You, Me, and Baby Makes Three

So I am going to start working 3-4 hours a day in the office. I have found that I am way behind in work and next week is crazy invoice week, so I need to establish a routine. So here I am. It is also the first time I have had time to update.
1. Breastfeeding is hard. Well, not all the time. Sometimes it seems like the most natural thing I have ever done. Other times I want to scream in pain...it feels like someone is pinching my nipple and twisting it. This is usually when she is using my boob for comfort for 2 hours. Then I try to take her off and she screams. Also, I don't feel like I can leave the house (which, with my schedule I have to) without getting stressed out about feeding. So today she will get her first bottle with Grandma while I go run errands. Just knowing that she has a bottle relieves so much stress. I wasn't supposed to give her one yet, (well not until tomorrow) but with everything going on, this is what works. Also, we may be trying a pacifier when it seems she is comfort sucking. I am nervous but so excited at the same time. I was nervous to give her a bottle and start pumping, but as Dan said..What's the worst that can happen? She will just drink from a bottle..it is still breastmilk" I have to agree with this logic....So here goes nothing.

2. Baby Blues. I have had baby blues off and on since she has been born. Disclaimer: I have never had thoughts of hurting her...that is why I say "blues" and not PPD. I just feel down. I feel frumpy. Thanks to the above, I feel like a terrible mother when I do have to leave her. Sometimes I just feel like a terrible mother in general. I am jealous of the way a switch clicked in Dan and he instantly loved her to pieces. I have to remind myself that it feels different for me because I have felt that love since the day I found out I was pregnant. She is a part of me. I love her more than anything. I just have to remind myself that what I am feeling is normal and it is okay. It comes and goes. Some days I cry, some days I don't.

3. That all being said. I love being a mom. Kate is the most perfect baby for us and I could not ask for anything more. I am so happy with where my life is right now and sometimes I just think it is too good to be true. Dan has been a fantastic dad and husband (P.S. He left this morning for Texas for about a week :( ) I wish time would just stop and let me catch up!

Being a mom is hard, harder than I ever thought it would be. But I feel more complete as a person. I feel like this is where my life has been leading me all these years.

My parents and I were in conversation with a friend yesterday, of course talking about Kate. Somehow the conversation wound around to my childhood disposition. I am the first to admit I was a terror. I would do anything to rebel. My parents told me to be quiet, I would scream louder...just testing limits. My parents were relaying this to the friend saying that when they told me to not scream so loud...I would question why not and scream louder. I in no way condone this, as it was very disrespectful to my parents, and I was at an age I should have known better. I love and adore my parents and they are my best friends (and have been since about fresh/soph year in high school).
However, looking at this from my point of view today. I want a child like me. Not in the screaming, but in the questioning. I want my child to constantly ask "Why not?" I want Kate (and all my future children) to have confidence (without cockiness) and go about life questioning it's boundaries.
It has bode well for me so far. I went to a small highschool, but up until my junior year really, no one thought I was "that" smart. I was smart, just not "that" smart. Low and behold, I got a great (IMO) ACT score and was a valedictorian. I knew I needed these two things to get into my dream school, University of Illinois, pursuing my dream degree, Civil or Mechanical Engineering. I was in a town pageant after my senior year. During the interview, I was questioned about my collegiate aspirations by one of the judges. "Being female, don't you think engineering is ambitious" I responded yes, but I can do it. I would receive the raised eyebrows and sketchy responses many times regarding my degree. Low and Behold, Here I am, a Civil Engineer from the U of I.
Next, and more recent, when people asked me about epidurals and such I would say my goal was med free. I got many a side eye for this and those "I wanted to too Honey, but I got the epidural, and it was heaven" type comments. I stood by it, because Why not? I mean, were people saying I couldn't do it???? How dare they challenge me! And I did it and I am proud. I am proud to have experienced childbirth, for me , Kate, and all those naysayers.

So if Kate is just like me, I will bite my tongue and encourage her to question everything, because Why Not?

I am posting many pictures and updates on Kate on her own blog. Just go to the "Keeping up with Kate" link at the top of this blog to get more about my little girl!

I haven't updated in forever. But I am so excited. Today we have nursed 3 times without the Nipple Shield. I have also discovered that the nipple shield is why I am making a mess every time I feed. It seems milk just pours out. However, without the shield Kate can control it a lot better it seems. So hopefully this is the beginning of the end of the shield!

Kate-1
Mommy & Daddy-0

We co-slept. I never wanted to do this. Especially since we have the pack & play in our room...but she is so fussy. Last night she slept between us in the crook of my arm, with me being overly cautious of course. And she had two 3 hour sleep stretches...Glorious.

So starts the list of things I said I would never do...

Ok this is long, apparently "summarize" isn't part of my vocabulary...Enjoy!

I went to bed at 10pm Tuesday night, April 6, 2010. I wasn’t feeling unusual in any way. At 11pm, I woke up and my underwear was wet. So I got up and went to the bathroom and looked at my underwear. It was soaked and there was a lot of cervical mucus. So I thought maybe I peed my pants, but really doubted it since I peed when I went to the bathroom. So then I changed underwear and lay back down in bed. About 10 minutes later, my underwear was wet again. Dan called his mom who told us we better go to the hospital and get it checked out. We left around 11:40pm. We got to the hospital and checked in around 12:30pm. As soon as I got up from the wheelchair, water gushed. The nurse told me I was there to stay. So I told them my wishes of no meds and all. We called Dan’s mom and my parents and they headed over. At the first internal exam, I measured 2-3 cm dilated and 90% effaced at 0 station. So we got the IV in after two tries (ouch) and I had to lay in the bed for 10-20 minutes for the IV to set up. Then we were up and walking. The nurse told me that as soon as I dilated to a 4 I could get in the tub. By this time my parents and Dan’s mom arrived, so we went out in the waiting room and talked to them for awhile. I was ready to get in the tub, so we went back to be check and I was at a 4 around 1:30 so I got to sit in the tub which felt so good. I got a little warm in the tub so we decided to get out and walk again. I don’t remember how long things took after this, but at about 3:40am I was at a 6. The nurses had told me when we got there that good progress was about 1cm an hour. So my goal was to be ready to push by 8am. Well about 40 minutes later I felt like I had to poop and the pain was incredible, so they decided to check me again. At this point, I was so tired and ready to give up. Luckily, I had fantastic support with my nurse, Dan, and my mom. I was at an 8-9, fully effaced, and +1 station. I couldn’t believe it. Just hearing that gave me the strength to continue. They told me to try to push with the next contraction to see if I could get up to 10 cm. Well, I did. So the Dr. was called around 4:30am. While he was arriving they had me pushing three times with every contraction, which was really exhausting. I just kept saying I couldn’t do it. I wanted a break so bad. But when she started crowning to hear the excitement in Dan’s voice and my mom’s voice really helped. The Dr arrived around 4:43 or so. When her head was out, I could see her and that gave me the strength to continue. The whole time of pushing was very surreal to me. It was almost as if I was watching the whole thing. I found out later that she actually started coming out sunny side up and turned sideways. I did have tearing but I am not sure the degree. I haven’t been very sore and have taken 3 doses of Motrin so far for it. I thought that the stitches would be a lot more painful, but they haven’t really been that bad. Kate was born at 4:56 am. I was in labor for about 6 hours and pushed for 21 minutes. Kate was 7 lbs 1 oz and 19.5” long.

Kate was born at 4:56 am on Wednesday April 7. She was 7 lb 6 oz and 19.5" long. She is beautiful and healthy. We are so in love. Birth story and more to follow.

Baby's now the size of a watermelon!
The last bits of vernix caseosa (the white goo keeping baby's skin moist) and lanugo (downy hair) are slowly shedding into your amniotic fluid. Baby's head is about the same circumference as her abdomen, and her head could be covered in an inch or so of hair.

I cannot believe that I will have this baby in 2 weeks (give or take!)

How far along? 37 weeks
Total weight gain:+30
Maternity clothes?Yup. I am so sick of them...
Sleep:I kind of feel like I am a piece of meat on the grill...I flip sides so much during the night!

Best moment this week:The nursery is ALMOST done. The frame of the crib is put together :)
Movement:She is getting smashed, I can tell...
Gender:Pink
Belly Button in or out? Out.
What I miss: My clothes.
What I am looking forward to: Meeting my little girl any time now!
Weekly Wisdom: Baby will come on her own schedule.
Milestones: Got the swing/bouncer put together...batteries are in everything.

Well, I am sitting at about 37 1/2 weeks. So far 1cm dilated and 70% effaced. I have had some contractions but nothing painful...just overall tightening and shortness of breath. I have been exhausted and can usually nap after work AND get a full nights sleep! Baby Kate has dropped. The Dr. can feel her head at internals and said she is nice and low :) Of course, this could all mean nothing and I could end up going after her due date, but the Dr. said it looked a lot more promising then a high baby with a thick cervix and no dilation!
So that is where I am at.
I am hoping to have a weekend filled with : walking, lovin, and bouncing on the exercise ball :)