I was so loyal..never strayed. And then it was just once...one time that was all. It will never be the same. Now I don't know if I can ever go back. I feel so guilty...
That's right.
I am a hairdresser whore.
In some parts of the country, this may be shrugged off. Not here. It is a small town. I was invited ot my haird---*cough, ex* hairdresser's wedding. She went to school with DH. It is all sooo wrong. But it was so tempting. I had a gift certificate!!! They gave me a head massage and steam facial...how can I say no???
Well, in my defense. I did feel guilty...but it felt sooooo good!
And I like the new 'do to top it all off.

What have I become???

Me: AF finally showed up!
Dan: AF??
Me: Aunt Flo.
Dan: Aunt Flo?
Me: My Period.
Dan: You are on that website too much...AF, FMU, FWP...Just say what it is!
Me: ::sighs and walks away::

Yay! AF just showed up...as of like 10 mins ago. This is super exciting...finally on to cycle 2. I am going to be temping this cycle and pay attention to my body. 32 day cycle...whew...that is enough to wear a girl out.
That is all!

Still BFN. I am resigned to the fact that another cycle of trying to conceive is on its way...if it would only get here! Everything about having a baby is waiting. It is really getting to me.

In other news, I am going to start a blog with book reviews. Because I enjoy reading so much, and I find people are always looking for book recommendations, I thought it would be nice to have a well thought out review. I would like to make this with multiple authors so that there are different genres and points of view...What do you think? Any feedback is welcome.

Still waiting for AF. I am thinking about taking another test tomorrow (CD 32). What do you think? Dan said to just let it happen...I am too much of a control freak to do that I think. I think I got my last positive on CD 33. I thought about that in my shower. I do most of my thinking in my shower. The water drowns out all other sounds and I can focus. I love it. If I could only read in the shower lol. Speaking of reading I read 100 pages in my book this weekend! Only 250 more pages and I can start my pile of summer reads...very exciting. Yesterday was very blah with the BFN and what not. Whatever happens this month I am looking forward to moving on. No matter the result, moving on will make me feel good again. I used Clear Blue Easy for this test, I have heard bad things about it, but it gave me my last BFP....I guess I will get some different brands tonight.

I figure if I buy my sticks tonight....AF will come tomorrow morning if she is supposed to come..Murphy's Law right???

Well, I got the dreaded Big Fat Negative this morning. So now I will sit back and wait for AF to show up so that we can get started on next cycle. I think she will come between today and Wednesday. Last cycle was 36 days, but that was after the m/c...so we will see. I am definately temping next month!

AF is yet to show up! I keep on going over things in my head...trying to decide how I feel...haha. Anyway, tomorrow is the big day....If AF fails to show up...which I have long cycles so I am not in the clear yet...I will be testing tomorrow morning.
I am going to try to be optimistic either way...to move on and try again, or celebrate my baby.
One of my other TTCAL testing buddies was visited by AF this morning...
and then there was one....Stay tuned tomorrow....

So my TTCAL buddy, Jacquie, has been visited by AF. We were all going to test together Monday..but no. Stupid Bitch...Stay away! Sorry for the anger, but I was naively hoping we would all magically get BFP's 1st cycle...now I am not optimistic about my own chances. I guess I was brought down to earth with the fact, that contrary to what it might seem like, it is not always easy to just have a baby when you are ready. Bummer. I am still testing on Monday...still praying for the best. But I know that I could definately be in the same spot next month..
Have a happy Friday!

I am overanalyzing EVERYTHING....grr... only 4 more days until I test!

Anywho...Did anyone read about this??
Can you say BUSTED???
From Today show:

A Texas woman wasn't planning on two conceptions for the record books.

But that's what she got — along with two beautiful boys — when she gave birth to twins of different fathers nearly a year ago.

"Both of them have similar appetites. They like to play with their older brothers. They like to play with each other," Mia Washington told the TODAY show Thursday.

In other d-bag news.....Also from Today Show:

Patti Blagojevich: I’ll do reality TV for my family

Ex-gov’s wife doing ‘I’m a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here!’ for the money

I am not one to talk much about news on here...I would rather spill my personal feelings out all over the blog, but today's stories were just too much...C'mon people!
I mean, I would like to bring a baby (or so) into this world...give them a chance!

I usually don't dream...or if I dream I don't remember...but this one was vivid.
I dreamed *that doesn't sound right??* that AF came when I woke up this morning...about 5-6 days early. I couldn't figure out why it came so early. But most of all I was devastated.

I hope this isn't a sign of things to come. I can't believe how, even in my dream, devastated I was. I usually can't recall dreams, but this one seemed so real. I believed it when I woke up and had to check things out for myself.

I just hope this dream doesn't come true..for about 9 months anyway.

Just checking in today. Nothing new.
I wore a skirt to work today to celebrate the beautiful weather. Ah...If I could only move my desk outside. I want to go run tonight...but I am scared too. I don't want to "over exercise". I am paranoid I know. I might go for a bike ride instead, then maybe Dan will come along with me :)
Here's to hopeful thinking...
I was thinking about all the time I spend on the bump...
Bumping is not always good for me.
1) I get annoyed with people that aren't even IRL.
2) I overanalyze EVERYTHING because someone heard this or that.
3) I am less productive
4) A lot of the stories make me so sad..I hurt for these ladies.
But it is sooo good for me
1) The support is unbeatable.
2) I am truly thankful for what God has given me.. No IF issues, hopefully healthy pg's here on out.
3) I have made awesome friends.
4) I have awesome blogs to read :)

Overall, I love it. The women on TTCAL board are amazing and I am so thankful I have them to help me through. Blogging has helped too. Even if no one reads it, It is an outlet of my feelings, since I am not so open about them otherwise. But I do love the comments as well. :)

Enough blabber...have a good day!

Ok. I am in the one week wait...annnd....no symptoms.
That's ok though. I am just going to wait it out and see. I am not overly optimistic though. We are testing Memorial Day. So be ready.
This weekend we saw Angels & Demons. It was good. On Saturday I was feeling no motivation. Wait, I guess that is a symptom right?? lol.
Last night when I was standing in the shower, I realized that we would be finding out if we were having a boy or girl soon. But instead I am starting over.
I am trying to take it in stride.
Tonight we are going to try to make it to the Cardinals game that got postponed on Friday. I enjoy watching them but the ride down and back wears me out...especially on a work night.

What a Day! I just want to curl up in bed! I canceled going to a grad party tonight in Macomb due to the severe weather. I won't mind just hanging out at home though. I have laundry to do and knitting to catch up on...and I want to make headway on the book I am reading.

In baby-making news, The O-week is over. I don't even know when I O'ed or anything, but keep us in our prayers for a successful month. I have patience and realize that we did what we could and this is beyond my control at this point.

Jacquie(my TTCAL buddy) convinced me to go see Angels & Demons this weekend. So a date night it is. that is the only thing on the schedule.

I hope next week just flies by and we will be testing soon!

This is me today. AHHH!
I feel like every day of the week I drag my ass even more.
The good news is its almost Friday!
It looks like it is going to be a nice day in central IL.
IF my blister heals fast, I am going for a run after work :)

This torrential downpour is most definately not good on our field...No it is not..
Prayers that we can get the crop in the ground soon..or that they can even come out and spray it..
*picture is of DH prepping our field last year*

That feels so wrong to say since I lost my almost 2 months ago. I really can't believe it is already two months. I still get sad when I think of how far along I would be. And I feel guilty writing this post about how happy I am. Really guilty. But I have to get it out. I am afraid if I speak the words, I will feel even worse.

But I do feel good. I feel good every night before I go to bed. I am happy with my life. I know nothing I could have done would have made the outcome different. I am hopeful of a successful pregnancy. DH and I are closer and more in love than we have ever been. It feels good. I am doing things I want to do with my life. Even if I don't get a BFP this cycle, it is ok. I feel good.

Sorry, if this post is overly positive and too much puppies and rainbows. I know that a lot of people are struggling after they lose a baby. I have been. But right now I am not. And I like it.

P.S. I love blogs that use graphics...so I am going to start trying to do that more.

I am afraid our BD schedule was off. I started off temping...I failed.
We BD'ed on CD 11, 12, 15, and tonight which would be 17 and every other day for a couple more. I just think missing 14 and 16 are bad. We will see I guess. It is only cycle one so I am not going to get my undies in a bundle.
I got to plant flowers last night when I got home and went for a run/walk. I got a blister on my foot that slightly impaired my running. We watched an episode of The Office that we missed. We are trying to catch up. We were supposed to BD but we were too tired.
Tonight is the last dog training *Thank God* so I won't have to drive over there every Tuesday now. And it is supposed to rain tonight, so maybe I won't have to water the plants tonight.
I can tell I am starting to enter the 2ww because I am over analyzing already!

Good Morning.
I had a fabulous weekend. I ran my 5k at a pace of 11 min/mile. I had never tried running 3 miles in my training..so was a little scared I wouldn't make it, but I did. I was so proud of myself for doing it. The Race for the Cure is very emotional for me. I run for a grandmother that I have never met. I miss what I didn't have. I miss the homemade clothes, being spoiled, staying at my grandparent's house, just the comfort. I am not comfortable with my grandparents. I love them, but it is stiff. I love my grandpa and think I would be so much closer to him if he didn't re-marry. I love grandma too, but know that she is always more loving to her grandchildren, and she is the only grandma iI have ever known.
That was a tangent, sorry.
Anyway, I love the race because people clap and cheer you on the whole way as you run. And I did it. I need to load photos and post an "after" photo.
We had my grandpa's 80th birthday later in the afternoon. It was great. He told us it was more than he ever expected and was one of the best days of his life. He was very touched. All the family was together so it was nice.
On Mother's Day, we went to church. There is a lady who makes baskets. I have told her how much I love them and want to learn to make them myself. Well, she made me a beautiful basket and gave it to me yesterday. It is a large basket and I love it. It made my day. I got to see both Moms on Mother's Day and it was a very nice and relaxing day.
I am excited because this week is a relaxing week for me. I hope the next two go by fast.
I should be ovulating soon, and so far so good with the BDing.
*fingers crossed*
Have a wonderful Monday!

I was thinking about this last night.
The first time we started trying, I thought a fall baby would be great. That is what DH and I both are and I think it has its advantages. Low and behold I was pregnant with an October Baby. Also, according the the Chinese chart *believe what you wish* I was having a boy. That was perfect. I like the idea of the boy being older.
Now, things have changed. I don't care when I have a baby, or the sex of the baby. I want a healthy baby that I carry to term.
If my miscarriage has done anything, it has made my desire to have a child stronger and my love for my yet-to-be-conceived child greater. I don't care anything about our baby other than the health. Just a nice healthy baby. That is all.
Oh, and I got my D & C bill last night. Wasn't the emotional hurdle I expected I guess. It was about what I figured. I thank God for good insurance and I move on.
Have a great weekend.
Mine will be busy but wonderful.

Let the FWP marathon begin...well it already did.
But it is going to be a long marathon because I am not sure when I O.
But all the more fun right?

I got all of my floors mopped. Just a couple more things and my house is Clean. How exciting. I have family coming in starting tomorrow, but only for the weekend. I am really excited because I barely get to see them.

Today, I am leaving work early to go volunteer for the Race for the Cure packet handout. I am excited to be able to do it. Last year, my mom and I said we would volunteer and run the race. We are doing both. It is exciting.

I hope everyone is doing well. I have not posted lately. That is probably a good thing, means I am not thinking so much. This weekend will fly by and I will be in the 2WW soon. Keep us in your prayers for a successful month!

8x81. Getting Pregnant
2. This weekend with my family
3. Running in my 1st 5k on Saturday
4. My house being clean
5. Gardening more.
6. Our 2 year anniversary
7. Our crops being in the ground
8. Honey-do list done.
1. Cleaned my Bathroom
2. Ate a late supper.
3. Worked
4. Knitted
5. Took dogs to Vet
6. Took niece to school
7. Got my haircut
8. Went for a Run
1. Run a Marathon
2. Sing
3. KEEP my house clean
4. Have a Baby
5. Travel More
6. Keep my plants alive
7. Decorate my house better
8. Focus on one task until it is finished
1. The Office
2. Celebrity Apprentice
3. COPS (with DH)
4. Parks & Recreation
5. Biggest Loser
6. Today show (when I can)
7. News
8. Seinfeld
1. Strawberry
2. Blueberry
3. Blackberry
4. Pineapple
5. Orange
6. Kiwi
7. Melon
8. Apple
8 Places I'd Like to Travel:
1. Northern Italy
2. Germany
3. Austria
4. Switzerland
5. Australia
6. Kauai
7. Argentina
8. Dubai
Don't know how to tag :(

First, AUNT FLO HAS LEFT THE BUILDING (or ute)!!!

Second, On the docket for the weekend:
Tonight- work at the hall
Tomorrow- mushrooming in the morning, nothing all day, supper with FIL at night
Sunday- Lia Sophia/Tupperware party with my BFF.

Third, we get to FWP in 6 days..Can I get an AMEN?

So I just realized this third thing this morning. That is super exciting and it really made time seem to go fast finally after all this wait. And it also made we realize we get to FW/O P (or condoms) starting tonight...

For Charters, Is it weird that my temp comes out the same (to the 100th) every morning when my alarm goes off. I find this a bit strange. I tested later though and it was different. I guess I really will know when I O right?

I love it when timetables are set and reached.

To everyone, Happy Friday.