I sometimes feel that having watched the collection of classic films that Audrey Hepburn starred in (Roman Holiday, Sabrina, My Fair Lady, Breakfast At Tiffany's etc.) my view on the male-female interaction has been permanently changed. In the K-tinted world, men are always gentlemen who give their coats to women when it's cold or who'll open doors for a lady. But I am aware that the real world can't contain such idealistic chivalry because of the annoying gender-equality argument ("If men and women are equal, why should men be expected to put themselves at a disadvantage and be the gentlemen all the time?") or whatever other practical reason reality throws out. So with the shattering of my quintessential notion, I've come to observe the emergence of two new male-female interactions: the hoodie and female dog ('bitch') relationships.
(Courtesy of Leather Up)
This is a hoodie. This piece of article just oozes comfort and laziness. It's the staple of any person's wardrobe. I mean just think about it. When you're cold at home what do you wear? The hoodie. When you're going for a run in the chilly morning/night what do you wear? The hoodie. When you're going to McDonalds/Hungry Jacks/KFC what do you wear? The hoodie. The hoodie is so essential because it's so comfortable and versatile. But as soon as a situation turns to such that the outer appearance becomes the slightest concern to the greater public, the hoodie is the first to be ditched. After all, since when was the hoodie ever a garment to impress?
The hoodie relationship characterizes the dynamics between a guy and his girl friend (the platonic kind). To the guy, this particular girl friend is his hoodie. She may lack the defining features of a hoodie such as the eponymous hood, but to him, the girl friend exhibits the very characteristics of his favourite article of clothing:
- Her comfort factor is right up there with his home sweat pants and week-old t-shirt. With her, he feels most at ease and he feels no pressure to impress her. She is, after all, his friend who has probably seen him in his most comfortable state: disheveled in clothes a day off from washing and wearing Lynx (or even no deodorant at all) instead of a musky cologne.
- She's always there for him. When he's bored and in need of some company, the girl friend is there to be worn called to have a general catch-up session to talk about the daily events or any other casual topic. But don't be mistaken, the girl friend is also a friendly ear to any deep and meaningful concerns that may be currently plaguing him.
- Her companionship is perfect when he needs it to be. If there's ever time when he needs to visit some of his casual haunts, the guy will bring the girl friend along to be a compadre on such jaunts. But nota bene, to an event that may be just outside his natural comfort zone (distinguished by the need to style his hair or wear cologne), she is nowhere to be seen.
All in all, his girl friend is almost as fun to be around as a fellow male "buddy" albeit having longer hair and a higher pitched voice. She is necessary in his life because without her, he'd have a certain absence of warmth that could only be filled by a hoodie.
Female dogs are known as bitches. Even though a girl friend may not be a dog, she can also be known as a bitch. But let me make this clear, I don't mean 'bitch' as in "Oh no you di'in't you BITCHHHHH" or as a sleazy term, I mean it in the most sterile way possible.
Being a guy's bitch (in the K. Lee's definition of the term) is a little different than being the hoodie. They do share the three hoodie characteristics that were outlined earlier but there are other defining qualities that tip the balance from hoodie to bitch. They are the following:
- Bitches are first and foremost working dogs. Girl friends can be a guy's bitch. He will have no qualms about asking her to run small jobs for him: carrying bags, helping him move heavy things around, or asking her opinion on his fashion. A guy will not usually ask these things of a hoodie, as he will remember that she is his female hoodie not another one of his run-of-the-mill pals.
- A guy will not hesitate to introduce his bitch in events outside of his comfort zone. I refer back to a female working dog as a prime example. As if you wouldn't leave out introducing your pet dog. She has a great smile, big eyes and she's your friend! Oops, is this your pet dog we're talking about or the bitch? Either way, this girl friend is definitely not the hoodie and is not neglected when the guy is dressed up for the greater public.
A dog is a man's best friend. And it's true, the girl friend really is a guy's best friend. In comparison with his hoodie, a guy may be a little more gender-blind to his bitch (refer back to working dog characteristic) but to him, his bitch is a caring and faithful friend.
So the question stands, which are you? The hoodie or the bitch?
