KELSO'S NUTS

IN A WORD -- YUCK

Watch the COP SHOOT COP video. The pictures and the song are very cathartic.

It's just loathesome having to carry the twin burdens of the Mets and the Democratic Party. The Democrats are predictably disappointing. You know exactly how they're going to let you down. Edwards was an easy call. First and second debates he spends apologizing to Obama for supporting the war in Iraq. That's the same as apologizing to Cheney for supporting the war in Iraq. Obama had just finished saying that he wanted to keep the troops there. If Edwards was now opposed to the war, he's supposed to call Obama out on that and ask him to PROVE that Obama had opposed the war in 2002. Then he completely fucks up the gay marriage question, dragging in God and his wife and Judas Escariot's sister Sue. He's supposed to say either what Hillary Clinton said (America's not ready yet. I support full benefit civil unions) or what Dennis Kucinich said (for it). So, it's no big surprise that he was bullshitting all along about his finances and his stance on the wars. But, at least as long as Barney Frank and Dennis Kucinich are going to call themselves "Democrats," Kelso will as well, even though now it's only relevant in Presidential elections. And we've made our feelings known on that one. Any Democrat except Obama. Possibly a Republican like Paul or Huckabee if he moves left or Thompson if he's not a complete freak. Or just pass. Obama belongs in the Republican party. He'd be great in there -- unstoppable. Better to keep him in and pissing out! But not as President.

The Mets on the other hand always come up with new and more creative ways to make your life miserable. Get into a Subway Series with Rudy Giuliani's Girls? Then watch Luis Sojo tee-off on Mike Hampton at his peak and watch helplessly as The Girls make short work of the Amazins. Nice. Game 7 of NLCS last year against a terrible Cardinal team, world series winner or not. Endy Chavez makes the best defensive play in a generation to keep it 1-0 Mets. Great job by Perez. Ball goes to Heilmann for set-up. He allows 2-run shot to Yadier Molina, the WORST HITTER IN THE LEAGUE. They load the bases with 1 out in the 9th against Wainright. Floyd and Reyes. Strikeout. Pop up. Tears. This year, however, was unique. They had everything -- flores, amores y sabores -- the best team in the National League. And Pedro Martinez had come back sound for September. 7 1-2 game lead on September 18. It just didn't happen. Sorry. A slow-motion version of every single disappointment of over 40 years of being a fan. Not sure whether Glavine giving up 7 runs in the first inning with the season on the line was better than a close, late-innng loss would have been. Hardly matters.

Now, on to next year. The Phillies managed to beat the Mets 8 games with sweet fuck-all for pitching. They're going to be better. Atlanta's always good to go. Florida just had a massive tits-up for a season. Everything that could go wrong did, and they have the best young talent. The Mets absolutely have to pay Johan Santana ANYTHING HE AND HIS AGENT ASK FOR. I don't care if Johan Santana gets $28 million a year for pitching 35 games. Or if he said nice things about Hugo (not Endy) Chavez. And if anybody does they're a fucking bigot and don't know the first thing about business or tax law. Players' salaries are a double tax-write off. And the reason the Yankees can keep winning is because children all over the world buy Yankee T-shirts. The Mets are a good New York team and can become an international brand like the Yankees but only if they win. And they can't win shit without better starting pitching. If the Mets ownership just wants to keep them as a cash cow, that's not smart business sense. That's ridiculous, when they are about to move into a new ballpark and have an eager market all over the world to buy Mets jerseys. And that is a virtuous business circle. That's how Rudy Giuliani's Girls do it. Kelso hates the RGGs with the same passion he hates Republicans but like Republicans, The Girls are always trying to win and make money. What excuse can the Mets come up with for not signing Santana the way the fucked around and didn't sign A-Rod? Let's see with A-Rod it was that he was selfish. What reasons did they give for letting Kazmir go for fucking Victor Zambrano? He had a "bad attitude." For fuck's sake WHAT DIFFERNCE DOES IT MAKE? Scott Kazmir is a lefty with a 95 mph fastball. No, he doesn't "look the part." He's small. His father is a brain surgeon. He likes to party and screw a lot of women. He doesn't handle authority well. Wowee. That's a capital offense. HE IS YOUR MAJOR LEAGUE LEADER IN STRIKEOUTS FOR TAMPA BAY! OK, Rudy's Girls have silly rules about facial hair but they win all the time and their total Rudy Giuliani Girlness is entertaining. In Oakland on a small budge, Billy Beane doesn't give a crap what his players look like or what they do in their off hours. They are paid to play baseball. Boston? Their owner is a Republican billionaire but he understands modern financial theory and his GM Theo Epstein who's not a Republican chooses players based on ability to play baseball and pays the market price. And for the record Kelso thinks Scott Kazmir would make an excellent role-model for Kelso Jr.

And, returning to business law for one moment, baseball teams are a hybrid of private businesses and public trusts so long as the entity MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL is exempt from criminal anti-trust prosecution. Every team owners' obligation is at least HALF to put a winning team on the field every year. It's a sport so it doesn't always work out, but nursing nickels out the way most of the clubs do sucks. It's a fraud. But Kelso doesn't give a shit about Kansas City. It's the Mets. Screw it.

Kelso's Nuts love you

OKTOBERFEST -- AND ANOTHER ADMINISTRATIVE NOTE

Admin first. In FAIRLANE's farewell address he took to task all bloggers, himself included, who like to post in the third person and he wasn't nice about it. That's fine. A "nice" FAIRLANE is not what the world needs. A bad-ass FAIRLANE is essential. Nevertheless, as he seems to be completely hors d'combat let Kelso explain the joke behind Kelso's own conceit at using the 3rd person. It certainly was not an attempt to be part of some blog world in-crowd or some shit like that. Kelso and Ex-Mrs.Kelso#1 are New York Mets fans. Sometime in the late 1980's we noticed that in interviews with the sports media, our favorite Met, Darryl Strawberry would always say such things as "well, Ralph, you know, I've gotta do what's best for Darryl Strawberry." It became a running joke between Kelso and Ex-Mrs.Kelso#1. If there were a small disagreement, say, about where to eat dinner, one of us would invariably say "Well Kelso (or Mrs Kelso) sorry but I gotta do what's best for Darryl Strawberry."

When Kelso's Nuts was launched in the summer of 2005, America's villain was not George Bush it was -- once again -- Darryl Strawberry. The poor guy was broke, had cancer, and was in prison for a parole violation involving Ambien of all things. The press couldn't get enough of how much "political capital" Bush had earned in 2004 and how well he was using it that summer, but they bombed on poor Darryl in earnest. So, it was a tip of the Tam O'Shanter to Darryl Strawberry that we decided to use the 3rd person. It's in the archives. As some old baseball dude like Casey Stengel or Yogi Berra used to say "you could look it up." That work? Or is KELSO still without cred, ya hillbilly fuck ya? [And you were my Minister Of Defense And Acerbic Humor--that hurts, buddy.] Note to FAIRLANE: Kelso's not really mad at you.

In doing a brief blog sweep, we passed by O'Tim at http://otimisin.blogspot.com/ and noticed a nice little post about the coming Oktoberfest. And then Kelso remembered how Angela Merkel winced when Bush had the temerity to give her a back rub. And he remembered all the other cool Germans he's met along the way. And he remembered something his father said about "being stateless." And if fucking Ohmert didn't prove that last fall by adopting the identical gambling law Frist snuck into the Port Appropriations bill, nothing ever will. And Kelso thought some about Germany. How it was great under Frederick II, then it sucked, then it was OK, then it sucked profoundly, then it was irrelevant and now it's pretty great again. Kelso's not a real, real big fan of the Christian Democratic Party Of Germany, he prefers the Social Democrats but, as with every other Western European country, the dead-center of the right-wing party is far to the left of all but 15% or so of the USA Democratic Party.

And don't let us get started on Jews again. Kelso doesn't like to drive but he's not doing anybody any favors by NOT buying a Beamer or a Benzo or an Audi if he feels like it. He almost is kind of doing America's Jewish left a favor. But this is about Oktoberfest and beer not about politics. The whole imported beer and micro-brew thing is not a big deal here in Panama. People drink Heineken or any of the local brews, Atlas, Balboa, Panama, or Soberana. The one micro-brew pub was a complete tits-ups. But Kelso is looking forward to having some brats, hot potato salad and a weizen beer or two at EL RINCON ALEMANO for Oktoberfest.

The absolutely stone-cold perfect song to accompany the post was unavailable on Youtube, but is available at The Queers myspace page. Go there and listen to "I Only Drink Bud." And don't miss that "oy vey" near the end of the song.

http://www.myspace.com/thequeers

This Mets shit is not making things too relaxed around here. Fingernails and cuticles still in good working order. But butterflies are wingin around Kelso's Guts.

Kelso's Nuts, however, love you

WELL ANOTHER GOOD ONE IS APPARENTLY PACKING IT IN

FAIRLANE of JONESTOWN has gotten sick and tired of it and Kelso (yeah, third person in honor of Darryl Strawberry) understands but is none too happy about it. This little insignificant corner of the blogosphere needs more tough guys, not fewer. FAIRLANE was fearless. He said exactly what was on his mind and wouldn't hold anything back. And it was NEVER confessional. It was radical and unorthodox. And he was always nice to me. You got the sense that he'd seen some of the world and much of the dark side. That's a great thing. A lot of that is missing. Even in the endless confessionals. A few weeks ago I was ready to pack it in myself because I was sick and tired at baying at the moon. I've always gotten jack shit for traffic. A huge day was 6 comments other than my own responses. He was one of many who encouraged me to stick with it. And I actally do see a change at least on the sites I like. Deeper thinking. More anger. More humor. Wider varieties of topics.

I'm only sorry FAIRLANE and I didn't get to bomb on a Wingnut blog together.

That's all. I'm tired.

Kelso's Nuts love you

ADMINISTRATIVE NOTE

Apologies for absence. Start of NHL regular season and MLB playoffs has Kelso in overdrive. Been doing all blog work in comment form at HELL'S TABLOID. Free moments all dedicated to sleep.

http://thedisbrimstone-dailypitchfork.blogspot.com/

This is the place to go by the way, and this is not self-promotion. Kelso's comments are merely reasonably well-informed additions. These folks cover the waterfront with knowledge, style and bile. Best way to describe it is in Omaha terms: THE BOSS WRAP -- A-A-K-Q with 2x nut-flush draw. They deserve all the traffic that The Huffington Post gets and more money. Even if they sold out all the way nothing would change. They are that sharp.

Reminds Kelso of a mentor of his from long ago. The guy was a dyed-in-the-wool Marxist. Kelso asked him why. His response: "I've been wanting to sell-out for years but nobody's wanted to buy." The guy was asked by Tissue Of Lies to write an op-ed piece sometime around the end of the Vietnam war but he demurred, saying "I don't think your readers want to see the words 'Smash The State' in print and I want to come off as neither parlour Marxist nor brute."

Kelso's Nuts love you

"THE AUDACITY OF DESPAIR"

Kelso's had a terrible weekend. Absolutely buried in work. Work 14 hours. Sleep 10 hours. Crazy with cabin fever. Just batshit loco. A response to a comment on a post here about Obama and a post Kelso made about this week's Senate votes has "inspired" Kelso on a new mission. To REPLACE Barack Obama. To inspire a KELSO GIRL blog.

Here's the link to that monstrosity: http://www.barelypolitical.com/obama-girl-blog/

And now a version of Kelso's first "exploratory" comment on the idea on BAC's site.
"But I must say it gladdened my heart to see Obama fuck up again. I have come to feel about Obama much as I do about Ann Coulter. They are both so repulsive in every respect they are fascinating to me.

From the moment he gave that awful speech at the 2004 convention I twigged to the fact that here was I guy I could really get into hating. He has yet to fail me. I can't decide which Obama moment is my favorite. Ducking the Terry Schiavo vote is right up there. This week's profile in courage was awesome. I think his abstinence tour with James Dobson and Rick Warren was his finest hour, especially as it followed right on his vulgar display of ego at Tom Harkin's barbecue. His tireless campaigning for Lieberman in Connecticut was wonderful. He'll be a never-ending source of amusement for me. EXCEPT...if he becomes a Republican he could actually be President some day and then he'd just be a slightly smarter J.C. Watts.

As a Democrat he's a SHOW, man. I have enjoyed every second of these debates watching Clinton just rip him to pieces. I'm waiting for that special moment when Kucinich lets loose on him. In a time of gutless Democrats Obama is THE GOLD STANDARD. Besides, the longer he stays a Democrat the more knock-on pleasure I can get from all of those silly liberals who are "inspired" by him.

I think they shouldn't waste their time being inspired by him. I think there should be a Kelso Girl blog. I'm almost exactly Obama's age. I am "white" but my complexion is not that much lighter than his. I grew up way poorer than he did. I have all the "immigrant" street cred a Kelso girl could possibly want. My "story" is way more inspiring. I'm no less educated. I speak more languages. I speak with just as nice a baritone voice. I think I'm as good looking as he is. And I don't smoke. The only problem is that he's a Right-Wing Christian Famous Guy and I'm a professional sports bettor living in self-imposed exile in Latin America."

If Obama is allowed to quote himself so's Kelso, dammit. Couple of small problems with the plan: Kelso's short. And he speaks with a New York accent. But that's kind of street-creddy, no?

On the other hand, Kelso's father -- though a left-winger to the last -- served in the US military. Kelso has never been disrespectful to any coach of any childhood sports team he was ever on. Kelso has never been disrespectful to anyone senior or junior to Kelso in his profession. As Kelso is an atheist, he has no religious inhibitions about sex which would, ipso facto, make Kelso a better lover than Obama is, no? Both of Kelso's ex-wives are more attractive, brighter and saner than Michelle Obama.

If there's a "jungle fever" element to any of this ObamaGirl stuff, then let it be said right here: Once you catch "shtetl fever" you NEVER go back.

And on the so-called "women's issues," Kelso absolutely demolishes Obama. Pro-Choice without exception and government paid. Absolutely opposed to Supreme Court ruling on intact-dilation-and-extraction. Single-payer health, of course. Full range of contraceptive choices available over the counter. Pay equity, of course. Equal access to professions. Return of AFDC. No WORKFARE. Yes, to mandatory sex ed in schools. No to "intelligent design." Absolute separation of church and state meaning it does mean freedom from religion as well as freedom of religion. End the wars tomorrow. Subsidize the study of OB-GYN to end the de facto outlawing of abortion in rural America. That's just a small piece of the platform.

Unlike Obama's avoidance of the Jena6 protest, Kelso will be at the vanguard of such things including but not limited to Palestinian statehood.

Pick any issue, basically, and Kelso's to Obama's far left on it.

The platform is irrelevant, however, because if nominated Kelso will not run. If elected Kelso will not serve. And if it is launched, Kelso will not exploit the KelsoGirl blog for sex. That's a promise carved in stone. Should Kelso not be a resident of the USA when Lieberman's next election comes up, Kelso will still give generously to Lieberman's Democratic opponent.

Wait. This gets better. Kelso knows far more about economics and finance than Obama does. And has written the same number of books: 0! You'll have to got to the Chicago Tribune archives to find out about Obama's first "book" and is there anyone who believes The Audacity Of Hope wasn't ghostwritten? Kelso has read at least 500 more books than Obama has. Sure, Obama has a law degree but a trained-rat can read federal and state statutes online and all of the cases as well. Kelso's MBA'll stand up. And now, bring out the violins....KELSO IS A MENENGITIS SURVIVOR! But still has all his parts in fully functional order.

Expect Kelso's forthcoming manifesto The Audacity Of Despair in your better bookstores and Amazon.com shortly. And expect to see Kelso-mania take shape on Oprah.

What fun.

Kelso's Nuts love you FINEST ANARCHIST HERPETOLOGIST EVER PRODUCED BY DIXIE...Un verdadero amigo cuando lo necesitaba mas que nunca, un hermano pa' siempre -- una promesa: te hare todo que puedo. Un abrazo de aca a dondequier estas. Quedate fuerte porque todavia tenemos que limpiar a todos de socios en juego de espadas, pue'...Nothing but Gennaro T, Tom Waits, and The Pogues until I know...pull teeth and get through this

THAT'S ENOUGH, NO MORE! LOOK AT YOURSELVES BY YOUR CHOICE OF EYE CANDY

A friend from Ecuador with an import/export business in the Canal Zone, knowing Kelso's love of sports, acquired on Kelso's behalf a 42" plasma TV, at cost, tax-free. Friend had hoped to get the TV sent up to the City in time for last May's Mayweather/DeLaHoya fight which fell on the same Saturday as the Kentucky Derby. The TV didn't get onto the pallet until the following Monday. But it is set up and is a treat to watch.

You are thinking this is fascinating, right? There is method to Kelso's madness. Please bear with us. The TV continues to be a delight because Cable Onda carries many, many sports channels, a thoroughbred racing channel, 5 HBO channels, all manner of international news channels (BBC, Caracol, CNN, CNNe, CNNi, Fox, RAI, ABC, NBC, CBS), Cinemax, and recently run PPV movies in English or Spanish, your choice, for $1.75 each. There is a Sony and Warner Channel which carries syndicated stuff like Seinfeld and The West Wing in English with Spanish subtitles. Every now and then this insomniac can find old Munsters episodes dubbed into Spanish. Normal cable service basically. This is really thrilling, si o no? We're getting there.

The Cable Onda package includes high-speed internet and phone service and is pretty cheap. The TV because of Kelso's friend's contacts was relatively cheap, too, free of tax and importer's profit. But what makes this cable package so very special and what has kept Kelso from throwing a fucking paperweight through the TV is that Cable Onda DOES NOT SHOW A SINGLE VARIANT OF FUCKING LAW & ORDER! Fox News is Fox News. We know what it's about. We don't watch it except for laughs from time to time. Just the mere existence of the television program LAW AND ORDER and it's many variants is enough to drive Kelso batshit crazy. And a blessed thing it is that NYPD BLUE also is not shown on the Cable Onda package. Kelso is not for censorship. He's simply glad that in searching for either the ESPN ESPANOL presentation of a Padre/D-Back game with Ernesto Jerez and Candy Maldonado's call or the English feed of Red Sox games on NESN, Kelso does not even have to see a nanosecond of either LAW & ORDER or NYPD BLUE.

You all want to know what "the problem" is? The problem isn't the spineless Democrats, nor is it the greedy, cold-hearted Republicans. The problem is cultural and deep-rooted. The problem quite simply is that there is no greater compliment a journalist can bestow upon someone than "career prosecutor." The problem is that EVERYBODY IN THAT BRUTAL FUCKING COUNTRY LOVES LAW AND ORDER. Even fucking progressives. In England, a partner in these monstrous wars to be sure but not for much longer, has a very popular show about wrongful prosecutions. Imagine if a show in the USA about wrongful prosecutions were as popular as LAW AND ORDER is. It's not even a chicken/egg thing merely a cultural observation. None of this has anything to do with Fred Thompson nor Dick Wolf's copious contributions to the Republican Party and pompous promotion of fascism on Larry King once or twice a year. It merely tells Kelso why this worship of the police and the prosecutor does you all no favor whatsoever. It allows for Gonzales and his bible girls. It allows for Wind and Koon and Powell and Briseno. No sale, huh? Still love LAW AND ORDER? Well, it's time to piss on the fire and call in the dogs. Here's a pig Republican Christian "career prosecutor" you are all going to love.

Federal Prosecutor Arrested In Child Sex Sting

POSTED: 2:04 pm EDT September 17, 2007
UPDATED: 8:28 am EDT September 18, 2007

DETROIT -- A U.S. Justice Department official has been arrested on suspicion of traveling to Detroit over the weekend to have sex with a minor.

John David R. Atchison, 53, an assistant U.S. attorney from the northern district of Florida, was arraigned in U.S. District Court in Detroit Monday afternoon.

An undercover officer posed as a mother offering her child to Atchison for sex, according to police.

Prosecutors said Atchison flew from Pensacola, Fla., to Detroit on Sunday intending to have sex with the 5-year-old girl.

He was arrested at Detroit Metropolitan Airport.

He is charged with enticement of a minor to engage in sexual activity.

According to authorities, Atchison made contact with a detective working undercover for the Macomb County Sheriff's department's.

The detective, acting as the child's mother, allegedly arranged a sexual encounter between Atchison and her 5-year-old daughter, police said.

In deposition, detectives said Atchison suggested the mother tell her daughter that "you found her a sweet boyfriend who will bring her presents."

The undercover detective expressed concern about physical injury to the 5-year-old girl as a result of the sexual activity. Detectives said Atchison responded, " I am always gentle and loving; not to worry, no damage ever, no rough stuff ever. I only like it soft and nice."

The undercover detective asked how Atchison can be certain of no injury. He responded, "Just gotta go slow and very easy. I've done it plenty," according to detectives.

Atchison, a member of the Florida bar association since 1984, lives in Gulf Breeze, Fla., near Pensacola.

He is president of the Gulf Breeze Sports Association, a youth athletics organization.

He described himself online as a family man. His wife is a science teacher at Gulf Breeze High School.

The Macomb County Sheriff's Department and the FBI were a part of the investigation.

Atchison remains in federal custody and a detention hearing will be held on Tuesday.

The man is innocent until proven guilty. His recent suicide attempt failed and he's pretty likely to face a fair trial. It's wonder the "career prosecutors" and the FBI involved in this case didn't just give the guy a pat on the back and the Department Of Justice equivalent of The Medal Of Freedom. There's probably a slim chance it's another McMartin type deal and he'll be found not guilty. But Kelso doesn't give a shit. The next time you vege out in front of LAW AND ORDER and find yourself digging it, you're just rooting for John David R. Atchison. "Career prosecutor" my granny's left tit. These thugs are ALL John David Atchison.

Kelso just knows that his cosmic punishment will come when Kelso Jr finishes law school and announces he is accepting a post as an Assistant United States Attorney. He's young yet and maybe that major league baseball player fantasy will come true for him. At any rate, when Kelso Jr was in-utero Kelso struck a small deal with the devil. Gay or straight? Fine. Economics professor or street-sweeper? Fine. We'll toss the dice, but he's gotta be healthy, a Mets fan, and a Democrat. So far. So good. And if there are any wiseasses out there who feel like saying "you're such a hypocrite about law enforcement. And you're against the death penalty. What if it were your son...?" If a Nazi Freak Career Prosecutor like Atchison got within 50 yards of Kelso Jr, there would be no place on this earth Mr. Career Prosecutor could hide. "Oh, but Kelso, you're advocating vigilantism." No. Kelso just said there was no place on earth Mr. Career Prosecutor could hide. If Kelso were really into vigilantism, he'd let Short Eyes go up for 5 years or so. Kelso's not a sadist and he despises the USA criminal "justice" system. Kelso would merely figure out a way to find Mr. Career Prosecutor and have a talk. A talk about such things as why child abuse is considered in some corners a good form of parenthood but dope-dealing or even strong armed-robbery are social cancers. Then, we could move the discussion on to more serious topics.

But Kelso Jr's mother is a careful woman and this crazed-up scenario is extraordinarily unlikely. Nice to be able to vent righteously about the madness of American justice and the insane TV shows that celebrate it, though. Oh, and "atone"? No, sorry. Pass, thanks. Chertoff, Greenspan, Lieberman, Wolfowitz, Perle...let them atone.

Kelso's Nuts love you

A TIP O' THE KIPPAH TO O'TIM AND A QUESTION: HOW MUCH OF TURKEY DOES AUSTRALIA CONTROL TODAY?

Please listen to the song. Shane MacGowan's version of "And The Band Played Waltzing Mathilda" before you finish reading the post. Thanks.

O'tim posed Kelso the question elsewhere how he felt about Joel Stein's LA TIMES piece and the controversy that followed. Here are Kelso's remarks which inspired o'tim's question:

I'll retract my facile remark in yesterday's "rocket round" about Webb. Sure, the amendment is a half-measure but at least it's SOME measure. And would provide some relief for these poor souls thrown into this meat grinder for no reason. Didn't "we" do away with FORCED CONSCRIPTION a few times already in our history?

D-CUP's got it right. If the polls are to be believed, both the enlisted men and the officers support the Democrats, despite the Democrats having let them down so terribly at every turn. It has gotten to the point that even the mercenaries are being let down!

So, there are some crazies there. So what, in any random population of 150,000 there aren't going to be some sadists? In a war? With no goal? And no enemy? The war CRIMINALS should be brought to justice but they account for 1/100s of a percent of the active duty personnel.

And this brings up a point. When are the Republicans going to get off this whole "SUPPORT THE TROOPS" okey-doke? Let's say I hated the troops (which I don't to be sure) and wanted to NOT SUPPORT THEM, how exactly would I even go about that?

The corollary: if I WANTED to SUPPORT THE TROOPS, outside of sending some random gifts to people I don't know, HOW WOULD I GO ABOUT SUPPORTING THE TROOPS. It will be a while before I meet an Iraq or Afghanistan vet unless they take some R & R in Panama, but I don't intend to jeer and say "baby killer." Neither would anybody leaps and bounds to MY left politically. This is a Republican fantasy.

I can't say that I'd be like that asshole Al Franken and keep repeating "thank you for your service" as some meaningless mantra, but to be sure I'd say "fuck, I'm sorry you had to go through that; your country owes you a debt it can never repay."

Here's the link to the Joel Stein piece and a google search will reveal plenty of the argument which followed on. It behooves everyone to read the Stein piece and as much of the whole she-bang because it's very lively political debate of the best kind. To Kelso that means everybody is both RIGHT and WRONG. So, even the most bizarre of Wingnut remarks have some value. This is an issue of war and peace, nationalism, social class and polemic in the best sense of the word.

http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-stein24jan24,0,4137172.column?coll=la-news-comment-opinions

When the Republican party consistently uses the mantra of "SUPPORT THE TROOPS" as a sword and a shield, it can become very tempting to get frustrated with the National Socialist Party of the USA and its "Democratic" enablers and take Stein's point of view not only to be provocative but to take it and reason it through from a moral standpoint. It's taboo to say something like that and everyone's frustration -- the "troops" themselves included -- is understandable.

Kelso does not exactly agree with Stein because as noted above even if Kelso WANTED to NOT support the troops he has no idea how he would or could accomplish something like that. Maybe Stein has figured out how NOT to support the troops. So, Stein, go ahead and do what you must. From the imbroglio that followed this opinion piece, it became clear that Stein hadn't a clue of how NOT to support the troops nor even himself for that matter. Kelso will grant Joel Stein some credit though for putting Stein's own "limousine liberalism" right out there, not hiding behind anything.

Uncle Kelso feels the frustration but lacks Stein's moral certitude. Stein maybe Saint Francis. Kelso not so much. Look, there are rumors that Pat Tillman's atheism, bravery and political radicalism were the genesis of his murder. So, for anyone, including mercenaries, to be required to become Jesus is kind of silly. Not only are Sunni, Shia and Kurd trying to kill you but also there ARE realities to this. If you are jammed up in this, you really have few choices but to fight. If only to survive. That's tragedy not evil for any poor soul in Iraq or Afghanistan. We all know who the devils and the cowards are.

In 2002, had Bush merely said one honest thing...well, the fantasy is that he would have said THIS "look, we no longer have a manufacturing base, our agriculture could get crushed by foreign imports at any time, and there's a chance our dominant global position could fade, so the only choice is EMPIRE, therefore we have to pick off the weaker countries we can use...thank you and God Bless America." Under that scenario, Kelso would surely not have approved and would have protested like crazy but he would have UNDERSTOOD. Colin Powell holding up a vial of talcum powder at the UN was incomprehensible.

Does Kelso "support the troops"? You tell Kelso. He feels terrible that merely by accident of social class and date of birth and desire for a better life there are hundreds of thousands of young Americans in grave danger for no good reason. Or for a reason no one wants to say. Including Alan Greenspan who's a fucking clown. Kelso would like to see the VA budget quintupled and the GI Bill Of Rights funded to permit any sort of education any veteran cares to pursue. Kelso would also like to see everyone relatively safe and sound AND feels wretchedly about the 100,000s of dead Iraqis and the 1,000,000s of displaced and maimed Iraqis. Safe and sound to mean OUT OF IRAQ and a fair accord among Shia, Sunni and Kurd.

How it's going to end for the war profiteers is with pure luxury. How it's going to end for those fighting is in the song we posted. How it's going to end for Iraq and Afghanistan and everywhere else in the "near East" is anyone's guess.

And as far as those war profiteers are concerned. Well, enjoy your money. Kelso congratulates you. But, for all his faults Monica Lewinsky NOT being one of them, Bill Clinton at least showed that peace is not bad for business.

A tip of the derby to Kelso's mom for telling him about the cleverest and most mordant anti-war bumper sticker she had seen: "I SUPPORT THE WAR, NOT THE TROOPS."

[LATE ADDITION which kind of ties yesterday's post with some of the interesting commentary on Jonestown's recent series: Great news from Rome. Ratzinger has refused to meet with Condoleeza Rice! Wow. In Kelso's wildest imagination he couldn't have dreamt-up something like this. An extremely powerful German, Nazi sympathizer and purely retrograde in all ways refuses to grant an audience with the USA's first Black, woman Secretary Of State, and Kelso's on the side of the German! If Ratzinger -- Kelso doesn't say "pope" because Kelso already has a father, thanks -- not only sees but disapproves of Rice and Bush and all they represent, how can Joe Lieberman of all people even exist?]

Kelso's Nuts love you

WELL, THIS IS KIND OF STRANGE

From crooksandliars.com

Jackson accuses Obama of ‘acting white’
By: Steve Benen @ 7:11 PM - PDT As serious as the controversy in Jena, La., is, there’s no reason for this.

The Rev. Jesse Jackson sharply criticized Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama Tuesday over his reaction to the arrest of six black juveniles in Jena, Louisiana on murder charges, accusing the Illinois senator of “acting like he’s white,” according to a South Carolina newspaper. […]

The State newspaper reports Jackson later said he did not recall saying Obama is “acting like he’s white,” but continued to condemn the Illinois Democrat as well as the other presidential candidates for not bringing more attention to this issue.

Jackson, who endorsed Obama earlier this year, said, “If I were a candidate, I’d be all over Jena…. Jena is a defining moment, just like Selma was a defining moment.”

As a substantive matter, I think Jackson is on firm ground imploring the country to take the Jena Six matter more seriously. It is, as I argued the other day, one of the more painful examples of racism in recent memory. Everyone — the media, politicians, etc. — should demonstrate a sincere interest in what’s transpired.

But “acting white”? Jackson really ought to know better.

Filed Under: Election 08, Barack Obama

Ok, let's see if Kelso has this straight. A "black" political man with about a bazillion dollars worth of Coca-Cola bottling franchises accuses another well-to-do "black" political man, son of a Kenyan politcian of "acting white." That's what happened, right? Kelso's not missing anything, is he?

You are all going to have to pardon Kelso's lack of comprehension and overall air of superiority here, but a lot's very wrong here. Again, down in Kelso's bend in the river, where skin color is largely irrelevant, Obama is not a "negro." He is a "trigueno." That's what we'd call his skin color here. So, if we're discussing skin color only, trigueno is a light shade of brown, so if such things had currency here, Obama would have either equal claims to being "blanco" or "negro" or more properly no claim to be either because he is neither; he is a "trigueno." This all must sound very weird but at least where Kelso calls home, skin color is a means of describing someone's physical appearance. Nothing more, nothing less. The idea of "black" pride or "white" pride or "trigueno" pride would be so bizarre, the Ministry of Health would have every right to come for you with a butteryfly net if you expressed such points of view.

But that's not what we're discussing here, is it? Kelso knows what Jackson meant. He meant that Obama is a fucking Right-Wing pig. He just used inartful language. And played right into Obama's hands. The subtext, of course, is that Obama is currently holding the Senate seat that Jackson (and Kelso) believes should be occupied by Mr. Jackson's son -- a true progressive, who, himself, "negro" by skin color surely has a white, patrician way of expessing his left-wing point of view. In Obama's favor, he has every right to adopt any political point of view he cares to. He doesn't care about the injustice in Jena, Louisiana? Well, mazel tov. Why should he? Obama is a Right-Winger. Why is he obligated to present himself any way other than how he is and how he thinks? On second thought, Jackson could well have called Obama a hypocrite for using his "race" to curry favor with both liberals and conservatives.

But what race exactly? Obama's just another fucking guy with a skin color slightly darker than Kelso's and somewhat lighter than Jackson's. The newest candidate for president, Alan Keyes, Obama's opponent in the Illinois senate race, is darker by skin color than Jackson is, but ideologically closer to Obama than to Jackson. Then again, Obama is a professional politician. Why shouldn't he use every edge he can in order to win. That's what politicians do. Kelso does not like Obama. He does not respect Obama. He might even vote Republican against Obama despite being far to Jackson's left let alone Obama's. But Kelso doesn't blame Obama for being an ambitious politician. Good luck to him. The price on him to win the Democratic Nomination is 9/1 against. Good. Fuck Obama.

None of that changes the Jackson/Obama intercourse. It's absurd. White? Black? Whatever? This is an internecine fight between two wealthy members of the ruling class. Kelso prefers Jackson's point of view on the Jena problem, but Kelso has no illusion that Jackson is nothing if not an avatar of the ruling class. As Obama.

The skin color thing, however, has just become too weird for Kelso to deal with. Sorry. See you in person in about...never. This is just another indication of why USA-USA-USA is not #1. It's in the running for #15 if Bush/Cheney/Obama/Lieberman can't turn it from a fascist state to a National Socialist one. Then maybe USA-USA-USA has a shot at country #126 or so.

But we're glad we got down fading Obama for the Nomination at 5/2 on now that Obama "NO" is trading at 9/1 on. Yet, we have a little egg on our face about our advocacy for Clinton having read this in Mother Jones.

http://www.motherjones.com/news/feature/2007/09/hillarys-prayer.html

Starting to look like a PASS all around. And a vote in 5 years for Torrijos's party.

Kelso's Nuts love you

COMPADRE DE VERAS, LO JURO A VOSOTROS

Some days you get it right. Kelso doesn't remember where he wrote this but just a few days ago he wrote that D-CUP is the ONLY political blogger who makes a wholesome family life seem like the most radical of political acts.

She has outdone herself. Plain and simple. Just a pure gin lay down. Go to: http://politits.blogspot.com/ and real "Deep Breath. No Drum Roll."

The problems are these: she's set the blog post standard too fucking high. Damn you, D-CUP! Kelso just does NOT have that much gamble in him. As strong as the post is, it might inspire her to tell her story as a novel and then Oprah might mistake it as some "confessional" and then the whole concept gets corrupted. Then again, although D-CUP didn't put this in such stark Marxist terms, her "surplus value" has sure enough been expropriated and quiza un poquito de fama y plata le serviria a ella de putisima madre! Puns intended, Spanish speakers.

Kelso's Nuts love you

WEDNESDAY ROCKET-ROUND--GO TO CROOKSANDLIARS.COM

MoveOn.org drives the GOP over the edge. Exactly why it's good. Exactly why the name of the thing itself is good. Let's move on. Where's Admiral Fallon, by the way? Just someone tell Kelso he's safe and sound.

Open Thread
By: bluegal @ 8:30 PM - PDT Spocko’s Brain: KSFO-AM Radio is at it again. Hosts tell prison rape jokes and declare that New Orleans Saints’ fans displaced by Katrina should “stop whining and shut the h*ll up.” Since KSFO is owned by ABC/Disney, we’re waiting for the promo, “Hi, Kids! I’m Mickey Mouse, and I endorse hate speech!” Read more… BlueGal just bit too tame for Kelso's tastes but a point well-taken. ENOUGH WITH THE PRISON RAPES JOKES. DOES NOBODY REALIZE THAT PRISON RAPE IS NOW CONSIDERED PART OF THE OFFICIAL SANCTION?

Bill Maher on The Situation Room: Cutting through the spin.. Bill Maher is all that and a bowl of grits and you get it all here: the truth unvarnished, why realpolitik is not so bad, and exactly how much of water-carrier for Bush Wolf Blitzer is. Again, Maher, while great, is on because he's a stary. Where's Fallon?

Obituary: “New York Times Select” set to die at midnight tonight. Great news. Now Kelso can get his lies from the Tissue Of Lies for free and Michael Gordon is still writing Bush propaganda.

September 18th, 2007
Blowing off ‘values voters’. Uh-huh-huh-huh, like, who cares?

BREAKING: Jim Webb explains why we must Support the “Webb Amendment” and the Troops!
Oh good, more half-measures from another uniform. Admiral Fallon, vo vilst du?

September 18th, 2007
Glenn Beck–Idiot Savant of Punditry Class. This guy is brain dead. When Kelso meets a Democrat who LIKES taxes he'll advise. This guy is also deluded. Does he not see that Hillary Clinton agrees more with him on EVERY issue than she does with Left Blogovia?

90 Seconds of FOX: “Fair and Balanced” Coverage of Petraeus Hearings. There's a news flash.

Blaming the messengers…once removed: Smearing the NYT for the MoveOn Ad Howie Kurtz is also a relible water carrier for Bush. The very embodiment of the MSM. Credit to asshole David Frum. The Moveon.org pun was facile and childish. Liberals have to cut the shit with the puns, and lick the knife. Anyone see or hear anything about Admiral William Fallon by the way?

Jim Cramer On Hardball: Greenspan’s Oil Comment Was “Throw Away Line”. Jim Cramer in full asshole mode. We get it, diddo; we're Jewish and you Arabs. Ed Schutz better than he's given credit for. Plus a tale of two economists. Karl Marx crappy economist, good social critic. Alan Greenspan? Nr. Nowhere-Man. Voeckler who prceded him and Bernanke who followed Greenspan both 100x the economist Greenspan is. Greenspan got lucky by being Fed chairmain in boom.

Shuster on Hardball: Blood for Oil. Matthews is stark raving loony.. Shuster brings his typical on-the-one-hand on the other which he perfected at NPR. Fallon? Who he?

Purported Pro-Gay Rights Flyer From Mitt Romney’s 2002 Campaign Surfaces
. Good one more reason to vote for Hillary Clinton happily.

Leahy, Dodd Introduce Bill To Restore Habeas Corpus.
. Key is missing piece, the third co-sponsor, Arlen Specter. So long as Arlen Specter draws breath habus corpus is gone. The man's old, sick, has a distinguished career but plans to go out like a bitch. Ought to be remembered for his vicious advocacy of Clarence Thomas and his continuous bait-and-switches for Bush on constitutional issues. Go away Specter. By your own hand. By cancer. By foot. By diplomatic pouch. Dodd and Leahy are really letting Ikey Kikey Specter join the club, huh? For shame.

University Of Florida Student Arrested, Tasered During Kerry Speech. Kind of glad Bush beat the Tin Soldier in a werid way.

Fla. Assistant U.S. Attorney Arrested In Child Sex Sting And these nerds call Kelso a traitor and an al-Qaida sympathizer? Kelso hates the office of the Attorney General so much, he'll even resort to a prison rape joke (or refernce, whatever). BYE, BYE SHORT EYES.

Late Edition: Wes Clark talks to Blitzer. General Clark makes sense as usual. Wolf Blitzer pretty close to sealing up that White House press secretary job now that Snow is gone and Perino is clueless.


Wife Of Victim From Michael Moore’s Sicko Responds To Stossel Hit Piece. Man, that Stossel and Dianne Sawyer are hard take. As to the latter "journalist," again we ask where exactly is Admiral Fallon? And more to the point, fascists, private insurance is ALLOWED in all of those Third World Universal Health Care countries. Premia just happens to be capped at "normal profit," which means a middle-class person can purchase a Cadillac family plan for $1000/yr if they choose so as to avoid those "wait" times, plus he or she may ALSO use national health.

Not a lot of O.J. Simpson to be fair but NO ADMIRAL WILLIAM FALLON AT ALL. Left wing media bias? Say....I've got some marshland in Florida you might be interested in....

Kelso's Nuts love you

"YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH TO KILL/BUT NOT FOR POKER/YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN WAR, BUT..." NOT SO FAST, ASSHOLES. TODAY, FEMINISM DONE KELSO'S WAY

Here's the link. http://biz.yahoo.com/prnews/070916/nesu004.html?.v=1

Here's the text.

Norway's 18-Year-Old Annette Obrestad Stuns Poker World With 1 Million Pounds Sterling Win In First World Series of Poker(R) Europe Presented by Betfair.com
Sunday September 16, 10:35 pm ET

LONDON, Sept. 16 /PRNewswire-FirstCall/ -- Annette Obrestad became the youngest bracelet winner in World Series of Poker history early today by conquering the Main Event at the first annual WSOP Europe Presented by Betfair.com.

The 18-year-old Norwegian played masterfully over the course of the five- day 10,000 pounds buy-in No-Limit Texas Hold'Em Championship, outlasting a field that included the strongest showing of professionals in European poker history.

"I never expected to win," said the composed and articulate Obrestad, who turns 19 in just one day. "I'm speechless. I really don't know what to say."

"In the end, the Europeans dominated here," said WSOP Commissioner Jeffrey Pollack. "But this is the start of a new tradition for the World Series of Poker and the European and global poker communities. WSOP Europe will provide more exciting action in the years to come and we're confident poker greats from all over the world - and across the generations - will shine here, just as they have in Las Vegas."

Obrestad's win capped a series that saw European players - make that young European poker players - shut out veteran American professionals by winning all three WSOP bracelets up for grabs. Her victory over 22-year-old John Tabatabai of London came when her three sevens beat his two pair.

Obrestad won the 1 million pounds, or $2,013,102, first-place prize and the most coveted prize in all of gaming, a World Series of Poker 18-karat gold and jewel-encrusted bracelet created by luxury Swiss watchmaker CORUM, the official timepiece of the WSOP. Tabatabai earned £570,150, or $1,147,770, for second place.

With her performance, Obrestad's payday snapped two records held by poker pro Annie Duke. The first was Duke's one-day-old record as the first woman to exceed $1 million in official WSOP winnings, thanks to her 21st place finish in the WSOP Europe Main Event. Duke's 30,770 pounds, or $61,943, payday saw her edge just over the $1 million earnings mark. Duke also held the single- event record win for a woman with her $2 million winner-take-all victory in the 2004 Tournament of Champions staged by Harrah's Entertainment.

The world's top-ranked professionals journeyed to London this month for a chance to make poker history by winning the first three WSOP bracelets ever awarded outside the United States. But the likes of Phil Hellmuth, Doyle Brunson, Johnny Chan and scores of others were stymied in their quests, as Europe's cadre of young poker players - most of whose playing experience was gained online - performed exceptionally well.

Matthew McCullough, the last remaining American in the Main Event, finished third after going all in with top pair on the flop. The hopes of the 26-year-old New Jersey resident for a WSOP bracelet were dashed when John Tabatabai, who called with middle pair, matched his ace kicker for two pair that eliminated the full-time anesthetist. McCullough collected 381,910 pounds for third place.

Norwegian Oyvind Riisen, 22, won 257,020 pounds for finishing fourth, and Johannes Korsar, 20, of Uppsala, Sweden, got 191,860 pounds for fifth place.

Dominic Kay, 30, a professional sports trader from London, finished sixth to earn 152,040 pounds, while 24-year-old Magnus Persson of Gothenburg, Sweden, received 114,030 pounds for seventh place. Copenhagen's Theo Jorgensen, at age 35 the oldest player at the final table, won 85,070 pounds for his eighth-place finish.

Final-table play got under way at 2:30 p.m. GMT at The Casino at The Empire on Leicester Square. A few moments later, 21-year-old Londoner James Keys, who began the day with the lowest number of tournament chips, was eliminated. He collected 61,540 pounds for his efforts.

The 10th through 36th place finishers received from 41,630 pounds to 27,150 pounds, depending on their final position. The total prize pool for the Main Event was 3,676,990 pounds.

Well done, Annette Obrestad, well done, indeed. A remarkable accomplishment at any age. At 18, it's a marvel. What a pity YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO COMPETE IN ANY WSOP EVENTS IN THE UNITED STATES BECAUSE OF YOUR AGE. You are, however, permitted to join "the coalition of the willing," under US supervision of course. Excuse Kelso while he voids the contents of his stomach into the basin.

Here's the link to the list of in-the-money finishers: http://www.worldseriesofpoker.com/tourney/event.asp?tourneyID=3572&groupid=316

Here's the table of in-the-money finishers with some Kelso comments. And non-poker or non-gambling fans of Kelso's Nuts needn't worry. Kelso will explain everything in layman's terms.

Place Player Prize
1. Annette Obrestad £ 1,000,000
2. John (Kunkuwap) Tabatabai £ 570,150
3. Mathew McCullough £ 381,910
4. Oyvind Riisem £ 257,020
5. Johannes Korsar £ 191,860
6. Dominic Kay £ 152,040
7. Magnus Persson £ 114,030
8. Theo Jorgensen £ 85,070
9. James Keys £ 61,540
10. Gus Hansen £ 41,630
11. Steven Van Zadelhoff £ 41,630
12. Tino Lechich £ 41,630
13. William Durkee £ 38,010
14. Pat Scanlon £ 38,010
15. Karl Mahrenholz £ 38,010
16. Kenny (Phuong) Tran £ 34,390
17. Abishek Khaitan £ 34,390
18. Jakob Paulsen £ 34,390
19. Terry Cook £ 30,770
20. Aleksander Vathne £ 30,770
21. Annie Duke £ 30,770
22. Marco Traniello £ 30,770
23. Janne Lamsa £ 30,770
24. Nils-Oscar Berggren £ 30,770
25. Henrik Waltersson £ 30,770
26. Erick Lindgren £ 30,770
27. Nicolas Levi £ 30,770
28. Shaun Needham £ 27,150
29. Patrik Antonius £ 27,150
30. Julias Colman £ 27,150
31. Marceelo Marigliano £ 27,150
32. Patrick Jouven £ 27,150
33. Martin Johnson £ 27,150
34. Ian Frazer £ 27,150
35. Jamie Gold £ 27,150
36. Bob Willis £ 27,150

The 18-year old Ms. Obrestad beat #10 finisher Gus Hansen, widely regarded as the most mathematically sophisticated player in the world. She beat #21 finisher Annie Duke, widely regarded as the best female player, only about 30 years Oberstad's senior. She beat #26 finisher Erick Lindgren a world-class player Kelso himself has confronted in Panama in a cash game. Very tough player. Tried to duck him whenever Kelso could. She beat #35 finisher Jamie Gold the 2006 World Champion. Sweet St. Olaf, neither Doyle Brunson, the best player in the history of No Limit Texas Hold 'Em didn't finish in the money. Nor did former World Champions, Phil Hellmuth and Johnny Chan.

Only a sports analogy works here but this accomplishment is the equivalent of a college freshman winning the PGA OPEN GOLF CHAMPIONSHIP. That she's a young woman makes it all the better. But going back to our old favorite song "Eve Of Destruction", as far as the great United States is concerned she's still "Old enough to kill/but not for poker..." Freedom fries, cheese eaters, what the fuck ever...and you all wonder why Europe's kicking the crap out of you economically. Because Europe is not run by a bunch of Zealots who couldn't tell Jesus Christ from Tom Cruise's right nipple. Oh, gee whiz, sorry, we forgot that these rigid rules with regard to "vice" "protect our children" and "are valuable tools in the war on terror."

Ms. Obrestad we at the Nuts don't mean to demean or trivialize your marvelous accomplishment in any way, but thanks for one glorious moment of strapping it on and shoving in America's ass. If Kelso ever has a daughter, he'd like her to grow up to be just like you.

And if there are any naysayers out there who fret that gambling is an assault on the poor and unfortunate and MUST NEVER BE CONFLATED WITH REAL FEMINISM, please get off this blog now! Appreciate this remarkable young champion who's more of a barrier-breaker than Condoleeza Rice or Barbara Walters could ever be. And Annette Obrestad's only 18. The sky's the limit. Don't be weak, knee-jerk liberals. Enjoy the momentary cloud-breaks when they happen.

Feminism, again, like Baskin-Robbins comes in 31 flavors.

Kelso's Nuts love and admire you Annette Obrestad and every woman everywhere fighting it hard. On your terms. Without dogma but with your brains and guts.

ALL YARMULKE AND NO SHVANTZ

In this holiest of holiest times we continue with our themes things Jewish, things Latin and things bellicose.

On past posts, Kelso has lamented that Joe Lieberman is the face of Jewish America to the world. Jerry Seinfeld works better but we're stuck with Lieberman at least as far as politics is concerned. Moreover, there's lots of Jewish left-wing talk about with Yom Kippur on the way, Holy Joe has lots to atone for. Tempting, tempting, but...Joe Lieberman's a coward and cowardice is not a sin, per se, merely a character flaw. Given Lieberman's stunning lack of concern for either the fate of Israel or the fate of the many, many Jews who still live in Iran, he's certainly reprehensible, but not a sinner. Just an asshole. And a pussy. And a traitor and something of a Pharisee. Hence, the title of the post.

It could be worse. The face of Jewish America to the world could be Elliot Abrams. He is a war criminal. He is a monster. He belongs in prison for life. Unlike Lieberman, Abrams is actually GANGSTER. He was deeply involved in all of the ill-shit in 1980s Latin America and knew damned well what Kelso was getting at with regard to AIPAC and campesinos and moving lots of coca and Colombian, Peruvian, Bolivian and Uruguayan shekels into hard currency. He is a killer and unlike even in Lieberman's perverted version couldn't give a rat's ass about being Jewish or any other thing.

It was always a Crips & Bloods thing for Abrams. Was "Dutch" Schultz going to let some tribal loyalty stop him from killing another Jew? For Abrams it was being down for his flag not his tribe. No, proto-Anti Semites, NOT the Israeli flag, but the flag of his crime family. See Once Upon A Time In America for details. In Colombia. In the rest of Latin America. In Israel. In South Africa. Maybe Little Miss South Carolina was unwittingly onto something. Jews were in a very strange position in apartheid South Africa as they are in Andean South America. The traditional 70/30 Left-Right split obtained but that didn't prevent an element of the community from being involved in all sorts of ill stuff whether in service of Left or Right or self. Elliot Abrams is truly all shvantz and no yarmulke. Gotta have a little of both. Or you're just not human. In some insane way, Jack Abrahamoff seems a bit more human than either Lieberman or Elliot Abrams.

So Kelso takes back some of what he wrote earlier. Better to show the pussy Lieberman to the world than the monstrous Abrams, because the good options -- even Seinfeld for that matter -- are really not available as far as the MSM are concerned. We'd like to nominate Feingold but that's not going to happen.

Oh, and everything we've said about Lieberman goes for Thomas Friedman as well.

Kelso's Nuts love you

SURE, IT'S BORING AS HELL AND NO ONE GIVES A CRAP, BUT FUCK IT

We are going to discuss some history 19th, 20th century, contemporary and some geo-politics today. Not because we don't want to discuss O.J. Simpson, but because we don't care enough to have bothered reading about it. Knowing how verbose and arcane and tedious this post will be, I have added the treat of a very cool political song "Bullet And A Target" by a worthy artist many of you might not know, CITIZEN COPE.

The first subject is graft. Be very, very suspicious of the reformer bent upon "cleaning up" the political culture. One of the most corrupt politicians in recent memory, Newt Gingrich, built his whole Contract With America on that crap and all that happened was that a couple of small-time thieves, Rostenkowski and Wright, got dislodged and nothing changed except that Rostenkowski and Wright actually did some good for their districts and their country after having lined their pockets, of course, while everything about Gingrich was a giant tits-up. More graft but nothing coming back to the people save the antecedents of today's lovely state of affairs. In that sense, graft is kind of like taxes, a certainty like death and a public cost but acceptable if something comes back to the people for their trouble. Even Halliburton wouldn't be so bad if Cheney had a social conscience equal to his greed. But he, like a Gingrich writ velly, velly large is not only greedy, he's mean in both senses of the word.

Kelso's kind of fond of the revisionist history of NYC's Tammany Hall, headquarters of the State Democratic Party in the mid-late 1800s. The excesses of William Marcy "Boss" Tweed, "Honest" John Kelly and George Washington Plunkitt are legendary. They stole everything that wasn't nailed down as ably depicted by the cartoon's of Thomas Nast in Harper's. What those guys did was what the revisionists call "honest graft." When they got their pockets and bellies full, they took care of the poor of the City Of New York. Urban renewal before it was called that. All the Christmas turkeys and hand-outs to the ward heelers and all that. They probably did more for the poor of the city than anyone before or since with the possible exception of Mayor John Lindsay. Contrast that with the storied and beloved Robert Moses who was no less corrupt but saw no problem in displacing 100,000s of people for his grandiose projects. The interested student will read Jane Jacobs on the subject.

Contrast the Tammany Bosses with Elliot "The Dragon Slayer" Spitzer. Big reputation as the uncorruptible saint of Wall Street as attorney general, except that it was all bullshit. Using the power of his office, he shook down fund managers for campaign contributions knowing that whoever didn't contribute risked his wrath. Meanwhile, he didn't sweet fuck-all to end the real corruption on Wall Street -- public access to the good IPOs, the kind of insider-trading that happens in dribs and drabs that not only freezes the average investor out but also maintains market inefficiencies. All the while he distracted everybody by making a villain out of Richard Grasso who was no saint by any means but hardly the criminal he was made out to be and hardly the cause of anyone's problems. Business as usual with no change to the underlying problems and nothing back to anybody outside a small circle. Not graft on Spitzer's part exactly, but...

...what was his raison d'etre? A month in advance of Spitzer's coronation, the Daily News ran a series of pieces suggesting something rather different. It was suggested that Spitzer's entree into big time NYS politics had a wholly self-intersted goal: getting his father and partners a piece of the pending privatization of the New York Racing Association, which operates Aqueduct, Belmont Park and Saratoga racetracks and owns vast tracts of prime real estate as a non-profit corporation and a public trust. The racetracks themselves are cash-cows and figured to be even bigger ones once Spitzer could sign a slot machine bill into law, but the real estate is valuable beyond all measure: 1000s of acres in Jamaica, Queens, Elmont, L.I., and Saratoga Springs. In order to do this, Spitzer had to find a new Richard Grasso to perform this okey-doke. He found his man, alright, one of the truly good-guys in the business world, Barry K. Schwartz, co-founder of Calvin Klein who selflessly served as NYRA's board chairman for the princely sum of $1/year and by all accounts was a good friend to every constituency of the thoroughbred racing community in New York from the wealthiest of owners down to the players and the fair worker's comp rules which satisfied owners and employees alike. What had Schwartz done exactly? Some mutuel clerks committed penny-ante tax fraud and Schwartz was forced out in favor of a Spitzer toady named Hayward.

The story gained no traction whatsoever and Spitzer was elected governor handily. Upon election, there was talk of a national future AS A REFORMER for Spitzer. The next-big-thing after Obama, of course. Spitzer's father at this point HAD to give up the ghost on the NYRA deal. Better to keep powder dry for an even bigger payday later. Spitzer-pere et fils perhaps should have stayed with the NYRA scheme. Apparently, Spitzer run into his own minor scandals back home and his future doesn't look quite so bright as it did a year ago. Oh, remember another "uncorruptible" reformer from NY. He goes by the name of Rudy Giuliani or America's Mayor if you like him, The-Lisping-Fascist if you don't. We don't. So much for reformers. Come back Tammany! All is forgiven.

We go on to more recent history of the Americas with the common thread being DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE. We'll start with Hugo Chavez and work our way back around to him and other issue of -- yes -- importance to you and importance in having a mature, sophisticated handle on geo-political issues. To read the American press, one would think that Hugo Chavez is Josef Stalin -- communist dictator, hater of "the west".
Aside from the fact that Venezuela is IN THE WEST and Venezuela is a capitalist country, and Chavez has won fair elections by 60/40 counts, you are not getting the truth about this from the MSM. The David Broders and Thomas Friedmans of the world scream blue murder about "nationalization" as if Chavez were seizing banks at gunpoint. No, Kelso's sorry to burst any bubbles but nationalization doesn't work that way. The governement must pay for that which it nationalizes without resorting to seignorage (printing money). If you are a holder of Venezuelan bank stock you are in a pretty good position right now. The worst you're going to get is 1 1-2 times the market price. Yeah, but Chavez via CITGO gives home heating oil away to the poor in the United States and is not unfriendly with the Cuban regime so who cares? He's worse than Hitler and Stalin combined! The Tissue Of Lies told me so when it cheerled the CIA-backed failed coup against Chavez. Condoleeza Rice in all her radiant, brain-dead glory, beat the drums for war against Venezuela, as well, calling the state a force for destabilization in the region and of course demonizing Chavez in the process. Why is Chavez worse than Hitler? Because, like Saddam Hussein did, he's got control of an awful lot of crude oil. Kelso lives about 300 miles as the crow flies from Venezuela and he's no to afraid of Venezuela destablizing anything. He is, however, afraid of an overt US attack. That would pretty much destory the value of Kelso's Equatorial Assets currently in trust for Kelso Jr.

But, so far, so good. Iraq and Iran seem to be taking precedence over Venezuela, except that in service of the "war on drugs" Bush's ally, Colombian President Alvaro Uribe had been fighting a proxy war on the U.S.'s behalf along the Northern border. Right-Wing Colombian paramilitaries versus the Venezuelan military. And then a funny thing happened this week. Uribe and Chavez got together and made a truce and a pact to exchange POWs from these skirmishes. That's right. The far-left Bush hater Chavez and the far-right Bush lover Uribe. Why?

Colombian realpolitik, my brothers and sisters, plain and simple. Uribe likes being President and to be fair to him he's had some success in containing a lot of the truly insane violence there between the far-right paramilitaries and the far-left FARC guerillas. The Colombian economy is not way strong but the budget is in balance and the Peso has kicked the everloving tar out of the U.S. Dollar. Colombia, as loony as it is, happens to be a first world nation of 65,000,000 or so highly educated people. It's major cities -- Bogota, Medellin, Cali and Barranquilla are big and sophisticated albeit as loony as Moscow. For better or worse, in Colombia it's all about the drugs and who controls them. There is potential there but let's digress a minute because we've seen a smaller version of this movie before.

It was the 1970s. The country was Jamaica, the issues were marijuana and bauxite and the players were the U.S.-backed Seaga and his Socialist rival Manley. A cold-war proxy sure as Venezuela v Colombia is a "war on terror" proxy. Seaga was happy with US aid, Manley with Soviet aid. Sadly, the violence was devastating, served no purpose and eventually spilled over into New York where former Seaga backers fought former Manley backers over the crack trade in Jamaica and St. Alban's, Queens. The Jamaican problems did, however, also bring a vibrant political culture to Brooklyn and Queens and we'll see what one of the inheritors, Una Clarke, will do in the U.S. House Of Representatives. Did it work out? Who the fuck knows? Jamaica's still dirt poor, it's people are malnourished and and it's marijuana isn't worth anything. Bauxite market will be good so long as worldwide housing market is good.

Colombia is a whole different story, so we end where we began with honest graft. The country is on the way back. It has an educated populace and a political culture. But the Uribe v Gaviria battles bear a striking resemblence to Jamaica in the 1970s with some striking differences, too. Up until last week, the US was four-square behind Uribe assuming that Uribe would cut the CIA into the drug action and fight Chavez. Gaviria's left-wing coalition -- sorry Holy Joe Lieberman and Holy Joe Klein -- depends upon students, city folk, and yes the Jewish and Arab Colombian narco-traficates and lavadores (money-launderers). So we kind of have "honest" graft on both sides. Uribe's taking care of the campesinos with his cut. Gaviria's taking care of the urban poor and his own campesinos with his cut. Uribe steadfastly denies involvement with paramilitaris. Right. And water's dry. Gaviria denies involvement with FARC. Right, ths sky is green. It is all about the coca and will always be so. Getting rid of U.S. involvement would go a long way to allowing Colombia to find itself. It will. And who's the Nixon-In-China here? One guess and the first don't count and it's not Gaviria. Alvaro fucking Uribe. Peacemaker. Who'd have thunk it?

Kelso would love to hear from ANY of the Democratic candidates about any of this because it does affect the region and could create a next immigrant wave crisis if these situations are not resolved. Uribe ought to be encouraged on this and the "war on drugs" should not only not be conflated with the "war on terror" which should also end, the "war on drugs" should be abandoned yesterday. It better happen because if Lou Dobbs is worried about Mexicans, he's just gonna love Colombians. Shorter, darker-skinned Russians is all. Smart and crazy and mad tough. They're not going to want to wash dishes or blow leaves or clean baby shit. They're going to want to go to Rutgers and work at CNN.

Go fucking ask Obama. Kelso will lay a solid 5/1 he hasn't even heard of either Uribe or Gaviria and is no fan of Chavez, awkward debate answers notwithstanding. Obama knows Oprah pretty good though. Kelso will also lay a solid 5/1 that Hillary Clinton already knows way more about any of this than Kelso does.

Oh, quite off topic. There is a new rule. THE MALE POPULATION OF LEFT BLOGOVIA HAS TO STOP APOLOGIZING FOR LIKING SPORTS. As in being a fan of Pro and College sports, not like fucking hiking or racquetball. This rule will be enforced with extreme prejudice. The next man who does, loses his KELSO'S NUTS (tm) privileges for an indefinite period of time. If he does it again he's off again and he has to petition KELSO SENIOR for a return of the privileges and KELSO is a lovable little angel compared to KELSO SENIOR.

Kelso's Nuts love you

YOU KNOW WHAT'S COMING

Former Los Angeles Rams head coach Chuck Knox used to love to taunt the opposing team by saying "we're going up the middle with McCutcheon and if you can stop us, I congratulate you."

Well, we're going to hit Barack Obama hard again and if you can stop us, I congratulate you. Nobody has yet. Not a single person has EVER pointed to a single thing this cretin has ever done well or GOOD. Oh sure, every now and then we get a remark in response to one of our attacks on Obama about "disappointment." Oh sure, the Hillary Clinton post was greeted with some skepticism. And the comments were all on point. No disagreement with anything anyone wrote about her. It's all true. She's right-wing. Agreed. She's overly political. Agreed. The comments about the Edwards post were thoughtful and well-reasoned. There must have been 20 posts already here about Obama. It's fun to trash him. But what's it going to take for everyone to wake up to the real fucking asshole running for presdient? Does this guy have to personally drag you out of your house in front of your kids and ship you to Guantanamo?

OK. We're going to try reason once again in the hopes that someone, anyone, will either give a persuasive argument that Obama is somehow "more progressive" than Clinton or just fucking wave the white flag and concede Kelso the point. Readers must be warned in advance, however, that after "reason" we're not going to be very nice about things. Bit of a preview. Couldn't fucking find that O.J. Simpson story on the front page of La Prensa today. Just more -- yawn -- economics. Couldn't fucking find that O.J. Simpson story on the front page of La Prensa's sports section. Just -- double yawn -- boxing and baseball. Small item on page 4 of sports section about O.J. Simpson. But just for the sake of science, maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea for this blanco to take a little stroll down Calle 50 and find a negro to ask about O.J. and Obama. Then, for the control group Kelso will also ask a mono and trigueno. What do you reckon? Kelso's money is on blank stares.

This from a comment on OpenLeft following the disgraceful Lieberman's plea to General Petraeus to invade Iran.

Isn't it comforting to know that Mr. Obama did what he could to insure Lamont's defeat and Lieberman's victory.
During the Patraeus hearings, Obama reiterated that he had "opposed the war in 2006." Actually, in 2006 he was in Connecticut stumping for Lieberman.

Obama's words re: Lieberman's reelection:

"Joe Lieberman's a man with a good heart, with a keen intellect...I am absolutely certain that Connecticut's going to have the good sense to send Joe Lieberman back to the United States Senate so he can continue to serve on our behalf."
- Obama - March 2006

Every time a vote falls short, thanks in part to the unwavering warmongering obstructionism of Lieberman, I think of Obama's part in undermining the Lamont candidacy instead of using his largely undeseserved star power to help him.

When I read the blogs puffing up Obama - searching for little nuggets of meaning in his carefully timed pronouncements - I am consistantly aware that Obama's betrayal of those who took a strong stand against the war means little to them. It's just a blip they can ignore while they search for meaning elsewhere.
by: lentinel @ Fri Sep 14, 2007 at 06:12:59 AM CDT

Very nicely put. And to be brutally honest Kelso has yet to see proof that Obama ever opposed the war in Iraq even though his position as Illinois State Senator at the time was pretty fucking meaningless to the question.

Now, we're going up the middle with McCutcheon and if you can stop us, we congratulate you. About 15 years ago Jimmy Breslin wrote a column in New York Newsday saying that America's two biggest problems were race and loneliness. It was a pretty thought-provoking column and had Kelso been reading with his capitalist ears he might have made some money off of the LOV IPO. But that's the loneliness part. The race part? Fuck it all, Laura Ingraham and Chris Matthews and Lou Dobbs have done one hell of a job proving that the USA's race problem isn't going anywhere anytime soon and this is so very key to why nobody's going near this Obama thing no matter how hard Kelso hits it.

It is important for anyone reading this to realize why this is so galling. Kelso lives in a pretty color-blind country. Just having to explain the Negro Leagues to friends was fucking embarrassing because people were either laughing their asses off or incredulous. Kelso didn't even try to explain why it's somehow discourteous in the US to identify someone by their skin color or religion or ethnicity or sexual orientation because of all the fucking complications. In a color-blind, tolerant, modern capitalist republic it is not discourteous to describe someone that way because no one cares. Do you see where this is leading?

Kelso is going to make this hard shit easy on everyone. Right out front. Joe Lieberman is a despicable kike rat-fuck. And any gentile may feel free at any time to use exactly those words in the comments if they fit. OK. Are we on the same page now?

Electing Barack Obama president would not be some giant sign of progress. Nor regress, really. It would be electing Joe Lieberman. Those Blacks who like the guy can celebrate if they like just as some Jews would have celebrated the election of Lieberman as Gore's VP on ethnic grounds. Fine. But it is NOT RACIST to say that Obama's a phony, a religious freak, a scold, and probably dangerous. It probably is a sign of progress that a Black guy can be a shitheel like that. Sort of in the way Powell and Rice and Thomas are. Nobody has to fit anybody's expectation of anything. Obama does not have to be John Conyers. Nor does Harold Ford, Jr. They can both be just the kind of assholes they are. Lieberman doesn't have to be Michael Schwerner or Andy Goodman. He can be the cunt he is (an aside: Lamont should have called Lieberman out when he pretended to have had Schwerner and Goodman's commitment to civil rights!) But for White people and especially progressives, liberals, whatever, why is it so impossible to say what is plain about Barack Obama. They say it about Clinton. And Obama has not exactly concealed what he is. He's not a religious freak? He's not a hawk? His own book is a manual for Democratic surrender to the Republican party. You don't have to call him dirty racist names. Just open the eyes. Please.

There was a time when a little ersatz political correctness could actually have helped: when Rep. Barbara Lee was the first politician to stand up and say "no" fearlessly to George Bush -- about everything including Afghanistan. Who the fuck knows? Maybe it's not even racial. Maybe Representative Lee would have been every progressive's hero if she looked like Halle Berry. But if you want to feel good about yourself, keeping your eyes closed about Barack Obama is not the answer. Get a kitten or something.

Kelso's Nuts love you

EVERY NOW AND THEN, IT ALL SEEMS OK...

...and right now for a second it does. Kelso's first non-9/11 9/11 was blissful. La Prensa carried nothing about "tragic events." No flags at half mast. No mawkish bullshit on TV. Another day.

Rosh Hashashana in Paitilla (kind of the Panama City equivalent of "The Upper West Side") glorious. Great meal. Mix of Ashkenaz and Sephard classic dishes. Booze flowing. Music. Baseball on four TVs. No mention of God or Death or hating Arabs. Awesome crowd including the brother of the Assembly Speaker -- and former MD in I-banking at Chase (Panama) before it became Banistmo -- who absolutely bent Kelso over on a sports trivia question during D-Back/SF Giant game: "Brandon Webb just set record for consecutive scoreless innings pitched. Who holds Giants record?" Kelso got clever and guessed Atlee Hammakker. El Senor offered 10/1 about Hammakker. Kelso bit. Whole crowd surrounding TV when correct answer "Carl Hubbell" came up. Howls sounding out across Paitilla when the old dude bested the young gun Kelso! We smile when we win. We pay when we lose. And fuck yeah Kelso enjoys being around folks who make shit happen. At least, these are capitalists, but then again Panama is a capitalist country. Any person in the street will know what the USD interest rate is. As Miss South Carolina has reminded all of us, Americans don't even know where the United States Of America are on the fucking globe. As for what economic system is used there, well, it's something. Something weird. But not any form of capitalism Kelso is familiar with. So, if anyone's going to call Kelso an elitist show-off, they're right, but they can still go piss up a rope.

And then there was ADMIRAL FALLON. OK, Democrats, you now have a fucking uniform -- NO, THE FUCKING UNIFORM -- to hide behind. Link and text follow.

http://ipsnews.net/news.asp?idnews=39235

U.S.-IRAQ: Fallon Derided Petraeus, Opposed the Surge
By Gareth Porter*

WASHINGTON, Sep 12 (IPS) - In sharp contrast to the lionisation of Gen. David Petraeus by members of the U.S. Congress during his testimony this week, Petraeus's superior, Admiral William Fallon, chief of the Central Command (CENTCOM), derided Petraeus as a sycophant during their first meeting in Baghdad last March, according to Pentagon sources familiar with reports of the meeting.

Fallon told Petraeus that he considered him to be "an ass-kissing little chickenshit" and added, "I hate people like that", the sources say. That remark reportedly came after Petraeus began the meeting by making remarks that Fallon interpreted as trying to ingratiate himself with a superior.

That extraordinarily contentious start of Fallon's mission to Baghdad led to more meetings marked by acute tension between the two commanders. Fallon went on develop his own alternative to Petraeus's recommendation for continued high levels of U.S. troops in Iraq during the summer.

The enmity between the two commanders became public knowledge when the Washington Post reported Sep. 9 on intense conflict within the administration over Iraq. The story quoted a senior official as saying that referring to "bad relations" between them is "the understatement of the century".

Fallon's derision toward Petraeus reflected both the CENTCOM commander's personal distaste for Petraeus's style of operating and their fundamental policy differences over Iraq, according to the sources.

The policy context of Fallon's extraordinarily abrasive treatment of his subordinate was Petraeus's agreement in February to serve as front man for the George W. Bush administration's effort to sell its policy of increasing U.S. troop strength in Iraq to Congress.

In a highly unusual political role for an officer who had not yet taken command of a war, Petraeus was installed in the office of Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, a Republican from Kentucky, in early February just before the Senate debated Bush's troop increase. According to a report in The Washington Post Feb. 7, senators were then approached on the floor and invited to go McConnell's office to hear Petraeus make the case for the surge policy.

Fallon was strongly opposed to Petraeus's role as pitch man for the surge policy in Iraq adopted by Bush in December as putting his own interests ahead of a sound military posture in the Middle East and Southwest Asia -- the area for which Fallon's CENTCOM is responsible.

The CENTCOM commander believed the United States should be withdrawing troops from Iraq urgently, largely because he saw greater dangers elsewhere in the region. "He is very focused on Pakistan," said a source familiar with Fallon's thinking, "and trying to maintain a difficult status quo with Iran."

By the time Fallon took command of CENTCOM in March, Pakistan had become the main safe haven for Osama bin Laden's al Qaeda to plan and carry out its worldwide operations, as well as being an extremely unstable state with both nuclear weapons and the world's largest population of Islamic extremists.

Plans for continued high troop levels in Iraq would leave no troops available for other contingencies in the region.

Fallon was reported by the New York Times to have been determined to achieve results "as soon as possible". The notion of a long war, in contrast, seemed to connote an extended conflict in which Iraq was but a chapter.

Fallon also expressed great scepticism about the basic assumption underlying the surge strategy, which was that it could pave the way for political reconciliation in Iraq. In the lead story Sep. 9, The Washington Post quoted a "senior administration official" as saying that Fallon had been "saying from Day One, 'This isn't working.' "

One of Fallon's first moves upon taking command of CENTCOM was to order his subordinates to avoid the term "long war" -- a phrase Bush and Secretary of Defence Robert M. Gates had used to describe the fight against terrorism.

Fallon was signaling his unhappiness with the policy of U.S. occupation of Iraq for an indeterminate period. Military sources explained that Fallon was concerned that the concept of a long war would alienate Middle East publics by suggesting that U.S. troops would remain in the region indefinitely.

During the summer, according to the Post Sep. 9 report, Fallon began to develop his own plans for redefine the U.S. mission in Iraq, including a plan for withdrawal of three-quarters of the U.S. troop strength by the end of 2009.

The conflict between Fallon and Petraeus over Iraq came to a head in early September. According to the Post story, Fallon expressed views on Iraq that were sharply at odds with those of Petraeus in a three-way conversation with Bush on Iraq the previous weekend. Petraeus argued for keeping as many troops in Iraq for as long as possible to cement any security progress, but Fallon argued that a strategic withdrawal from Iraq was necessary to have sufficient forces to deal with other potential threats in the region.

Fallon's presentation to Bush of the case against Petraeus's recommendation for keeping troop levels in Iraq at the highest possible level just before Petraeus was to go public with his recommendations was another sign that Petraeus's role as chief spokesperson for the surge policy has created a deep rift between him and the nation's highest military leaders. Bush presumably would not have chosen to invite an opponent of the surge policy to make such a presentation without lobbying by the top brass.

Fallon had a "visceral distaste" for what he regarded as Petraeus's sycophantic behaviour in general, which had deeper institutional roots, according to a military source familiar with his thinking.

Fallon is a veteran of 35 years in the Navy, operating in an institutional culture in which an officer is expected to make enemies in the process of advancement. "If you are Navy captain and don't have two or three enemies, you're not doing your job," says the source.

Fallon acquired a reputation for a willingness to stand up to powerful figures during his tenure as commander in chief of the Pacific Command from February 2005 to March 2007. He pushed hard for a conciliatory line toward and China, which put him in conflict with senior military and civilian officials with a vested interest in pointing to China as a future rival and threat.

He demonstrated his independence from the White House when he refused in February to go along with a proposal to send a third naval carrier task force to the Persian Gulf, as reported by IPS in May. Fallon questioned the military necessity for the move, which would have signaled to Iran a readiness to go to war. Fallon also privately vowed that there would be no war against Iran on his watch, implying that he would quit rather than accept such a policy.

A crucial element of Petraeus's path of advancement in the Army, on the other hand, was through serving as an aide to senior generals. He was assistant executive officer to the Army Chief of Staff, Gen. Carl Vuono, and later executive assistant to the chairman of the Joint Chiefs, Gen. Henry Shelton. His experience taught him that cultivating senior officers is the key to success.

The contrasting styles of the two men converged with their conflict over Iraq to produce one of the most intense clashes between U.S. military leaders in recent history.

*Gareth Porter is an historian and national security policy analyst. His latest book, "Perils of Dominance: Imbalance of Power and the Road to War in Vietnam", was published in June 2005.

First of all, what's an "IPS?" Why isn't this front page news everywhere in the USA? Second of all, Kelso has seen some other lively comments by Fallon to the effect of "there will be an attack on Iran over my dead body." This fellow is not some "disgruntled" ex-General lamenting getting the boot. THIS IS THE BOSS. This is the HEAD OF CENTCOM. The Godly Petraeus is THIS MAN'S SUBORDINATE. And even Petraeus had the good sense not to bite at Lieberman's entreaties for further escalation in Iraq and the beginning of nuclear holocaust with an assault on Iran.

We will, of course, admit to just a little anti-Bush and pro-Navy bias (sparing the bathos and mawkishness) around this site now and then but sweet baby Jesus! This fucking Fallon didn't even go to Annapolis. Commissioned all the way to the top. He's not John "Crazy Hands" McCain who's sort of the military analog to George W. Bush, as in being some miltary academy legacy, last in his class, who has ended up disgracing his service. Fallon is so much the cheese that The Nation's editors wondered upon his appointment whether he might not just be Bush's point man for war in Iran.

Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid better fucking get their acts together in a hurry. OK, they're conservative. They're cowards. They can ignore Leahy, Feingold, Waxman and certainly Cindy Sheehan and Michael Moore with impunity if they like, but Fallon? No way. The presidential election is OVER. Hillary Clinton is the easiest sort of winner. That issue is only unsettled if Reid and Pelosi continue to party with Lieberman and company. Then, something they might not like could happen. Like...as in...well...let's say they "forget" about Fallon and...oh, who knows?...maybe he shows up at a Sheehan For Congress rally. Or backs Ron Paul for President. Or backs Edwards. Or comes in himself as a Democrat or a Republican. He could turn over the apple cart easily. In a million ways. And if Bush boots him on Saturday? Well, we know the MSM aren't real,real bright but Kelso can envision well-manicured fingers typing "Saturday Night Massacre" into Lexis/Nexis or whatever the fuck it's called just in time for the chat shows. Even Holy Joe Klein wouldn't miss that one. Kelso's got some terrible "self-hating" thoughts running around his twisted brain right now, but will keep his own counsel. In this holiest of holiest times.

We told you the answer to the trivia question was Carl Hubbell, si o no? Yes, but as we found out later, John Kruk and Duane Kuiper fucked up. Hubbell and Sal "The Barber" Maglie share the Giants record for consecutive scoreless innings pitched. A shout out to The Boy Mikey. For vat you turn your racquet, for vat?

Kelso's Nuts love you

SLAVE NAMES

Fasten your seat-belts everybody. This one's not really funny. Inspired by D-CUP's posting of a Mos Def/Dr. Cornell West appearance on Bill Maher's show and in continuation of some thoughts about 9/11 Kelso began to wonder just who he is? The horrible realization that as a Jew Kelso DID in fact get a pass on 9/11 sure as any Right-Wingnut did. Jews hate Muslims; Muslims hate Jews, ergo...So, Kelso should have felt the same rush of hate and self-righteousness the whites did. But he didn't. Gonna air some dirty laundry here.

While growing up, Kelso heard some nasty talk around the house about "low Jews." Get Kelso Sr wound up on the subject of Zionism and he goes batshit. Nasty shit about "fucking Yeshiva buchers" and peoples who "think they're shit because their fathers made a few bucks during the war." And "fucking Podhortetz's father was a fucking commission baker." Kelso was really too young to understand. He'd look around and not feel too upper-class because how he was living wasn't so great. What did this "low Jew" thing mean?

As he gained the gift of congnitive thought it kind of fell into place. We ALL had SLAVE names, sure as JACKSON, JEFFERSON, WASHINGOTON, WILLIAMS and MASON are. These surnames may sound "otherly" to the Anglo ear, but outside of COHEN and LEVY, the familiar Jewish names you know: Friedman, Greenwald, Bernstein, Schwartz, Katz are meaningless; they are merely names assigned to us or those which we were allowed to have by our Central, Northern, and Eastern European masters. The same is true of the familiar names of our Sephardic brethren and sistren to the South following the reconquest: Flores, Rosa, Leon, Girasol, Aeras, Avena and...yes...Gonzales. So, were we really different from our Black and Brown countrymen? And the generation which preceded Kelso's parents who REALLY made a lot of money, not just enought for the ranch house and the caddy, were not the enemy. The Loebs and Rhodeses and Sterns and Rothschilds and Lists built institutions of learning in New York and other big cities. As recently as the early 1990s, a guy like Felix Rohatyn tried like the devil to get Louis Farrahkhan and the Zionist pre-cursors to the PNAC/AIPAC crowd TOGETHER.

Why did my parents hate Schumer and Spitzer so much? Why were they so proud of their heritage yet derisive of their people? It finally made sense on 9/11. For once in the bizarre history of our heritage we were no longer "the other." If we wanted we could play the same anti-Muslim game. Alan Dershowitz sure sold his soul to the devil on it.

Which brings up an interesting point. O.J. Simpson. Dershowitz was one of his defense team. no? During the by-play among Dr. West, Mos Def and Bill Maher, the latter in response to the former's no-hold-barred, full-throated advocacy of Senator Barack Obama, Maher asked whether or not that was a "tribal" thing, something to which Cornell West took great offense. And Maher pressed it recalling the cheers and wails that accompanied the first O.J. verdict. Mos Def who is not an Obama supporter merely made political arguments similar to those Kelso, David Sirota and a million others have made. But they're right and West is wrong. It's always a tribal thing. Kelso made a nice score betting on O.J. Simpson's acquittal, when he saw the pre-trial polls: guilty or inncoent. Blacks went 90/10 "innocent". Whites went 65/35 "guilty." This was a gift. Kelso was expecting a black tribal vote but that 35% of Whites were skeptics suggested they couldn't find jury to convict.

And fuck yeah it's tribal for us, too. You should have heard the peals of delight from the Florida retirment community when Lieberman was picked as Gore's running-mate. Truly as sickening as spectacle as the 90/10 prejudgement of O.J.'s innocence by Black America pre-trial. To all of Kelso's brethren and sistren, why no peals of delight when Jewish Martin Frost ran for Democratic Minority leader against Pelosi? Why no peals of delight every time Russ Feingold takes a stand that goes against the suburban grain? What happened to mourning Paul Wellstone? Maybe because the Feingolds and Wydens and Waxmans of the world see past the tribalism. We know 9/11 isn't cut and dried for them. We know they walk a lonely road. We know it's Lieberman whose the face of Jewish America to the world. And we're ashamed.

But what can we do? As commenter "Harvey" noted eloquently a few posts back in his comment, we're not all going to turn into Augie Marches over night. While Kelso believes that everyone has the right to be called whatever they like and condemns no one for that, we Jews have our slave names; Blacks have theirs. There have been all sorts of efforts to reclaim some originality by the latter. Muslim names. Spelling "Siobhian" as "Cha-Von." That's a little silly, OK, but Kelso's not going to call himself "Ori ben Yehuda" just to make a point. He has his slave name and given the degree of patience and forebearance that Black America has shown in the face of unending misery all the while keeping those slave names, Kelso can too. As Kelso rhetorically asked D-CUP, where do they get their patience? And as we've concluded, if they could bottle and sell that patience and tolerance, they'd put the Dalai Lama out of business. The least the lucky Kelso can do is accept his slave names with grace and move forward, knowing that AIPAC/PNAC and their camp-followers like Brooks and Friedman and Kristol and Perle and Podhoretz and Decter and Murray and so have abandoned that which makes them Jewish in service of who knows what, that they have no chance of redemption. And if a wretched folk-Christianity has infected their very souls to the point they believe not only Middle East domination but also in "Rapture," they are no longer Jewish. They are meshumeds (apostates). Headed for a Southern Baptist's hell and WE don't want them back either.

Thanks for speaking the truth, Mos Def. Not too crazy about your religion but as Kelso commented on Politits, "you are a Jew by my lights." Thanks for speaking your kinda celebrity version of the truth, Dr. West. Thanks for keeping eveyone on his toes, Bill Maher.

9/11 comes and goes and Kelso's doing his best not to feel really paranoid that it's a national holiday celebrating all that which led to Kelso's odd situation. One or two Augie Marches out there, maybe?

Kelso's Nuts love you