth unwinds
These things take time
These things take time
Yeah, these things take time

P.S: I was intended to sleep through the nail. Looks like I failed. But nevermind, I ended up on a lighter note. 🙂

I will be leaving and heading to Melbourne, Australia to study Biomedical Sciences at Monash University.

Truth be told, I’ve never been to Melbourne my whole life. It would be a totally new environment. Everything will have to start from square one. I know when I study there, the most important thing it have is a family that supports me. Recently, I’ve been blessed that I’ve be able to meet a bible study group. Most of them are students studying medicine which rings a heart string within me. I really am thankful that when I met them, they were so warm friendly towards me. I felt they were genuinely interested and open. I don’t think they know this. But I love to be part of their family and hope to bless them back as well. Credit goes to a church mate who introduced me to them and got the ball rolling.

Also, recently I’ve been hit with a sudden realization that I’ve not much time left here to spend with my family & friends, ministry. If there’s one thing I’ve been conversating with GOD the most about, is that he be Jehovah Jireh and that he bring closure. I can’t ask for it to be painless, but I can ask that he bring relief. The thing that I wonder the most is when I leave, have I ever left an impact in people’s life?

Whatever it is, however I might feel. I will trust in the lord. I pray that his peace will be upon me. 🙂

When I woke up this morning, I wasn’t expecting my offer letter to come. The wait has been so long that waiting a day longer didn’t make a difference. Yes I admit, I got really frustrated at times that the universities took so long to reply. When they finally gave an email reply, it wasn’t looking as good. They said I could only expect up to 2 modules of exemption only in the official offer letter. With that, I was close to choosing the other university as it seemed to be more pragmatic. In my heart, I told GOD that if I was offered a year of exemption, I would know it is his will for me to go there.

So when I opened the email and the attached file, I got a shock of my life. Monash replied and I was offered 1 year of exemption. 1 year is 8 modules! As I thought my eyes were playing tricks with me, I shouted for my mom and she came over to confirm I wasn’t dreaming. I was so happy that I was jumping for joy in my house. This was something that was beyond me. GOD showed himself again.

So now I am heading for Melbourne! 🙂

I haven’t been having it easy in my life since I finished national service. It’s been tough because there have been constant arguments breaking out in my family about me going to Australia. I guess not all of us is ready to let go. Plus nothing was confirmed at this point to which university I was going. Honestly, I had reached a point where I just wanted to give up. I told GOD, I wanted out.

But something happened today which put me back into place. It reminded me that I wasn’t alone or having big issues to face. Here’s how my interesting sunday turned out.

It started off with a raining and pouring sunday morning. I got up and rushed off to find a cab so I could get to serving in children church on time. But given that it was 8 odd, the chances of getting a cab in my area is way less. Not to mention harder given the rain. So I waited. It was almost 8.30 already. Any later I would have to call a cab. But somehow in my heart, I wanted to wait a bit more. There’s was something for me installed.That kinda feeling. To see whether can have a chance to not pay extra for booking.

But as i was about to press 65221111, a red cab came up. If I recalled, its sign wasn’t lighted to say it was occupied or empty. But it came, thank god for the providence. What i thought would be a normal ride to go to church, turned out pleasantly different. I told the uncle 356 tanglin road (actually its 355) without saying Grace AOG. To my surprise, he knew where it was and he asked me. Boy, why you going to church so early? So I told him. I’m serving in children church And the conversation moved on from there.

As he was driving rather slowly. We spoke and shared about our lives. He initiated another conversation. He told me that he was a born again christian and that he attends this church. So I asked him, what time was your service? He said it was 11 and that he was out to earn a bit of money before picking up his family for service. As we hit at Upper Bukit Timah, he started opening up to me more about his life. What I heard, shocked me. He told me his life story. He said that his wife was in depression and that his daughter was born blind. When I heard it i didn’t know what to say or how to react. I remembered he kept telling me. He trusted god. It was because of him, he is what he is today though there were many times he questioned and wondered why.

He said through such trails and temptations. Only god can change someone and work. I agreed and I jokingly said “Wow..If i were in your shoes,would i have such faith to continue on as well..I give my hats off to you uncle and I can see god working in your life…”

(There was something he mentioned there after but I decided to cut it out to respect his confidentiality)

I told him over his worries. I told him to present it to god constantly. God hears you though he won’t promise you an answer immediately and maybe he is teaching you something. Something like waiting upon him, moulding you along the way. He thanked me. To add to it, I said when we become christian god never promised a bed of roses. In fact, Jesus and his disciples also faced trails and temptations. When we are christians, sometimes we find we face more than we want to compared to others. But. The amazing thing is this. God is with us..he doesn’t present us something we can’t handle right? The taxi driver started laughing candidly.

He started sharing more about his family. His wife was permanent diagnosed to be unable to recover from her depression in the early years but she was able to recover such that she was able to work at NUS for 15 years before the relapse. It gets better. His blind daughter is able to play the piano well enough such that she can serve in youth ministry and even be able to play in front of ministers for charity events, etc. She managed to go for a diploma and did well enough that they rewarded her a sum of money and she is doing her further studies now. Amazing isn’t it?

It was almost the end of the trip and he asked what was my name. I told him my name was Jonathan and he asked more about my ministry and family. As he dropped me at mobil station, the cost was 11.20. I told him to take 12. I felt convicted to give him more but he wanted only to collect 11 stating that I was a student. He cant take more than he should. So i told him and insisted, “Uncle, I should bless you with 12. I’m working part time so 80 cents can be a blessing to you more than to me.” He took it with joy. I ended saying. Uncle, I hope to meet sometime soon again. Come more often to my area on sunday i joked. I told him i was praying for him, his family and assured him that he was not alone. God loved him as well. “Take care, god bless you” was my last sentence to him as I closed the taxi door.

At the end of the day. I was moved. I was moved to the extent of wanting to just fall to my knees and cry. I had never been so shaken from a sharing..Why? Cause. I’ve been thinking my situation was dire and bad. But here’s this uncle, in a situation probably a million times worst of than me! Trusting god more than I do! Believing, having faith that moves. Through this incident, god reminded me. He is always there. He reveals himself in the most unique ways and that we are the ones doing the moving, not him. As I write and recall this, I have very strong emotional feelings. The past few days have been crazy enough. But god allowed me to be spoken through this taxi driver.

This is not the end of this blog post. I called a fellow cell member to share with him that night after what happened. Before I could finish the story or explain further, he asked is it the taxi driver with the blind daughter who plays the piano. I was stunned. So I asked, did you meet the same cab driver? He said it wasn’t him but his sister. At that point, she was in a situation as well. So I now knew what this taxi driver ministry was.

Who am I to compare? I have been given beyond measure. I am blessed enough.

[DISCLAIMER: This note is written to those who are still serving their NS and those who want to know what I see NS through. Its intent is not to rub it in your face that I’ve ORD’ed but rather it’s to share with you my 2-year experience and how GOD came into the picture. I hope it encourages and edifies you]

Part 1: The Tekong Boy

Looking back, I still remember the day when I took the ferry across from SAF FT to Tekong Island. Truth is the scenes are still rather vivid in my mind. I was a boy who was 19 going on 20, not knowing what to expect and dreading the fact that his two years start point had come. Yes, the famous saying goes. “Two years, waste of time”

The night before, I couldn’t really sleep well due to my nerves and my mom prayed me by my bedside till I knocked out.  Next thing I knew, it was morning where my parents had accompanied me before getting separated and going different ways. As a person who didn’t want a repeat of old uniformed day experience, I was determined to make sure things were different.

GOD had provided best platoon mates I could ask for. Fact is we shared common interests and understood each other’s mindset. We bonded awfully well. I was blessed to have the company of my former AC and poly classmates. This made settling in to the “Army Culture” much smoother.

Yet despite all these, I struggled with various issues (sexual immorality, vulgarities, etc). YES, temptations will come. Because of that I felt alone and insecure. I tried finding various Christian brothers to discuss my problems there.

I would end up disappointed most of the time, as most of them didn’t really live out their faith as I wanted them too and were lukewarm. As much as they were, I was. This is as raw as honesty gets.

Since that search failed, the closest “things” I had to God was my bible, my QT material (ODJ), the phone calls with family, church members and a rare meet up with Arron. But what gave me most peace at my state was just praying and having that rather inarticulate, incomplete conversation with GOD.

Part 2: The Airforce Trainee

In a blink of an eye, my time at Tekong ended and I was out and awaited posting to somewhere. During my time I had gone for an airforce medical checkup and an interview with PIONEER magazine. I wanted the latter more as I saw it as me having a more meaningful NS experience as it had to do with my interest of photography and digital imaging. Plus the chance of going overseas made it ever made excited.

However, I ended up being disappointed after receiving the posting letter to report to the than Air Force School (AFS, now known as Air Force Training Command). I tried all ways to speak to people to appeal my posting, but it didn’t work. I was an NSF, what was I expecting? In my frustration, I did question GOD!

When I found out that I had to stay in during my training course, I grumbled and ranted doubly. Just when you thought the stay in life was over, here we go all over again! There was to be regimentation as a trainee and studying of materials and manuals.

But if there was one thing that caught my eye, it was the best trainee award. The best trainee award meant that I would have a special plague, my name being crafted in a hall of fame for best trainees. Determined, I told myself that I was going to glorify GOD by getting that best trainee award.

Nothing wrong with that right? See here’s where the fine line is. When we have hidden agendas, all will be revealed. At the end of the day, I lost out when I crumbled under the stress of wanting to win. To rub it in a bit more, I didn’t get posted back to AFS. This was the 2^nd time something like that happened to me.

However despite the initial disappointment, I thank GOD for his grace. I was reminded of this after I had a hearty conversation with my OC. In essence, she said I shouldn’t be upset that I lost out. She told me she was still proud of me and that GOD was as well. That I should be happy with myself too cause I was one of her better trainees, a person with good character. With regards to my posting, she assured me that I would be able to do well regardless of the circumstance and environment. Just pray and let GOD do the rest. What a sweet, motherly Christ-like lady!

Part 3: Life at Base

I was posted to an airbase. Squadron or base life was very different. It was one filled with high pace and stress. This wasn’t a surprise as everyone in the base was handling multi million dollar military aircraft.

Halfway through my training, I was diagnosed with Degenerative Disk Disease. Initially, I told myself to bear with the pain, as I really wanted to see through my training and be fully operationally. But the pain grew so bad till I couldn’t move out my bed and needed help to get up.

It didn’t help me as some people didn’t “buy” my story and made my life more difficult. Things deteriorated and my relationship with my counterparts got from bad to worst. So much so that I just didn’t want to work and wanted out of my place. I begged GOD to get me out of this place.

Soon the frustration grew and it turned into anger. With anger came a lifestyle that was lukewarm. I started become degenerative spiritually and avoiding going for services, cell and all things church related. One could say, I opened a Pandora’s box and was drinking off all the tainted water you could imagine. This was just to fill up a void that was never satisfied.

And finally, the day came where I was pulled away. I received a piece of paper telling me to report to my new work place. Somehow a delight came that made me hope for a much needed new start. GOD never moved. I did.

Part 4: APAs life

I was revocated as an admin support assistant or clerk. Thinking that I’ll be just doing paper work as a clerk for the remainder of my NS, I ended up taking up (or over) the assistant personal assistant role. Yes, I was the assistant to the secretary but I had to know her job and mine well.

It was never an easy job as many imagined it to be. For starters, it’s definitely not the fictionalize Devil’s Wear Prada scene that we see in movies or TV. It’s more than that. Fact is I had the to interact with officers and people of different establishments and ranks. I screwed up umpteen times. So much so, I almost got booted out of my position. It was never a stress free day. More of a stress-less day.

But in the beginning of my job, I asked GOD to provide brothers and sisters that I could fellowship with cause I knew I needed support. I need people to fight this war and walk with me. I meet a Christian (lets name him JX) who introduced me to a prayer group. The prayer group meant staying back after work. Often, I could never find time to go for it. However, as I got to know more of the group people through my working PC, a sharing network was formed.

It was a new initiative. Something that I never saw myself playing an intimate part of and heading it together with a few others. It was like having a cell and support group at the convenience of your work desk. From a group of 5-8, it grew as time went by. Before I left, it was a solid 20-30.

It didn’t end there. During the last few months, I forged friendships with other regulars and NSFs. I was able to bring closure to things that were opened as well. This bought about a family that would last the mile. Indeed, GOD is Jehovah Jireh. Our provider.

Endung: So what’s the point of me sharing this to you all?

Like I mentioned above in the disclaimer, “it is written to those who are still serving their NS and those who want to know what I see NS through. Its intent is not to rub it in your face that I’ve ORD’ed but rather it’s to share with you my 2-year experience and how GOD came into the picture. I hope it encourages and edifies you”

To those who are serving: We can see it as a waste a time. Hell yea, your damn right it is going to be a waste of time! But when we see it as GOD teaching us something, we will be taught. If we see as us being molded, than our heavenly potter will do his job and cover our cracks and shape us.  “So why can’t you see, freedom is sometimes just simply another perspective away”

Lastly this is to thank those who were a part of my life throughout my two years. You were the best friends, brothers and sisters who stood by me. I really am blessed.

TGIF!

I am kinda looking forward to this last few days of the week.

Friday: It will be my last working day before going on a two week sabbatical. I am nervous how the interview with my boss will go. Wonder whether I should go for the run tomorrow morning.

Saturday: I’ll be meeting my mentor who would be preaching in the youth service. Can’t wait to see all the youths. I wonder how everyone has been after PIERCE. I miss them loads. Hope I be able to pray for them if time allows. Than I am meeting my two beautiful co-teachers for dinner 🙂

Sunday: The day I look forward to most. Serving in CC! Awww…Can’t wait to see my P1s. Love the way they worship and give you cute innocent looks that will leave you dying. 😀