life at 50 something

A friends daughter died yesterday. way to soon, cancer.
 never again will Caroline or her husband hold their daughters hand; hug her; kiss her; smell her.....my heart breaks for them......I do not understand sooooo much.......this weekend has been so full of my own dark thoughts, I finally just have to get some out.......

 I love my children, I am hurt from their behaviors, or lack  thereof toward me. this hurt has plagued me with  a pain I have never endured, a hopelessness, that sucks the air out of me, and then, a friends daughter dies.
 I cannot stand the thought of never being able to resolve this gulf between me and my children. so please if I should die before i figure out how to fix it, please tell them I loved them both dearly, more than anyone else in my life, I did the best I could. and get the fuck over it......

maybe that last bit is for me. get over it, get the fuck over it !
 life is going on at a rapid speed, I don't even try to keep up any more,
 I have not slept since I came to Sequim, 15 nights ago.

 lots gets dredged up in the wee hours and then I have to figure a way to live with these newly remembered truths ......sometimes the horror it brings makes me cry and cry ....how does a young mind hide something so completely?   and why once remembered, does it have to play through my head over and over on some sick loop??? never to be reburied

                                                            welcome Danny.


focus on the good things.......deal with the notso good things, ....live life, don't hide from it.  Love people from a distance if you must....but love as many up close, as you can.

 Kindness & Manners matter!

as with the new spring flowers I will blossom into my place. I am moving out of my son's home.It's been great times but not so much of late......long story short, I stilll have life to live without being cared for (I HOPE) and the only way to take care of myself is to sit and create and save every dime to buy my own place outright.  I have great friends and family.....to support me.... I am learning more about myself than ever before....I am kind I will use kindness to battle my way thru this world...an oxymoron I think ! LOL!  Prayers are appreciated kind thoughts are powerful too. Kindness and Peace be with you Always, Larena 

 4 months ago today you left us. I miss you so greatly it is still hard to speak your name. I am glad you are no longer in pain. I hated watching the years on you. I want to remember you as the happy go lucky pup that loved to travel and see new places smell new things and smile all the while.

 You were just the right doggy for me. kept me company when all others had left. Thank You little one for all you did in your short stay with me. I hope that you are enjoying Heaven and watching for me to come and join you.


 I am going camping without you, tomorrow. my heart is heavy .....hopefully I can shake it.

I Love You Still Dear Ivy.  till we meet again................................................................................

after a great weekend retreat we head back to Port Angeles and stop at

Feiro Marine Life Center  and for some reason i cannot find the pictures of either event so here we Sue, Me and Carrie (!!) head for California!

 beauty around us
 nearly full moon
 the yurt at Cape disappointment State park

 north head light house
 flora...
 the views on the beach below Northhead  Lighthouse


 pelicans


 Cape Disappointment Lighthouse







 after a rough night on rock hard beds in our yurt....


 a great breakfast in Astoria .....a trip through a museum some fun with the goonies.... on down the coast of Oregon on hwy 101



Rockaway Beach






Oregon Scenic Railway around Garibaldi, Or

 we traveled to Port Angeles on Tuesday after a trip to the Sumas garden, via route 9. Wednesday we went whale watching ! neither of us took anything for sea sickness...... 10:30 am the boat leaves the dock
 harbor seal
 gull

 happy Girls!
 our captain! what a job he has !
 the views

 Mt Baker

 thar she blows! FIRST WHALE IS A HUMPBACK! it is Wednesday after all!

 big whale but it never gave great tail shots.





 identifiable  humpback's back!
 tail!

 mt baker!















then we went looking for Orca Whales on the west side of San Juan island.....L pod is hunting! the whales could be seen from the first stop on Mom's 77th birthday trip, Lime Kiln State park!







 MOMMA AND BABY L-122  !!!   great shot Sue!
 the big male of L-pod, on a mission for salmon
 Momma and newest L-pod member known still as L-122


 see his little dorsal fin point behind Momma ?? !! isn't he cute !!

 a mother and a teenager...








we had an amazing time. I was whooping and hollering at the whales and got dirty looks from other passengers.....they were a bunch of zombies ! Sue and I enjoyed the whole day and neither of us got sea sick !

 baby L-122!
 enjoying our cruise
 people watching the whales from the Lime Kiln St. Pk.  canoes and kayaks back right...
 happy girls!
 Canadian Military that we had to pull over and let pass us..... they were beginning formation out on deck to be welcomed into port at Sydney,BC.
 she couldn't believe she was comfortable to stand and sit out here above the water, but she was and she rode there over half of our trip!

 another sighting !
 2 humpbacks!!





 TAIL!

 I am truly blessed to live where I do.
         our Coast Guard Helicopter

the map where we saw whales September 23, 2015......
what a day we had, the crew; Captain Scott, galley man  Justin,  and naturalist Bart, (who sold picture CD's for $40.)   were all fun and knowledgeable. we met and talked to a couple that own a campground out toward Neah bay, and then 2 woman that sat out front almost the whole trip as well.  even the 2 we shared a table with, didn't do anything more than answer Sue's questions....the rest of the passengers were boring and unexcited about being alive let alone on a fantastic whale watching cruise...all that being said... They had food and drinks at reasonable prices, even if they were odd choices, I recommend them 100%!!

http://pawhalewatch.com/

hopefully that link will work, if not cut and paste it .....