This Is My Adventure

Tonight went downhill. 
All I want to do right now 
.is run. 

Last night I was going to blog. Just to write a few things down. I fell asleep on my laptop very soon after trying to get the internet to work. I finally slipped under the covers and went off to dream land. So this is for yesterday.


*Yesterday I packed up about 1/3 of my room. Kenz was there. 
*It finally hit me that when I leave college, I leave everything. There won't be another time when I am with all of these amazing people at one time. It won't be the same. 
*We choose to make these next two weeks absolutely amazing, no bad days.
*While talking on the way home, Laur and I decided that leaving Logan will be devastating. 
*I came home and hugged all my family. It was good, but I am still anxious that I'm not in Logan. So I'm going back to My town ASAP. 5:30. 
*When I come home, I Like being home. I don't care if all I do is sit on the couch and be with siblings, watch seven T.V. episodes in one day (cough*... Drop Dead Diva.... cough*), or something more productive. :) Truth is I just like being with them. My number one. 
*I'll be with them in two weeks. Don't worry. 
*I saw something in my room here while unpacking. I wish it had been gone. I took it straight to the storage room where it belongs. Then sent the BFF a Teeaxt. She said this, "Oh Jer :/ I wish you could get a break." I said, "A break from what?" She replied, "Crap happening." 


No matter what happens, crap or not crap. I know I have friends and family by my side. I have a Father in Heaven cheering me on. I can do anything. 

I know you flinched when you read that.

So today I played with a pink ball.
It's quite normal actually.

I bounce it high.
Hitting the ceiling.
Then I'll catch it in my hand.
Stand on a chair.
bounce it more.
Hit it against the wall.
Get bored.
Break out Spud.
(racquetball)
Throw it against the wall.
The ceiling.
Throw it harder.
Hit myself.
Go back to pink ball.
Repeat as desired.

A girl needs her best friend.


Whether it be her sister, a girl from school, or the boy just down the street. She needs that person. 
I would say I have one of each of the above, however, not anymore. 


I still have two wonderful sisters, a girl from school who I absolutely Adore. The third spot has recently been left vacant. I've been surviving. Doing great in fact. 


It was brutal, still is late at night and on the occasional sunny day. I never want to do that again. Although, I have grown miles and I've learned a lot. 


Think of a person. The person you text when you hear or see something funny. The person you tell good news to first. That same person that comforts you when needed, even if they aren't near. The person that makes you smile on the worst days, when even you can't pick yourself up. Who is the only one who knows your dreams, fears, secrets.

Now Imagine that Person Gone. 


It's possible, I promise. It's also possible to walk away, and into open arms. It's possible to let go. Every week I have a new sting of pain, just an inch. It's all I can bear, and He knows that. I'm accepting slowly, and with each day comes a new horizon, a new purpose.


"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.'"
-Mary Anne Radmacher

This, my dear friends, is something I said while talking to a lovely friend tonight.

List of the day..
-Shower. Desperately in need.
-Get ready. I can't wear my t-shirt and giraffe print shorts all day?
-Avoid homework. I procrastinate.
-Do homework. ..Fine.
-Eat. Iss guud.
-Get distracted while doing homework. A given.
-Practice. Just a tad bit.
-Write to missionaries. They like it, so do I.
-Find something exciting to do.
-Skip Everywhere I go. It's my new thing.
-Perhaps do a little stalking of the blogs.
-Read a book I love. I miss that.
-Call my motha.
-Pray.

P.S. I had a dream last night. In the dream, I told my parents I wanted a Giraffe Pillow Pet for my Birthday. They shut me down, crushed my dreams, and got me a Unicorn Pillow Pet. Fail. 

Top.. Richie (Bangkok, Thailand) Middle.. Ben (Lubbock, Texas) Bottom.. Zajac (Richmond, Virginia)

I'm Monday sick
on a Tuesday.

Blah.

   I apologize for the lack of flavor lately. I looked through many of my pictures tonight looking for one to describe my mood at the moment. Out of all of my pictures, there were none. Not one. Then I tried finding one that you would enjoy, you know, something entertaining. I can't do that, too much on my mind. I won't go into detail. Now I'm just babbling. However, today hasn't really been my day. I figure this is my blog, I'll write what I want, okay? Okay. Thank you for letting me do that.
   You know the feeling of denial, anger, and sadness all wrapped up into one? What is that called? Broken? That's how I feel, I feel broken. Shattered. I don't mind telling you that. Not now. You know what, I know I'll be okay. I know I'm being watched over, and that He is there for me. I know that, I really do. It's hard to accept everything. I'm taking it in, small doses. One day at a time.
   Right now, I just want to be home. I want a hug from my mom. I'm not completely homesick, it's just one of those times where you want your mom to be there with you. We talked on the phone today for an hour. Just that simple phone call, made me very aware of her care for me, I felt of her love, and protection of me. I walked around, with beautiful trees surrounding me, listening to the voice of my mother. Her words gave me a little glimmer of light, an ounce of faith. I know I can do this, at times it will be hard, but I Will pull through. I'm grateful I have a family by my side, supporting me in all my decisions. I love them so much, it makes me happy that I get to be with them for forever.