April 22, 2008
brilliant smiles
燦爛的笑容: A brilliant smile.
Sometimes when I’m lost in my musings, random Chinese phrases will pop into my head like this one. I don’t profess to be an expert at Chinese at all, and in fact my Chinese is woefully lacking for one that grew up in Hong Kong for 18 years. I think in English, but there are times when you want to express things that you can’t quite describe in English but are perfectly summarized in a few Chinese characters.
燦爛的笑容: A brilliant smile.
燦爛的笑容 isn’t particularly hard to describe in English. “A brilliant smile” pretty much covers it. Yet, there is so much more to “燦爛” than brilliant. When I think “燦爛“, I think dazzling, resplendent, blinding, gorgeous, shining with the light of a hundred suns. Of course, “A smile that shines with the light of a hundred suns” is a little too much to stomach. But then, you get my point.
So why did I think of 燦爛的笑容, randomly out of the blue? I was thinking of the people I love and how their smiles are so beautiful, and I could think of no better phrase to describe those smiles than 燦爛的笑容. When I think of the smiles of my friends, my family, and of you, it is only that phrase that can describe how dazzling and meaningful those smiles are to me. Smiles of joy, smiles of gratitude, smiles born out of love, out of experience, out of good times.
I didn’t mean to write a sappy and clichéd post, sorry. But I’m tearing up a little now at the thought of graduation, and knowing that some of those smiles will be far, far away.
April 16, 2008
my boyfriend is getting a root canal
…While I sit in Starbucks, listening to Stephane Pompougnac, giving myself a break before I bury myself in books.
It’s been a tumultuous past week. Fling happened at Penn, which means eventful. My brother came to visit (checking out Penn – the clever boy is considering Stanford and Penn’s Huntsman program for college) and on that note…
I LOVE MY LITTLE BROTHER. I absolutely, completely, unabashedly adore my brother. Ever since he was born, I have loved him pretty much unconditionally – is it normal for a sibling to feel this way, lol? I was never the jealous sibling, and since we’ve grown up we never squabble (except about very trivial things – he puts me in my place most of the time, unfortunately). I feel proud that he is at this very important crossroads of his life – he’s about to enter the Singapore army in September (a 2-year mandatory requirement for all Singaporean males) and by accepting either college, he will be set for the next 6 years. He’s my baby. I feel very protective of him, even though he’s probably the more mature of the two of us.
We’re pretty close – we talk about most things, I tell him about my problems, he tells me about his. It give me a rush to know that my brother would come to me for advice (being the proud big sister that I am). He’s really my role model instead of the other way round, because he is perfect in almost every way – personable, athletic, musical, smart, diverse interests. And I’m not just saying this as the adoring big sister – he has a lot going for him.
Okay, so maybe I am jealous in some way – I sometimes wonder why the deep set eyes and long eyelashes went to him, and not me 😛
Ah, sigh. I miss him already.
April 6, 2008
over coffee and toast w/ salmon dill spread from Metropolitan Bakery
This week was a landmark in terms of me learning how to take care of myself. I made an expenses spreadsheet and have dutifully been filling it out – now I can see exactly where all of that $100 in my wallet went this week – and I enrolled in online banking (yes shame, I had not bothered to check my statements at all after Citizen’s Bank went paperless some time ago…). And, this morning… I filed my taxes! Okay so it was with H&R Block, and I haven’t ACTUALLY mailed in my filings yet (couldn’t e-file due to some complications) but I still feel pretty proud of myself, considering I am of the type who acts like money grows on trees. I’m still a long ways away from becoming completely financially independent, but I’m making baby steps!
I met the boyfriend’s family this weekend! It was pretty nerve-wracking at first (I have a historically miserable record of getting along with parents), but it turns out that L’s ‘rents are friendly and endearing and adorable and I think (I hope! ;_;) they like me! It was awesome being able to see where L’s quirks come from – I found it especially amusing when the dad went “ehh, yucks!” to something, exactly like L does. It’s still a little weird because I feel like they aren’t quite sure what to make of me as the boyfriend isn’t too shy on the PDA front. Also, I found it strange that they didn’t really ask me much about myself, because my parents have quizzed my boyfriends about everything under the sun (boyfriend, be prepared ;D). But I like them, and I feel this strange urge to get to know them as much as possible that I can’t quite explain…
For some reason, the unprecedented “I love you” that you whispered close to my ear in the backseat of the car affected me more than those words ever have before. Our hands entwined, our cheeks a hair’s breadth apart, I felt waves of emotion ripple intensely through my body and chest as my heart soared. Every day I spend with you, I can’t help but feel closer and closer and happier and happier 🙂 The only way I can describe it is pure, unadulterated bliss. I love you too.
April 2, 2008
musings of a born-again blogger part II
Blogging is an example of something that I was once passionate about that I’ve let fade away. It’s been over two years since I last blogged (halfheartedly, mind you), a long two years since I let my innermost thoughts be revealed within my inner circle of friends (mostly about boys). It’s been perhaps four years since I last publicly blogged, and yet I feel my level of maturity only afforded me the capacity to write whiny, smiley filled, idol-worshipping posts of longing (sigh, also about boys).
With each reincarnation of my blog, I have stepped into a new era of my life. High school dreaminess, college angst, and now at the cusp of graduation, I am at a precipice overlooking unknown depths and am staring intensely into the darkness.
Welcome to the new life.
(Hopefully, not about boys)
musings of a born-again blogger part I
How often is it that I pick up a new project or vow to learn a skill, only to let it fade away into obscurity or mediocrity?
Over the past 20-so years of my life, I have become a jack of all trades, master of none. With regards to my passions, I chased them until I felt that I had satisfied some internal break-even point, then sank into complacency. I once played the piano, played the cello, and danced ballet quite unremarkably. I am moderately skilled in HTML and graphics design, yet have never pushed myself to learn more code or learn better graphic design techniques since the end of high school. I skii blue (intermediate) slopes, always. I can harmonize on cue, improvise occasionally, and have formal training in music theory but have never tried to compose my own pieces or create my own arrangements. I vowed to take up knitting, but never did. I am an aspiring actuary and have passed two professional exams, but recruited madly for other full-time positions because I was scared (and still am) of embarking down this path. I profess to love fashion, and I do love wearing pretty clothes, yet I have never pursued it as a career or activity or laid any claims to favorite designers.
There are many more examples that I could think of, but one has to wonder about how much real passion and dedication I truly have if there are so many things I just take for granted or just let fade away. I can’t think of a single activity or occupation that preccupies my thoughts right now (the boyfriend is an exception – more on that later). I admire those who know themselves well enough to be able to express their passions in a heartbeat. I certainly can’t. You can read my feeble attempt in a profile on the right, which doesn’t really say anything too interesting.
It’s one of the reasons that one of my greatest fears is being boring. No passions, no preferences, no strong feelings about anything – always walking the middle line.
seduction
This is interesting as, contrary to the bazillions of quizzes I’ve taken, I think it actually fits me quite well. Razzle dazzle.
diary of a chinese kitten 