I never wanted to know what this would feel like. I have always teared up at the thought that this could happen some day. So many emotions flow through me each day. Not only sadness and a bit lost but also excitement and joy! I never knew I could feel all of those at the same time.
We lost James Allen's Dad in May 2008. I was so saddened by this event but felt mostly saddened and concerned about my husband. I could not believe he had to lose his Dad so young. James Allen was 27 and Ronnie, his Dad, had just had his 59th birthday a few days before. The emotions were not the same because the majority of me was hurting for my husband and I tried to remain strong so he could always count on me.
Now the tables have turned. I am 27 and just lost my Dad on January 21st, just a few days shy of him turning 60 on February 2nd. All the emotions pour over. How do people do this? So many people do not have their Dad her on earth with them right now and yet they go on. Who do I go to for fatherly advice, who do I call up and ask what a certain Spanish word means (he was fluent), who do I talk to about all of our Snyder friends (Dad knew everybody!), who would tell me the crazy wild days of Stanley Clark, who would I share all my childhood memories with... and the most important... who would now be able to teach my boys all that only a grandfather could??? They do not have one here on earth anymore... This saddens me to no end and I don't expect that to ever dissolve.
The only thing I've concluded is that God is in control and knows exactly what he's doing with all of our lives. I know where my Dad, a strong Christian believer, is right now. I cannot begin to imagine what all he is getting to do and see right now! It is fascinating to think about... honestly I cannot even fathom all of that!
So many people have come to my Mom or me with a story that they had how Stanley, my Dad, changed their life or something that's come along because of Dad since he's passed, a life changing event in their lives. One awesome story that was given to me last night is that of a young man name Jonathan. I encourage you to read the story his sister, Candace, has composed on her blog: http://www.thebawcumfamily.blogspot.com/ It blessed me so much, just at the right time. I hope it inspires you.
Dad has inspired me to change my life too. I have seen how many people's lives are better because of Dad. He never turned his back on anyone and helped even the lowest of the low with any problems they may have... of course always trying to lead them to Jesus at the same time! That was his heart, to live for Jesus, and he did an excellent job doing that! I want to be what he was for the Kingdom and even more! I know that's what Dad would want too: who doesn't want more than what they had for their kids!!!
