yahoooooooo!
tml's labour's day.
so im slacking in front of the com now.
hahas-
imagine that.
the mid years are like..
2 days away?
and im wasting my time.
honestly, i dont uds how studying so early with my mind clogged up with other matters would aid my memory.
so i still insist on slacking till dinner is ready.
=D
theres still no band practice after all this while.
and suddenly.
i dont know whether i still look forward to it or not.
i probably got used to life without it.
=D
life's getting on really fast.
and im drifting away from ppl i wished i wouldnt.
but i still did;
and still am.
i think i havent talked to my mum for 2 weeks?
or rather.
she hasnt talked to me.
i did make an effort though, to at least address her when i see her.
yet she doesnt respond.
and through all these.
i finally appreciated my sister.
shes really a great encouragement in my life.
i know that.
because now the only thing i look forward to when i go home is her.
and i look forward to every phone call i make to my dad.
they seem to be the only ppl on the other hand who support me wholeheartedly on my cold and uncaring decision.
i did promise my sister i'll be home as soon as i can.
which is; soon after my o levels.
then start to rebuild my relationship with my mum all over.
i know it will never be the same.
but at least we get to communicate.
its weird knowing your mother is alive and you dont get to speak to her when shes just a street away from you.
its like being some kind of orphan that got abandoned by your mum one fine day on the road in front of your house.
....
ok.
stupid metaphor.
xD
anyway.
i wish myself luck for the exams.
on behalf of my mum.
because i think i really need that.
and i wish you guys luck too!
loads of it.
=D

the mid years are approaching!
i'm rather excited since its taking place in the air-conditioned hall.
=D
so cool!
hope i get the inspiration to study soon.
im still a little dispersed.
tend to be distracted even when reading my book.
hahahs.
i guess im coping well.
even when my life is in a mess.
and when my appetite is diminishing.
i don't what it means anyway.
hahas
=DD
off to study!
tata`

i've been rather stressed up and blue lately.
being caught up between my mum and my aunt isn't exactly very good.
but all the same.
i feel comforted knowing my cousin is beside me.
=)
band practice has been suspended temporarily due to the upcoming mid year exams.
mr pisit's bass trombone has also been returned.
curriculum time has been stretched to its fullest to accomodate the teachers in their urge to impart all their skills and knowledge to us before the exams.
everything just seem to be happening so fast i can't catch my breath.
its amazing really,
how i'm still pulling through.
because my appetite has gone down considerably.
and i'm almost at the verge of tears every single second at home.
freaking out at night while sleeping alone and stuff like that.
tiring.
im now banned from going home.
so much for being a good samaritan.
=|

guess i'll just make do.
im comfortable anyway.
=D
till my mum starts talking to me like im her daughter.

i did prepare for my Chinese speech today.
i memorized everything on my script;
checked every sort of hanyupinyin i couldn't pronounce.
guess i freaked out too much.
and to add on to my humiliation in class,
Mrs Hoo just has to emphasize that i have neglected Chinese for the past 3 years.
and she just has to zoom in on the dear book i was reading about our late President, Mr Wee Kim Wee, mind her.
=(
but honestly,
i was really glad to know i passed my Chinese oral and speech making in a day.
simply too delighted for words.
=DD
my lips are drying up at a rate so fast that i can never keep it moist in time.
i cannot imagine the number of bottles of water i've drunk in a day.
fortunately the staff toilet on the fourth floor was near and had a workable water cooler.
=D
english enrichment, was as usual, BORING.
and i just insisted on delaying mrs molly's homework.
hahas.
and my name got noted down.
so much for being a good girl.
=DDD
going home was the best part.
i love coming back from school to my aunt's place.
can't be sure why.
=D

do read Wee Kim Wee: Glimpses and Recollections!
=D

i've been going through alot of stress recently.
SYF, tests, family, and just myself.

starting from SYF day: 11-o4-2oo7 ;
i wasn't exactly afraid of performing on-stage.
i don't have stage fright.
and since im with so many of my peers performing for a small audience(compared to the crowd that appeared for con fuoco),
i don't see why i should shiver.
yet somehow,
i lacked the confidence.
and just minutes before entering the hall,
i've already forgotten half of the piece, how it should sound like and the notes.
=/
before setting off in school,
i pitched the high G.
in the tuning room,
i couldn't and i was in despair.
with debbie's encouragment, i stood up and told myself i would.
then at the very last,
i still couldn't.
SAY HALLELUJAH.
it was really disappointing for me ;
really.
instead of only being concerned with the intonation since i've already memorised the score,
i was busy calming myself down mentally and to regain confidence.
how selfish is that.
=|
i fumbled during sunrise,
unfortunately.
did better during the choice piece when everyone was much more confident and together.
=)
felt it touch my heart.
=D
the silver wasn't really disappointing to me.
i don't know why either.
i just ... didn't feel the impact.
kept smiling and was really cheerful after the announcement of results.
in fact. i felt really relieved.
cheer up NCWO! we'll do better in years to come!
=D

my schedule was then immediately packed with remedials and weekend lessons.
add in the specific time slots designated for me to fetch my sister.
moving over to my aunt's house was an added plus.
at least she does not stress me as much as my mum did, and wouldn't impose strict curfews on me.
i had some problems adjusting my body alarm and getting used to sleeping early.
but still i adpated quite fast.
=D
im not dozing off in class as much now.
i realised that falling asleep in class is a bad habit.
not something i cannot control but because i got used to it since secondary 3.
i choose specific lessons to sleep in.
=D
bad habit. hahahs.

my decision of moving over to my aunt's house till O levels are over has brought about a series of misunderstandings and quarrels in the family.
my mum fell out with me.
my mum fell out with my dad.
my mum fell out with my aunt.
=(
then she blames for everything that goes wrong.
alright.
i'm stuck between my aunt and my mum.
i love them both.
can't they understand this?
....

and finally me.
a section i have most to say about.
since im me!
=)
(obviously)
it was on many occasions i guess.
times when i just lost control of my emotions and started spouting nonsense or going totally emo.
i think i fit into the ms teo's criteria of being egocentric sometimes.
i lose my confidence easily too.
just falling right into a state of depression the moment i feel pressured.
perhaps im just being oversensitive.
i simply cannot find myself.
so instead of freaking out, the best way to compose myself was to chitter chatter or simply shut up.
weird behavioural patterns.
at the sports hall,
i was in a dilenma.
between choosing to stay within my comfort zone in front of the track,
or go out there to challenge myself in the face of other opponents.
honestly, i was a total coward.
i still had to make a few strolls along the track, visit the toilet to face myself, and getting theresa to accompany me before plucking enough courage to report to the teacher in charge.
thanks to theresa's encouragement, i wasn't really nervous.
as i sat there,
the superstition that it was friday the 13th,
kept hitting me.
i imagined me running and falling over.
i imagined me running into another competitor's track.
i imagined me losing the race.
all these frightened me very much.
until the vp announced that the sports meet was to be postponed;
i heaved a huge sign of relief.
i actually felt relieved that i could run away from what i feared to face.
oh well.
...

stress stress.
where are my stars when i need them.
=|

was late for morning practice today.
and mr png was a little unhappy, i think.
then we went on for lessons and stuff.
usually.
by the end of recess i would have felt rather contented for having filled my tummy despite my ferocious appetite,
yet again, today,
i felt a little angered.
by what i wouldn't say.
because i no longer feel for it.
hahas.
so i went a little crazy to cover up for my carelessness throughout the day.
and i almost went berserk during sectionals.
my juniors can't catch the rhythm.
just upbeats alone would be sufficient to wipe them out.
apart from them,
my tone is deteoriating greatly.
i cannot blend my sound with deb's.
and my B flat goes really flat.
and i cannot tune that particular note because my slide can't go in any more.
and if i cannot play that note in tune,
the WHOLE ENTIRE WIND ORCHESTRA would be marked down for intonation problems the moment we enter the second bar of Singapore Sunrise.
great. im doing no good am i.
=|
and after sectionals we went to compass point.
felt a little grateful and guilty for letting my friends fret.
=D
felt even happier when i bought RAMLY BEEF BURGER with ah zhen and deb!!!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE THE BURGER LAH.
YUMM YUMM YUMM.
so honestly,
i felt over the moon when i sank my teeth into it.
add on that sweet aromatic flavour of Strawberry Green Tea.
you can simply float to heaven,
hahahs.
so i was extremely high.
i went home soon after,
especially since my mum threatened to skin me when i reached home.
lols.
so i hid in my toilet after dinner for about an hour.
then i felt i've been really childish these few days.
being really irrational, really insensitive, really childish.
and then i thought,
I SHOULD GROW UP.
lols.
i should start to be more alert of my surroundings.
more sensitive to the people around me.
start to work hard.
=D

so weird right.
=D
thank you theresa.
for hearing me out.
i may be brief in description,
but im glad you would hear and understand.
xDDDDD

it has been another long weekend.
with my mum missing-in-action,
i was forced to become a stand-in homemaker for 3 days.
it was rather tiring.
and i almost detested going home at night.
sort of-
my friday stretched all the way to about 12 the next morning.
and my saturday kept me awake till 1.
so i slept through the whole of today,
hoping it might do some good to my already poor health system.
i was coping really badly with some kind of an emotional crisis that sparked within myself over the past 3 days.
but after about 18 hours of rest,
i think im going to do fine.
(=

i somehow realised the importance of a mature and determined homemaker to be present in my life at all times.
because if you aren't mature and determined enough,
you'll start screaming if you're made to do washing and cleaning till late at night.
if you aren't mature and determined enough,
you'll feel like sleeping when you start cooking breakfast for your dog.
if you aren't mature and determined enough,
you'll choose to watch tv over buying dinner for your family.
if you aren't mature and determined enough,
you'll faint of the amount of work needed to be done within a day.
you just need more than an average amount of maturity and determination to become a housemaker, a mother, and a career woman.
and i think that, my mother, is important.
(=

say hooray for the social studies essay test tml.
i dont think i can pass it.
but honestly,
WHO CARES?
xD

Sylvia. Syl. And someone you'll never expect me to be.