im dead beat.
lols.
and i cant be bothered to revise Transformations for tml's test.
playing o2 jam makes my eyes sore.
fingers ache.
:DDD
my sister went for a one night camp today.
and my mum's leaving for genting highlands tml.
and i'm all alone. with my bro!
hahahahas.

lets kill.

its been some time since i received mail from people who read my blog and had a burning comment or question that requires my attention personally.
and i was surprisingly shocked when i received one in my inbox today.
she asked if i were always this emotionless or recently developed some sort of cold blooded syndrome.
:DDDDD

actually.
perhaps its how i write in this personal online journal.
i don't really mean personal because its open for anyone to read.
and to prevent unnecessary accusations, unhappiness and misunderstandings,
i try to keep my posts short, neat and simple,
and yet sufficient enough to project out what i have to say in a more subtle tone than suddenly bursting out in CAPS and crazy vocab.
honestly, i wish i could carry a burning passion while trying to tell the world what has happened to me,
but honestly,
in this cold, uncaring world,
no one would ever understand this kind of passion totally and give their fullest support.
i know no one would ever will, but i cannot accept this little truth.
i apologise.
=)


so nowadays,
every one of my bad habits start to kick up again.
for example, im starting to binge again,
even when im not hungry.
one and all.
im having this really hectic schedule im not really getting used to.
and sometimes its tiring just knowing you're part of the hustle bustle in this crazy education system.
honestly,
we people are mad to even have decided to be part of it.
x:

i've been really busy lately,
especially with the SYF Central Judging around the corner and the mid-year exams approaching in a month to come.
honestly,
the previous week was tedious.
band. school. home.
it was a non-stop cycle that drains your energy and sucks your blood.
lols.
[:
its amazing how i can feel like this now.
after so many attempts of giving up on everything at hand.
i feel tired. sometimes too tired.
tired of everything.
even tired of sleeping.
tired of eating.
tired of life.


today was supposed to be the last sectional with Mr Pisit.
SUPPOSED to be.
yet, we are still confident we'll see him soon again.
and true enough- hes dropping by next saturday for the music exchange.
the practice today was not exactly productive.
because he took the whole session to reinforce certain concepts on dynamics, chords and rhythm.
then when we were called in for the last session of combined practice for the week,
we over-performed.
right.
i guess the word OVER is accurate enought to execute my message.
i know mr richard png expects more.
much much more.
i know mr pisit is disappointed.
not really. but quite.
and i know.
we can do better.
=)
so given my positive attitude towards the faces mr png has thrown at us during the rehearsal,
the kind of disappointment mr pisit displayed on his face despite denying it,
and the negative feedback i got from mr lum and the rest of the band.
i couldnt help but let disappointment overwhelm me.
im sorry for displaying my wrath.
sorry yuean.
-
honestly.
i can't let myself get agitated with any sort of extreme emotion right now.
i am like-
at the climax already.
one more step and i'm off the cliff.
=|


hahhhhhhhh..
so what if i fall of the cliff i dreamt of.

hahas.
i'm feeling so relaxed today.
too relaxed in fact.
=D

its a flag day tml.
and then there's comworks.
and after that is TUITION!
hahahas.

busy busy-
=DD
i'm so happy can.
don't know why either.
i cut myself this morning.
accidentally of course.
hahahs
so cool!
why?
because it healed in 3 hours.
hahahs.
xDD

i'm off to download o2 jam.
+D

went for the music exchange happening at henderson secondary school today.
didn't expect much out of it.
just wanted to be present and listen to how far huayi has progressed through the months.
two words- they're good.
but thats all.
i'm not sure if we're better.
but we can do it too.
=)


honestly.
theres something seriously wrong with me the whole of yesterday and today.
i'm feeling. terrible.
terrible.
terrible.
terrible.
terrible.

since i stepped home till now.
or even earlier than that.
-
i was staring into blank space for almost half an hour.
nothing was going through my mind.
but i was feeling terrible.
i know it.
i don't know how.

band camp's over!
[[[[:
and i realised, sleeping over in school during a school day is GOOD.
i think its really nice to be able to treat your school just like your home.
then you just go from class to class to attend lessons and take breaks in between.
this leaves us with a lot more space to breathe and relax,
than the usual tedious routine we go through everyday.
it has ended altogether.
ahahas-
the sky above the school compound at night is amazing.
(((;

i'm loaded with tonnes of homework.
and i can't actually be bothered.
lols.
so much for being a graduating student.



i'm feeling like this again.
i don't know how.
don't know why.
i hope the cause is not you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY THERESA LEE JIA XIN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU-
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU;;
HAPPY BIRRRRRTHHHHDAY TO TTTTHHHERRREEEESSSAAAAAAA-
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!
:]]]]]]


hoho.
another person growing older in this week.
hooray!
=DDDD

its the end of term 1 already.
FINALLY.
and i'm going to start again on term 2.
keep refreshing and so on and hope this will get me going.
[:
i'm going to malaysia tml!!
HOORAY!
shop till i drop.
or sleep till i rot.
both VERY feasible ideas.
hahahs.
then there's the 60th annivesary performance which i could coincidentally skip because of my trip.
i'm not sure if its a good thing.
the trombone section's strength is doubted considerably.
hope they make it tml night!
while i happily slack my way to seremban.
hahahas.
:x

but i am really looking forward to the band camp!
=D
staying over is really fun!
especially since i won't see my mum for more than 24 hours.
lols.
perhaps it'll be tiring.
but i look forward to it very much.
:]]]]

life is fair.
everything falls in place when you smile.
just rmb not to frown.
=)
and everything will be alright.

changed my blogskin to something more cheerful.
since i've been feeling a little down the whole day.
[:
im smiling because i found a song i love alot!
=D

i didn't know why,
but i stayed up till twelve ytd, on purpose.
5 minutes before today seem to have been the most difficult time of my life.
i struggled,
i trembled,
and i gave up.
it ended way before it begun.
sorry. if you would ever care to hear it.

i'm really deteoriating in my standard.
i've not shown any marked improvement since, like forever.
and i cannot pitch my notes accurately anymore.
especially in tempo primo.
=[
i don't feel up to standard;
and i can't seem to meet the demands and expectations i set for myself.
plus.
i don't exactly need someone who cannot perform with a positive attitude to be dragging me down even more.
so even when i confess that i really like playing my trombone,
i can't exactly feel on top of this world.

so just when i feel the world has left me behind,
i see these 2 sparkling gems beside me.
hahahs.
love them loads lah.
didn't know being with them could bring me so much joy.
perhaps i got too caught up with myself recently that i hardly had time to appreciate them, this much.
:]]]]]



happybirthday;

yay!
common tests are over and band practices are right up on my schedule again.
=D
how interesting.
i feel energised going for band in the morning.
and i feel so drained out when i reach home.
even watching hana kimi is tiring.
lols.

IM GOING TO START ON MY ASSIGNMENT SOON!
to copy the 九阴真经10 times for mr.tien.
and to write another letter of appeal to the principal to let me drop Biology.
he rejected my proposal.
=(

yay!
another thing to be happy about is...
i'm going to sit in a B class cabin on a train to Seremban next friday!
=D
and im off on a holiday till sunday.
hah...
after that, it'll be another hectic week for all of us!
=)))

goodnight.
i'm beat.

HOORAY~!!!!
the common tests are over!
=DDD
i was feeling a little down lately,
probably because of the girl's monthly 'thing',
causing mood swings.
or maybe because of the problems i've been facing recently.
but right now, i'm feeling much better already.
=)
it was terrible convincing myself to drop Biology.
i think the morning when i forgot to bring the letter to school was deliberate, without me honestly confessing it to myself.
but when i passed up the letter today,
i heaved a sigh of relief.
felt tonnes lighter soon after.
=D
its not exactly really that bad to drop a subject after all.
besides, i'm feeling all warmed up to face my remaining subjects with greater confidence than before!
xD
apart from that,
i havent summoned enough courage to face the other obstacles that have, strangely enough, appeared all at once, hitting me right smack in the face.
whatever the case.
i'm all inspirited to stand my ground, till i think of a solution!
...
like i haven't stood there all along.
=\
hahas.
anyway.
its a good thing that i know i have problems.
than ignoring it and letting it accumulate and pass me like it doesnt bother me when it does.
=DDD

YOOOOOHOOOO!
the juicy, sweet, red watermelon i'm eating now....
OH MY GOD!
=DDDDD
ok.
i'm off.

Sylvia. Syl. And someone you'll never expect me to be.