Young & Brave

12.5.22

WQW, how time fly's

So much has happened since the last time i posted, Bristol was turning 3 and now she will be truing 8 at the end of the summer and headed to 3rd grade. Charlotte was just born and now she will be turning 5 in July and headed to kindergarten in the fall. we lost a baby the year after charlotte was born and we had another baby girl born the year after that. Indy will be turning three in two weeks and is smart as a whip. in 2019 Justin and i purchased Heaven's best carpet cleaning from the Dunn's, the summer of 2020 Justin and i drove to Nebraska to pick up our new trailer, the day before we left we were told our rental was sold to a guy well known for being a terrible land lord so we packed up the house and moved to my parents in the trailer for four months well we looked for and purchased our new house in Enoch. I had felt like thing's were finally starting to chill and we were finding our new groove and the girls were thriving and we were getting back to normal after covid and the move when things started to take a sharp turn in my marriage. The summer of 2021 Justin started to change and pull away, he started blaming it on being so busy at work but i just felt like it was getting worse to the point i was asking him if he even wanted to be married anymore. last November he emailed me saying that this wasn't what he thought marriage was going to be like and he didn't feel like the last 14 years had been very good. i offered him an out then and he didn't take it, in January on the 22nd i finally had a chance to look threw his phone finding the text thread between him and a girl at our accounting office. they had been having a relationship for the majority of the year. i sent myself screen shots of the text thread and i told him to get out. long story short Justin moved in with his sister till may when he got himself an apartment of his own. i spent most of the day before mother's day and into 3am the day of packing his stuff up for him to have more then his duffel bag. the girls maybe see Justin 3 hours a week after asking Justin to not just hang out at our house like things are fine. I've got the two older girls in counseling and i'm about to see a third person since this has all started. I'm super lucky to have the support that i do have from family, co-workers, friends, ward members and my boss.

I've started my third job helping my neighbor with her business books, well i continue to do the books for heavens best and work at the orthodontist. we have mediation June 21 to split everything up and set the conditions of our divorce. it's felt so weird living in limbo not sure of anything and just trying to get through each day the best we can. i'm trying to attend the temple as much as i can to try and keep what peace i can through this and not feel like i'm drowning. even after having to debunk rumors that were spread by Justin's girl friend to make me look bad last week i feel like I've been able to keep my cool and keep pushing on. i never thought this was what my life would look like at 34 with almost 15 years of marriage behind us, but i just have to keep faith that this is what my father in heaven has planned for us and everything will turn out okay for the girls and i. so as we try and figure out if we're keeping anything or when i and the girls will end up at my parents house, i will come back and up date the blog.

if i could ask for anything it would be to add us to your temple roll and to keep us in your prayers.

27.2.18

Happy Third Birthday

Big sister Bristol turned 3 and we had a big party with aunt Kasey.

dad and mom got you a helicopter,

Kasey's family got her a doctor kit and lamb,

grandma and grandpa got Bristol clothes and a book,

Kimber made the cakes and Kurtis gave her a dollar.

Bristol helped pick out her balloons

Bristol is so big we spent the next day playing in the sprinklers and going for family walks.

Charlotte Dean

Sooo... 6month latter...

we got up at 5 am and headed to the hospital, they hooked me up and got all the paper work done. they wheeled me back at 7 am and started my spinal block and then brought Justin back to sit next to me. i was a little worried about feeling it because the guy was trying to be nice so i wouldn't get so sick after like last time. my end was good and i remember being able to watch what was going on in the light covers reflection, Justin kept standing up to see what was going on and then she was born. Justin headed over to watch her get cleaned up and dressed when he came back and said he needed to sit down. the guy sitting at my head jumped up and walked over to Justin just as he passed out, Anni and Whitney took him out in the hall and got him laying down in my recover bed with some juice. They got me closed up and wheeled into my room and brought the baby in. At that point i wasn't feeling sick yet from the spinal block but the room was super hot after being in the cold operating room so the nice girls brought me a fan. This time was way better then when i had Bristol all the lady's were on top of my medication and helping me getting back on my feet as fast as possible.

Bristol stayed with my parents except one night Justin took her, and i stayed by myself.

Proud big sister!!

first day home with all the girl's together.

mom cox made us dinner for two weeks and IT. WAS. THE. BOMB!!!

Such good comfort food, it was like i was little again.

and last but not least Doctor G. with baby C at my six week appointment, hands down best doctor ever by the way!!

19.7.17

Disneyland and life

Man have I been a slacker this summer. I keep thinking nothing new has been blog worthy and then I was like HELLO you went to Disneyland for the first time.... you got a new fridge... you are having a baby.... you and Justin had your first night alone since Bristol was born dang I've missed a lot!

So here I go

this pregnancy has been a lot like Bristol's, super easy not a lot happening and shoot we're having a baby in ONE WEEK!!

during the second tri I had a hard time brushing my teeth in the morning and not gagging and during the third almost every night I've felt like someone kicked me in the crotch so hard it was bruised but fine in the morning.

there was one day maybe 5 weeks ago at work were baby flipped breach and it hurt so stinking bad I wasn't looking forward to her flipping back the right way but since then when she hiccups she's all over the place. head down, head up, sideways... she can't sit still lol

anyways back to Disneyland...

we normally only do weekend vacation's so Justin only has to take that Friday off and not inconvenience his boss but this time we took a few days off (my boss was gone so why not us). Justin worked that morning and then we drove all the way down that night. Bristol did really well in the car considering the movies were making her board and she wouldn't take a nap. we made it safe and found a target by the hotel to load up on breakfast and lunch items. we were right next door to a hospital so my 32 week self felt good about that, Bristol loved watching all the doctors come and go in there white coats and seeing the ambulance and helicopter come and go she was in heaven. we got up the next day jumped on the hotel shuttle and headed out...

we were lucky enough to find Woody, Rapunzel, Flinn and Moana the first day!!! Bristol wasn't sure about Moana, Rapunzel and Flinn being real but she LOVED woody!!!

we road on the elephant ride and small world and then the tiny town's one but by that point Bristol wanted to put her hand in the water and almost got us kicked off the ride :I but we took a break for lunch back to the hotel and had a little nap and came back to hit up some California adventure we road on the little mermaid and the king Triton's carousel, we walked threw cars "land" and saw a sneak peek of car's 3 and headed back to Disneyland just in time for the light parade and fireworks

oh yeah we hit up toon town and saw Pluto and got to play in mickey's town square and in his car.

Bristol road on her first roller-coaster with her dad and LOVED it!! (inspector gadget) by the time fire works were half way done Bristol was done but we talked her into saying till they where done then we headed back to the hotel for the night.

the next day we started out in California adventure and bug's land. we saw daisy duck (who hit me in the face... she didn't know I was standing on her right side)lol

we saw lightning McQueen and then we hit up the splash pad because Bristol was being very grumpy ( let's just say she did not want to leave) that girl was soaking wet which was fine because it was hot but we were glad to have a change of clothes in the diaper bag.

we road the monster inc ride two times in a row because Bristol just loved it, then we road little mermaid again and then headed over to the Luigi's dancing car's ride and then hit up the swinging trackers ride. we did the Heimlich's chew chew train twice (for some dumb reason I thought that was one I couldn't do so after dad and Bristol went we all three went together) Justin got a fast pass for the car's land ride which turns out the single rider line was the fastest out of the three. while he was doing that Bristol and I were playing in the satiny water fountain. we saw Pluto again and this time got a picture, we hit up the toy story ride and made it back from lunch and "naps" that day just in time for the California adventure parade with toy story in it... we did a lot of randomly showing up to things right on time which was great for our two day adventure! now for lunch and nap time this day we had just eaten and was getting Bristol down for a nap when the hotel fire alarm went off.... we went out in the hall and the house keeper was wondering if it was real or false...and asked if we had called down to front desk to see.. we were all no it Say's to get out so that's what we're doing. we started down the stairs were we ran into an older guy from a floor above us who was also headed out. Justin grabbed Bristol and kept checking on me as we headed down the 14 floors, only a few below us had the sprinklers going off and we could smell smoke.. at this point we just hoped everything would be okay as there was a HUGE fire across town that we were watching before lunch from our room window. there was only a couple of handful of people that went down the stairs to outside before a manager came out and said it was a fails alarm and they already had fire fighter check it out (didn't sound right to us considering it had been maybe 10 Min's since the alarm started to then) so we headed back up to the room cleaned things up and headed back to the park for the rest of the day.

So on to the new fridge... our rental one keeps freezing things in the middle of the fridge and it's killing me to go threw so much stuff because it's going bad so quick so a few Saturday's ago we were at home depot to get a LED light with a bug zapper in it for the back door because we've had a million fruit fly things at night well we just happened upon this when we walked in the door not only were they on sale but this one had an extra 10% off for a little ding in the handle and it just so happened to be the ONE we've been eyeing for the past year. so we figured we could save some money if we buy it and that would give us WAY more freezer space for freezer meals before baby comes! so we just did it and can I just say how stinking nice it is, it makes living in this apartment way more manageable... who knew a fridge could do that!!lol

well I think that's, that till next week when we all get to meet the little sister :)

2.4.17

You know its been... (Long vent post)

You know its been tooooo long in between posts when you ended your last one with Justin turning in an application with cedar and starting this one with they finally have there tests this week...

I'm not sure if it's a timing thing or if heaven fathers just got a different plan for Justin. I hope we can really figure things out this year and find something different if that's what the plan ultimately is.

We put on offer on a house Friday. The market in cedar really sucks and I'm starting to think we'll never be able to own again. Which sucks because I hate renting... At least in this trailer thing, but I know I should be grateful for a roof over my head. Anyways they came back the next day saying there was another offer so even though we offered asking price they want the best offer by Tuesday. I'm keeping a prayer in my heart and trying to figure out what to do. At this point even though it's in Enoch, which we didn't want to move out there AT ALL we both feel there is more pro's then con's.... We will go talk with our lender Monday and run numbers hopefully to help with the decision.

I don't know if it's just being pregnant or what but I'm starting to be dead up quick with people and back to feeling like we're back at ground 0... "Almost ten years of treating someone like you would like to be treated, in an effort to get them to think of someone other then themselves is to the point of it all going down the drain."
It's so frustrating, I know he was raised different then me but come on!! It would be nice to be a first thought then an after thought. And maybe that's just the hormones but I miss the way he was when we dated, I think if he were to take a test about me he would fail and the questions I would miss on are the ones I've asked and gotten an I don't know for an answer.... I mean normally a wife knows a hisbands favorite meal/ dinner, I don't because my answer is always I don't know... For everything!

Also I'm thankful for having a phone that I can keep connected with family and friends so easy and be able to write blogs on. There's been several times though that I'm just sitting there in the room we'll my husband stars at his phone... Only taking to me about something that he disagrees with that's not even reluctant and only cause stress and anger over NOTHING... 😶🔫

I started trying to do some kind of scripture "reading" with Bristol this week to try and move on a better direction.. Also tried family prayer mornings and I think we made it twice at night this week. I missed Thursday because I had been running late and in the hopes Justin would say hey we missed and try to help out in the mornings to help, but no comment from the peanut galley. At least I could see a difference... Maybe Bristol and I will have to do a driving prayer on the way to grandma's in the morning.

I joined a new Facebook group for LDS mom's supporting mom's and its made Facebook less down and nasty... Its so nice to see so much help and kindness from strangers.

Now before I end I know I'm no angle... I'm on my phone to much and I have had a bad potty mouth lately so I'm putting it out there that I do have a long way to get my light back and I'm working on it with my heavenly father to find and get back to who I know I am.

If you read

9.3.17

Starting a new season

it's been a few months so i'm just going to throw everything together in to one post.

so we headed up north a few weeks ago just to take a break from the norm of things. we hit city creek so i could get my ring rounded back out. turns out they needed to send it off to get fixed. when i got it back it looked brand spanking new. bristol got to enjoy the Disney store and picked herself out a buzz and Jessy doll (toy story)

last weekend Sami text me about some delicious cookies waiting for me... we found out that bristol loves thin mints just as much as me. lol

also last weekend we started putting in the converter to get the trailer fixed and we bought a new generator that is WAY quieter so we can run it in a camp ground with out getting mean looks yay A.C.

The end of January i went on a work trip to So. Cal with the office. well the training was interesting and i learned a lot about the girls i work with the blue sky, sun shine and warm wether was very therapeutic and much needed.

Dr. webster took us to a few cool places, a cool look out and then dinner at beach comber. it was pretty sweet to eat dinner right on the beach at sunset.

Justin won some tickets to an SUU basketball game which was so nice to get out and do something we haven't in a long while

At the end of December we announced we were growing our family and since then we had our first appointment with Dr G.

The first picture is bristols first visit vs baby sisters... we went in for bristol at 10 weeks and baby sister at 12 what a big difference.

The second picture was at 18 weeks when we got the gender put in an envelope and Erik was down for his birthday and helped us out with the gender reveal picture.

since her trip to the Disney store Bristol is obsessed with her dolls and all the movies

then just because we needed a cool sunglasses picture this morning

Justin just turned in another application with cedar so i pray hopefully something comes from it, fingers crossed.

4.1.17

December 16

first after finding the Grinch (Jim carry version) Bristol had to watch it a million times. she always started out afraid and always ended it dancing along with the music.

we did Lot's of Christmas craft's at home and daycare

Bristol is loving her new bed and so far she hasn't fallen off even though she sleeps crazy like this

this girls hair is growing so long but she wont keep a pony in no mater how i put them in

we finally got some snow so we made a family snowman and had a family snow fight and Bristol loved all of it.

Christmas

Bristol got a kitchen and food. new boots, a dress and monster's u. Bristol loved all of it

Justin got an AR, new scope, cast iron from my parents chain scrubbers, binoculars and phone stuff

church coloring book and popcorn from grandma wood

super cute outfit, a baby blanket that matches her's and baby from grandma / mom cox

mom and dad got her a huge chase doll from paw patrol

i got a great rocking camp chair

the girls playing in grandpa's gift from us... not sure he'll use it but he did think it was so so cool

the Christmas dress grandma made Bristol, let's just say she loves, loves it.

Bristol at my parents Christmas party with Santa

Erik and Tisha stayed with us for the week in between Christmas and new years. it was long and fun and we tried to potty train but she was to busy playing with everyone to get it down.

New Year's Eve we cheers ed each other and decided to have a good positive year.

with all the new things happening this year there's plenty to be watching for...

new house, new baby, ten year anniversary, maybe a new job for Justin

positive thinking everything will work out and hopefully i can keep my stress down.