I don't know if I ever fully recovered from my broken leg. I do know that for these last two years I have been walking with a limp, going to bed in pain, and have been held back because of fear. Fear of going to the doctor and having him tell me that it was all in my head. Fear of being told that there is nothing that can be done. That I would have to live with the pain in my leg forever. So why did I finally go. It really is silly. And I am embarrassed to admit it. I finally went to the doctor because I didn't want to go to girls camp. Going to girls camp meant that I would be spending 4 days in the outdoors and showing myself and others what my true limitations were. I caved then. Thinking that it might be easier to just go a head and get surgery then it would be to go to camp. I use my leg as a bumper for a lot of things. And I allowed it to stop my from doing so many activities. I was always disappointed in myself for letting it control me the way that is has. I first went into my family doctor in May. He gave me a referral to Dr. Reed at Alaska Podiatry. My first appointment for that was in the beginning of June. He took the standard x-rays that were needed and I got to hear all of the good news. When at first I was telling him all of the things that were wrong with me I don't think that he fully understood the severity of my break. When he came back and showed me the x-rays he admitted that it was much worse then I had let on. But over the course of these last two years from what he could see on the x-ray (they couldn't do an MRI because of all of the metal in my leg) I had arthritis, bone spurs, and the metal on one side of my foot was put into position too low. The rest he couldn't see and would just have to guess on. I was then sent home with an awesome brace and told that I should use a nightly prescription and a lydocain patch if I needed it. That I needed to wear the brace all day long and see if that helps me at all. Diligently for a month I wore that dumb brace. And it did help. It helped so much I was then dependant on that brace and could tell when I wasn't wearing it anymore. At night after I had exercised or had been super busy for the day I would go to sleep with a patch on and call it good. The next month I went in for a follow up appointment and I then told him about how I didn't really feel a change. That I could still feel the nerve pain (like when your foot has fallen asleep) on the top of my foot when anything brushed against it. How I was constantly aware of where my foot was so that my kids wouldn't accidentally touch it, or how I had to watch every single step that I took for fear of a misstep and hurting the back of my ankle. Dr. Reed then told me that the next step would be surgery and that I could schedule it for whenever was convenient for me. The next week I scheduled my appointment for September the 8th. My mom bought her ticket down and that was when we realized that Nate would not be there for the surgery like originally planned because he would not be done with his schooling yet. It was going to be just me and my mom. Which was ok with me I sleep most of the time anyway. I didn't really need two people waiting on me and although Nate is a great help my mom is better.
A week before my appointment I had my pre-op. We went over everything that was going to be done or possibly done to me since knowing what needed to be done beyond removing the metal was not going to be found out until I was on the operating table and all cut open. It could be anything from only removing the metal to repairing possible tendon tears or removing my nerve. I could be in a boot weight baring as soon as I could handle it or non weight baring for a month and in a boot for two months with Physical Therapy and everything afterwards.
My mom arrived in Alaska at 11:00 the night before my surgery and didn't get all settled in until almost 1:00. The next morning I had to wake up bright and early ( and yes I was able to sleep that night) to get the kids ready for school. I hurried the big girls out the door and then had to drop the younger two off at a babysitters house. I had to be at the surgical center at 8:00 that morning and let me tell you I was a wreck. I drove over because I thought that it would help me calm my nerves. At least that is something that I would have control over for the time being. I checked into the surgical center and had to wait several minutes until I was able to be called back. As I sat in the waiting room I had to keep myself from crying just because my nerves got the best of me. I finally got called back where I was given a bag to put my stuff in, a gown, a pair of socks (which they removed almost immediately) a hair net, and my favorite thing a cup to pee in (in case your wondering thankfully I am not pregnant). The Nurse took my mom to my pre-op area to wait while I got ready in the bathroom. It was tricky trying to figure out how to take one sock off and put the other one on without touching the bathroom floor with my bare feet. When I was done (not fun trying to tie a gown that is tied in the back by the way) the nurse took my back to my room. As I was approaching it I saw a set of boots and a uniform. I could see a man but I couldn't see the man's face. I thought that the lady was showing me to the wrong room. I slowed way down and pointed to the man. The nurse turned to me and said "It's ok, it's your husband). What a shock that was to see my honey sitting there when I thought that there was going to be no way that he was going to get out of school to make it here. What a great support it was to know he was waiting for me, cheering for me. They then gave me my IV on my hand which I still have a bruise from and then wheeled me back to the operating room.
The first thing I thought was "Man it's cold in here." The anesthesiologist gave me some meds that immediately made me feel like my head was spinning. He then proceeded to tell me tons of very non-funny jokes while the nurse got me all situated on the table. You know how frightening it is to go into an operating room knowing that you are going to be cut open and be put under general anesthesia while you still have a family at home that is counting on you? It is pretty scary.
The next thing I know I was done and in a post-op room waking up with a scratchy throat being told that I needed to open my eyes but that I couldn't rub them. The nurse's were all great. And soon Nate and my mom were able to come back and be with me while I was coming too. Soon I was dressed and being wheeled out of there to my car and on my way home with my mom. I knew before I even left that the damage in my leg was not as bad as it could be and that I could be weight baring if I felt like I could handle it. The first obstacle came when I realized that I had to get up the steps into the house. It wasn't so bad. I learned how and remembered how from when I was on crutches before. I could even put just a teeny bit of weight on my leg to make me feel just that much more stable. But then I realized that I had to go down a flight of stairs. Come on we all know that I am clumsy. I can't even count how many times I have fallen down the stairs. More then I would like to admit, anyway. So I scooted down the stairs on my bum. And immediately went to the couch and start my time in my new habitat. Only getting off the couch to go to the bathroom and get a breath of fresh air. I slept off and on the majority of the day. That evening my friend Suzy and her daughter Maddy brought me over a teddy bear and some chocolates to let me know that they were thinking of me. Throughout the day I got texts from friends and messages from friends letting me know that I was loved and that they were thinking of me and wished me a speedy recovery. Nate did text my friends and let them know how the surgery went. My favorite response came from Julianne. The original message sent by Nate said something like Jessica is done. Everything went went better then expected. She can walk in her boot when she feels up to it. Julianne then responded "Yeah I have been thinking of you all day. Thanks for letting me know." To which Nate replied "Jessica is not happy that you are thinking of me." Juliann quickly texted back "Thinking of Jessica only" That gave me a great laugh. Those two are so funny.
The following day I was in minimal pain. I slept off and on that day too. I would visit with my mom until I just couldn't keep my eyes open any more. I would then tell her I have to take a nap now I am falling asleep on you. That day Julianne, Brooke, and Marissa stopped by and brought me a few presents. They brought me a dinner, flowers, candy, Dr.Pepper (they do know me pretty well), magazines and a card signed by the ladies that were thinking of me and helped out with the gifts. I am going to write on here what they said so that I don't forget. Lindsay Peterson wrote: I love you! I hope your recovery goes Quick so we can go out again. Please let me know if you need anything. Brooke Cook wrote: I hope that you heal quickly and get back to crazy business. love you. Erin Nisonger wrote: You are so awesome. I can't wait to see you on pain pills- it's going to be a treat! I love you, heal fast! Marissa Murphy wrote: Sorry to hear about the club foot. I'm sure Nate will still love you. I know I will. Love your guts. Melinda Harr wrote: I hope everything wet well... we're thinking of you! JuliAnne wrote: You are a great friend and I love you! Robyn Newell wrote: I hope you get well soon. I am glad I met you. and April Eichhorn wrote: I hope you are feeling better ad that you are being well taken care of. If you need anything let us know.
I never knew that many people cared about me in the ward. I had a nice chat with the ladies that dropped my surprises off. Later that evening Dr. Reed called me to see how I was doing. He also wanted to let me know about the surgery. He said that there was no torn ligaments. Which is good. That he had to delicately remove the metal from the inside of my leg because scar tissue had adhered a blood vessel and my nerve to the metal. That he cleaned up the scar tissue and that he also had to remove a section of my nerve. But that it was better then he had suspected. That the nerve may take a few months to almost 2 years to heal. But that I should be feeling so much better now that the blood vessel and nerve is free from the scar tissue. I have never had a doctor call and check up on me so that was nice.
The weekend went on as usual. I did have my friend Marla stop by and bring me some flowers. She also wrote me a note but unfortunately the kids threw it away before I could jot it down. Nate was sick on Sunday so he spent most of the day upstairs away from me so that I wouldn't get sick too. On Monday I started to get cabin fever. Nate took us all for a drive and afterwards we had cake for Natalie and Nichole's birthday. It felt nice to get out of the house for a bit. I have many, many friends make me dinners. Including my friend Mindy who lives in Virginia and had pizza delivered to my house. I am so thankful for the time and effort they put into my dinners. And I am especially thankful for my mom taking the time off of work and flying at strange hours of the day and night to be here to take care of me. I have been blessed. My heart feels full.
This Friday I went into my post-op appointment all ready to be out of a boot and stitches gone. Boy I got my hopes up for nothing. I walked out of there with stitches and a boot. Dr. Reed said he could tell that I listened to him and took it easy. That my stitches were healing up but were not all healed up yet. He cleaned the incision and I made a noise and he asked if that hurt I shook my head yes but wanted to say "Be gentle after all I am awake now. Also just so you know. It hurts when Doctors pull at your incisions to see if they are healing up. Ummm yeah if they are coming apart then they are not healing right. I asked him for a time frame on my abilities on my foot. He said what do you want to do. I told him shopping because Nate hates it. He said I could go if I went in one of those electric ones. I grimaced and said I changed my mind Nate could go. He then told me that I could go but stop if my foot started to hurt or I would really pay for it later. All in all I think that it has been an easy recovery. I have a hard time sleeping at night because I can't really get comfortable.
These first few pictures are from when I originally broke my leg.
This is after my surgery this time. Taking it easy on the couch.
I had this awesome Cryo Cuff to put on my leg. It had to go on my leg for 2 hours and then off for 1 hour. The first day I had it on it was annoying. My leg would get to cold. Then after the first day as my leg would get more swollen and uncomfortable this really helped it feel better.
My awesome boot. I know your jealous!
I couldn't take it having bare nails anymore so my mom painted them for me. Ahhhh that's better. Vodka and Caviar it is.
This is the metal that was in my leg. I had originally said that I didn't want it even though Dr. Reed has encouraged me to make a necklace out of it. I have had other suggestions though. One friend suggested I make a whole new leg in case this one goes out again. While another suggested a guarder belt. I am still unsure what the button is for. I need to ask though.
My uber bruised inside of my ankle. Before the stitches come out.
The outside of my ankle. If you look down on the foot rest you can see paper with feet on it. It makes me laugh.
The beautiful bouquet of flowers that my friends gave to me. They sure did brighten up my day.
I am hoping that all of this is worth it. That eventually all of the pain will go away and that I will be able to live an active life again. My finger's are crossed and my hope is high!
