How to make an American-Canadian-Ethiopian Family

Last night I spent 80 minutes crying. I watched the movie called Adopted. I am so glad that I did, but it was not easy for me. The movie is a documentary that follows two families, one who adopted a girl from Korea on 1975, and one who is in the process of adopting a girl from China in 2007. Pretty much, as soon as Jennifer Fero says something along the lines that a package was dropped at a police station in Korea and her parents decided to claim that package, I was a mess. I think it is a really good movie for adoptive families to see; a cautionary tale if you will.

JF and I had really good discussion during and after the movie. He asked me why the movie is so hard for me, because we are not the same kind of parents as the Fero's. We are trying so hard to be reflective, we do acknowledge Jacob's birth mother, we try to tell his story, not ours, and we do recognize that he has a different culture from us. But I think it is because even though you want to yell at the Feros and say, "why can't you get where Jennifer is coming from?", you can see such love. I think that scares me. Jennifer;s parents thought they were doing the right thing. And Jennifer acknowledges that openly throughout the film. But what it comes down to is that love is not the answer. That scares me a little. Oh, that love were the answer.

Some of the other things that JF and I talked about was that with every well intentioned-but-ignorant-"doesn't get it"-comment, I think I feel guilt. I feel guilt that there are so many people who don't get it, knowing that Jacob will have to deal with them. I get frustrated when people want me to act as though the adoption was an event that is now over, instead of it being a process that we will navigate our whole lives. (I want to yell at them, "I got married, but it was for more than a day. I am married every day and I have to be mindful, and make choices, and act in a way that honors that choice. THIS IS NO DIFFERENT!") I don't like when I am told that the people with problems are the ones who write the books and so I needn't give them credence; There is so much value in reading where the struggle is, even if it is hard for me. I get scared that if people who really know me don't get it, what that means for Jacob. And I am afraid that I am not brave enough to really confront people like I should. It is so hard to be brave.

So if you are ready for it, I strongly recommend this movie. It's a great use of tissues.

Jacob has always been a pretty verbal kid. He started talking at 9 months. His first word was "cat". He followed that up with "Dada" pretty quickly and has been talking ever since. He does however, have a little bit of his own language going for him. For whatever reason, he has several words that are his own.

Water is pronounced "lah". I have no idea why or where this comes from, but he is insistent and consistent with this word.


"Firetruck" and "fireplace" are the same word. They are "zazaza". Once again, I have no idea why, I only know that he is very consistent with the words.

Jacob is learning to put words together. He says "love Dada" and "love Caly", but when he says "love Mama" it comes up "love gaga". Now, he can say "Mama" all of the time (and does), but if you put the word love in front of it, it always turns into "gaga".

I love these little "Jacobisms". I love that I know what he means when he says there are "sheesh in the lah" (fish in the water). He is so dear to me and every little connection that we have means the world to me.

I think I had one of the best weekends ever this past weekend. It seems the stars just perfectly aligned. Friday, JF and Jacob surprised me by coming to my office with a dozen roses. The door to my office burst open and in comes JAcob with a lovely bouquet! It melted my heart. Saturday we had such a nice day we were able to take Jacob to the playground and the park. Jacob had a great time on the slide and the swings. JF and I got to take a nap on Saturday and on Sunday. That never happens. On Sunday, Jacob was so lovey and sweet. I made a special Valentine's Day dinner for JF. (For those of you who don't know me well, I am not the chef in family, so this was a BIG deal.) I made roast duck with an orange champagne cream sauce, new potatoes, and a salad with goat cheese. It turned out really well. Plus, because there was champagne in the sauce, I was able to surprise JF with a little bubbly before dinner. And we got to use our Waterford champagne flutes that my parents gave us as a wedding present. It was a really fun night! Monday, I had off of work, but I sent Jacob to daycare and I cleaned. I dusted, swept, vacuumed, did dishes, did laundry, and ironed. It was a different type of "day off" then I used to have, but it felt great! I am such a lucky woman!

Check it out!!
Gratuitous cute kid pic

My Boys

This past weekend was hard for me. Every time I turned my head I had more evidence of Jacob's growing. He stopped using bottles this weekend. He is strictly a sippy cup man now. He is now in a booster seat sitting at the table instead of in his high chair. He is asking to sit on the toilet and telling us when he has a dirty diaper. He started putting more word together. He now says "Mama and Dada" and "Caly and Echo". He carries his laundry to his room now. I must have cried about three times in both delight and anguish at all of his development. Sigh.

My big boy looking like Einstein:


Sadly, those were not the only milestones for our family. I took Caly to the vet on Saturday where she was diagnosed with mild arthritis. She is the almost 7 years old. In my mind, that is nothing more than middle aged, but the vet informed me otherwise. She is the nicest dog in the world. Jacob climbs on her and hugs on her and teases her with food and she is the gentlest, kindest dog ever. She LOVES Jacob and he LOVES her. We put her on some medication that seems to be making a difference. She is on special food now and needs to go on a little diet. We are hoping all of these will make a difference. We love our girl!